Ch.4 – Saving the People
Before we're off, what does one need to crusade? Armour, weapon, helmet (finally I can wear that again!), right. But you're missing one very important part. Can you guess it?
If your answer is “hapless peasants”, then you're right! As my peasants are masochists, I'm sure I'll have around three hundred guys who will happily try to skewer Saracens with pitchforks and something resembling a spear in no time.
Or did you believe I'd take my guards with me? Ha! No, someone has to defend Strassburg. To that purpose, I've given instructions to my new witch Uta to a) not let bishop Zemislav get even close to my castle and b) keep preparing potions in plain view. Someone has to keep the peasants terrified if I'm not here, or they will start complaining.
My first volunteer isn't a peasant, though. I thought I knew a man who'd be perfect on crusade, and I'm right. Gottschalk! If you've forgotten all about him – I did, too. He's that kind of guy. A forgettable coward. As soon as I could give him the boot as Chancellor, the only times I saw him were when he's been staring at my torture chamber with a longing look.
That's why I remembered. And told him to come with me. I said “A crusade is like a buffet for you. All you can eat and more, far more!”
Gottschalk hasn't talked to me since. A few more knights to keep the rabble under control, and I'm off. We'll take a ship in Italy.
It's been an uneventful journey. But the arrival is a whole other matter. Just as we made landfall, my brave pitchfork-wielders and knights charge ahead. Leaving Gottschalk and me. I'm trying to get my stomach to deal with the fact that we're on land again – took me long enough to get used to the sea – and my cannibalistic knight tries his hardest to look busy doing anything but charging ahead.
The battle of Yaffa is over when I finally do arrive. To my surprise, the other lords congratulate me despite just being a latecomer and not even participating in the battle myself, my revolting stomach be thanked. Gottschalk ran off as soon as he heard the battle was over, probably to look for the tastiest parts, and another of my men comes to greet me.
Berthold von Aargau is bathed in blood. The other leaders of the crusade nod approvingly. They say that Berthold and his brutes wreaked immense havoc amongst the enemy, and the spirited charge of the Strassburgians carried the day. I think they may be selling themselves short to accommodate an old man, but it's nice being the centre of attention for once.
He's also wounded and killed six of the enemy's faris. All that while missing half the battle. Stay clear of Berthold, folks.
My chancellor Ferdinand died, though. Well, no big loss.
Jerusalem is a nice city. Actually, nice is the wrong word. Holy. That's better. Even better is that it's MY city. At least for now. Thanks to Berthold's prowess, they left me in charge of the siege.
I celebrate by taking my prisoners either to the walls or the torture chamber. One of my new acquaintances tried to dissuade me by telling me her secret. Well, Simin... for once, I don't understand a word you say. What makes you think a proud Swabian can speak with an Arab?
Secondly, what do I care about infidel secrets? It's not like I can turn it to money or any other advantage. And thirdly... oh yes, thirdly. That's the best reason.
It's not like we all speak the same language from Iceland to the Pagan kingdom.
We've marched around the Holy Land for another half year, before I decided to go home. It's too hot over there. That the Caliphal army had just caught up with us, separated from the rest of the crusaders because
someone lingered too long around the battlefield, that's just a coincidence.
It is also a coincidence that said someone isn't on the ship with me right now. Yes, I ordered him to hold the line with all the rabble to leave an opening for me to leave. And I couldn't care less about his fate. But I'm sure he's fine.
Ahhh, back home. That I'm just accompanied by my loyal knights and none of the peasants can't come as a surprise. And anyone with a mind to complain just needed to look at Berthold and quickly thought better of it. That way, the cart laden with gold travels safe, too. Crusading really is great for both soul and treasury.
My loot... I mean, the goods which I so graciously saved from heathen hands... goes straight into pastoral lands. That's good for everyone. Feeds the peasants, thus honouring the sacrifice of their brave fellow masochists. It also fills my coffers and provides even more dispensable rabble. Win-win, as everything I ever do.
Then again, not everything is like before I left. There's a king of Lotharingia again. An upstart peasant, who calls himself Benoît Mercadier now, rose up against Jarl Ragnarr, cut off his arm and beat him up so badly that he died from the ordeal.
Sounds like a nice man. Either way, most of Lothaire's former heartland is back under Christian control, though sadly not a Karling's. But could anyone truly blame the peasant for not wanting Lothaire back on the throne? Nobody can. I'm sure he'll do a better job.
Speaking of which, the lords who rose up against Lothaire in the north didn't do much better alone. One viking after the other lands on their shores. I... am quite happy that I live so far inland that even the Norsemen don't venture on the Rhine here.
Talk of my wealth, both newly found and old, spreads rapidly. And so three people searching for a patron soon stood at my doorstep. I point at Uta, doing her usual ritual to scare the peasants. Then at Zemislav in the distance, doing... something...
I don't even want to know... in front of the church. I don't even want to know. They understand quickly. I don't need anyone else.
A few weeks later, I'm in Paris. Kriemhild has discovered that I made the perfect choice swearing fealty to Charles, and I'm here to talk about that. Turns out we've got the same ideas concerning how to deal with annoying priests.
Don't look so shocked! You helped me off a bishop, too!
Returning from the capital, I'm happy to say that Charles is a man you can really talk to. Between the curses and lamentations, I think he's happy to have such a capable vassal. Internal happiness. I can sense it. Sure, he didn't want to lower my taxes. But that's life, isn't it? Doesn't always give you what you want.
After my return, more good news arrived. Benedictus sent me... another cart laden with gold. The crusade was victorious! King Frotlaic At-Tafila reigns in Jerusalem now.
I don't have a clue where they found that guy. Could at least have given him a European noble title first. And His Most Grateful Holiness thanked me for my great contribution.
Which can be summed up as arriving late for the great battle of Yaffa, leading the siege of Jerusalem and losing my peasants and cannibal in Tiberias.
Which is more than can be said of other people, at least.
In the same vein as before, the crusade's gold comes to benefit the people.
Those descriptions are just what I've been thinking.
I believe I have done the best I could to strengthen Strassburg. Laid the foundations of what would become a great city. Yes, you know what's coming. I'm an old man. What did you expect? That I'd whip Charles and the other Karlings into... hmmm... ruling submission?... by myself? I know that it will take a while. I wouldn't put much faith in Hupold achieving it, either.
But he'll continue my agenda. His descendants will, too. And then, my great plan will come to fruition.
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And so, Eberhard's rule comes to an end. Has he laid the foundation for something great? We'll see with Hupold. And as I haven't continued more than a few months after his unfortunate demise, Hupold will be able to benefit from 1.1. Which is probably mostly important for Frotlaic, who may not turn Muslim.