Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

... press continue ...

That is where we are heading.

Sic transit gloria mundi

Who amongst us thought those words would ever be said about Tiso and Tuka's Slovakia?

There once were two men from Brats-in-Lava
Whose nation when the way of the Quagga
To give in to the British
They must fight to the FINISH!
And thus there is only one valid outcome of critical socially realist thought: Continue the Fight!

Critically Socially Realistic Policy advice through the form of a-rhythmic limerick! How could T&T possibly ignore that?

Are there by any chance any forests in BB also, or is it JUST mountains?

In fairness there appears to be a moderate amount of forest near BB - lots of tree covered mountains.

In any case, do we want to risk dishonoring our brave forefathers, or do we just want to minimize the percentage of the country that falls to Stalinist tyranny?

(Remind me in Hoi3 do provinces automatically transfer between Allies and Commmies after WW2 ends or does each power keep what they grab?)

There are some peace events in HOI3, but they are fairly crude things and a bit random in how they actually work. They do assume something a lot like OTL so can misfire hilariously if things have diverted from history significantly.

On the first question, Tiso and Tuka still haven't forgiven the population for the Metal Donations debacle so are probably more concerned with their own fate and honour than what happens to the rest of the country.

F

F

Nothing could be that bad. Except maybe an exile for a few weeks in a besieged Berlin, when instead of a civilised war crimes trial by the British, you get to spend the last miserable weeks of the war closeted with the odious maniac who started it in the first place. Before being captured by the Soviets instead and then, well, you know.

Seems there is something worse than one of Jasensky’s pieces of wartime performance art! Gotta know when to fish or cut bait. If HOI3 Slovakia has the tech for scissors, I suggested cutting it. Surrender to the Brits, get completely drunk one last time in the Command Shed, then get ready for the pencil-lined snake pit.

I’m keen to see T&T’s exit plan. And the actual end of an El Pip AAR. It gives us hope that all things must finish in these troubled times*.

* I hasten to add that am not comparing this AAR to the current pandemic. We’re in big trouble if it lasts that long. T&T and the whole terrible crew of their “government”, though? Another matter. Looking forward to the next AAR, played as Andorra or whatever.

Good save at the end.

As has been long established the next AAR will be finally finishing King Haakon and the Fjords. After that... no idea. See where we all are after that Herring has been Smoked.

 

[Bullfilter]

Good save at the end.

Indeed - I was of course being in character re T&T in the almost-as-odious-as-Hitler et al stakes and the logic of their options at this point. Does this mean they will be GiE until both Germany and Japan are defeated? Could this last for even longer in game time (and thus real time) than the AAR has done so far?

As has been long established the next AAR will be finally finishing King Haakon and the Fjords. After that... no idea. See where we all are after that Herring has been Smoked.

I was going to mention that, but it’s someone else’s shtick.

 

[El Pip]

Indeed - I was of course being in character re T&T in the almost-as-odious-as-Hitler et al stakes and the logic of their options at this point. Does this mean they will be GiE until both Germany and Japan are defeated? Could this last for even longer in game time (and thus real time) than the AAR has done so far?

Slovakia was a German Puppet so even as a GiE it's fate is tied to that of Germany; when Berlin falls that is the final end for T&T regardless of what happens to Japan.

Which is probably a relief as the HOI3 AI really struggles with fighting Japan, we could be waiting a very long time for the Allied AI to finally take them out.

 

[Surt]

Slovakia was a German Puppet so even as a GiE it's fate is tied to that of Germany; when Berlin falls that is the final end for T&T regardless of what happens to Japan.

Which is probably a relief as the HOI3 AI really struggles with fighting Japan, we could be waiting a very long time for the Allied AI to finally take them out.

You could continue as Tojo?

 

[Andre Massena]

Slovakia was a German Puppet so even as a GiE it's fate is tied to that of Germany; when Berlin falls that is the final end for T&T regardless of what happens to Japan.

Which is probably a relief as the HOI3 AI really struggles with fighting Japan, we could be waiting a very long time for the Allied AI to finally take them out.

The US is struggling to figure out how to beat Ecuador so I think Japan will take until at least the 1950s.

 

[El Pip]

You could continue as Tojo?

The obvious concern is that Japan still has most of the IJN and has annexed all of China, in that sort of scenario and against the British/US AI, a win is very possible. And that would ruin one of the key themes of this AAR - having the player actually lose.

The US is struggling to figure out how to beat Ecuador so I think Japan will take until at least the 1950s.

1950s is a bit ambitious, but I agree entirely with the argument.

 

[Bullfilter]

And that would ruin one of the key themes of this AAR - having the player actually lose.

Which is why, in all seriousness, I thought you might call it when the much vaunted Race to Bratislava had been won. Didn’t think there was going to be repechage. Defeat achieved - mission accomplished! Harking Haakon.

 

[roverS3]

Slovakia is no more. Let us rejoice with a swig from a hipflask!

Unless, of course, Tiso and Tuka steal a top secret German rocket to go to the top secret Nazi moon base in order to plan Slovak galactic domination. (Stellaris AAR, maybe?)

 

[Bullfilter]

Slovakia is no more. Let us rejoice with a swig from a hipflask!

Unless, of course, Tiso and Tuka steal a top secret German rocket to go to the top secret Nazi moon base in order to plan Slovak galactic domination. (Stellaris AAR, maybe?)

Iron Sky: the Race Back to Bratislava?

 

[nuclearslurpee]

Iron Sky: the Race Back to Bratislava?

Evitable Victory: Slovakia '44

That's 2244, of course.

 

[El Pip]

Which is why, in all seriousness, I thought you might call it when the much vaunted Race to Bratislava had been won. Didn’t think there was going to be repechage. Defeat achieved - mission accomplished! Harking Haakon.

I played through to the end just to see what happened, and then I realised I absolutely had to go to the Fall of Berlin if only for my own amusement. I've had bits of the final update written for ages in anticipation.

Slovakia is no more. Let us rejoice with a swig from a hipflask!

Unless, of course, Tiso and Tuka steal a top secret German rocket to go to the top secret Nazi moon base in order to plan Slovak galactic domination. (Stellaris AAR, maybe?)

Has Slovakia truly fallen if there are still a few exiled heroes to fight for it? (Yes is the answer. Yes it has still fallen under those circumstances)

Iron Sky: the Race Back to Bratislava?

Evitable Victory: Slovakia '44

That's 2244, of course.

I feel Slovakia winning at anything would be utterly against the spirit of this AAR and everything that Tiso and Tuka stood for. Plus I've not got Stellaris.

 

[Bullfilter]

I played through to the end just to see what happened, and then I realised I absolutely had to go to the Fall of Berlin if only for my own amusement. I've had bits of the final update written for ages in anticipation.

Oh, excellent! I wonder what they will make of all the modern tech - and the impending regression about to forced on the Germans as they collapse. We'll find out, I guess.

 

[Wraith11B]

I only imagine that T&T in the Fuhrerbunker would be like the Yorkshiremen skit out of Monty Python.

 

[TheButterflyComposer]

I only imagine that T&T in the Fuhrerbunker would be like the Yorkshiremen skit out of Monty Python.

Not cigars that are smoking though...

 

[Bullfilter]

I only imagine that T&T in the Fuhrerbunker would be like the Yorkshiremen skit out of Monty Python.

“And try to tell the young dictators of today that, and they won’t believe you!”

 

[nuclearslurpee]

I feel Slovakia winning at anything would be utterly against the spirit of this AAR and everything that Tiso and Tuka stood for. Plus I've not got Stellaris.

I'm not certain how Slovakia finally returning to Brats-in-Lava (probably literal by 2244 in Stellaris, I would imagine...) can really be considered a victory, though. After all...congratulations folks, now you're back in Slovakia. Mud hut hotel on the right, pencil-lined snake pit on the left...

 

[El Pip]

Oh, excellent! I wonder what they will make of all the modern tech - and the impending regression about to forced on the Germans as they collapse. We'll find out, I guess.

Find out you shall.

I only imagine that T&T in the Fuhrerbunker would be like the Yorkshiremen skit out of Monty Python.

Not cigars that are smoking though...

“And try to tell the young dictators of today that, and they won’t believe you!”

"Bessemer converters? We dreamed of having a Bessemer converter. We had to make our own steel with our bare burning hands. I say steel, it were more crudely melted rock, but it were steel to us."

I'm not certain how Slovakia finally returning to Brats-in-Lava (probably literal by 2244 in Stellaris, I would imagine...) can really be considered a victory, though. After all...congratulations folks, now you're back in Slovakia. Mud hut hotel on the right, pencil-lined snake pit on the left...

On a generational scale it would see Slovakia reclaim what it once had. So perhaps not really a victory, but certainly a score draw. Which is not something T&T could even dream of right now.

And on that note, let us return to Bratislava for the last time!

 

[El Pip]

11th March 1945. Still. Again. - Slovakodammerung

Tiso, Tuka and the cream of the Slovak government are gathered considering their ultimatum from the British; Surrender or Fight on. For some reason they think they should take their time over the choice, or that they have a choice, or that the choice would matter. But if T&T thought about such things then they probably never would have ended up in this mess.

"I fear we have no choice but to surrender." Fritz said.

"What?!" Tuka yelled.

"Bratislava has been captured and the Command Shed surrounded. I cannot see how we can escape in order to continue the fight." Fritz continued.

"That is a valid point." Tiso said.

"We must fight our way out. Release Stefan, rally the Hlinka Guard and launch all our efforts at the weak point in the Allied lines, the gap between the British and French divisions. Overwhelm one of their reconnaissance units, steal their uniforms and vehicles and then drive through the night into Germany." Tuka gesticulated wildly at the map while explaining his scheme.

"Or we could use the teleporter." Pruzinsky suggested.

"We have a teleporter?!" Tiso asked in amazement.

"Of course. How did you think our shattered units keep reforming in Berlin?"

"I'll be honest I didn't think about it at all." Tiso confessed.

"I hope you now realise the perils of not keeping up with the latest monographs on modern scientific advancements." Przuinksy admonished.

"Then our choice is clear." Tiso said decisively. "Pruzinksy, prepare the teleporter. Fritz, compose a suitably offensive reply to the British, get Jesensky involved if necessary."

"Firing it up now." Pruzinksy replied.

As Pruzinsky picked up his shovel, the teleporter needing firing up with a generous charge of coal, and an ashen faced Fritz set about his terrible task, Tiso supervised the gathering of vital supplies for the evacuation.

Slovakia fights on! A statement that requires you to generously characterise what Slovakia has been doing thus far as 'fighting', which many would consider a step too far.​

---
Notes:
As expected T&T will not let a mere detail like the fall of Bratislava disrupt their war effort.

I just like the idea of Pruzinksy having developed a proper mad science teleporter and using it to beam shattered divisions about the place but never telling anyone about said teleporter. Because he assumed everyone knew, due to all the divisions being teleported about the place.

 

[GeneralUrist]

And he made that teleporter work on no-doubt-poor-quality coal too! Shame Slovakia is so outmatched even that much genius cannot win the war.

 

[Bullfilter]

Slovakodammerung

Nice.

the cream of the Slovak government

A very relative term, of course. Sour cream? Curdled? Clotted? Or perhaps ersatz cream?

"Or we could use the teleporter." Pruzinsky suggested.

Of course he did.

I just like the idea of Pruzinksy having developed a proper mad science teleporter

It’s a good thing they don’t have nukes as well. It would make a very useful delivery device! Teleporting a bunch of Hlinka Guard ‘commandos’ (ie unusually violent and despicable thugs) armed with sharpened pencils into Churchill’s office could be an option I suppose, though not quite so devastating to British morale.