CHAPTER XVII: PALATINATE
Part 2: The Emperor's New Wars
(1680-1685)
The Rebel Pact
When last we left our antiheroes, we had just destroyed the main Austrian army and lay siege to their capital at Wien. The coalition (better known as NEATO) conquered most of the Austrian heartland leaving only parts of the north in their hands.
Our army consists of 5,200 in 19 regiments, with 16K Mainzers for company, is led by Hermann Ludwig Ansembourg (3/5/2/3), better known as 'Darth.'
I'd like to buy five regiments to bring us up to full land force limit, but we simply don't have the manpower. We do throw Admin points at our war exhaustion to bring it back down to 5 however. By now Spain and Netherlands are both sending token subsidies to back our war effort, which means we have more than enough to pay off the five loans taken earlier to prepare for this war.
In April Ulm sieges Ostmarch, while Lithuanians wind up in Steiermark to completely blanket the south. The Austrians managed to gather 6K from their northern territories in Hungary, but a joint Spanish/Hungarian army of 31K annihilates them in two successive battles.
Wien surrenders in July. I already know Spain's war leader, but hope to get some token peace for Palatinate: Alas, instead I'm reminded that coalition members can't peace out separately. We'll have to wait for Spain.
We march our army north to Berlin (Brandenburg) with the Mainzers in tow. It's a surprisingly fragile situation: Magdeburg (part of the Vienna Pact) has soldiers trying to recapture Mecklenberg, while the Austrians have 1K in Potsdam. Nonetheless they don't risk the throw, so Darth settles in to siege.
While we wait, the Netherlands agrees to ally. Along with them our allies now consist of Hungary, Poland, Bavaria, Milan and Savoy.
By December people want to know if this little adventure is ever going to end.
Well..of course we're going to win! They have no army and are almost out of land. What kind of talk is this?
In fact, let's take a look at the map.
See? They'll peace out any day now. Do you know how much Imperial prestige we're going to get from all those freed vassals? This is going to be great! In fact, here comes the Spanish ambassador now! Is it done? Great. You're laughing. That's good right?
...
Well now.
...
Isn't that just...
...
...
Jerks.
We Can Be Jerks Too
It's January 1681, and Spain's just handed us a peace that nets us 0 Imperial prestige. It strengthens Ulm, which isn't a huge deal (though freeing Alsace would have been better), and at least gets Bohemia out from under Austria's thumb, but did it help pass any reforms? No. Did it help me win the election? No. It's currently Saxony 3, Palatinate 2, Savoy 2.
Worse, Spain's not quite done with us. In February we get CBs versus Ulm (Cleansing of Heresy) and Mainz (Trade Dispute). Do you know who's allied to both of them? Riiight.
Well, I'll tell you who they're not allied with. Burgundy!
Burgundy owns two Imperial provinces and they're not part of the Empire. That's not nice. They're also losing two wars: France wants Alencon, while Aachen is hoping they'll convert to the Protestant faith. Best of all, they're allied with squat.
After arranging MA through Lorraine, we declare war in April. Spies (the Ledger) tell us that Burgundy has a 5K army lurking somewhere, but with most of their country occupied I have no idea where it is. To play it safe I move Darth's 7K army (19 regiments remember) to Franche-Comte, while we hire 4K mercenary cavalry and 1K merc artillery to help. The mercs will cover Koln and wait for the day Aachen's war ends to take up the siege.
Except..it doesn't work like that. In July Burgundy surrenders, giving up Koln. The next day Aachen converts to Catholicism.
Uhm...wait. Who surrendered to whom?
I respond by moving our mercenaries into Franche-Comte: This turns out to be a smart move, as one month later Burgundy surrenders to France as well, giving up Alencon. Now we need the extra troops to cover Burgundy's territory before they can start building regiments. We DO crush two 1K stacks, and by September everything but Picardie is besieged. We can't get there, and nothing from Picardie can get to us, so whatever.
Last turn, once I knew we'd eventually beat Austria, my plan was to play the good little emperor. You know the drill: Protect member states. Liberate vassals and conquered territories. Try to boost our Imperial prestige. Days after covering Burgundy, Austria gives me a chance to do just that!
Uhm...LOL.
While Austria gets its comeuppance (and hopefully releases states), we wait for Burgundy to see reason. Franche Comte falls in February 1682, which leads us to develop the principles behind Absolute Rulership (Admin-20).
In May we conquer Nevers, and the Burgundians lose hope.
Just Being Mean
Time to rest for awhile and look for an opportunity. We tried improving relations with Mainz for awhile in an attempt to swing the Imperial election, but now they're afraid of us. It may not matter anyway, as the vote is now Palatinate 2/Saxony 2/Savoy 2/other 1. Lorraine's afraid as well and tries to forge a coalition. Meanwhile, a border dispute with Ulm results in our forging a claim on Ansbach. Unfortunately, Ulm is STILL allied with Spain, as well as Lorraine and Mitrehead.
Wait...Lorraine? Hm. Okay, how about this for a plan?
We DoW Lorraine: They're the last protestant 'heretics' in what we'd consider western Germany. Preferably we conquer them, as that gives us a land bridge to Franche-Comte (which I couldn't GIVE away - I tried!). I know, bad emperor. Meanwhile, when Ulm jumps in (sans Spain thank you) we take Ansbach. Lorraine's other allies don't signify: France has no land access, ditto with Utrecht, and since it looks like Savoy would help us in our war they should be able to deal with Armagnac.
Good idea? I thought so too.
Except...Ulm dishonors the alliance, as does Utrecht. When the dust clears it's PALATINATE, Bavaria, Savoy, Siena and Trier (87K, 39 ships) vs. LORRAINE, Armagnac and France (41K, 0 ships).
In January 1684 we sweep over the border. Lorraine wisely(?) sends their army south to Franche-Comte, so Vader pursues them.
Then for added measure we crush 6K Frogs in Luxembourg. As expected, Savoy keeps Armagnac busy. I spend the summer and fall of 1684 moving troops back and forth between Lorraine's two provinces to take ownership of both sieges.
This does lead to accusations of our incompetent diplomats being inbred. We could either back them anyway (-10 Prestige) or dismiss them (-50 Dip Power). Since we're going to need that Dip power to impose terms, of course we back our inbred cousins. Who said the Habsburgs never had good ideas?
In December our detractors also explain that gold is the sign of the nobility. Uhm...no. If we had more nobles we'd be just as bad as the Austrians. We reply that Nobility cannot be bought. (Stability +1 to +2).
Speaking of Austria's "Vienna Pact", they do seem to be having trouble...
Good.
Johan's Dice
Reign: 10 years
Needed: 3+
Roll: 6
Continue? Yes