Storey

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Never a dull moment with Palatinate is there?

“Alas, instead I'm reminded that coalition members can't peace out separately. We'll have to wait for Spain."

When I read that I swear I groaned. I knew how this was going to end.

Still a little from Burgundy a little from Lorraine and who knows Palatinate could end up in a reasonably strong position by the time you leave.:cool:
 

AsdfeZxcas

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Dr.Livingstone

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DoW everybody...


The Empire shall rule the ENTIRE world! Long live the First Global EMPIRE!

Why stop at earth? Why stop at our solar system, galaxy, or dimension?
LONG LIVE THE FIRST PAN-DIMENSIONAL EMPIRE!



*ahem* Well that was fun. Great update!;)
 

LatinKaiser

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Just caught up with this AAR, and it is awesome! I love the Star Wars references, and I cannot wait for the Palatinate to crush those who would oppose the glorious Holy Roman Empire and its megalomaniacal-- ahem, intellectually superior-- ruler.
 

tnick0225

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Things seem to continue in favor of Palpatine. Honestly surprised Johann has given you another chance there.

Almost feel bad for Austria since they're DoW'd by ALOT of peoples! The Republic seems to on the verge of being smothered in its infancy.
 

Stuyvesant

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Almost feel bad for Austria since they're DoW'd by ALOT of peoples! The Republic seems to on the verge of being smothered in its infancy.

I guess Austria's/Cat's attitude in the previous turn of 'If it looks at me funny, I'm gonna claw out its throat' is coming back to haunt them. :)
 

LatinKaiser

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I guess Austria's/Cat's attitude in the previous turn of 'If it looks at me funny, I'm gonna claw out its throat' is coming back to haunt them. :)

At least he hasn't invaded Russia... yet.
 

tnick0225

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I guess Austria's/Cat's attitude in the previous turn of 'If it looks at me funny, I'm gonna claw out its throat' is coming back to haunt them. :)

Good point...and oh so true! :)
 

Stuyvesant

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At least he hasn't invaded Russia... yet.

Actually, CatKnight tried this across a variety of games with the Teutonic Order. It did not end well... ;) The games collectively conspired against him.

Anyway, I'm drifting dangerously close to going off-topic, so let me finish by stating that I hope we'll see the just and glorious incorporation of Lorraine into the Empire any day now. :)
 

CatKnight

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Nikolai: The rebels shall be crushed! Just not quite as thoroughly as we'd like.

Stuyvesant: First we need the manpower to recruit Jedi.

Asdfezxcas: Must be!

Director: I've never seen the Star Wars Xmas special. I have a feeling that's a good thing.

Spockyt: There should be a file .. somewhere in the common folder of V2 ... which lists all the tags. Just open it in a program that can count rows. That'll tell you how many tags are out there. Roll dice - I use random.org and it'll 'roll' any number of sides. When you have your number, scroll down to that row number and see if that tag is in play. If it's not, reroll and so forth. It's a little more work intensive, but it should do the job.

Chief Ragusa: I'd love to punish Spain, but I can count the number of countries that could hurt them on one hand - and the Palatinate isn't on that list.

Storey: Yeah. I knew when Spain took over the war that any meaningful gain was done. Still, I'd held out some hope for Ansbach since I *HAD* a legitimate claim.

Hiryuu: DoWing Spain sounds like a great way to feel a lot of pain quickly.

Asdfezxcas: Though there is something to be said for going down in a blaze of glory....

Dr. Livingstone: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA! How's that?

LatinKaiser: Thanks! We'll try to get some more crushing in before it's over.

tnick0225: You would think Austria's done, but it's not quite over yet

Stuyvesant: Are you suggesting *I* am the reason Austria's suffering? I'm over here minding my own business!

LatinKaiser: Yet.

tnick0225: I did not claw out their throats. I encouraged them to join the Vienna Pact.

By force.

Stuyvesant: Only sometimes, and usually Muscowy or Novgorod would smack me around. I had enough trouble getting past Poland/Lithuania and Bohemia.

Chief Ragusa: YEAH! Or the Ottomans! I could do so much harm humanitarian work with them!
 

CatKnight

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CHAPTER XVII: PALATINATE
Part 3: How Not to Make Peace
(1685-1690)


A long time ago, on a continent you might just be reading this from...


Happy we Metz

So, to recap: We are at war with Lorraine, France and Armagnac. We're sieging the first, Savoy is dealing with Armagnac, and SPAIN is fighting France. It seems the frogs chose the wrong side of Mainz's attempt to force Munster back in the Catholic fold (despite France being Catholic - hm...) and really it's all over except for the lamentations of their cattle.

In March 1685 we open Sunday Schools because Imperial despots have nothing to fear from a somewhat educated populace taught to put God ahead of king. At least, that's what my councillors tell me.

Metz falls in April, and while we wait for Darth's army to finish up in Lothringen we notice Portugal's finally decided to do something about the Aztec and won six provinces, all on the Caribbean. In fact, the Aztecs no longer border that sea. If they ever develop a navy, it'll have to be in the Pacific.

Finally Lothringen surrenders ... to Bavaria. Somehow the Bavarians retook leadership of that siege, and that is enough to put an end to my dreams of conquering them outright. Oh, I could make the whole country Bavaria's vassal...No. Let's make sure Bavaria gets squat instead.

168510LorraineWarEnds_zpse939fb9e.jpg


Someone's going to pay for this.


Consolidating

Not today, though. Not even this turn. We need to rest. Our manpower is strapped, and thanks to those 5K mercenaries we're losing money. We have over 500 ducats thanks to wartime subsidies from Netherlands and Spain, but we need to right the ship. That means recovering our manpower, disbanding our mercs, and replacing them with regulars.

It also means coring Franche-Comte, which we complete in December, and getting to work on Metz. F-C is also wrong culture (Burgundian), so dealing with that keeps our diplomats busy. Metz will take a little more care, as they're both Burgundian and Protestant.

Through the middle of 1686, Austria also capitulates. They aren't made to suffer.

168607AustriaLesson_zps204ef2d6.jpg


Someone's going to pay for that also. But not today.

Now that they've been properly humbled, NEATO (the anti-Austrian coalition) folds. We finally drop out as well, as there's simply no point and they're still more than powerful enough to take us on one-on-one. This becomes even more apparent in July when Netherlands abandons our alliance.

This begins a period when I try to get Netherlands or Spain to ally with us. Neither are interested, and both have the same reason: We're already allied with a great power. I have no idea who they're talking about: Poland? Savoy??

We also send a diplomat to Lorraine, though his job is a little different: We fabricate a claim, because sooner or later we're still going to want that land bridge.

In December 1686, my councillors return and explain that I should create a more stable government by doing what they want.

168612StableGvt_zps08b95659.jpg


I've got a better idea. Let's hang all the councillors.

168612UnstableGvt_zpscc5d0e9b.jpg


The Imperial senate will no longer be of concern. Fear will keep them in line! Fear of this battle...uhm...uhm...plan! Yes, our plan to conquer Lorraine!

More conversions: Two provinces in Japan event-convert to Catholicism in April 1687, while Wurtemburg force-converts Augsburg back into Mitrehead's camp. The latter nets me some welcome Imperial prestige, but still no one will even consider reforms. Worse, the electoral college has turned on me: 3 for Savoy, 2 for me, Bohemia and Great Britain.


Next Strike

In September 1687 we get an opportunity to play emperor! Mainz declares war on Oldenburg with intent of conquering it. Not only is this bad for the Empire, but Oldenburg was on my list of possible long term targets. Mainz already hates me, and they're bigger. We don't need this.

Unfortunately my options are limited: Mainz has a legitimate CB, so I can't just step in. Declaring war on them outright would bring Spain and Savoy down on me. We forge an alliance with Oldenburg intending to step in that way, but the Oldenburgers never call to arms. Further, despite the alliance our relations aren't high enough for me to attempt to enforce peace.

In February 1688 the predictable happens. It also ensures that, if we're here next turn, we'll have to fight somebody. I was leaning that way anyway - Oldenburg would have been the safest target, but Aachen's weak as well, and Lorraine is done short of forging a strong alliance. Now I also need to keep ahead of Mainz, Imperial throne be damned.

We begin by forging a claim on Koln. By March 1688 we disband our mercs, but I don't want to commit to a war with the end of the turn coming. Metz cores and begins converting later that year.

On December 22, 1688, our councillors are back. This time they've found a friend.

168812Pretender_zpsc25c2962.jpg


Darth strangles him to death on December 30. Then the councillors. Good riddance.

We gain a CB on Aachen (over Koln) in March 1689, and with typical bureaucratic efficiency it takes three months for them to celebrate.

168906Bureaucrats_zpsaa25414a.jpg


The electoral college is also up for grabs again, with Savoy, Saxony and us enjoying 2 votes each with one for Bohemia.

Our army returns to full strength (13 inf, 6 cav, 6 artillery, all regulars) in July and waits for the new year. On December 24, Metz converts.


Johan's Dice

One more turn. One more turn to take out Aachen, Lorraine, and maybe even DoW Russia and dare them to do something about it from the other end of the continent. What do you think, Johan?

Reign: 15 years
Needed: 4+
Roll: 4
Continue? Yes

Awesome!
 

unmerged(58610)

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A turn of peace and quiet, just what the doctor ordered.

What do you mean 'forge' a claim on Koln? The star system, err city, is rightfully "mine" according to documents in the Emperor's possession.
I think Johan is as keen as the rest of us to see if you really will go though with a DoW on Russia. Remember when fighting Russia to ensure you fight in winter without winter clothing and fight to the death to hold important sounding cities that actually signify nothing whatsoever. The so-called Russian winter is vastly overrated. You will lose, but there won't be any troops left to try to take it out on you.
Aachen and Lorraine seem much more doable. A real shame NATO, err NEATO, collapsed. It could have been useful against Russia.
 

LatinKaiser

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I believe that that extremely close die roll is a sign from Johan: You must either conquer all of Europe, or go done in a blaze of glory. For the Emperor!
 

Stuyvesant

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Good job disbanding the Senate and strangling that suspicious Ludwig "VI". Clearly a reference to Return of the Jedi, so good riddance to him and thank goodness for that lovely force-choke - it sure comes in handy.

Probably your final turn with Palpatinate coming up... I'm hoping for a blaze of glory! :)
 

Cyborg Mage

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Finally caught up and dug out my forum account to say this; I love this AAR. Clearly your tours of duty on the Baltic have honed your snark (and megalomania) to perfection. Subbed, supported and given a special place on the Christmas card list. Good work.

Now, for the obligatory comment on the Great Dice of Johan, I have a strange feeling that a trip to India is in order. And probably in the middle of some vast war of conquest the AI can't possibly win, because that's The Wizard's sense of timing for you.
 

GreatUberGeek

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The Empire shall rise! :D
 

tnick0225

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Just barely won that die roll!

I liked the part where you switched to absolute just to throw the bird at the nobles, and how they responded with Ludwig VI Falkenberg.

But apparently Johan wants you to DoW Russia just for kicks :p