Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

13th September

Tiso and Tuka have arrived at the Slovak Underground Reinforced Redoubt for Embattled Nationalistic Dictators and Enabling Retainers for a briefing on the progress of the wars. Once they would have foolishly tried to work out the acronym for the new name for the HQ building, however bitter experience had taught them this was a bad idea. Alas they had not yet progressed to the next logical step in that chain of thought and questioned whether turning up at all was a good idea.

General Malar began the briefing by announcing there was dramatic news from the West

"There is dramatic news from the West." General Malar announced, determined to reclaim his over-literalness crown.

"Actual news from the Western Front?" Tiso asked.

"Further West!" Malar corrected.

"This isn't some ridiculous news from a country not actually fighting is it?" Tuka growled threateningly

"No." Malar said, in a hurt voice. "It's news from our valiant Ecuadorian co-combatants." He continued, passing around the briefing note.

In all fairness if the entire country, bar the capital, has been conquered by the enemy then a major worker strike is probably the least of your worries.​

Tuka considered shouting, but decided to save his vocal chords in case they were needed later.

Senior Unnamed Staff Officer defused the awkward silence by handing out the latest briefing note from the Sub- War Civil Total Sub. War. Total.

"Good work...." Tiso paused so the officer could fill the gap.

"Senior Unnamed Staff Officer." The officer promptly replied.

"No your name, not your rank." Tuka explained.

"That is my name." The fellow explained.

"Due to being in two wars we've rationed officers names. Only those who excel through excellence and devotion will be able to earn them back." Malar explained.

Unable to contain himself any longer, Tuka opened his lungs and began screaming, while Tiso stared at the briefing note as he tried to resist the lure of the hipflask.

Malar (Augstin Flavour) has been reinforced with actual tanks from the famous heroes of the 23rd Panzer Division (Unit nickname - "Who? Are you sure this isn't a mistake?"). More importantly the 9th Unpronounceable Collection of Random Letters Divisions have joined the fight, though whether out of fear of the zombies of the 72nd Undead Division or shame at being out-fought by the Slovak HQ is not clear.​

Tiso struggled to understand the note. It appeared to be... good news... light at the end of the tunnel. A portent of final victory over the Czechs.

"This is great news Malar!" Tiso announced. "It calls for a celebration."

A great calm spread through Tiso as he reached for his hipflask in triumph for the first earned drink in far too long.

--
Notes:
It's back! Sorry for the lack of replies in the standard place, but the top of the page called to me and tradition must be honoured. Replies below

Ecuador has lasted an impressively long time, the few HQs and divisions holed up in the capital are resisting the massed might of South and Latin America. Will Slovakia last so long? I think we all know the answer to that one.


Nathan Madien - The bad research is par for the course, the gangster traits are unusual. Someone in Paradox not a fan of Tibet or Buddhists or both?

megaspider01 - That;s amazing. Is one of the pre-requite tasks for that unifying the country under T&T's rule?

Athalcor / TheButterflyComposer - A truly imposing structure and the entirely correct response.

 

[Athalcor]

Is the update déjà vu some sort of a tactic to confuse the enemy?

 

[sebas379]

I see T&T have resorted to posting the update twice in one post in an attempt to confuse the Czechs or the traitor.
Also impressive work in South America, what a stand they are making.

 

[Athalcor]

I see T&T have resorted to posting the update twice in one post in an attempt to confuse the Czechs or the traitor.
Also impressive work in South America, what a stand they are making.

As a Czech, I can confirm that I am thoroughly confused.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

As a Czech, I can confirm that I am thoroughly confused.

Then everything is going according to plan! Mwhahahaha-eurgh *explosive coughing fit followed by collapse to the floor*

 

[El Pip]

Athalcor - That's a much better reason than the excuse I was going to give for the repetition. I was going to try and argue it was a homage to Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot with T&T in the role of Vladimir and Estragon and Godot represented by the 3rd Ukrainian Front.

sebas379 - It is a mighty and valiant last stand by Ecuador, if only anyone involved knew what they were fighting for or why it was necessary for Ecuador to declare war on everyone but not joint the Axis.

TheButterflyComposer - You should start gently on your evil laugh and build up to it. It's not a feat to be attempted lightly.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

TheButterflyComposer - You should start gently on your evil laugh and build up to it. It's not a feat to be attempted lightly.

Looking back it probably was quite ambitious considering the diet of a non-insane Slovakian seems to be cigarettes and alcohol.

 

[El Pip]

14th September

We return to the Presidential palace in Bratislava where, despite it being the early hours, Tiso and Tuka are having a heated discussion.

"This is is an awful plan. It is in fact intolerable." Tiso declared.

"It's a perfectly reasonable proposal that is in the best interests of the country." Tuka explained.

"It will lead to disaster and I refuse to consider it further!" Tiso said.

There was a tense stand off. The two men stared at each other, unwilling to back down over this vital issue.

"Very well, I'll go back in the top bunk." Tuka gave in, defeated.

Barely had that issue been settled than there was a gentle knock at the door.

"You'd better get that. If I'd been in the bottom bunk I'd have got it. But I'm stuck up here, so I can't." Tuka said petulantly.

Muttering under his breath, Tiso answered the door.

"Dramatic news from the Western Front." Messenger Umlaut announced.

Truly an amazing victory against the odds for General Juranec and the Slovak Army. Some might say that being on the defensive with a three to one advantage means you'd have to be an incredible fool not to win. That is the point and why the Slovak victory is so unexpected.​

As Tiso and Tuka digested this incredible news, the messenger attempted to sneak out of the room.

"Why aren't you celebrating this victory?" Tiso asked.

"I didn't..." Umlaut started.

"Only a Czech traitor wouldn't." Tuka declared.

The messenger mumbled incoherently

"And you didn't spit on the floor in disgust." Tuka shouted in rage.

"But you imprisoned the last messenger for speaking, so I didn't want to say anything in case you did the same to me." Umlaut tried to defend himself.

"That's no excuse, Guards!" Tiso summoned the Hlinka Guard to drag the messenger away to the pit.

"If you don't keep up standards, how will they ever learn?" Tuka asked rhetorically.

Later that day, Tiso and Tuka are trying to hold a cabinet meeting to manage the Home Front. Suddenly the door is kicked in and Messenger 13 appears holding aloft a scroll. He hands it to Tiso and departs as suddenly as he arrived.

"That must be important, you don't see the forbidden messenger for just normal news." Tuka observed.

"Indeed." Tiso agreed, opening the message.

Final Victory! Just ignore the green Hungarian colour, it's probably not significant.​

"Gentlemen, we have returned to Zlate Moravce and destroyed the Czech HQ." Tiso declared.

The room erupted into cheers and Tiso put aside his hipflask and reached for the whole bottle. Tonight Slovakia celebrated!


15th September
The hungover mess that was the Slovak Cabinet Meeting Room. Tiso and Tuka have not yet read the message that has been left on the desk for them, the messenger having fled in terror. But they will soon.

In a final act of defiance, the Czechs chose to fail to surrender to the Hungarians. This was considered a good enough justification for the Hungarians to carry on occupying the region for 'security' reasons.​

Tuka's roar of rage and anger is loud, almost so loud that even in exile in London, General Viest imagines he can hear it.

---
Notes:
And thus ends the fighting part of the Slovak National Uprising, it flicked briefly, almost a month shorter than OTL, and involved much more Hungarians. Still managed the same level of Soviet involvement (bugger all).

Screenshot is not a temporary issue that soon got fixed, Paradox decided that Hungary would get to keep those two bits of Slovakia and didn't have to hand them back. As you may have suspected, this will not be the last we hear about that issue.

 

[Gen. Marshall]

"And you didn't spit on the floor in disgust." Tuka shouted in rage.

Neither did T&T

 

[sebas379]

Such glorious Un-Slovakian victory against the British and even better news in the defeat of the vile Czech.
However I am abhorred at this Hungarian occupation and demand immediate action. If they do not vacate Slovak territory immediatly, we will declare war!
oh wait...

 

[El Pip]

Gen. Marshall - There must be some benefits to being absolute dictators.

sebas379 - This is Slovakia. For every silver lining there is a cloud, then another cloud, plus three massive thunderstorms coming in from different directions.,

 

[El Pip]

17th September

Having taken a couple of days off to recover from the the crushing news that Hungary wasn't going to give back the bit of Slovakia that it had acquired, Tiso & Tuka had summoned the willpower to summon the cabinet.

"Any urgent news that we must deal with first?" Tiso asked.

Silence.

Tiso turned and glared at his Minster for Fire, Industry, Smoke and Easily Preventable Fatalities.

"So the fact we've completely run out of fuel isn't important?" He queried Pruzinsky.

"Well we emptied our crude stockpiles and have no oil reserves, so it was always going to happen."

Keen readers may remember the Slovak Metal Drive from many updates back, ensuring Slovakia will never run out of the resources it was never in any danger of running out of. Don't let those industry figures fool you, this is just a rare day when the country has enough energy to run flat out, it'll be back in the red soon enough.​

Tuka start to twitch.

"I did warn you a few months ago we were going to run out of everything." Pruzinksy reminded his leaders.

"Can we convert coal into crude?" Tiso asked.

"In theory."

"But?" Tiso was getting the hang of how Slovakia worked. There was always a but.

"We haven't got enough coal to run our industry as it is, we don't have much industry to support large scale conversion and while we have knowledge of the estimable Mr Bergius' process, it is horribly inefficient. So in practice, no." Pruzinsky explained.

With visible effort Tuka contained himself to merely loudly asking

"But surely the fact we have no fuel is a problem!" He exclaimed.

"Is it?" Pruzinsky asked. "I didn't think we actually used any fuel."

Everyone turned to look at Malar.

"We aren't using any fuel. Not since we lost our only Armoured Car brigade in Italy." Malar confirmed, holding back a sob at his lost armoured cars.

The entire Slovak armed forces. Many words could be used to describe it, but not fuel hungry.​

"So who is using all our fuel?" Tiso asked.

There was an embarrassed cough from the Intelligence Minister.

"It's possible Germany has been stealing it all for their own use." Hans Not-A-German admitted.


Meanwhile, in the UK, the finest Allied minds are discussing progress towards their latest war winning plan.

"So how goes that big Dutch airborne invasion plan of yours?" Eisenhower asked. "Operation Bazaar Greenhouse?"

"Market Garden." Montgomery corrected. "Not great I'm afraid."

"Too much opposition? Can't get the support up fast enough? Just too ambitious?" Eisenhower queried.

"None of that." Monty bristled. "It was a wonderful plan, we just can't find the paratroopers, they've gone missing."

The allied parachute divisions start the scenario in 1st Airborne Corps. Now it's an impressively diverse collection of random allied units.​

"So we're cancelling and going back to driving through France?" Patton asked, walking towards the door.

"No." Alanbrooke interrupted. "We've gone for Plan B."

Invading Yugoslavia with a single division of the French Foreign Legion. It's a bold plan. And is it actually worse than Market Garden? I mean at least they captured a port up front.​

--
Notes:
17th September, 1944, Operation Market Garden was launched. The AI did indeed lose all the Allied paras, god knows where and did decide to launch a cunning flank attack on German occupied Yugoslavia.

Slovakia continues to run out of everything.

 

[kmaj]

Fuel, paratroopers, and planes disappearing? Suspicious.

 

[sebas379]

Uh oh, the foreign legion has been deployed, and i see fallschirmjager a few kilometers north of them. Heres hoping for a clash of the elites.

 

[Athalcor]

Are you sure even the Slovak armored cars use fuel? I thought they were using coal.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Are you sure even the Slovak armored cars use fuel? I thought they were using coal.

Who would dare fire on such a magnificent machine!?

 

[El Pip]

kmaj - You are right to be suspicious. The game has Owen Boyd as head of the Air Force for Britain, but he died in August 1944. Or did he?

sebas379 - That would be a tantalising clash. But will the AI oblige?

Athalcor - Hard to say as Slovakia (obviously) lacks any of the techs for armoured cars. But I reopened the original scenario and the game believes they were proper, if old, German armoured cars;

Gone, but not forgotten.
​

This is of course rubbish. Slovakia did actually have some ex-Czech armoured cars, specifically a few dozens OA vz 30. These were not included because Paradox firmly believe research is something other people do.

The mighty OA vz 30. They probably weren't all driven this badly. Probably.
​

TheButterflyComposer - Who in Slovakia has the knowledge of the secrets fire to even set fire to something?

 

[racebear75]

At least those OA vz. 30 looks very similar to the Sd.Kfz.231!

 

[Davout]

How can this AAR be going for 5 years and still feel like the new El Pip story?

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

Who in Slovakia has the knowledge of the secrets fire to even set fire to something?

Where's Gandalf when you need him?