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*pop* *glug glug*And maybe blame the Czechs *spit*
Dammit, Bullfilter, you stole my joke.
That would explain a great deal.
In a less doomed-to-failure story it would turn out the Ark of the Covenant is hidden in Bratislava and that is why the world's religions are searching for. Sadly the T&T there are no Arks in Slovakia, they've barely mastered the box.
That is the default plan when faced with any problem, no matter how serious (or minor).*pop* *glug glug*
Inevitably.
The co-ordination required to do multiple things at once is probably beyond T&T, particularly after the hip-flask.
Dammit, Bullfilter, you stole my joke.
It is the Australian way.Tee hee
And the English way to convict someone for stealing a humble joke when they are innocent, then transport them to the colonies for it. Only to find their colonial subjects have surpassed them. Well, when not going through cricket doldrums or sacking Prime Ministers.
And the English way to convict someone for stealing a humble joke when they are innocent, then transport them to the colonies for it. Only to find their colonial subjects have surpassed them. Well, when not going through cricket doldrums or sacking Prime Ministers.
Maybe in a century or two. Mind you, by then humanity will either be extinct or immortal superbeings more machine than man so individual countries are going to be quite quaint ideas regardless.
Already happened about 20 years ago, you just didn’t notice.
Already happened about 20 years ago, you just didn’t notice.
Some of us weren't born yet
29th November 1944
29th November 1944
Tiso and Tuka are attending an urgent meeting in the Slovak Command Shed, from bitter experience they already know what to expect, but feel compelled to go through with it anyway. That didn't mean they had to drag it out though. Tiso decided to cut things short and get right to the point.
"One of our divisions was attacked wasn't it?" He asked his generals.
"Yes, the (2nd) Slovak Division reached Nemours and was attacked." Kubela confirmed, handing over the message.
Attentive readers may recognise our old friends of the 264. Infantry Division, now commanded by General Großmann after their previous commander was sacked for the failed Festung Paris trick. The Guards Armoured Division remains hard as nails and is now fighting on the plains not a city.
Tuka looked at the message and sighed.
"And then they were defeated?"
"Worried about the 264. division's habit of running away, General Jurech did decided to pre-emptively establish a new defensive line in Romilly." Kubela confirmed.
The 2nd Division is looking a bit battered so you can't be too harsh. Of note is that 6th Panzer has beaten back the Mexican Expeditionary Force outside Paris, which is just an interesting thing to contemplate really.
"And that was the vital urgent news?" Tiso asked.
"Of course not. The important news is from the Eastern Front." Von Killinger declared.
East Prussia, Germany
Meanwhile, in the badly lit heart of the Wolf's Lair, German Generals Jodl and Keitel are bringing an important message to the Führer. The proper one, with Umlauts in his name and everything.
"I can't stand this mood lighting, I can barely see a thing." Keitel complained.
"The balance between creating the correct sinister atmosphere and well lit Germanic efficiency is perhaps not optimal." Jodl grudgingly conceded.
Further discussion on National Socialist lighting policies was interrupted when they called into the main briefing room.
"Jodl, Keitel! You have seen the excellent news from the East, Operation Nordlicht II - Die Fortsetzung is going as I had predicted. The last Soviet division between us and Leningrad has been routed!" The Fuhrer excitedly gestured at the map table.
The generals exchange a glance, Jodl nodded to indicate it was Keitel's turn. Keitel resignedly sighed.
"Not quite my Fuhrer." He pulled out the message and began to read.
Moscow, Soviet Union
A similar scene was playing out inMoscow. Marshal Kuznetsov, commander of STAVKA (the Soviet High Command), is waiting out side Stalin's private suite. Suddenly the doors are flung open and a couple of NKVD officers start dragging a corpse out, the commander gesturing for Kuznetsov to enter.
"Ahh, my dear Marshall." Stalin called, starting to refill his pipe "I was just discussing the progress of the Northern Front with it's late commander." He gestured at the departing corpse.
"There have been several treacherous and counter-revolutionary acts committed by the commanders of that Front." Kuznetsov had no problem blaming a dead man to save his own skin.
"The regular divisions of the Leningrad Front have been routed, have you called up the Leningrad People's Militia Army to hold the city?" Stalin continued to fill his pipe.
"They were called up but were defeated and driven back. I blame a lack of discipline and a failure of the Fronts' commissars." Kuznetsov
Stalin looked up in surprise. "So there is now nothing defending the cradle of the revolution?"
"Not quite. There is one force left." Kuznetsov gulped and called to the doorman. In response to the summons a British Officer walked into the meeting room.
"I see you fellows are on a bit of a sticky wicket up in St Petersburg, could be considered bally awkward if the Bosch were to take it. Well worry no more, myself and the chaps have got it all in hand. Operation Boreal Allotment is going great guns, a top hole idea from old Monty. Toodle-oo". The Brit gave them a reassuring smile and left to return to the front.
Montgomery's Operation Boreal Allotment in all it's baffling glory. A strategic something (cock-up, master-stroke, both?) from the AI.
"In the name of Lenin's Beard! Who the hell was that?" Stalin dropped his pipe in shock.
"That was Lieutenant-General Sir Frederick Arthur Montague Browning." Beira, the NKVD head explained. "He is the Eton educated former Grenadier Guard commanding the British 1st Airborne Corps. The British General Montgomery seconded it to our command and delivered them into Leningrad."
Stalin swears copiously at the news. Through the profanity it is apparent he is less than pleased that the hero city of Lenin will be defended by such capitalist aristocratic British pig-dogs.
"It is not ideal, but STAVKA believed it was better to defend the city with something than let it fall." Kuznetsov forced himself not to run, it wouldn't help. It would just mean he got shot in the back not the face.
"We had the Germans on the rocks, pushing them back across Southern Europe. How have they done so well?" Stalin asks.
"The Germans have focused all their efforts on the northern front, it was that which allowed our rapid advance in the south." Kuznetsov replied.
"It also perhaps worth noting that the forces outside Leningrad are not, in fact, actually German." Beira smiled greasily.s
East Prussia, Germany
"The staff of Army Group North regret to inform you that additional, unexpected, opposition has been encountered in Leningrad. The commanders of Operation Nordlict II do not believe further progress will be possible without significant reinforcements, which we do no have available." Keitel read.
11th SS Volunteer Panzergrenadier Division Nordland at the gates of Leningrad but failing to get any further. A motley collection of Danes, Norwegians, Hungarians and anything else the Reich had lying about, it was probably the least German of all the German divisions. Also of note, Mongolian militia advancing on the Finnish Front.
"Well that is disappointing." Hitler put down his glasses. "You two go along for lunch I will follow shortly."
Jodl and Keitel leave, sharing a concerned glance. The Fuhrer is not himself.
As they walk towards the canteen the calm is broken by demented screaming emerging from the briefing room. The Generals pause, relax and continue walking to lunch.
---
Notes:
A bit longer than usual, but I felt this little tale had to be done in one update. The events were all the AI's own work of course, but I'll admit I'm quite pleased with this one.
General Kuznetsov (not to be confused with Admiral Kuznetsov of terrible aircraft carrier fame) never commanded STAVKA, or even reached the rank of Marshal, but he is here so I've decided Stalin's still a bit purge happy as that explains both the rapid promotions and the many divisions without commanders.
Another slightly baffling choice, the Soviet AI thinks STAVKA needs more Marines.
General Browning probably didn't speak like a character from a P G Wodehouse novel, but he did go to Eton and Sandhurst so maybe he did. After a busy and heroic WW1 he competed in the Olympic bobsleigh, his team finishing 10th out of 23 and beating proper Alpine countries to do so. OTL he thought Market Garden was too ambitious and told Monty "I think we might be going a bridge too far", TTL he avoids that and instead becomes the grudging hero of the Soviet Union for saving Leningrad.
Tiso and Tuka are attending an urgent meeting in the Slovak Command Shed, from bitter experience they already know what to expect, but feel compelled to go through with it anyway. That didn't mean they had to drag it out though. Tiso decided to cut things short and get right to the point.
"One of our divisions was attacked wasn't it?" He asked his generals.
"Yes, the (2nd) Slovak Division reached Nemours and was attacked." Kubela confirmed, handing over the message.
Attentive readers may recognise our old friends of the 264. Infantry Division, now commanded by General Großmann after their previous commander was sacked for the failed Festung Paris trick. The Guards Armoured Division remains hard as nails and is now fighting on the plains not a city.
Tuka looked at the message and sighed.
"And then they were defeated?"
"Worried about the 264. division's habit of running away, General Jurech did decided to pre-emptively establish a new defensive line in Romilly." Kubela confirmed.
The 2nd Division is looking a bit battered so you can't be too harsh. Of note is that 6th Panzer has beaten back the Mexican Expeditionary Force outside Paris, which is just an interesting thing to contemplate really.
"And that was the vital urgent news?" Tiso asked.
"Of course not. The important news is from the Eastern Front." Von Killinger declared.
East Prussia, Germany
Meanwhile, in the badly lit heart of the Wolf's Lair, German Generals Jodl and Keitel are bringing an important message to the Führer. The proper one, with Umlauts in his name and everything.
"I can't stand this mood lighting, I can barely see a thing." Keitel complained.
"The balance between creating the correct sinister atmosphere and well lit Germanic efficiency is perhaps not optimal." Jodl grudgingly conceded.
Further discussion on National Socialist lighting policies was interrupted when they called into the main briefing room.
"Jodl, Keitel! You have seen the excellent news from the East, Operation Nordlicht II - Die Fortsetzung is going as I had predicted. The last Soviet division between us and Leningrad has been routed!" The Fuhrer excitedly gestured at the map table.
The generals exchange a glance, Jodl nodded to indicate it was Keitel's turn. Keitel resignedly sighed.
"Not quite my Fuhrer." He pulled out the message and began to read.
Moscow, Soviet Union
A similar scene was playing out inMoscow. Marshal Kuznetsov, commander of STAVKA (the Soviet High Command), is waiting out side Stalin's private suite. Suddenly the doors are flung open and a couple of NKVD officers start dragging a corpse out, the commander gesturing for Kuznetsov to enter.
"Ahh, my dear Marshall." Stalin called, starting to refill his pipe "I was just discussing the progress of the Northern Front with it's late commander." He gestured at the departing corpse.
"There have been several treacherous and counter-revolutionary acts committed by the commanders of that Front." Kuznetsov had no problem blaming a dead man to save his own skin.
"The regular divisions of the Leningrad Front have been routed, have you called up the Leningrad People's Militia Army to hold the city?" Stalin continued to fill his pipe.
"They were called up but were defeated and driven back. I blame a lack of discipline and a failure of the Fronts' commissars." Kuznetsov
Stalin looked up in surprise. "So there is now nothing defending the cradle of the revolution?"
"Not quite. There is one force left." Kuznetsov gulped and called to the doorman. In response to the summons a British Officer walked into the meeting room.
"I see you fellows are on a bit of a sticky wicket up in St Petersburg, could be considered bally awkward if the Bosch were to take it. Well worry no more, myself and the chaps have got it all in hand. Operation Boreal Allotment is going great guns, a top hole idea from old Monty. Toodle-oo". The Brit gave them a reassuring smile and left to return to the front.
Montgomery's Operation Boreal Allotment in all it's baffling glory. A strategic something (cock-up, master-stroke, both?) from the AI.
"In the name of Lenin's Beard! Who the hell was that?" Stalin dropped his pipe in shock.
"That was Lieutenant-General Sir Frederick Arthur Montague Browning." Beira, the NKVD head explained. "He is the Eton educated former Grenadier Guard commanding the British 1st Airborne Corps. The British General Montgomery seconded it to our command and delivered them into Leningrad."
Stalin swears copiously at the news. Through the profanity it is apparent he is less than pleased that the hero city of Lenin will be defended by such capitalist aristocratic British pig-dogs.
"It is not ideal, but STAVKA believed it was better to defend the city with something than let it fall." Kuznetsov forced himself not to run, it wouldn't help. It would just mean he got shot in the back not the face.
"We had the Germans on the rocks, pushing them back across Southern Europe. How have they done so well?" Stalin asks.
"The Germans have focused all their efforts on the northern front, it was that which allowed our rapid advance in the south." Kuznetsov replied.
"It also perhaps worth noting that the forces outside Leningrad are not, in fact, actually German." Beira smiled greasily.s
East Prussia, Germany
"The staff of Army Group North regret to inform you that additional, unexpected, opposition has been encountered in Leningrad. The commanders of Operation Nordlict II do not believe further progress will be possible without significant reinforcements, which we do no have available." Keitel read.
11th SS Volunteer Panzergrenadier Division Nordland at the gates of Leningrad but failing to get any further. A motley collection of Danes, Norwegians, Hungarians and anything else the Reich had lying about, it was probably the least German of all the German divisions. Also of note, Mongolian militia advancing on the Finnish Front.
"Well that is disappointing." Hitler put down his glasses. "You two go along for lunch I will follow shortly."
Jodl and Keitel leave, sharing a concerned glance. The Fuhrer is not himself.
As they walk towards the canteen the calm is broken by demented screaming emerging from the briefing room. The Generals pause, relax and continue walking to lunch.
---
Notes:
A bit longer than usual, but I felt this little tale had to be done in one update. The events were all the AI's own work of course, but I'll admit I'm quite pleased with this one.
General Kuznetsov (not to be confused with Admiral Kuznetsov of terrible aircraft carrier fame) never commanded STAVKA, or even reached the rank of Marshal, but he is here so I've decided Stalin's still a bit purge happy as that explains both the rapid promotions and the many divisions without commanders.
Another slightly baffling choice, the Soviet AI thinks STAVKA needs more Marines.
General Browning probably didn't speak like a character from a P G Wodehouse novel, but he did go to Eton and Sandhurst so maybe he did. After a busy and heroic WW1 he competed in the Olympic bobsleigh, his team finishing 10th out of 23 and beating proper Alpine countries to do so. OTL he thought Market Garden was too ambitious and told Monty "I think we might be going a bridge too far", TTL he avoids that and instead becomes the grudging hero of the Soviet Union for saving Leningrad.
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Excellent news for the soviets. Once the requested marines arrive they will slam into pommmerania and outflank the entire heeresgruppe nord. But i have no doubt the mighty slovak army will stop the ukranian front dead in its tracks soon
Oh, that situation was indeed a great gift. Liked the touch with the Fuhrer. The brief moment of worrying and disconcerting calm before the Downfall outburst, then the relief of the German generals was an amusing touch. Top hole, even! Pip-Pip (so to speak )
)
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The Russian surname Kuznetsov is the equivalent of the English Smith so there are many Kuznetsovs running around the Eastern Front.
Also “pig dogs” was the traditional insult of the Chinese Communist Party. The Russian Communists preferred Capitalist lackeys. It is important to maintain doctrinal purity in your insults.
Finally, the paras appear to have slightly overshot the LZ. Are those brigades being commanded by Capts Philby, Maclean & Burgess, maybe?
Also “pig dogs” was the traditional insult of the Chinese Communist Party. The Russian Communists preferred Capitalist lackeys. It is important to maintain doctrinal purity in your insults.
Finally, the paras appear to have slightly overshot the LZ. Are those brigades being commanded by Capts Philby, Maclean & Burgess, maybe?
