Inevitable Defeat - Slovakia '44

[El Pip]

5th December 1944

Having taken the afternoon off to celebrate the Japanese annexation of Communist China (Slovakia was not overly blessed with reasons to celebrate anything, so the cabinet took any excuse it could) Tiso and Tuka had returned to the Cabinet Shack in order to complete the meeting.

"Any other international news?" Tiso started where they had left off.

"The Sofia Pocket has collapsed." General Kubela announced.

"I told you that those cheap trousers weren't worth it." Tiso replied.

"Not the clothing sort of pocket, the military one." General Malar gestured at the map.

Not shown the large number of German, Bulgarian and Hungarian divisions that were once in the pocket and are now being marched to Sibera. Though as they all enjoyed dressing up in each others uniforms I couldn't tell you how many of each were lost.​

"Ahh that does make more sense." Tiso nodded.

"Though those cheap trousers are still a bad idea." Tuka added.

"I quite liked those trousers." Kubela sulked.

"There are much more serious consequences than just Kubela's terrible sartorial choices." Vice-Acting-Junior Foreign Minister Durcansky joined the conversation.

"Serious? There are terrible consequences!" Baron von Killinger exclaimed.

von Kllinger put on a hat, then looked solemn while slowly taking the hat off again.

"After the fall of Sofia there are now no more chances for brave Bulgarians to die a gloriously pointless death for the Fuhrer." He barely held back the tears while speaking.

Tiso translated from insane Nazi into basic Slovakian.

"So Bulgaria has surrendered?" Tiso asked.

The Bulgarians couldn't even be bothered to form a government in exile, very much the exact opposite of a Triumph of Will. But when the country is lead by a political party (Zveno) who's main aim is to get annexed by another country you shouldn't expect much.​

"Basically, yes." Malar confirmed.


Meanwhile, in Paris, the Allied High Command are reviewing the progress of the war.

"The Soviet military attaché has confirmed that the First Allied Airborne Army has successfully defended Leningrad, the city is safe." Bradley reported.

"So Operational Boreal Allotment was a complete success." Montgomery beamed.

"Monty we know you didn't intend this, so you have no right to be smug." Eisenhower corrected the British general.

"He is unbearable when he's smug." Tedder confirmed.

"I'm not being smug." Monty defended himself. "After Operation Taverna Greenhouse succeeds, then I will be unbearably smug."

"There does appear to be a pattern to your operational code names." Alanbrooke observed.

"They are all random, must just be a coincidence." Monty shifted unconvincingly.

"Does this new operation of yours involve sending the Chindits to the Bahamas under the control of Fiji HQ?" Alanbrooke continued.

It's a good thing Britain has an excess of specialist mountain trained troops and isn't fighting in exceptionally challenging terrain like the Austrian Alps, because otherwise this would be a terrible idea. Oh. Oh dear.​

"Ahh I see you've discovered deception plan A." Monty replied.

Eisenhower put his head in his hands and fought the urge to sob.


Meanwhile, back in Bratislava, Tiso was letting his subordinates argue about whether Kubela's poor trouser choice had caused the Bulgarians to surrender. His snoozing was interrupted and he suddenly looked to the West.

"Did you feel that?" He asked Tuka.

"Feel what?"

"A disturbance in the Force. A soul crying out for a hipflask but not having one to hand." Tiso explained. In a gesture of fellow feeling he raised his own hipfask in a toast.

---
Notes:
Another Axis Minor bites the dust as Bulgaria pays the price for Paradox not being bothered to put any effort into their country. The Zveno group/party were not running Bulgaria at the time (sort of, it's complicated) but Paradox thinks they were. Zveno were, amongst other things, Pan-Yugoslavians who though there should be a single massive Yugoslav state encompassing anyone vaguely Southern Slavic, the dream state would stretch from the Austrian Alps to Bulgaria's Black Sea coast down to most of North Greece.

For those who have forgotten the Chindits were jungle trained special forces that operated in Burma. They were actually assigned to the correct location and correct command in the scenario. Then the HOI3 AI happened.

General Gracey seems an excellent general as well, Field Marshall Slim rated him and that's good enough for me.

 

[Bullfilter]

A disturbance in the Force? Must have been something involving the Dark Side! So, things are actually happening. Though I must say your recently frenetic update rate is distorting the slower-than-real-time-space continuum! Such haste is unseemly.

 

[Wraith11B]

There once was a nation called Bulgaria,
Whose leaders joined the Axis area,
Charging into Russia in winter,
They faltered and surrendered...
Hence their reality becomes constrained by those who would not adhere to social realist thought.

 

[Andre Massena]

There you go, Slovakia was objectively more impressive* than Romania and Bulgaria in this timeline.

Also, I approve of Monty's decision. The troops deserve to have a break in the Bahamas.

*ignore actual performance

 

[sebas379]

First Allied Airborne Army? Thats a terrifying thought. Not only have the Allies in this timeline produced enough airborne divisions in a single order of battle to require the forming of an army command, they found the neccesity to number it, indicating that there may be more than one. Their parachutes will truly darken the skies. Probably over some insignificant pacific island or the skies of northern Norway, but still.

 

[iain_a_wilson]

I can't match your crazy update pace but this should be somewhat faster than Butterfly Effect at producing new chapters. But then continental drift is faster than Butterfly so that's not committing to much.

Hey, I'm happy for updates as and when they become available. Anything that makes me laugh is greatly appreciated!

 

[Davout]

Trousers without pockets can be quite chic actually. Obviously that time in Paris was well spent. #iamwithCoco

 

[El Pip]

A disturbance in the Force? Must have been something involving the Dark Side! So, things are actually happening. Though I must say your recently frenetic update rate is distorting the slower-than-real-time-space continuum! Such haste is unseemly.

Tiso is more attuned to the Drink Side if we are honest. Luckily I have plenty of slower-than-real time in the bank on this one, we are coming up on the 7th Anniversary of this AAR and we've got through a bit less than 6 months of game time. I can afford these occasional speedy bursts.

There once was a nation called Bulgaria,
Whose leaders joined the Axis area,
Charging into Russia in winter,
They faltered and surrendered...
Hence their reality becomes constrained by those who would not adhere to social realist thought.

Jesensky would be proud. I've realised you are long overdue some official recognition for this, so a Steel Hip-Flask (1st Class) for Services to Critically Socialy Realistic Slovak Poetry is yours.

Steel because it is the most socialist metal (featuring heavily in many 5 year plans), the most realistic metal (due to it's many industrial and constructive uses), the most poetic metal (because it rhymes with many words) and the most Slovak metal (because it's the only resource they probably won't run out of).

There you go, Slovakia was objectively more impressive* than Romania and Bulgaria in this timeline.

Also, I approve of Monty's decision. The troops deserve to have a break in the Bahamas.

*ignore actual performance

Just to be compared to Romania and Bulgaria is a real achievement for Slovakia, they are punching above their weight just to be mentioned in the same breath. Really their true rivals are their fellow Axis Puppet states, Manchukuo.

First Allied Airborne Army? Thats a terrifying thought. Not only have the Allies in this timeline produced enough airborne divisions in a single order of battle to require the forming of an army command, they found the neccesity to number it, indicating that there may be more than one. Their parachutes will truly darken the skies. Probably over some insignificant pacific island or the skies of northern Norway, but still.

I see you are familiar with Allied Paratrooper strategy.

Hey, I'm happy for updates as and when they become available. Anything that makes me laugh is greatly appreciated!

Delighted to make readers laugh and that you have such a wise and correct attitude to update speed.

Trousers without pockets can be quite chic actually. Obviously that time in Paris was well spent. #iamwithCoco

Does it still count as Chic if the pockets just fell off the trousers by accident? I suppose you could try and style it out and pretend it was deliberate, but if Kubela tried to style anything out I think that just ends in him flailing around in a collapsed heap.

 

[Bullfilter]

Does it still count as Chic if the pockets just fell off the trousers by accident? I suppose you could try and style it out and pretend it was deliberate, but if Kubela tried to style anything out I think that just ends in him flailing around in a collapsed heap.

Calling that chic sounds more like the invention of stressed jeans (or trousers anyway) early. Which would be very un-Slovakian! Perhaps if it was just referred to as shoddy but accidentally fashionable clothing, that would be ok. Leave the stress to T&T - the professionals.

 

[El Pip]

6th December 1944

We return not to Bratislava but to Rome, where the Allied High Command have relocated in order to be closer to the action for Operation Taverna Greenhouse. They absolutely did not move to avoid Patton, it is only due to a tragic miscommunication failure that Patton is still stuck wandering around Paris, wondering were everyone has gone.

"Gentlemen, we have had to accelerate Operation Taverna Greenhouse." Montgomery announced to the group

Tedder passed around the latest news from Greece.

If the Soviets do annex Greece and impose a Five Year Plan on the country then that would, technically, be an economic boost of sorts. We have no idea why the Soviets decided to invade Crete while bypassing the Greek mainland, Stalin had the general responsible purged so hard even his friend's pets ended up in the Gulag.​

"Is the deception plan in place?" Alanbrooke asked.

"The proper one, not the Chindits in the Bahamas madness." Eisenhower hastily clarified.

"Yes and we believe the Germans have swallowed it hook, line and sinker." Monty smirked.

East Prussia, Germany
Sometime previously. German Generals Jodl and Keitel are navigating the badly lit heart of the Wolf's Lair to bring a message to their Führer.

"I understand the Führer thinks that fluorescent tubes are a decadent excess of non-Aryan science, but surely we could at least get some flaming torches up." Keitel argued.

"The ventilation required to extract the smoke would mean the bunker would no longer be proof against gas attack." Jodl countered.

Their spirited debate about National Socialist lighting policy would have to wait, as they had arrived at the main briefing room and were ushered in.

"Keitel, Jodl! You have the latest intelligence briefings?" Hitler asked.

Keitel passed over the report.

The 44th Indian Airborne Division, having been sent to Persia as an expeditionary force has finally arrived in the Black Sea port of Odessa. You can say this for Monty's deception plans, they are elaborate.​

Hitler looked deeply baffled.

"Intelligence believes this operation is intended to make us think the Allies will intervene on the Eastern Front, so stripping forces from Greece so they can invade." Keitel explained.

"But why are they all wearing Persian uniforms? And why are they in Odessa which is miles behind the front?" Hitler asked.

"The OKW General Staff have a different interpretation." Jodl said. "They believe this is an elaborate bluff to make us think the Allies are stupid and so under-estimate them before they invade Greece".

"Yes, that makes perfect sense!" Hitler jumped to his feet." That is precisely the kind of trick they would attempt."

"So we will put Army Group E on alert and send reinforcements to Greece?" Keitel asked.

"No!" Hitler shouted. "That's just what they would expect us to do! We must do something ever more stupidly idiotic to counter-fool them!"

Jodl and Keitel exchanged a concerned glance.

"Get me Himmler, I need the services of the Ahnenerbe!" Hitler shouted.


Allied HQ, Rome

"How do you know the Germans have fallen for it?" Bradly asked suspiciously.

Tedder gestured at the latest reconnaissance photos from the RAF.

"Look, they've deployed their heavy tanks and maritime bomber to the Dodecanese under the command of a long dead Luftwaffe Zombie general."

As a reminder, Ernest Udet died in 1941. He should be 6ft under not 6,000ft up.​

"They are too busy trying to out stupid idea us that they have entirely neglected to defend Greece." Alanbrooke pointed out.

Bradly tried to share a concerned glance with Eisenhower, but Ike was too busy drinking from his canteen bottle. From the relief on his face it was clearly not water he was downing.


7th December
British high command is looking at the first reports from Greece before sharing them with their Allies.

That's gone suspiciously well. Monty has attacked just-the-right number of ports.​

"You do realise Monty is going to be unbearable after this don't you?" Tedder finally commented.

"Such are the horrors of war." Alanbrooked sighed.

---
Notes:
The Ahnenerbe were the SS' pseudo-science and racism research department, much famed in fiction as the source of all Nazi zombies. They are the natural people to call on if you wish to put a long dead general into command, though Paradox manage such things effortlessly.

The British AI did manage a very impressive invasion of Greece that I mostly missed until it was long under way. They are taking Churchill's "soft underbelly" theory and making it work for them, certainly doing a better job than they are on the Western Front.

Not to feel left out the Soviet AI decided to really go for Crete, while leaving the defence of Leningrad to some Allied paras. On which note the 44th Indian Airborne Division did sort of exist, but at this point it was mostly a paper unit and the 50th Indian Para Brigade was fighting as foot infantry in Burma. No, I've idea what why it ended up as a Persian Expeditionary force being sent to the Soviets either.

 

[iain_a_wilson]

"I understand the Führer thinks that fluorescent tubes are a decadent excess of non-Aryan science, but surely we could at least get some flaming torches up." Keitel argued.

As a reminder, Ernest Udet died in 1941. He should be 6ft under not 6,000ft up.

These were my two favourite moments - brilliant writing

And I'm glad to see that the HOI AI provides as much opportunity for comedy writing as the CK one!

 

[sebas379]

Allied intel needs new spies. Preferably one with enough knowledge to recognize the difference between an armoured car and a heavy tank. They's not living in Slovakia for pity's sake.

 

[Surt]

At this point in time the British should be able to hold Greece, all Germans wandering down there will be encircled by the Soviets attacking through Yugoslavia.

 

[Bullfilter]

It sounds like the Allies are taking advice from Maxwell Smart and Baldric, while the Germans ... no need to invent any ridiculous figure to provide advice to them. That fish rotted from the head down. Also it seems Ike is taking the T&T approach to wartime stress management!

 

[Wraith11B]

Also it seems Ike is taking the T&T approach to wartime stress management!

I would say something like "Great minds" and all that, but let's be quite honest: alcohol and stress management have gone together in European and American history for centuries...

 

[Rifal]

The Ahnenerbe were the SS' pseudo-science and racism research department, much famed in fiction as the source of all Nazi zombies. They are the natural people to call on if you wish to put a long dead general into command, though Paradox manage such things effortlessly.

Of course, most pople think german scientists were snatched up by the allies and reds following the war. But the Ahnenerbe evacuated in secret to Sweden where they set up disguised as a video game company.

 

[Murmurandus]

I finally read it ALL. It almost took as long for me to read it than for you to write it...

But excellent story so far. I hope it'll take another 7 years to finish it. You might outpace GRRM though, watch out.

 

[El Pip]

These were my two favourite moments - brilliant writing

And I'm glad to see that the HOI AI provides as much opportunity for comedy writing as the CK one!

I am delighted someone noticed those bits, because I was pretty damned pleased with them myself.

Allied intel needs new spies. Preferably one with enough knowledge to recognize the difference between an armoured car and a heavy tank. They's not living in Slovakia for pity's sake.

Tragically true. This is what happens when I post at crazy speeds, details are missed. I must slow back down again to avoid such a mistake ever happening again.

At this point in time the British should be able to hold Greece, all Germans wandering down there will be encircled by the Soviets attacking through Yugoslavia.

Your faith in the HOI3 AI not to make a mess of everything is touching, but perhaps not completely misplaced.

It sounds like the Allies are taking advice from Maxwell Smart and Baldric, while the Germans ... no need to invent any ridiculous figure to provide advice to them. That fish rotted from the head down. Also it seems Ike is taking the T&T approach to wartime stress management!

Unlike Smart and Baldrick, the Allied cunning plans are thus far mostly working. Their biggest problem is the Western Front, where there had been a distinct lack of cunning plans and a lack of progress. Monty will tell you those facts are connected. Ike, as you have noticed, has been forced to seek liquid comfort to deal with this.

I would say something like "Great minds" and all that, but let's be quite honest: alcohol and stress management have gone together in European and American history for centuries...

More than centuries. And don't overlook the vital part alcohol has made in planning - In Vino Veritas and all that.

Of course, most pople think german scientists were snatched up by the allies and reds following the war. But the Ahnenerbe evacuated in secret to Sweden where they set up disguised as a video game company.

A wise insight, should definitely be investigated and turned into a 8 part documentary on the Hitler History Channel.

I finally read it ALL. It almost took as long for me to read it than for you to write it...

But excellent story so far. I hope it'll take another 7 years to finish it. You might outpace GRRM though, watch out.

I am delighted you think the time spent reading was worth the effort, though I do sincerely hope it won't take 7 years to finish this. OTL Bratislava was 'liberated' by the Soviets April 1945, that's barely 4 months of game time. At current rate of slower-than-real-time this story will reach that date by... mid-2024. Maybe sooner.

 

[Athalcor]

A wise insight, should definitely be investigated and turned into a 8 part documentary on the Hitler History Channel.

The History Channel has evolved well past its Hitler phase . Now, if these were Nazis on the Moon or in the Hollow Earth, then we are talking.

 

[Henry IX]

The History Channel has evolved well past its Hitler phase . Now, if these were Nazis on the Moon or in the Hollow Earth, then we are talking.

I think you meant devolved...

Although undead Nazis seems fairly much in their vein...