• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

TheButterflyComposer

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El Pip

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At least there is the warm glow of communism?
The nuclear afterglow? else it would be the cold wind from Siberia or the Gulag sea.
The warm glow of the entirely safe, and in no way dangerous, nuclear fuel rods the KGB agent is making you carry by hand away from the site of The Incident.

But without the warships bombarding the lines of well trained samurai... And you know, well trained swordsmen.
Being less well trained and disciplined than a Samurai is not particularly shameful for a conscript WW2 army on any side. But it is unfortunate that Slovakia is out tech-ed by the Samurai, lacking as it does any technology for steel.

Of course it's momentous, an El Pip AAR reaching a conclusion? Tickertape parades and Days of Thanksgiving shall be proclaimed throughout the land! But stop calling me Shirley.
The world is literally ending.
In my defence I've only finished one other AAR and that was Furious Vengeance. That was in January 2009 and in that month;
* Slovakia adopts the Euro
* The Icelandic economy and banking system collapsed
* The Patriarch of Alexandria Died
* Barack Obama sworn in as President with a ceremonial drone strike

It's a bit of a mixed bag I'll admit, but nothing globally catastrophic. There was no reason to suspect a complete disaster would result from finishing my second AAR.
 

Surt

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What will happen if the AAR ends this year?

  • The USA will elect a President that is over 70.
  • More babies will be born in 9 months
  • More divorces in the next few months
 

El Pip

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What will happen if the AAR ends this year?
  • The USA will elect a President that is over 70.
  • More babies will be born in 9 months
  • More divorces in the next few months
And at worst only two of those will be the direct fault of this AAR.


And on that cheerful note, let us return to Bratislava!
 
11th March 1945

El Pip

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11th March 1945

It was a Sunday so Tiso had been attempting to follow the Fourth Commandment, but alas the realities of the Total Race for Bratislava were no respecter of scripture or theology so he and Tuka were once again in the Command Shed for a briefing. This was probably for the best as Tiso had got the wrong commandment, he really should have been focusing on the Eleventh.

Tiso brought the meeting to order. Or at least the best approximation he was going to get.

"Is there any good news?" He asked.

"Yes." Fritz replied.

Tiso looked startled.

"It soon became bad news." Fritz re-assured him.

"Start with that then." Tiso said.

"General Lendvay has rallied his Militia and reinforced Breclav." General Kubela said proudly.

"Why is that good news?" Tuka asked.

"Because Pezinok has fallen, so Bratislava is now surrounded on three sides and Lendvay's forces were holding open the only escape route" General Malar explained.


Pezinok! Home of the first sulphuric acid factory in Austro-Hungary and a centre of the Slovak wine industry. It is to be hoped those two facts are unconnected, but one naturally fears the worst. In any event now occupied by a US mechanised division under British control. Also of note, the surprisingly high number of Soviet Divisions now wearing British hats.

"And then this became bad news?" Tiso asked.

"Well the British noticed this and attacked Breclav in force, with their usual massive air support." Kubela said.

"This was all too much for the Border Guards and so they decided to shatter and reform in Berlin with the HQ and my cousin." Malar finished the sad tale.


Due to a filing error General Lendvay and his troops reported they were going to the mighty forest fortress of Banska Bystrica. They decided not to because the Soviets were just outside so that plan would not end well for them. Admittedly neither would going to Berlin, but Berlin might fall to the Allies which is a vast improvement.

"Any other bad news?"

"Trencin and Roznava have fallen, but in the scheme of things that didn't seem too important." Fritz said.

Tiso was about to object, but was interrupted by a particularly close barrage of artillery from the still raging battle outside.

"You may have a point." He conceded, as he reached for his hipflask.

--
Notes:

Trencin has incredible amounts of Ice Hockey and a moderate Castle, Roznava has a mining museum and a Cathedral that has been personally bothered by a Pope. If you are interested in these things you may enjoy those towns. This concludes your briefing from the Slovak Tourist Board.
 

Bullfilter

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Home of the first sulphuric acid factory in Austro-Hungary and a centre of the Slovak wine industry. It is to be hoped those two facts are unconnected, but one naturally fears the worst.
A virtual certainty. Probably the Ripple Blanc from the movie Top Secret, for those familiar with it. :D
 

El Pip

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A virtual certainty. Probably the Ripple Blanc from the movie Top Secret, for those familiar with it. :D
That is the sort of wine T&T would produce.

Have the divisions defending the glorious capital started a retreat?
The 1st (Defrosted) Division has started to redeploy to a more gloriously strategic position, but General Jurech and the 2nd (World Record No. of Defences of Paris) Division still stand firm. Well they are mostly vertical which is all you can ask.
 

roverS3

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They're just ahead of Tiso and Tuka, who will surely relocate to Berlin when Brats in lava falls.
 

nuclearslurpee

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H.Appleby

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The warm glow of the entirely safe, and in no way dangerous, nuclear fuel rods the KGB agent is making you carry by hand away from the site of The Incident.
...I'm told it's the equivalent of a chest x-ray.
 

Wraith11B

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El Pip

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They're just ahead of Tiso and Tuka, who will surely relocate to Berlin when Brats in lava falls.
Surely T&T will stay in the Command Shed and fight to the last bullet arrow pointy stick?

How else do you think they defrosted?

...I'm told it's the equivalent of a chest x-ray.
Not great, not terrible.
Your services are recognised Comrades;


The 'Liquidators' Medals
 

Wraith11B

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nuclearslurpee

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I serve the Soviet Union...
And the United States...and Germany...and Italy...and...and...just how many computers does this man have, anyways?! :p
 

Wraith11B

Call Kenny Loggins, you're in the DANGER ZONE...
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El Pip

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11th March 1945. Still.

El Pip

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11th March 1945. Still.

The Slovak Cabinet and General Staff had stopped for lunch. But the Sub-Total Race for Bratislavan Total War did not stop for lunch, possibly because it was total but possibly because it only existed in the fevered imagination of the Slovak leadership. Either way there was still much to discuss when they returned.

"What is so urgent Fritz?" Tiso asked.

"We have some terrible news, some catastrophic news and a rather polite note requiring us to make an existential choice." Fritz read from his agenda.

"Is the last one from Janko Jesenky?" Tuka asked the obvious question.

"Sadly not." Fritz said.

There was a brief horrified pause as the room contemplated something worse than another socially realistic spy catching limerick.

This continued until Tiso prodded Kubela into action.

"The mystic and mighty forest fortress of Banska Bystrica has fallen under the boot of the dictatorship of the proletariat." He announced.

Banská Bystrica and it's famed castle/fortress started out a copper mining town ringed by mountains that eventually grew into a city, surviving even the efforts of the Mongols to destroy it. If it can get through that, and the regime of Tiso and Tuka, it can survive the Soviets. Probably. Hopefully.

There was much rending of teeth and gnashing of garments as the cabinet and staff dealt with this news.

"Do we have a new national redoubt to fall back to?" Tiso asked.

Kubela and Malar sadly shook their heads.

"So we are depending upon General Jurech and the (2nd) Legendary Heroes (of Paris) Division to continue holding the line?" Tuka asked.

Kubela and Malar looked awkward and then once again shook their heads.


The casualty figures shown are another triumph of counting and basic common sense from the Slovak General Staff and their Swedish advisors.

"I thought it was suspiciously quiet." Tuka admitted sadly.

"Therefore the polite note must be from the British Army?" Tiso asked.

Fritz nodded and handed over the note.


The Choice

--
Notes:
Not completely sure why no-one died in the final Battle of Bratislava, but one should never be surprised when Paradox's legendary work ethic and commitment to quality and detail produces such results. It is part of the charm. allegedly.

Banská Bystrica should be a mountain province but is shown as forest, because Paradox paid that much attention to even basic geography when doing Slovakia.