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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

TheButterflyComposer

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Surely there are limits to even insane memoris. Being the best minor Axis power is still a stretch (OK you beat Italy, Romania, the Japanese puppets and probably Hungary. But better than Finland?) but best in the whole axis. When you have Tiso as Supreme Vodca?
They've already got a case for best minor axis power (because all the other countries will never admit to being minor powers or former nazi allies) and for best in the whole axis, they won't just have the alt-right on their side but also r-word 'historians'.

Besides, it wasn't whether the rest of the world would believe them, it was 'I bet some in-universe slovakians will try this' when they write their memoirs, hopefully because they aim to make money off the controversy but sadly more likely that they really believe it.

This is what happens if I try to write at faster than real time; mistakes creep in and have to be spotted by observant readers. I will learn from this and never try to risk such break neck speed again.
Just do what I do, promise you're finally starting writing updates again and then become violently ill. Only release the inane prattle of a med-addled mind. Be lauded for 'comedic' brilliance. Rinse and repeat. It's worked amazingly well for the past three years.
 

Bullfilter

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Despite the best efforts of the combined Allied AIs not to beat Ecuador they have finally succeeded.
Edited: To correct a frankly piddling Ecuador/Peru confusion. Yet some people carped on about it so it had to be fixed.
I suspect it was a deliberate error: just put in for long enough to get us talking about an event in a country which, in game terms, is even more irrelevant than Slovakia! And no doubt run by zombies and dead statesmen with misspelt names anyway. :D And they lasted slightly longer than Slovakia too before beginning their exile. Will they be having bunker parties with T&T soon?
 

Wraith11B

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I believe he was quite clear that space for Ecuadorian officials is not needed as they bowed, or otherwise bent their bodies in a supplicant manner, towards their continental partners, the Peruvians.
 

El Pip

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First off I have some minor Good News - All the PhotoBucket images in this AAR have been replaced (I think) and now those who wish to re-read this masterpiece can do so with working pictures.


I mean, I think that's a symptom more than a cause.

That said, Fegelein is known for his hijinks.
He is indeed, so I suppose it is appropriate he wasn't given a division so he is free to hang around the FuhrerBunker and carry our more hijinks.

Given that I've been an avid follower for almost a decade, and an active evangelist for almost half that, it seemed only appropriate.
It is still appreciated. :)

They've already got a case for best minor axis power (because all the other countries will never admit to being minor powers or former nazi allies) and for best in the whole axis, they won't just have the alt-right on their side but also r-word 'historians'.
Revisionists - *Spit*.

Just do what I do, promise you're finally starting writing updates again and then become violently ill. Only release the inane prattle of a med-addled mind. Be lauded for 'comedic' brilliance. Rinse and repeat. It's worked amazingly well for the past three years.
Seems a tad extreme and alarmingly close to hard work. Besides I am already lauded for comedic brilliance - 2019 Comedy AAR of the Year - so I shall stick to my current methods.


I suspect it was a deliberate error: just put in for long enough to get us talking about an event in a country which, in game terms, is even more irrelevant than Slovakia! And no doubt run by zombies and dead statesmen with misspelt names anyway. :D And they lasted slightly longer than Slovakia too before beginning their exile. Will they be having bunker parties with T&T soon?
The unique flaws of the Ecuadorian government have been discussed as you no doubt knew - Ecuador!

I believe he was quite clear that space for Ecuadorian officials is not needed as they bowed, or otherwise bent their bodies in a supplicant manner, towards their continental partners, the Peruvians.
I thought I had been clear on it as well, no government-in-exile for Ecuador as they have decided better prisoners in Peru than trapped in the unwanted guest annex of the Fuhrer Bunker (a wise move in my view).
 

Surt

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The defeat of the "South american fascists" will free up large amounts of troops for Europe!!!
 

El Pip

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The defeat of the "South american fascists" will free up large amounts of troops for Europe!!!
The AI will not have even started shipping them out before the war in Europe is over.
 

El Pip

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Not an update, just something I found when opening the game to check something. I remain amazed the Allies are winning the war when this is the calibre of the AI controlling them;



I know Paradox aren't very good at this sort of thing, but surely the code to send all that Super Heavy Armour and Gurkhas to the Bahamas is more work than sending them to the correct place. I just don't understand how you cock it up this badly when you have had so many patches and DLCs to fix it.
 

Surt

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I am afraid it looks like the AI only counts units and now which tho some garrison types gets used more correctly than others. Further the theatre balance function either doesn't fire or is buggy.
 

nuclearslurpee

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Not an update, just something I found when opening the game to check something. I remain amazed the Allies are winning the war when this is the calibre of the AI controlling them;



I know Paradox aren't very good at this sort of thing, but surely the code to send all that Super Heavy Armour and Gurkhas to the Bahamas is more work than sending them to the correct place. I just don't understand how you cock it up this badly when you have had so many patches and DLCs to fix it.
I am afraid it looks like the AI only counts units and now which tho some garrison types gets used more correctly than others. Further the theatre balance function either doesn't fire or is buggy.
There was some testing done in the HPP forums a while back which concluded that the AI is hard-coded to tend to use GAR divisions (or, well, divisions with GAR brigades in them, one should specify) to, well, garrison places. The problem being that the AI rarely has enough GAR divisions relative to how many places it thinks it needs to garrison (which the UK in particular certainly has no shortage of ideas about...), and the other problem being that the AI only tends to do such things and still frequently commits acts of utter nonsense with GAR regardless.

And certainly, none of this explains why the AI would consider the Bahamas to need five divisions of any sort for defense, and my best guess is that it has something to do with the whole Ecuador/Peru kerfluffle, which likely triggered one of the many instabilities in the theater "balance" calculations which are of course bordering on useless. Notably, the AI is either unable or greatly struggles to reassign units from one theater to another as the threat balance changes, so my guess is that these units were slated to eventually find their way (...how? Don't ask me! :p) to South America, and either were intending to use the Bahamas as a staging area and/or got plunked down there in the absence of any enemies to fight in-theater, yet unable to be reassigned out-of-theater...

Phenomena of this type are well-studied by the tireless modders who continue searching for some way, any way at all, to make Japan's AI play the game properly after 1938. :p
 

Wraith11B

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Phenomena of this type are well-studied by the tireless modders who continue searching for some way, any way at all, to make Japan's AI play the game properly after 1938. :p
Or of the United States to conduct any offensive operation.
 

El Pip

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I am afraid it looks like the AI only counts units and now which tho some garrison types gets used more correctly than others. Further the theatre balance function either doesn't fire or is buggy.
There was some testing done in the HPP forums a while back which concluded that the AI is hard-coded to tend to use GAR divisions (or, well, divisions with GAR brigades in them, one should specify) to, well, garrison places. The problem being that the AI rarely has enough GAR divisions relative to how many places it thinks it needs to garrison (which the UK in particular certainly has no shortage of ideas about...), and the other problem being that the AI only tends to do such things and still frequently commits acts of utter nonsense with GAR regardless.

And certainly, none of this explains why the AI would consider the Bahamas to need five divisions of any sort for defense, and my best guess is that it has something to do with the whole Ecuador/Peru kerfluffle, which likely triggered one of the many instabilities in the theater "balance" calculations which are of course bordering on useless. Notably, the AI is either unable or greatly struggles to reassign units from one theater to another as the threat balance changes, so my guess is that these units were slated to eventually find their way (...how? Don't ask me! :p) to South America, and either were intending to use the Bahamas as a staging area and/or got plunked down there in the absence of any enemies to fight in-theater, yet unable to be reassigned out-of-theater...
Excellent explanations, thank you both for that. But mostly @nuclearslurpee who would earn a Slovak Medal for this if he (?) hadn't already done so.

I suppose we could start adding accessories to the Hip Flask, in the same way you could get Oak Leaves or Diamond Swords on the Iron Cross. The Collapsible Shot Cups to the Golden Hip Flask. That does sound the kind of thing Tiso would award someone, so it is your should you wish it.

Phenomena of this type are well-studied by the tireless modders who continue searching for some way, any way at all, to make Japan's AI play the game properly after 1938. :p
Or of the United States to conduct any offensive operation.
Both tasks worthy of a modern Sisyphus.

And on that classical note let us return to... Berlin.
 
26th March 1945

El Pip

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26th March 1945.

It's Monday morning in Berlin, so the Slovak Government in exile is gathering for their weekly cabinet meeting in what nobody is calling 'The Vodca Bunker'. Which is a shame because it is a name that works on at least two levels.

"Before we begin I must protest, some of this news is several days old." General Kubela objected.

"Are Lendvay's Hranicni Oblast anywhere near ready?" Tiso asked.

"We do lack the manpower to reinforce them." Kubela admitted.

"Or the industry to resupply them." Malar added.

"Or the resources to fuel the industry we no longer have." Pruzinksy joined in.

"So could we have done anything about this news?" Tiso asked.

"Well no." Kubela grudgingly agreed.

"In which case, why rush?" Tiso said decisively and rhetorically. But mostly finally.

Kubela moved onto the first item with bad grace.

"The British have landed in Norway. Under the guns of the battleship HMS Jellicoe they have landed a division in Bergen." He said


King Haakon VII would have stormed ashore and dramatically stated that he had returned. But he realised only an utterly inept and PR obsessed idiot would do something so egotistically stupid, probably while smoking a weird pipe. So he let the professionals do their jobs while he stayed in London enjoying a nice smoked herring and winding up Nygaardsvold.

"Seems a strange priority." Tuka observed.

"Perhaps they just want a nice long weekend in the Fjords?" Pruzinsky suggested.

"What's next?" Tiso asked, before things got completely derailed.

"Excellent news for the forces in the Alsace-Lorraine Pocket." Baron Von Killinger said.

"They might have a chance to escape?" Malar asked.

Tiso sighed as awaited the inevitable.

"No! They have a chance to die heroically needless deaths for the Fuhrer as they are now completely encircled." Von Killinger explained.


The Allies are avoiding liberating Luxembourg, because you would wouldn't you? Elsewhere the West Wall is mainly being attacked from the East, so the Allies at least have the benefit of surprise. And air support. And reserves of manpower. And a functioning industrial base. Basically they have every advantage and no excuse at this point.

"Are we still secure in Berlin?" Tuka asked.

"No." Kubela said.

"But we never were." Malar added reassuringly.


The First Canadian Infantry are driving towards Berlin as the various German Panzer and Fallschirmjäger forces decide to tactically redeploy to somewhere else. Still that is a big thick stack in Berlin, that must count for something? Right?

If that didn't merit a drink, then nothing did Tiso decided.

/Glug, Glug, Glug/

--
Notes:
Not much to say, the war continues to develop not to Slovakia's advantage. But at least Tiso has been spared the horror of regular cabinet meetings.

Britain did build HMS Jellicoe which is interesting to see. It reached that name after building the entire Lion class so the Royal Navy's battle line (and shore bombardment) is mighty, they also have the Malta class Ark Royal so have an eye on carrier aviation as well. Almost, but not really, makes up for their habit of dumping super heavy tanks into small West Indies islands.
 
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Surt

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How damaged are all those panzers? Is it like

The first Panzer arme has one Panzer Korps therefore its a Panzer army, the Panzer korps has a Panzer division, which has a Panzer battalion ... which has 1 Panzer I.
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Well on the bright side the british commonwealth has a humongous navy and armed forces ttl. And seem to have taken back europe by themselves since the Americans were very busy in the south. No Russians in europe is also a bonus for postwar.
 

Wraith11B

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That is quite a bit of Fallschirmjager... Will the Canadians apologize and ask that they vamoose from the area?
 

Bullfilter

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Re the earlier Bahamian holiday for the SHArm: priceless. To have gone to the great trouble of researching them, then the even greater expense of producing them, and the even more remarkable feat of deploying three divisions with (if not of) them in time for use against the Germans ... and then sending them there? 11/10! :D
in what nobody is calling 'The Vodca Bunker'.
Well, you have anyway. ;)

"They might have a chance to escape?" Malar asked.

Tiso sighed as awaited the inevitable.
Malar walked into that one all right. Valiantly saving T or T from striding confidently into the usual trap.

Still that is a big thick stack in Berlin, that must count for something? Right?
Is it a great big stack of HQs? Time to get the a) escape plan, or b) cyanide and Gerry cans of fuel ready.
 

nuclearslurpee

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The Collapsible Shot Cups to the Golden Hip Flask. That does sound the kind of thing Tiso would award someone, so it is your should you wish it.
Glug glug glug I shall certainly wish it so. In lieu of the thanks of a grateful nation, I suppose T&T can be comforted with the thanks of a grateful drunkard who spends entirely too much time poring over mystifying artifacts he refers to only as "game files" in his lunatic ravings. :D

"The British have landed in Norway. Under the guns of the battleship HMS Jellicoe they have landed a division in Bergen."
Britain did build HMS Jellicoe which is interesting to see. It reached that name after building the entire Lion class so the Royal Navy's battle line (and shore bombardment) is mighty, they also have the Malta class Ark Royal so have an eye on carrier aviation as well. Almost, but not really, makes up for their habit of dumping super heavy tanks into small West Indies islands.
I'll admit some confusion here, mainly as to how the British AI has built out the entire run of Lion-class BBs in what, so far as I can tell, is a mere not-quite-ten months of gameplay. This bears investigation...

...well, for once I'm drawing a complete blank. I only have access to FTM and TFH versions of the game files here which do not have that name, so my best guess is that the HMS Anson was originally named by Paradox as Jellicoe which it was at one point supposed to be called, but was fixed in FTM. THe only other possibility is that Britain can somehow build a battleship in nine months which I find preposterous even by Paradox standards.

glug glug glug :p

The Allies are avoiding liberating Luxembourg, because you would wouldn't you? Elsewhere the West Wall is mainly being attacked from the East, so the Allies at least have the benefit of surprise. And air support. And reserves of manpower. And a functioning industrial base. Basically they have every advantage and no excuse at this point.
I do so look forward to hearing the inevitable excuse... :rolleyes:
 

roverS3

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Berlin will never fall. The under-strength Slovak Militia Division will make sure of it!
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Yeah but Luxembourg is just terrible. The national motto is literally 'we want to remain what we are'. Plus if luxemburg doesn't get reclaimed there will never be any mediation between Germany and france and the EU shall never form.

And that was why...um...the empire...something...don't cha know?