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Murmurandus

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Obviously the Lazy Messenger is a member of the Fifth Column. Time to take countermeasures. :ja:
 

Bullfilter

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The messenger was probably an undiscovered Czech *spit* provocateur. Even now, he’s probably trying to paddle across the Danube to escape to British lines. Especially if pursued by bad poetry - in will make him paddle even faster.

if the Slovaks had the technology for loudspeakers, they should broadcast English translations of the best or the worst Slovak poets to the British as they conduct their river assault. Perhaps they could borrow some sound gear from the Germans.
 

Wraith11B

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The messenger was probably an undiscovered Czech *spit* provocateur. Even now, he’s probably trying to paddle across the Danube to escape to British lines. Especially if pursued by bad poetry - in will make him paddle even faster.

if the Slovaks had the technology for loudspeakers, they should broadcast English translations of the best or the worst Slovak poets to the British as they conduct their river assault. Perhaps they could borrow some sound gear from the Germans.

That's some serious PSYOPs... I know I would be looking to call artillery in on that position as rapidly as possible!
 

El Pip

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Hard to say if the British or the Hungarian division is a bigger threat to Slovakian security
It is a damning indictment on both of them that this is the case.

Obviously the Lazy Messenger is a member of the Fifth Column. Time to take countermeasures. :ja:
What is needed is an efficient sociopath to root out such traitors. Sadly T&T threw Alexander Mach into the Snake and Pencil Pit because he wrote Imagist Poetry, so we are left with Jesenky who refuses to investigate domestic threats due to severe ontological comparability concerns.

Attacking over a river into fortification, it might be a probing attack!
Probe to check "Have the RAF bombed everything to death"?

The messenger was probably an undiscovered Czech *spit* provocateur. Even now, he’s probably trying to paddle across the Danube to escape to British lines. Especially if pursued by bad poetry - in will make him paddle even faster.

if the Slovaks had the technology for loudspeakers, they should broadcast English translations of the best or the worst Slovak poets to the British as they conduct their river assault. Perhaps they could borrow some sound gear from the Germans.
A fine plan, but I fear it is unlikely there is anyone in Bratislava who can translate into English.

Far more importantly, there are worse things than critical socially realistic limericks. Imagist Poetry for one. :shudder: Some weapons should never be used, that is one of them.

That's some serious PSYOPs... I know I would be looking to call artillery in on that position as rapidly as possible!
All the artillery. And then keep going till the shells run out, just to be sure.
 
23rd February 1945

El Pip

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23rd February 1945

We return, but not to Bratislava. Instead we are in the surprisingly well lit heart of the Wolf's Lair in East Prussia. German Generals Jodl and Keitel are walking towards the briefing room to discuss the latest news from the war with the Führer.

"You know I think they have finally cracked it." Jodl enthused.

Keitel looked at his colleague in surprise.

"These new lights are both bright enough to allow work while also being deeply sinister." Jodl continued.

niXVqCw.jpg

These do look quite appropriate for an evil bunker it must be said. Has Nazi Science finally cracked it?

"You do know the details of these lights don't you?" Keitel asked.

Jodl suddenly stopped.

"They aren't capitalistic-Judeo-Bolshevist are they!?" Jodl looked concerned.

Keitel sighed.

"No, they have been used by the Führer for his own personal lighting for many years." He said.

"Of course such proper Aryan lighting would have a noble pedigree." Relief blossomed on Jodl's face.

"They are however full of mercury, because they are mercury-vapour lamps."

Jodl looks less relieved and once again became concerned.

"You don't think...." He started.

Keitel nodded silently.

"Well it would explain a lot." Jodl conceded.

This discussion on the side effects of National Socialist lighting policy was interrupted by enraged, demented, screaming emerging from the bunker.

"I see the Führer has read today's briefing pack." Jodl said.

"What do you think it was that set him off?" Keitel asked. "The final stand of LXXV Army Corps?"


lrtSF9V.jpg

LXXV Army Corps and it's insanely brave (and also actually insane) commander Tolsdorff the Mad have finally been trapped in the South of France.

"No Tolsdorff went down like a true hero, fighting to the end against incredible odds." Jodl said proudly.

"The pocket threatening to trap the rest of our forces in France?" Keitel speculated.

aOMimYs.jpg

Meanwhile the rest of Army Group B is struggling to escape from France in time before the Allies close the pocket and trap them.

"The pocket is far from from closed, there is still plenty of time for that to be stabilised." Jodl said.

Keitel looked skeptical but said nothing.

"Army Group North however..." Jodl conceded.

Ke4HbZR.jpg

Army Group North had been focusing so hard on preparations for Operation Nordlich IV - Lich Free or Nord Hard, that they failed to notice the Soviets have encircled them.

"The Fuhrer did have such high hopes that Operation Nordlich IV would finally capture Leningrad." Keitel nodded.

"Particularly as the Allied Airborne Army is now wandering around Minsk for no obvious reason." Jodl agreed.

"But perhaps it was news from the Southern Front that cause the most concern?"

ToJrHhf.jpg

Prague has been liberated and just out of shot, Nuremberg has fallen. There is something holding up the British advance to the East, but the OKW aren't quite sure what.

"Was there any good news given to the Fuhrer?" Keitel asked, more in hope than expectation.

"The Slovaks have managed to defend Bratislava." Jodl read from his notes.

s9s5z7F.jpg

Victory in Bratislava and with a decent casualty ratio. A Slovak triumph of arms for the ages.

"So the only positive he can draw from today is that one of our puppet armies can, when outnumbering the enemy three to one and dug into fortifications behind a major river, just about hold the line?" Keitel confirmed.

Jodl nodded sadly.

As the two generals walked away from the meeting room, and the sound of the furious ranting and sobbing faded, they agreed that perhaps the Führer's reaction was correct and it was their calmness that was wrong.

--
Notes:
The Western Front AI is finally mopping up France and the Soviets have got sick of having Monty and General Browning saving Leningrad so are doing something themselves, thus finally ending the Nordlich sequels. The end inches ever closer.

Tolsdorff the Mad was a real German General who was dubbed "the mad" because he was insanely personally brave yet somehow kept on surviving and being promoted. No point beyond that, just liked the nickname and had to throw him in.

Mercury vapour lamps were/are a thing and are naturally that colour, just normally people muck about with the light bulb coating to 'correct' the colour back to 'normal'. They don't actually leak mercury, you are more likely to get a UV overdose than a mercury leak. This concludes today's lesson on historic lighting types.
 

TheButterflyComposer

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What is needed is an efficient sociopath to root out such traitors.

Only if you have a set standard for what a traitor is and have enough control to get the sociopath to stop. Otherwise you've basically just ensured anyone remotely interesting will be murdered. This is why Alt-Turky and Alt-Lancaster use 'fun sociopaths' who randomly show up and kill very guilty people every so often, just to keep the rest on edge without all the death.

"These new lights are both bright enough to allow work while also being deeply sinister." Jodl continued.

One of the better electrical engineering jokes I've heard today.

"They are however full of mercury, because they are mercury-vapour lamps."

...yes but that's not how it-
Oh wait you explain this at the bottom. I'll put those notes away...

Wait...given german manufacturing standards at the time, someone at the factory making them may well have died due to mercury poisoning?

LXXV Army Corps and it's insanely brave (and also actually insane) commander Tolsdorff the Mad have finally been trapped in the South of France.

It's shit like this that makes paradox's weird 'facts' sound a little less strange when the world really did produce something like this. Still not sure why they think people can breed with polar bears or walk on water in plate armour but we must make allowances somewhere.

"No Tolsdorff went down like a true hero, fighting to the end against incredible odds." Jodl said proudly.

Against all odds, you might say.
You missed a trick by not saying 'inevitable defeat' here.

Tolsdorff the Mad was a real German General who was dubbed "the mad" because he was insanely personally brave yet somehow kept on surviving and being promoted. No point beyond that, just liked the nickname and had to throw him in.

So...what did he do?
 

Henry IX

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One of the better electrical engineering jokes I've heard today

Unless you work as an electrical engineer in an office full of wacky hi-jinks this is stunningly weak praise...

They don't actually leak mercury, you are more likely to get a UV overdose than a mercury leak.

They're OK until someone breaks one in a room with poor ventilation. After all what would be the chances of the sort of concussive impacts sufficient to break a bulb, in a poorly ventilated room, occurring in a bunker under constant attack?

Wait...given german manufacturing standards at the time, someone at the factory making them may well have died due to mercury poisoning?

Don't worry about that! The beryllium based phosphor used in that generation of lamps was a significantly greater industrial hazard so workers would die of respiratory problems long before you needed to worry about them dying of mercury poisoning...
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Unless you work as an electrical engineer in an office full of wacky hi-jinks this is stunningly weak praise...

One of the better responces to my comments I've heard today.

They're OK until someone breaks one in a room with poor ventilation. After all what would be the chances of the sort of concussive impacts sufficient to break a bulb, in a poorly ventilated room, occurring in a bunker under constant attack?

Sure but the bulbs breaking because the room is vibrating violently enough to either shatter them outright or fall off the ceiling sort of implies that the bunker is under enough strain that other things are breaking too, like bones.

Don't worry about that! The beryllium based phosphor used in that generation of lamps was a significantly greater industrial hazard so workers would die of respiratory problems long before you needed to worry about them dying of mercury poisoning...

Hooray!!!
 

TheButterflyComposer

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Oh don't take on so. I found the implication that the office was full of whacky hijinks but the engineers were just trading jokes in the middle of it all.
 

Bullfilter

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Army Group North had been focusing so hard on preparations for Operation Nordlich IV - Lich Free or Nord Hard, that they failed to notice the Soviets have encircled them.
Plenty of Dying Hard, Harder and Hardest to come, one suspects.
"Was there any good news given to the Fuhrer?" Keitel asked, more in hope than expectation.

"The Slovaks have managed to defend Bratislava." Jodl read from his notes.

s9s5z7F.jpg

Victory in Bratislava and with a decent casualty ratio. A Slovak triumph of arms for the ages.
"A hit! A palpable hit! Engarde (or perhaps na stráži), capitalist swine."
"So the only positive he can draw from today is that one of our puppet armies can, when outnumbering the enemy three to one and dug into fortifications behind a major river, just about hold the line?" Keitel confirmed.
Wet blanket. Defeatist. Set von Killinger on him.
Don't worry about that! The beryllium based phosphor used in that generation of lamps was a significantly greater industrial hazard so workers would die of respiratory problems long before you needed to worry about them dying of mercury poisoning...
I find that rather interesting and sciency-sounding (and I'm sure very correct) information very sad. What a terrible time and place it was. To think of that going on for a thousand years ... I'm glad their defeat is Inevitable.
 

Murmurandus

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Time to invite Tolsdorff to Bratislava. :ja:
 

Henry IX

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Oh don't take on so. I found the implication that the office was full of whacky hijinks but the engineers were just trading jokes in the middle of it all.
No upset, just showing my appreciation for the subtle burn...
 

TheButterflyComposer

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No upset, just showing my appreciation for the subtle burn...

It was rather fantastically set up I must say.

Slovakia still isn't dead. This is...surprising?
 

roverS3

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I still think the Germans can take Leningrad, all they need is some Slovakian optimism...
 

El Pip

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...yes but that's not how it-
Oh wait you explain this at the bottom. I'll put those notes away...
This is the attitude that makes you such fun at parties.

It's shit like this that makes paradox's weird 'facts' sound a little less strange when the world really did produce something like this.

So...what did he do?
Fought like a madman as he had zero regard for his own personal safety or that of his men, but still got the job done. He was wounded 11 times in a succession of ridiculous charges and desperate defences and managed to fight (while getting wounded) almost everywhere; Poland, France, Baltics, Ukraine, Bagration, '44 Ardennes offensive. A more sane nickname was Lion of Vilnius, which he got after saving a few thousand German troops from getting trapped inside Vilnius while fighting off two Soviet Guard Tank Armies.

He started the war a Lieutenant, ended it a Lieutenant-General (youngest in the German army) and was awarded the Knight's Cross of the Iron Cross with Oak Leaves, Swords and Diamonds, one of only 27 people to get it. If he had been fighting for the bad guys there would probably be a film about him.

They're OK until someone breaks one in a room with poor ventilation. After all what would be the chances of the sort of concussive impacts sufficient to break a bulb, in a poorly ventilated room, occurring in a bunker under constant attack?
I see you are familiar with National Socialist Lighting Policy. :)

Don't worry about that! The beryllium based phosphor used in that generation of lamps was a significantly greater industrial hazard so workers would die of respiratory problems long before you needed to worry about them dying of mercury poisoning...
I would wager nowhere else on these forums will you see this sort of discussion of lighting technology. Thank you for this valuable contribution in raising the tone around here.
DYAEiOu.gif


Plenty of Dying Hard, Harder and Hardest to come, one suspects.
I am pleased someone noticed, but sadly the Soviets have finally decided to actually defend Leningrad so there will be no more Lights in the North.

"A hit! A palpable hit! Engarde (or perhaps na stráži), capitalist swine."
If only Slovakia had invented the concepts of swords, as opposed to sticks, then this would make sense to them. ;)

Time to invite Tolsdorff to Bratislava. :ja:
He would get on incredibly well with von Killinger it is true.

I still think the Germans can take Leningrad, all they need is some Slovakian optimism...
Could even General "Open Seas" Turanec be that ambitious?

He probably could, couldn't he? :D
 

Surt

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I see the French have a cunning plan!
They will attack Bratislava from a side that doesn't have a river! maybe the French commander is a new Napoleon? or do they just have Rene to lead them?
 

TheButterflyComposer

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This is the attitude that makes you such fun at parties.

Naturally.

Fought like a madman as he had zero regard for his own personal safety or that of his men, but still got the job done.

Did he manage to keep morale up regardless or did his men view him as a general ripper?

I would wager nowhere else on these forums will you see this sort of discussion of lighting technology. Thank you for this valuable contribution in raising the tone around here.

Important though mundane is the lot of much technology. I don't think anyone would rank barbed wire, corrugated iron and florescent lighting as top inventions that utterly changed the world...but they did.