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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

El Pip

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...I believe a synonym for avoidable is evitable.
I thought Evitable was a synonym for behaving in the manner of a Evita (buying lots of furs and shoes while inflation sky rockets and your husband imports a lot of Nazis and rigs elections). You learn something every day.

And on that educational note let us return, but not to Bratislava...!
 
13th March 1945.

El Pip

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13th March 1945.

Upon arriving in Berlin the second thing Tiso did was call an emergency cabinet meeting, to understand the new situation the Slovak leadership found itself in. The first thing he did was to confirm the hipflask reserves had safely arrived, because he had his priorities in the correct order.

"What is on the agenda Fritz?" Tiso asked.

"Some bad news and some odd news. But I'm afraid we must first begin with some catastrophic news." Fritz answered.

Tiso looked duly concerned.

"Due to the relocation the Slovak General Staff are allowed another Map of Many Things." Fritz continued.

Tiso started eyeing up the nearest exit.

"Fortunately they have obtained a German map, but I must warn you it is still terrible." Fritz finished, handing over the item in question.


The OKW estimated that 142,000 staff officer-hours were lost each month trying to decipher overly Germanic fonts on maps. The font remained in use until the end of the war, because the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was spreading the myth of German efficiency.

"The Allies are getting quite close to Berlin then?" Tuka interpreted the map.

"The OKW believes the decisive battle to defeat the Allies and hurl them out of the capital will occur in less than three weeks." Baron Von Killinger agreed. "Truly we are lucky to be present for such a singular opportunity to die heroically pointless deaths for the Fuhrer." He sighed.

"Fortunately that covers the bad news, which leaves only the odd news." Fritz gestured at General Kubela.

"As we are now in Berlin communications with the Germans have improved no end and we can now give you a report on other fronts." Kubela beamed proudly.

"We have therefore been able to determine the Finnish Front is going badly in an odd way." General G. Malar said


Yes those are British divisions wearing Communist Yugoslavian uniforms pushing into Central Finland. Why do you ask?

"Is there any other news?" Tiso asked.

"Nothing of any importance." Firtz said confidently.

Assistant-Pro Tempore-Vice Minister for Foreign Affairs looked at his telegrams and (correctly) decided to say nothing.


The Honduran Government is, of course, catastrophically wrong, but in ways too boring for me to even be bothered to type up.

--
Notes:
The Slovaks settle into Berlin and realise that their doom, while delayed, remains inevitable.
 

Bullfilter

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The first thing he did was to confirm the hipflask reserves had safely arrived, because he had his priorities in the correct order.
That is a relief. They want to be thoroughly drunk by the time they are arrested by whichever power takes Berlin. If it’s the Soviets, they’d be better off joining Hitler in his Fuhrerdammerung. Because although they may be insignificant in the greater scheme of things, the Soviets just don’t miss details like that. Especially under Stalin. They have so much prior experience doing it to their own people. If it’s the Allies, they’d have an outside chance of slipping away, unrecognised. Or recognised and ignored until years later when a Nazi-hunter or documentary maker discovers and catches up with them.

Yes those are British divisions wearing Communist Yugoslavian uniforms pushing into Central Finland. Why do you ask?
One would ask, if there was the faintest chance of receiving any sensible answer. Given that chance is virtually zero, we’ll just chuckle and move on. :D
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Why are all these minor nations constantly ringing up Slovakia to tell them about random domestic occurrences? Did someone at some point get their wires crossed or did they all agree to kick the underdog of underdogs just to feel superior about something?
 

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Why are all these minor nations constantly ringing up Slovakia to tell them about random domestic occurrences? Did someone at some point get their wires crossed or did they all agree to kick the underdog of underdogs just to feel superior about something?
It's Twitter before Twitter
 

TheButterflyComposer

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It's much more efficient for all the fascists to be in one place. Hopefully they'll all take each other out before we have ti waste bullets on them. Then again, slovakia being involved might mean the suicide pact gets effed and we actually take Hitler and everyone else alive.

Where would we even begin with their trials?
 

El Pip

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That is a relief. They want to be thoroughly drunk by the time they are arrested by whichever power takes Berlin. If it’s the Soviets, they’d be better off joining Hitler in his Fuhrerdammerung. Because although they may be insignificant in the greater scheme of things, the Soviets just don’t miss details like that. Especially under Stalin. They have so much prior experience doing it to their own people. If it’s the Allies, they’d have an outside chance of slipping away, unrecognised. Or recognised and ignored until years later when a Nazi-hunter or documentary maker discovers and catches up with them.
The Soviets are still mucking about in the Baltics (despite having also reached Greece) so are still some way from Berlin. It would take an incredibly cockup for the Allies not to take Berlin, I mean the AI would have to have been coded by complete idiots... Oh. Oh dear.

One would ask, if there was the faintest chance of receiving any sensible answer. Given that chance is virtually zero, we’ll just chuckle and move on. :D
Entirely the correct response.


Why are all these minor nations constantly ringing up Slovakia to tell them about random domestic occurrences? Did someone at some point get their wires crossed or did they all agree to kick the underdog of underdogs just to feel superior about something?
Stefan is so desperate for attention he volunteered to update the League of Nations Big Book of Pointless Events. All the League's pointless post is now diverted to his office instead of Geneva.

It's Twitter before Twitter
In fairness the ITU was one of the bodies of the League that did a good job.

Turka, the end must beclose for Finland too, see you in Berlin!!!
It could soon be quite crowded in the Deposed Minor Axis Power Bunker.

It's much more efficient for all the fascists to be in one place. Hopefully they'll all take each other out before we have ti waste bullets on them. Then again, slovakia being involved might mean the suicide pact gets effed and we actually take Hitler and everyone else alive.

Where would we even begin with their trials?
I suspect the more senior Nazis survive, the less people will be bothered about the small fry. Most of the Slovak regime weren't actually that bad by the standards of inter-war dictatorships (Tuka, Mach, Stefan T and a few others absolutely were that bad, Tiso was clearly guilty of many things but in a Pierre Laval like manner). Regardless any trial would definitely be one of the 'B list' additional trials after the main ones, a final subtle dig at the Tiso regime and it's delusions of independence.
 

TheButterflyComposer

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But if they all survive the war they can write and publish their insane memoirs and make out that actually Slovakia was the best country in the axis and it was all Hitler's fault.
 

Murmurandus

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I do wonder if T&T are attempting to have "lockdown parties" too...
 

El Pip

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But if they all survive the war they can write and publish their insane memoirs and make out that actually Slovakia was the best country in the axis and it was all Hitler's fault.
Surely there are limits to even insane memoris. Being the best minor Axis power is still a stretch (OK you beat Italy, Romania, the Japanese puppets and probably Hungary. But better than Finland?) but best in the whole axis. When you have Tiso as Supreme Vodca?

I do wonder if T&T are attempting to have "lockdown parties" too...
Locked in a bunker with a lethal enemy outside and supplies running low. How would they tell the difference from a normal day in Berlin?

They haven't unlocked germ theory yet so no need
The ignorance defence, a plan that has never worked. It would be the T&T solution. :)


And on that note, let us return to Berlin!
 
19th March 1945

El Pip

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19th March 1945

Tiso hoped that being a Supreme Vodca in exile would free him from the drudgery of actually trying to run a country. Despite this he had still organised a cabinet meeting for Monday morning, though more to fill in the time between drinks than anything else.

"Anything on the domestic agenda Fritz?" He asked.

"We no longer have a country to run." Fritz said.

"That would be a no." Tiso summarised. "Military news?"

"Sadly only General Lendvay's Border Guards made it to Berlin and they are still recovering from the experience." General Kubela said.

"We have lost both of our regular divisions?" A shocked Tuka asked.

Kubela nodded sadly.

"Do we have news of the wider war?" Tiso asked.

"The War in the West is over." General Malar announced dramatically.

"But the Allies were in Western Germany, how can they have been thrown back in the sea?" Tiso asked.

"Unless it has ended the other way." Tuka suggested.

Tiso looked around, Nazi Germany still looked un-annexed.

"What is the meaning of this Malar?" He asked.

Malar handed over the telegram.


Ecuador has been defeated and Peru now has control over the Maranon River Basin. And the rest of Ecuador The German General Staff do not believe that the redeployment of the vast US air fleet that had been ineptly bombing Peru will make any difference to the war in Europe. Because German is so comprehensively doomed that things cannot practically get any worse.

As Tuka screamed at the General Staff, Tiso found solace in the fact that some things had not changed.

"What about the war in Western Europe, how is that going?" He asked.

"Badly." Kubela admitted.


The Fulda Gap has been closed, leaving the XXXXIV "Germans Dressed As Hungarians" Army Corps pocketed and awaiting destruction. Further west the plan to defend Festung Frankfurt by not garrisoning it (to fool the Allies into thinking it wasn't important) has not worked out as hoped, with a British armoured division is poised to capture it without firing a shot.

"Any other news?" Tiso thought he could see the end of the meeting racing into view.

"I bring terrible news." Baron Von Killinger said.

The assembled room fell silent and stared at the visibly emotional Baron.

"Army Detachment Steiner is not coming to rescue Berlin." Von Killinger said. "He is dying heroically for the Führer in the Baltic instead."


III. SS Panzerkorps under the leadership of General Steiner defending Tallinn while waiting for an evacuation which will never come. Steiner's corps contains neither Panzers nor SS divisions but does contain a surprisingly large amount of Luftwaffe Militia. Despite being militia the 20th was officially a 'Storm Division', an honorific distinction that is unlikely to make any significant difference to the attacking Soviets.

Tiso raised his hipflask in toast to the so-to-be fallen Steiner.

--
Notes:
Despite the best efforts of the combined Allied AIs not to beat Ecuador they have finally succeeded. The government in Ecuador have the good sense not to join the increasingly crowded Deposed Minor Axis Power Bunker and so the war in South America is over.

Steiner and his Luftwaffe Storm Militia at least go down fighting, unlike most of the German forces in the West who can no longer reinforce due to lack of manpower.

Edited: To correct a frankly piddling Ecuador/Peru confusion. Yet some people carped on about it so it had to be fixed.
 
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Wraith11B

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Peru has been defeated and Ecuador now has control over the Maranon River Basin. And the rest of Peru.


Despite the best efforts of the combined Allied AIs not to beat Peru they have finally succeeded. The government in Ecuador have the good sense not to join the increasingly crowded Deposed Minor Axis Power Bunker and so the war in South America is over.​

Steiner and his Luftwaffe Storm Militia at least go down fighting, unlike most of the German forces in the West who can no longer reinforce due to lack of manpower.
It's been a minute since I last was tracking this, but which South American nation did what? I'm getting conflicting messages here...
 

nuclearslurpee

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Peru has been defeated and Ecuador now has control over the Maranon River Basin. And the rest of Peru. The German General Staff do not believe that the redeployment of the vast US air fleet that had been ineptly bombing Peru will make any difference to the war in Europe. Because German is so comprehensively doomed that things cannot practically get any worse.
One suspects that perhaps the writing of this AAR has been taken over by a Slovakian government functionary with little to do, and even less brain capacity to do it with. Which is it, then, has Peru been defeated or has Ecuador surrendered? Or is this all a grandiose and hopefully not social-realist meta-commentary on the futility of war? :p
 

H.Appleby

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"Army Detachment Steiner is not coming to rescue Berlin." Von Killinger said. "He is dying heroically for the Führer in the Baltic instead."
Das war ein Befehl!!!!!!!
 

El Pip

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It's been a minute since I last was tracking this, but which South American nation did what? I'm getting conflicting messages here...
One suspects that perhaps the writing of this AAR has been taken over by a Slovakian government functionary with little to do, and even less brain capacity to do it with. Which is it, then, has Peru been defeated or has Ecuador surrendered? Or is this all a grandiose and hopefully not social-realist meta-commentary on the futility of war? :p
This is what happens if I try to write at faster than real time; mistakes creep in and have to be spotted by observant readers. I will learn from this and never try to risk such break neck speed again.


Ecuador took on the whole world for no apparent reason and almost held out until the end. Gotta give credit to those crazy bastards.
Shine on you crazy diamonds.

With Steiner out of the picture we now must find Fegelein.
Fegelein has been found. He is an unused general sitting in the reserve pool, as Germany has a lot more Generals than Divisions at this point. This is probably a big part of why Germany is losing the war.
Das war ein Befehl!!!!!!!
I am delighted Steiner's Cameo was appreciated in the correct manner.

But now as delighted as I am by your new signature, which marks you out as a gentleman of taste and sophistication.
 

H.Appleby

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Fegelein has been found. He is an unused general sitting in the reserve pool, as Germany has a lot more Generals than Divisions at this point. This is probably a big part of why Germany is losing the war.
I mean, I think that's a symptom more than a cause.

That said, Fegelein is known for his hijinks.

But now as delighted as I am by your new signature, which marks you out as a gentleman of taste and sophistication.
Given that I've been an avid follower for almost a decade, and an active evangelist for almost half that, it seemed only appropriate.