Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

15th February 1945

The Allies continue to fail to attack Bratislava, so Tiso is forced to keep on having cabinet meetings. Well not forced, he is the Supreme Vodca and could just cancel them. But he feels he should at least make a pretence of running the country.

"Generals, what is the latest news from the war?" He asked.

"The Allies have reached the French border." General Kubela announced.

"A worrying development." Tuka said.

"Absolutely, if the forces the Allies landed in Normandy have finally begun to start moving we will soon feel the effects." Tiso agreed.

"Actually it's not that bad." Fritz announced.

"Why do you say that?" Tiso asked.

"Because it's not the D-Day forces that have reached the border." He explained, pointing at the map.

This is one way to avoid a frontal attack on the West Wall, having the Allied Armies in Italy sneaking around Switzerland is the last thing the German defenders would be expecting. Certainly that is the excuse the D-Day commander will be using.​

Relieved that it was not just the Axis cursed with terrible strategic decisions, Tiso decided to move the meeting onwards.

"What news from the East?" He asked.

"While the most recent enemy attack was bold it was not made in sufficient strength, we believe local Axis forces should be able to destroy the isolated units and consolidate their position." Malar said.

"Where has this excellent progress been made?" Tiso asked.

"The Dutch East Indies." Malar said.

The Netherlands have celebrated the recent liberation of their homeland by launching an invasion of Java with two under-strength militia divisions. There may be a reason for this, but the military logic is not immediately apparent.​

When Tuka had finished screaming, Tiso got his generals to confirm that the Eastern Front was still going quite well in the North but very badly in the South.

Realising he could put it off no longer, he asked about the Slovako-Austrian front.

"We believe the Allies are playing game of Cat and Badger with us." Kubela explained.

"Are you sure about that?" Tiso asked.

"Yes." Kuebla stated confidently.

"But cats don't play with badgers, they tend to ignore them." Tiso said.

"You have used an incomprehensible metaphor!" Tuka accused.

"Exactly." Kubela said, looking smug.

"The Allied armies are ignoring us, much like a cat ignores a badger, and it is incomprehensible, like the metaphor." Malar explained.

Distressed that this explanation seemed to make sense, Tiso decided to bring the meeting to an end.

"Any other news?" He asked.

"Jesensky has captured another spy." Fritz offered.

We have captured a spy from Honduras
Who has desperately tried to assure us
his intentions were pure
he was on an innocent tour
But even with the simplest of ontological lenses it can be inferred that the intransient truth of his mission is starkly at variance with these claims and there is no reason to adopt even the most provisional of positive conclusions.

A (possibly) disgusted Janko Jesensky reports the capture of another Latin American spy. The fascination of Slovakia to Latin American spy agencies is as deep as their incompetence, as they continue to be outwitted by a critically socially realistic poet.​

On that minor, but utterly unimportant, win Tiso declared the meeting closed and reached for his hipflask.

--
Notes:
I think part of the reason the British AI is leaving Bratislava alone is that it has such a large front with Germany ant not really enough troops. When (if) the Normandy forces pull their finger out things could end very quickly.

I'm not sure how the Dutch managed to get the militia into Java, but it will not end well for them.

Honduras was one of the few places arguably worse than early-war Slovakia - the 1936 Honduran constitution stripped women of citizenship which is impressively regressive and miserable even by the low standards of Latin/South America. If Slovakia had ever got around to holding the elections (they were supposed to have them in 1943, but T&T delayed them till 'after the war') then women would have had the vote on the same basis as men, which I found surprising given the constitution was written by clerico-fasicst reactionaries.

 

[El Pip]

Update above, because the top of the page demanded it. Delayed response;

And of course, in their haste to steal such an auspicious title, they dropped a letter and spelt it "Peal", as in "of the bells heralding inevitable defeat and doom". This is, of course, entirely fitting and appropriate.

These things will happen given the most recent updates have been at break-neck speed (2:1 real-game time!). If it was much faster it would no longer slower than real time, with all the horrors that implies. Writing at such terrifying pace will mean slip ups, we are lucky that this time it worked out for the best.

Impending Doom(TM) sure takes its time.

Slovakia's defeat is inevitable, at no point was it even implied it would be quick.

 

[Wraith11B]

We enjoy updates from Pip
Pulling the flasks from our hips
with lips on the top
the bottoms go up
And thus the end must never come for our critically socially realist poetry as long as we can chug.

It's been a minute since I've attempted any of the poetry, and for that I must apologize. Both for the Dad-quality and the errant drinking.

 

[roverS3]

The Netherlands have celebrated the recent liberation of their homeland by launching an invasion of Java with two under-strength militia divisions. There may be a reason for this, but the military logic is not immediately apparent.

I'm not sure how the Dutch managed to get the militia into Java, but it will not end well for them.

Those are partisans. You can train them and then place then on the map in your territory occupied by your enemy, and they will eventually revolt. It might also be a spontaneous revolt, those can also happen, but it's rather unlikely as the pocket holds 2 units, while spontaneous revolts are often isolated incidents were a single Militia unit spawns and takes over a province. 'Revolt risk' shows the likelihood of a spontaneous revolt happening. Revolt risk can be reduced by the deployment of 'suppression' troops (MPs, and Gar to a lesser extent), and through the adoption of a less harsh occupation regime. For some reason it's impossible to differentiate Militia and Partisan counters as they are exactly the same...

Oh Slovakia so unimportant that it gets ignored by the war around it. Well, I do hope the vodka supply is keeping up because this could continue for a while... There's still hope that Berlin will fall before Bratislava...

 

[Bullfilter]

I think the Allies have heard reports (and no doubt translations) of Jesensky’s ‘poetry’: they are actively avoiding taking over Slovakia until they can add the charge of ‘crimes against literature’ to the list of available war crimes indictments. The lawyers are working on it right now.

Given they are the only known profession with a work rate slower than @El Pip’s, T&T may still have some time before they and their henchmen are brought to the inevitable justice they so richly deserve. Of course, if it was the Soviets closing in, such legal niceties would not matter.

 

[Andre Massena]

Von Killinger must admire the dedication of the pro-Dutch Indonesian rebels

 

[Henry IX]

Looking at the screenshot it appears that the Japanese are retreating away from the apparently terrifying Dutch militia. Seems about right.

 

[El Pip]

We enjoy updates from Pip
Pulling the flasks from our hips
with lips on the top
the bottoms go up
And thus the end must never come for our critically socially realist poetry as long as we can chug.

It's been a minute since I've attempted any of the poetry, and for that I must apologize. Both for the Dad-quality and the errant drinking.

Janko Jesensky would approve. It's maybe a bit too clear and could do with some more ontological lenses, but an excellent effort nonetheless.

Those are partisans. You can train them and then place then on the map in your territory occupied by your enemy, and they will eventually revolt. It might also be a spontaneous revolt, those can also happen, but it's rather unlikely as the pocket holds 2 units, while spontaneous revolts are often isolated incidents were a single Militia unit spawns and takes over a province. 'Revolt risk' shows the likelihood of a spontaneous revolt happening. Revolt risk can be reduced by the deployment of 'suppression' troops (MPs, and Gar to a lesser extent), and through the adoption of a less harsh occupation regime. For some reason it's impossible to differentiate Militia and Partisan counters as they are exactly the same...

Thank you for that explanation. As my complete ignorance of the Partisan mechanics should be clear at this point, could I ask a follow up question - Is there a connection between the Dutch being liberated and then deciding to spawn Partisans or is it just a coincidence?

Oh Slovakia so unimportant that it gets ignored by the war around it. Well, I do hope the vodka supply is keeping up because this could continue for a while... There's still hope that Berlin will fall before Bratislava...

That is the kind of attitude Slovakia needs. A total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face could yet see them through (*Spoiler* It won't *Spoiler*).

I think the Allies have heard reports (and no doubt translations) of Jesensky’s ‘poetry’: they are actively avoiding taking over Slovakia until they can add the charge of ‘crimes against literature’ to the list of available war crimes indictments. The lawyers are working on it right now.

Given they are the only known profession with a work rate slower than @El Pip’s, T&T may still have some time before they and their henchmen are brought to the inevitable justice they so richly deserve. Of course, if it was the Soviets closing in, such legal niceties would not matter.

Looking over the list of actual Nobel Prize winners for Literature I can assure you Jesensky is far from the worst offender in that category. Not that I disagree with the sentiment, just that many, many others should be dragged in front of the tribunal before you get to Jesensky.

Von Killinger must admire the dedication of the pro-Dutch Indonesian rebels

He is deeply conflicted. They are dying pointless deaths for a doomed cause, but it's not a cause he supports. Von Killinger has decided to resolve this conflict by just ignoring the entire problem, a solution that T&T fully approve of.

Looking at the screenshot it appears that the Japanese are retreating away from the apparently terrifying Dutch militia. Seems about right.

I'm guessing the Partisans/militia have spawned in with some supply while the Japanese probably lack any due to the HOI3 AI's legendarily inept supply/convoy management. So until the Dutch also go out of supply due to lack of ports I suppose they are mildly fearsome.

 

[El Pip]

20th February 1945

The Allies are probably not playing Cat-and-Badger with the Slovak government, but they are failing to attack Bratislava so the net effect is (possibly) similar. In the absence of such an attack, or other good excuse, the Slovak cabinet continues to meet.

"We have received news from our valiant co-belligerents in South America." Fritz announced.

"Co-belligerents? In South America?" Tuka said in confusion.

"Ecuador." General Kubela explained.

"Indeed. There has been a critical leak from within the heart of their government." Fritz said.

As a reminder, Ecuador is at war with all of the Allies, a group which includes every single neighbouring country, and it's capital is currently under seige. There is very little left to leak and vanishingly little of it is important.​

"Do we know what leaked?" Tiso asked.

"German intelligence believes it was the plans for Operation Final Redoubt." Baron Von Killinger replied.

"How serious an impact will this have on their war effort?" Tuka asked.

"It will make no difference." Kubela confidently said.

"Surely if the enemy knows the Ecuadorian plans this will give them a great advantage." Tuka said.

"There are two reasons we believe this leak won't matter." Kubela explained. "Firstly, the enemy already has a massively overwhelming advantage."

Tuka nodded at this clearly correct statement.

"Secondly, because the Ecuadorian plan for Operation Final Redoubt was stupid and was never going to work." Malar said, handing over the file.

Hiding the entire Ecuadorian government and army command structure on the Galapagos Islands at least has the advantage of being unexpected. Sadly the Galapagos is not a VP province, so the country is still getting annexed when Quito is captured. ​

"Any other news?" Tiso said, keen to get the meeting over with.

"Democracy is an inefficient and foolish way to run a country." Von Killinger said.

"We were asking for news, not statements of doctrine." Tuka admonished the Baron.

"This is news!" Von Killinger said, handing over the message.

As a reminder, Venezuela is already at peace, even though all of her neighbours and most of the rest of the world are at war. Therefore this is a protest to force the government to carry on with a policy it was already doing and wants to keep on doing.​

"Look at this disgusting scene. Idiots who could have had the chance to die glorious pointless deaths for their fatherland, instead launching feeble protest so they can stay at peace." Von Killinger seethed with rage.

Tiso decided nodding was the only safe option.

"No more news?" He asked hopefully.

Malar looked like he was going to say something, then shook his head as he couldn't remember what it was.

Tiso began to wrap up the meeting before being rudely interrupted by Air Commodore Wigglesworth.

Fresh from the prestigious role of Air Officer Commanding RAF Iceland, and with his extensive background in Coastal Command and flying boats, Wigglesworth was the natural choice to lead the Tactical Wings supporting the Race to Bratislava.​

As the dust settled, Malar looked up with a smile on his face.

"That was it, there is an incoming British air raid and we should all get down into the bunker." He said

Tuka turned to his colleague to exchange a glance, only to discover Tiso had already hit the hipflask.

*glug, glug, glug*

--
Notes:
There were two senior officer Wigglesworths in the RAF during the war, I think Paradox meant the other one (who had very senior roles in Mediterranean Air Command and SHAEF prior to D-Day) but they have used the photo of the one who ran RAF Iceland.

The Venezuelan government is probably broken and full of corpses, toddlers and so on. I just liked the idea of a demonstration demanding that a country that is at peace and wants to stay at peace, should definitely stay at peace. You can see why T&T (and Von Killinger) have such a low view of democracy.

 

[Bullfilter]

Well, democracy is the worst system of government, except ... *yada yada Churchill said yada yada*

And in Slovakia‘s case here, to be fair, I don’t think their ruling clique could be described as anything so grand as a ‘system of government’, so it’s not really fair to compare them to a fully democratically elected (if it is, in game) Venezuelan government, whether it be full of misnamed zombies and infants or nay!

I see the entirety of the Slovakian fighting formations are now in Bratislava for Operation Final Redoubt Harder: von Killinger will be pleased. Everyone else will be drunk, or in civilian clothes pretending to be humble window cleaners. Nothing to do with the war.

 

[Surt]

Wonder if any of the units in Brat has any AAA?

 

[El Pip]

Well, democracy is the worst system of government, except ... *yada yada Churchill said yada yada*

And in Slovakia‘s case here, to be fair, I don’t think their ruling clique could be described as anything so grand as a ‘system of government’, so it’s not really fair to compare them to a fully democratically elected (if it is, in game) Venezuelan government, whether it be full of misnamed zombies and infants or nay!

The similarities between Venezuela in the 1940s and T&T's regime are surprising. In both cases their should be democratic elections, but in both cases those keep not happening. There are more coups in Venezuela though and I suppose at least they are trying for elections, you get the impression T&T put that bit about elections in the Slovak constitution for show and never really meant it.

I see the entirety of the Slovakian fighting formations are now in Bratislava for Operation Final Redoubt Harder: von Killinger will be pleased. Everyone else will be drunk, or in civilian clothes pretending to be humble window cleaners. Nothing to do with the war.

I can't see that happening, Slovakia probably hasn't got the tech for glass. But yes lots of people pretending to be barrel makers and furriers perhaps (I was wondering about blacksmiths, but didn't want to push it too far)

Wonder if any of the units in Brat has any AAA?

If you mean Austrohungarian Alcoholic Anonymous, then the answer is no (I believe the Nas Boj are under orders to arrest them on sight and hurl them into the snake-and-pencil pit).

Of course if you mean anti-aircraft artillery, the answer is still no.

 

[Andre Massena]

The problem with elections is they might not go the way the German government wants

 

[H.Appleby]

The Venezuelan government is probably broken and full of corpses, toddlers and so on. I just liked the idea of a demonstration demanding that a country that is at peace and wants to stay at peace, should definitely stay at peace. You can see why T&T (and Von Killinger) have such a low view of democracy.

I realize that as a strategy game enthusiast this is something of a heretical statement, but of all the things I can think of for a government to do, "not get into a war," is one of the better ones.

It's incredible, though, I turn my back for what seems the barest of moments and this AAR begins to hurtle terrifyingly fast towards the titular Inevitable Defeat. The AAR might actually be concluded before the decade is out... madness.

 

[Surt]

T&T hasn't lost more than they had at the start of this AAR, it will still end in ARRggggg.

 

[Murmurandus]

I'm waiting for the Galapagos Rebelious Resistance Movement to be formed, probably on the Falklands or something. :ja:

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I'm waiting for the Galapagos Rebelious Resistance Movement to be formed, probably on the Falklands or something. :ja:

No one expected that would be the thing that destroyed the US but then again, the AI hates islands...

 

[Wraith11B]

Because this needs to be a thing:

 

[El Pip]

The problem with elections is they might not go the way the German government wants

The German government was very good at rigging elections, 99% turnout and 99% of the vote was their speciality. I'm sure they could have taught T&T the tricks of the trade if required. But then they also went for the "It's war so no elections" approach, which was fairly common to be fair.

I realize that as a strategy game enthusiast this is something of a heretical statement, but of all the things I can think of for a government to do, "not get into a war," is one of the better ones

"War, what is it good for?" - Freeing slaves, killing Nazis, stopping attempted genocides, allowing self determination. Loads of things really.

Obviously it tends not to be used for those things, but occasionally it is the correct policy choice and/or least bad option.

It's incredible, though, I turn my back for what seems the barest of moments and this AAR begins to hurtle terrifyingly fast towards the titular Inevitable Defeat. The AAR might actually be concluded before the decade is out... madness.

Finishing this before the end of the decade remains the aim. It may entail a degree of rapid progress, but there is more than enough slower-than-real-time to see us safely through this brief acceleration.

T&T hasn't lost more than they had at the start of this AAR, it will still end in ARRggggg.

That is indeed inevitable.

I'm waiting for the Galapagos Rebelious Resistance Movement to be formed, probably on the Falklands or something. :ja:

I see you are familiar with the HOI3 AI.

No one expected that would be the thing that destroyed the US but then again, the AI hates islands...

Not so much hate as get utterly baffling confused by.

 

[El Pip]

21st February 1945

Tiso was somehow sleeping in his Presidential bunk bed, you wouldn't think his conscience would allow it. His sleep of the unjust was interrupted, not by a messenger but by artillery fire. He and Tuka rushed to the Command Shed.

"How bad is it?" Tiso got straight to the point.

"The British have launched an attack under cover of their repeated air attacks." Kubela said.

"But we we think we have a chance of holding them off." Malar added.

Tiso looked at the map.

The 18th East Anglian and it's mildly out of focus commander General Bols are attempting to win the Race to Bratislava. General Lendvay continues to looking moody and enigmatic.
​

"We outnumber them over 3:1, they have to cross the Danube to get to us and we have fortified the city?" He asked.

Kubela and Malar nodded.

"And you think we only have 'a chance' of winning this?" Tuka glared.

"Well we do have Hungarian 20th Unpronounceable Collection of Random Constants Division in the line." Malar said.

"It would be foolish to ever trust them and their mysterious question." Kubela nodded.

Deciding to ignore that Tiso turned to the the second most pressing question.

"Why was no messenger sent to tell me news of the attack?" He asked.

"We did send a messenger." Kubela said.

"Well he never turned up." Tuka countered.

"It was fairly obvious news, what with the shelling and explosions." Fritz ventured. "And you do tend to throw messengers into the snake-and-pencil pit if they give you obvious news."

"That might be true." Tiso grudgingly admitted.

"So perhaps the messenger thought it best not to bother you with it." Fritz concluded his theory.

"It was not his decision to make!" Tuka shouted.

"Indeed, there must be severe consequences for this failure." Tiso agreed.

"There is always Corporal Punishment." Kubela suggested.

"He's the one who is very keen on magical realism poetry?" Tiso said with an unsuppressed shudder.

"Yes. And his recent poetry is particularly bad so it would be quite a harsh punishment." Malar said.

"He's particularly enraged at being demoted from sergeant and that rage is coming through in his verse." Fritz explained.

Tiso nodded grimly and gave the order.

--
Notes:
The British AI, while taking the Race to Bratislava more seriously than the Soviets, is still not taking it that seriously.

I will continue to include the conveniently named lower ranks of the Slovak Army until it is found amusing or the story ends, because if nothing else it makes me laugh.