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There's always time for reviewing and critiquing!Tribolute said:
Interesting to see that the pieces are so different. Even more interesting is that they all take the perspective of the "bad side", that is, the Traitor and his cronies. If you take that into account, it is even more interesting to see how different in character they are.
Will take some time later on to properly review the entries!
In general, I like all the pieces. Given the original piece by stnylan, I like the way there are three very different end results. They all focus on the traitor-side of the story. The common denominator is, I think, the way the pieces focus on the justifications of the assassin (authors 1 and 3) and the mastermind (author 2). However, the pieces feel completely different.
Author 1:
At the start, I found this piece a little confusing. The note to captain Thibault was marked with a 'T', but the text refers to a different 'T' (Talleyrand). No matter though, the confusion clears up soon.
It never becomes clear to me why the protagonist is necessary for the plot to succeed. But then again, I'm not well versed in the French revolution and I may have missed an important "Andre" in real life as a counterpart.
I like the way his motivations contrast with Captain Thibault's. A mercenary can be bought with coin, but Andre's loyalty is to the crown and to his family.
The moment itself is done nicely. You can see the chaos down in the hall and the nobles milling about, but at the same time, you can also feel the utter calm of the assassin. The assassin's final action is the perfect end of a perfect plan for the assassin, fully confident of the favourable end result.
Author 2:
Girolamo is a cold, cold bastard. He clearly believes the cause is justified. The scary part is that he's not doing any of this for his personal gain, but instead on something rather abstract like state reform.
There's a weaker part right in the middle, where the writer infodumps a bit on the "Who's who" of the funeral attendants, though perhaps unavoidable for a short piece with lots of background to be filled in. It does make the entire piece rather dense to read.
Only right at the end do we know what Girolamo's role is. There, we see the true cold-heartedness of our protagonist. He feels invulnerable and sure of his case. Only when the final links to his person are severed does he turn away, revealing the plot in his thoughts.
The final sentence shows the complete disregard of Girolamo: the fall of the Duomo makes the man cry where the loss of a fine man like Prince Giovanni could not.
Author 3:
How a druken man's word can influence events! This must be from a time where personal fealty still meant something
Charles is, after a third reading of the piece, a rather simple man. He truly believes that he is fulfilling the old King's last wish. If we all held on to our promises made when drunk, well, the world would be in chaos!
It is rather shocking to see how everyone is actually grasping for more power, but he himself, has nothing while at the same time takes the biggest risks. He even gets laughed at by Admiral Reed. And all Charles thinks about the Admiral is that he "has never been very nice"
This is a point where my Suspension of Disbelief takes a small hit: the Admiral is told of the plan and since he calls them all traitors, he should have at least taken some action, considering the stature of the other participants.
I personally found the flashback part weakened because of the intermingling with the present (where Charles arranges his weapons). It also started with "so many days ago" which jars a bit in my mind: days is too short a period to be used here I think. Maybe "months" would be better.
In the end, it is tragic to see how he really believes that he can convince everybody with words invoking the loyalty of the old king. Tragic.
Author 1:
At the start, I found this piece a little confusing. The note to captain Thibault was marked with a 'T', but the text refers to a different 'T' (Talleyrand). No matter though, the confusion clears up soon.
It never becomes clear to me why the protagonist is necessary for the plot to succeed. But then again, I'm not well versed in the French revolution and I may have missed an important "Andre" in real life as a counterpart.
I like the way his motivations contrast with Captain Thibault's. A mercenary can be bought with coin, but Andre's loyalty is to the crown and to his family.
The moment itself is done nicely. You can see the chaos down in the hall and the nobles milling about, but at the same time, you can also feel the utter calm of the assassin. The assassin's final action is the perfect end of a perfect plan for the assassin, fully confident of the favourable end result.
Author 2:
Girolamo is a cold, cold bastard. He clearly believes the cause is justified. The scary part is that he's not doing any of this for his personal gain, but instead on something rather abstract like state reform.
There's a weaker part right in the middle, where the writer infodumps a bit on the "Who's who" of the funeral attendants, though perhaps unavoidable for a short piece with lots of background to be filled in. It does make the entire piece rather dense to read.
Only right at the end do we know what Girolamo's role is. There, we see the true cold-heartedness of our protagonist. He feels invulnerable and sure of his case. Only when the final links to his person are severed does he turn away, revealing the plot in his thoughts.
The final sentence shows the complete disregard of Girolamo: the fall of the Duomo makes the man cry where the loss of a fine man like Prince Giovanni could not.
Author 3:
How a druken man's word can influence events! This must be from a time where personal fealty still meant something
Charles is, after a third reading of the piece, a rather simple man. He truly believes that he is fulfilling the old King's last wish. If we all held on to our promises made when drunk, well, the world would be in chaos!
It is rather shocking to see how everyone is actually grasping for more power, but he himself, has nothing while at the same time takes the biggest risks. He even gets laughed at by Admiral Reed. And all Charles thinks about the Admiral is that he "has never been very nice"
This is a point where my Suspension of Disbelief takes a small hit: the Admiral is told of the plan and since he calls them all traitors, he should have at least taken some action, considering the stature of the other participants.
I personally found the flashback part weakened because of the intermingling with the present (where Charles arranges his weapons). It also started with "so many days ago" which jars a bit in my mind: days is too short a period to be used here I think. Maybe "months" would be better.
In the end, it is tragic to see how he really believes that he can convince everybody with words invoking the loyalty of the old king. Tragic.
Author #1:
What surprise me in this piece is the naive nature of the assassin, captured well by the thoughts running through Andre's head as he was preparing his actions. The reference to Andre's brother being "executed at Vincennes for no reason" reminds me of the duc d'Enghien, but i think that is not something many would connect to our events. Perhaps in a longer story.
What i liked was that the author took advantage of the relative popularity and fame of Napoleonic history so he would not have to dwell on the introduction and expand on the Leader's deeds and how they shaped France into being what it was at the moment the action takes place. The ending was the most appropriate i could think of, too, for a fanatic, as we can describe Andre as being one: acting on his principles, willing to risk his life for the success of his enterprise, as stated in the opening letter.
Author #2:
A great introduction, showing the alternate history of Medici dominance over Italy. The description of the guests and family present covered nicely their status, their appearance and their agendas. All except Girolamo. But i can go over that, since obviously Girolamo is the main character, and his motivations would surely be presented later during the story.
And it is true. Despite a moment, only a moment, of chaos and doubt (surely meant to represent the emotions of those present) it all unfolds, and we see the ruthlessness behind Savonarola's deeds. The plan was conceived and executed almost perfectly, but there is another slight moment of doubt, when it appears that the criminal mastermind behind it may be discovered.
Upon leaving the Duomo, we notice the internal struggle Girolamo is suffering, and in a possibly longer text, that could have been developed further.
Author #3:
The third piece, i must confess, i found the most confusing. Not because of the writing, but because of the sheer amount of information. Many characters are introduced to the story, some for story purposes, some less so. The reasoning behind the assassination plan strikes me also as a bit odd. Clearly words said while drunk at a party do not constitute a base for such actions.
But we have no indication of the time the story is set in, aside for the mentioning of rifles. It may be a time of honor, when words were taken more seriously.
Another thing that sounds not quite believable is the altruism of some of the characters, that although involved in the crime, do not take the leader's place on the throne. Surely Brakenwood for example would not have hesitated to seize power, in my view, so his actions are weird to me.
The descriptions are beautifully made, the author has a way with words that made me actually 'see' what was going on. The final exclamation of the assassin puzzles me though: did the Leader actually ask him to do that, or was that an illusion of his?
What surprise me in this piece is the naive nature of the assassin, captured well by the thoughts running through Andre's head as he was preparing his actions. The reference to Andre's brother being "executed at Vincennes for no reason" reminds me of the duc d'Enghien, but i think that is not something many would connect to our events. Perhaps in a longer story.
What i liked was that the author took advantage of the relative popularity and fame of Napoleonic history so he would not have to dwell on the introduction and expand on the Leader's deeds and how they shaped France into being what it was at the moment the action takes place. The ending was the most appropriate i could think of, too, for a fanatic, as we can describe Andre as being one: acting on his principles, willing to risk his life for the success of his enterprise, as stated in the opening letter.
Author #2:
A great introduction, showing the alternate history of Medici dominance over Italy. The description of the guests and family present covered nicely their status, their appearance and their agendas. All except Girolamo. But i can go over that, since obviously Girolamo is the main character, and his motivations would surely be presented later during the story.
And it is true. Despite a moment, only a moment, of chaos and doubt (surely meant to represent the emotions of those present) it all unfolds, and we see the ruthlessness behind Savonarola's deeds. The plan was conceived and executed almost perfectly, but there is another slight moment of doubt, when it appears that the criminal mastermind behind it may be discovered.
Upon leaving the Duomo, we notice the internal struggle Girolamo is suffering, and in a possibly longer text, that could have been developed further.
Author #3:
The third piece, i must confess, i found the most confusing. Not because of the writing, but because of the sheer amount of information. Many characters are introduced to the story, some for story purposes, some less so. The reasoning behind the assassination plan strikes me also as a bit odd. Clearly words said while drunk at a party do not constitute a base for such actions.
But we have no indication of the time the story is set in, aside for the mentioning of rifles. It may be a time of honor, when words were taken more seriously.
Another thing that sounds not quite believable is the altruism of some of the characters, that although involved in the crime, do not take the leader's place on the throne. Surely Brakenwood for example would not have hesitated to seize power, in my view, so his actions are weird to me.
The descriptions are beautifully made, the author has a way with words that made me actually 'see' what was going on. The final exclamation of the assassin puzzles me though: did the Leader actually ask him to do that, or was that an illusion of his?
Mmm, given the calls for this I must admit I am a little disappointed by the response. Come on people!
Also, the final author has gotten in touch with me. He suffered an involuntary internet outage, hence his absence. But he has sent along his submission now, and given we have had only two responses thus far I think posting it is quite reasonble. So, I give you author #4!
Also, the final author has gotten in touch with me. He suffered an involuntary internet outage, hence his absence. But he has sent along his submission now, and given we have had only two responses thus far I think posting it is quite reasonble. So, I give you author #4!
Author #4
The funeral procession began on Friedrichstrasse, the broad avenue granting an unreal air in the predawn light. The buildings lining the street hung black, red, and white from their windows. Banners, flags, and cloth of all types extended from the shop windows at the street to the high windows, twenty meters above the paving stones, of the Leipzigerstrasse Factory Building. Even this early in the morning, however, throngs of people stood in quiet reverence for the great man’s procession. The policemen lining the street as a precaution were as caught up by the moment as the crowds.
For hours, the procession crossed streets in downtown Berlin, as those citizens not already waiting on the streets for a glimpse of the husk that once held the Chancellor awoke. By mid-morning, the casket finished its aimless wanderings, and began to head down Unter den Linden, towards the grand Reichstag building in the middle of the city.
Prince Bismarck had been struck down in the prime of his life. By his strength of will alone he avenged Olmütz, and humbled the hated French. If this were not enough, he accomplished the centuries-old dream of the German people—one united fatherland to defend the rights of the German nation. A man of peace, who immediately after the French war, offered the hand of peace and cooperation to London, to help build a better world. Across Germany, newspapers published editorials memorializing Prince von Bismarck’s work for unity. Whether conservative or liberal, all recognized the chancellor as a great man, worthy of respect.
On the Reichstag steps, dozens upon dozens of dignitaries stood in silence. Rudolf von Bennigsen sat next to Ludwig Windthorst, an especially false look of friendship passing between the two rivals. Bennigsen held the support of the chancellor when he still lived, and as such, was a man in good position to succeed to the ministry. However, as one of the Liberals who had fought Wilhelm over control of the army in 1862, Bennigsen had enemies, not the least of which was the Kaiser himself. Windthorst, the Hanoverian, had captured the support of the Conservatives and, more importantly, the army.
In the week between Bismarck’s death and the state funeral, it became increasingly clear that, though the chancellery was yet vacant, Bismarck’s ghost would, at least temporarily, preserve Bennigsen’s political ambitions. The Kaiser announced the day before the funeral that he would elevate Bennigsen to the chancellery. None had the courage to contradict him, especially in the wake of Bismarck’s death. Bennigsen, sensing the foul mood of the conservatives, pledged a unity government, dedicated to Bismarck’s memory.
Thus it was, that cold February morning on Wilhelmstrasse, that Bismarck’s casket was carried up the steps to the Reichstag building, to lie in state. Hauptmann Leopold Friedrich, of the Political Section of the General Staff’s Military Intelligence Division, ran towards the center of Berlin. All the carriages were elsewhere, used by the dignitaries at the funeral. It was not as if there would be space to use one on the crowded streets anyway. His heart pounding with dread and apprehension, Friedrich forced his body to race faster, heedless of the stares, curses, and bewilderment of the bystanders. He had to get to the funeral. Everything depended on that.
The cobblestones at Friedrich’s feet were wet and muddy from last evening’s storm. A boot landed awkwardly on an abnormally large cobblestone, and the leg gave out. Friedrich, in full dress uniform, collapsed onto the wet ground. Suppressing profanities, Friedrich hopped back onto his feet, and continued his mad dash towards the Reichstag.
On the steps of the Reichstag, Kaiser Wilhelm I strode up to the podium, to begin his speech commemorating his chancellor, and first servant of the state. It was a boring, dry speech, but any who were thinking of nodding off were rudely awakened by a rifle shot from the Ministry of War from across the street. The shot miraculously missed the Kaiser, who had oddly leaned the side, speaking to the left side of the street. The Kaiser’s bodyguards rushed forward, to shield the Emperor with their bodies. A second assassin fired from a different building, this time striking Wilhelm on the right shoulder. By now, the armed escort for Bismarck began reacting, sending dozens of men into the buildings surrounding the Reichstag.
Soldiers began firing at the windows where the shots had come from, hitting the second shooter, who tumbled from his roost onto the paving stones below. The wet thud’s effect rippled over the assembled crowd, which was still paralyzed with shock. The first shooter, attempting to redeem himself, fired at Bennigsen, who collapsed in his chair as the bullet pierced his heart. Windthorst looked at his rival in shock and horror as Bennigsen’s dying gaze looked up at him.
General von Neuruppin had been sitting behind Windthorst, and at the time of the shooting, nodded to the first sniper. Friedrich emerged from behind the building, running past the policemen who were supposed to stop intruders. Von Neuruppin settled into his seat, smiling. The Kaiser went down, and by the time Bennigsen died, Friedrich’s sidearm had left its holster. The revolver spat flame six times as General von Neuruppin was subjected to a firestorm of lead and death.
Elements of III. And VII. Armeekorps advanced towards the city centre, following their orders. The city must be subjugated within twelve hours, and the parliamentarians arrested. The state of siege had already been declared, and now the liberals, socialists, and other revolutionary vermin would be exterminated. Yes, Manteuffel thought, it all would fall into place. These plans had been fermenting for a decade, and now, they had been triggered.
The funeral procession began on Friedrichstrasse, the broad avenue granting an unreal air in the predawn light. The buildings lining the street hung black, red, and white from their windows. Banners, flags, and cloth of all types extended from the shop windows at the street to the high windows, twenty meters above the paving stones, of the Leipzigerstrasse Factory Building. Even this early in the morning, however, throngs of people stood in quiet reverence for the great man’s procession. The policemen lining the street as a precaution were as caught up by the moment as the crowds.
For hours, the procession crossed streets in downtown Berlin, as those citizens not already waiting on the streets for a glimpse of the husk that once held the Chancellor awoke. By mid-morning, the casket finished its aimless wanderings, and began to head down Unter den Linden, towards the grand Reichstag building in the middle of the city.
Prince Bismarck had been struck down in the prime of his life. By his strength of will alone he avenged Olmütz, and humbled the hated French. If this were not enough, he accomplished the centuries-old dream of the German people—one united fatherland to defend the rights of the German nation. A man of peace, who immediately after the French war, offered the hand of peace and cooperation to London, to help build a better world. Across Germany, newspapers published editorials memorializing Prince von Bismarck’s work for unity. Whether conservative or liberal, all recognized the chancellor as a great man, worthy of respect.
On the Reichstag steps, dozens upon dozens of dignitaries stood in silence. Rudolf von Bennigsen sat next to Ludwig Windthorst, an especially false look of friendship passing between the two rivals. Bennigsen held the support of the chancellor when he still lived, and as such, was a man in good position to succeed to the ministry. However, as one of the Liberals who had fought Wilhelm over control of the army in 1862, Bennigsen had enemies, not the least of which was the Kaiser himself. Windthorst, the Hanoverian, had captured the support of the Conservatives and, more importantly, the army.
In the week between Bismarck’s death and the state funeral, it became increasingly clear that, though the chancellery was yet vacant, Bismarck’s ghost would, at least temporarily, preserve Bennigsen’s political ambitions. The Kaiser announced the day before the funeral that he would elevate Bennigsen to the chancellery. None had the courage to contradict him, especially in the wake of Bismarck’s death. Bennigsen, sensing the foul mood of the conservatives, pledged a unity government, dedicated to Bismarck’s memory.
Thus it was, that cold February morning on Wilhelmstrasse, that Bismarck’s casket was carried up the steps to the Reichstag building, to lie in state. Hauptmann Leopold Friedrich, of the Political Section of the General Staff’s Military Intelligence Division, ran towards the center of Berlin. All the carriages were elsewhere, used by the dignitaries at the funeral. It was not as if there would be space to use one on the crowded streets anyway. His heart pounding with dread and apprehension, Friedrich forced his body to race faster, heedless of the stares, curses, and bewilderment of the bystanders. He had to get to the funeral. Everything depended on that.
The cobblestones at Friedrich’s feet were wet and muddy from last evening’s storm. A boot landed awkwardly on an abnormally large cobblestone, and the leg gave out. Friedrich, in full dress uniform, collapsed onto the wet ground. Suppressing profanities, Friedrich hopped back onto his feet, and continued his mad dash towards the Reichstag.
On the steps of the Reichstag, Kaiser Wilhelm I strode up to the podium, to begin his speech commemorating his chancellor, and first servant of the state. It was a boring, dry speech, but any who were thinking of nodding off were rudely awakened by a rifle shot from the Ministry of War from across the street. The shot miraculously missed the Kaiser, who had oddly leaned the side, speaking to the left side of the street. The Kaiser’s bodyguards rushed forward, to shield the Emperor with their bodies. A second assassin fired from a different building, this time striking Wilhelm on the right shoulder. By now, the armed escort for Bismarck began reacting, sending dozens of men into the buildings surrounding the Reichstag.
Soldiers began firing at the windows where the shots had come from, hitting the second shooter, who tumbled from his roost onto the paving stones below. The wet thud’s effect rippled over the assembled crowd, which was still paralyzed with shock. The first shooter, attempting to redeem himself, fired at Bennigsen, who collapsed in his chair as the bullet pierced his heart. Windthorst looked at his rival in shock and horror as Bennigsen’s dying gaze looked up at him.
General von Neuruppin had been sitting behind Windthorst, and at the time of the shooting, nodded to the first sniper. Friedrich emerged from behind the building, running past the policemen who were supposed to stop intruders. Von Neuruppin settled into his seat, smiling. The Kaiser went down, and by the time Bennigsen died, Friedrich’s sidearm had left its holster. The revolver spat flame six times as General von Neuruppin was subjected to a firestorm of lead and death.
Elements of III. And VII. Armeekorps advanced towards the city centre, following their orders. The city must be subjugated within twelve hours, and the parliamentarians arrested. The state of siege had already been declared, and now the liberals, socialists, and other revolutionary vermin would be exterminated. Yes, Manteuffel thought, it all would fall into place. These plans had been fermenting for a decade, and now, they had been triggered.
This new version of GtA concentrate comments around writing style, since the story is mainly set beforehand. Writing style is unfortunately the area where I'm the least able to give comments (for English texts, that is). I'll try to come up with a little something anyway...
Author 1:
Interesting little alternate history there. It is intriguing to see what André thinks of Napoléon and how he imagines what's to come if he doesn't kill him. I don't know how many people at the time suspected what the campaign in Russia would turn out to be.
Author2:
The story is pleasant too, but I notice that it doesn’t stick to Stnylan’s pattern. It's funny to see a high ranked catholic monk favouring Republic governments like that . Regarding the writing itself a few typos and choice of words make me suspicious: I think it’s not the work of a native…
Author 3:
I suspect this story to carry a few references, especially after the last sentence. I'm to lazy to dig for them right now, however. I liked the details on how the assassin got there without being caught by the guards. All in all, I think it's my favourite of the three.
Author 4:
This one goes off the track (if the track is Stnylan's ghost tale) but I don't really mind some variation. I'm a little disappointed by the end. It is very compact, all explanations being wrapped in an handkerchief while the beginning of the piece goes on and on with Bismark and the procession. I can understand the logic behind this choice because it emphasise the duration of the funerals and the suddenness of the assassination. I still found that a little frustrating and it's the same for the laconic comment about the long-standing conspiracy at the end.
Author 1:
Interesting little alternate history there. It is intriguing to see what André thinks of Napoléon and how he imagines what's to come if he doesn't kill him. I don't know how many people at the time suspected what the campaign in Russia would turn out to be.
Author2:
The story is pleasant too, but I notice that it doesn’t stick to Stnylan’s pattern. It's funny to see a high ranked catholic monk favouring Republic governments like that
. Regarding the writing itself a few typos and choice of words make me suspicious: I think it’s not the work of a native…Author 3:
I suspect this story to carry a few references, especially after the last sentence. I'm to lazy to dig for them right now, however. I liked the details on how the assassin got there without being caught by the guards. All in all, I think it's my favourite of the three.
Author 4:
This one goes off the track (if the track is Stnylan's ghost tale) but I don't really mind some variation. I'm a little disappointed by the end. It is very compact, all explanations being wrapped in an handkerchief while the beginning of the piece goes on and on with Bismark and the procession. I can understand the logic behind this choice because it emphasise the duration of the funerals and the suddenness of the assassination. I still found that a little frustrating and it's the same for the laconic comment about the long-standing conspiracy at the end.
Author 4:
Like the visual style. Your opening set the mood quite well. I think this piece would work really well as part of a larger work...a Prussia Vikky campaign in the mold of Rensselear's masterpiece or the like. I confess to have been confused by Friedrich's actions...whos side is he on? Is he a member of the assasins, a member of the coup...annoyed his hero Bennigsen is dead? This is why I think it would make sense in a larger context...these things would be explained in the future or 'understood' from the past work. Anyway, the pace was good and the text 'easy' on the brain.
Like the visual style. Your opening set the mood quite well. I think this piece would work really well as part of a larger work...a Prussia Vikky campaign in the mold of Rensselear's masterpiece or the like. I confess to have been confused by Friedrich's actions...whos side is he on? Is he a member of the assasins, a member of the coup...annoyed his hero Bennigsen is dead? This is why I think it would make sense in a larger context...these things would be explained in the future or 'understood' from the past work. Anyway, the pace was good and the text 'easy' on the brain.
Hmmm, lack of response has been disappointing indeed. Still, let's try to revive this with at least a comment on the late submission, that is, Author #4:
I must admit I was a bit confused about this one. It's very different in that it describes the action from a third person omniscient POV which, when describing the actual action, describes the thoughts and observation of individual characters as well.
For the story itself, I don't see exactly what Friedrich's motivations were in his shooting. Is this all part of Manteufel's plan or is it a contra-espionage action? Almost all the information is there, except for this bit. This could be explored in a longer piece, where Manteufel is either surprised or happy to find van Neuruppin dead.
I was expecting something with a limited-to-the-character POV, so that may be the reason for this confused reception by me. In a longer story, this piece would have been a lot better, since the rest of the writing would have provided a different expectation with respect to the POV to be used.
I must admit I was a bit confused about this one. It's very different in that it describes the action from a third person omniscient POV which, when describing the actual action, describes the thoughts and observation of individual characters as well.
For the story itself, I don't see exactly what Friedrich's motivations were in his shooting. Is this all part of Manteufel's plan or is it a contra-espionage action? Almost all the information is there, except for this bit. This could be explored in a longer piece, where Manteufel is either surprised or happy to find van Neuruppin dead.
I was expecting something with a limited-to-the-character POV, so that may be the reason for this confused reception by me. In a longer story, this piece would have been a lot better, since the rest of the writing would have provided a different expectation with respect to the POV to be used.
Allright... I'll try to put some time into these, finally. I'll do them as I have time, so it may take a few days...
Author #1
...and so ends Napoleon's Ambition!
I really liked the structure and style of this author's work. I think it caught the mood well, and covered the details I like to have covered. Dialogue -- spoken or thought -- is well done, and logical.
It suffers from the same limitations any work of this brevity will -- ends abruptly, is somewhat rushed in general, but I don't believe I can blame the author for this.
The author shows a knowledge of history, and the political machinations behind the scenes in turbulent revolutionary France. Talleyrand was a grand man, but never quite trustworthy, no matter whose side you were on.
Napoleonic France comes to a close at just the time it was about to destroy itself, but one wonders if the aftermath of this bloodlust would be any better for France's history. In many ways, Napoleon offered the only stability France had within its grasp.
An intriguing story, and I'd be interested to see more. Very good work, I think!
Author #1
...and so ends Napoleon's Ambition!
I really liked the structure and style of this author's work. I think it caught the mood well, and covered the details I like to have covered. Dialogue -- spoken or thought -- is well done, and logical.
It suffers from the same limitations any work of this brevity will -- ends abruptly, is somewhat rushed in general, but I don't believe I can blame the author for this.
The author shows a knowledge of history, and the political machinations behind the scenes in turbulent revolutionary France. Talleyrand was a grand man, but never quite trustworthy, no matter whose side you were on.
Napoleonic France comes to a close at just the time it was about to destroy itself, but one wonders if the aftermath of this bloodlust would be any better for France's history. In many ways, Napoleon offered the only stability France had within its grasp.
An intriguing story, and I'd be interested to see more. Very good work, I think!
Alas! This last round did not work very well... It is not likely to gather much more comments now, I'm afraid. How about concluding it soon and starting a new one? Unless there is a consensus that GtA is a jewel of the past.
I think you're right. Let's conclude now? If I read the signals right, stnylan is taking a break from AARLand for personal reasons, so I think the authors can reveal themselves if they so wish.Nil-The-Frogg said:Alas! This last round did not work very well... It is not likely to gather much more comments now, I'm afraid. How about concluding it soon and starting a new one? Unless there is a consensus that GtA is a jewel of the past.
And try to set up a new round for, let's say, September or so?
I have spoken with stnylan and it does appear that his time away will be extended for a little while longer. I think TeeWee's suggestion of revealing yourselves is probably best at this point.
In that case, I'll start by saying I'm.... Author #2!!
Fnuco: thanks for your comments about the background. I had lots more in my first drafts, but found that they went on and on and on... Scrapped most of it and it left me with this core of a story. You got just about everything out of the text that I wanted to and I'm glad you liked the way I kept the main motivations of Savonarola hidden till the end.
Nil-the-frog: Is my English that bad? Have to work on that then... Anyway, in retrospect I should have made Savonarola try and create a theocracy out of Firenze instead of a Republic. Even more fitting perhaps: so much blood spilled on behalf of the Church. Oh, how I love hindsight
Fnuco: thanks for your comments about the background. I had lots more in my first drafts, but found that they went on and on and on... Scrapped most of it and it left me with this core of a story. You got just about everything out of the text that I wanted to and I'm glad you liked the way I kept the main motivations of Savonarola hidden till the end.
Nil-the-frog: Is my English that bad? Have to work on that then... Anyway, in retrospect I should have made Savonarola try and create a theocracy out of Firenze instead of a Republic. Even more fitting perhaps: so much blood spilled on behalf of the Church. Oh, how I love hindsight
Not really. I think your English is better than mine, actually. But I felt (more than I really spotted) a few oddities, turns of phrase... I suspect that we must have a few common turns of mind between Dutch and French that differ from the English ones.TeeWee said:
Well, I'm Author #4.
Nil-The-Frogg: You are right, it should be part of a longer piece. I was trying to leave that impression without confusing people. Looks as if I missed the mark a bit.
As to your comment about the conspiracy, I added that part at the last moment. I could have just left it off, and probably should have. I agree with your criticism completely.
TheExecuter: As I mentioned above, I was trying to give the feel of something greater than the selection itself. In terms of pace, I really do feel as if I rushed the ending a bit, but perhaps not, as no one has mentioned it. Thanks for the comments.
TeeWee: I think the POV I'm most comfortable with is third-person omniscient. To my memory, almost all the creative writing I've done has used it. It just makes sense to my mind when telling a story, though I can see it might confuse a bit.
In terms of the motivator for Friedrich and Manteuffel, I didn't include those details intentionally. To me, all assassinations and conspiracies will have an element of the unknown that dies with the perpetrator. I guess this was my way of doing it.
All: I truly appreciate the comments, and look forward to the next round of Guess-the-Author.
Nil-The-Frogg: You are right, it should be part of a longer piece. I was trying to leave that impression without confusing people. Looks as if I missed the mark a bit.
As to your comment about the conspiracy, I added that part at the last moment. I could have just left it off, and probably should have. I agree with your criticism completely.
TheExecuter: As I mentioned above, I was trying to give the feel of something greater than the selection itself. In terms of pace, I really do feel as if I rushed the ending a bit, but perhaps not, as no one has mentioned it. Thanks for the comments.
TeeWee: I think the POV I'm most comfortable with is third-person omniscient. To my memory, almost all the creative writing I've done has used it. It just makes sense to my mind when telling a story, though I can see it might confuse a bit.
In terms of the motivator for Friedrich and Manteuffel, I didn't include those details intentionally. To me, all assassinations and conspiracies will have an element of the unknown that dies with the perpetrator. I guess this was my way of doing it.
All: I truly appreciate the comments, and look forward to the next round of Guess-the-Author.
Wow. I'm really sorry I missed most of the last round. Just way busy.
I don't feel so bad, because almost everyone else missed it too (including, apparently, some of the authors!! ).
But, really, I'm disappointed in all of us, that we didn't have more interest for this time around. This has traditionally been a very strong contender for interest.
Do Coz1 and Stnylan so run these boards that when they're out on hiatus nothing happens?? I know they'd be discouraged to think so. And I don't, really, but... You gotta wonder.
Definitely would like to see this continue as strong as it has been in the past.
Thanks for taking the time to write, guys, and to notice what's up to try to get the interest going again!
Rensslaer
I don't feel so bad, because almost everyone else missed it too (including, apparently, some of the authors!!
).But, really, I'm disappointed in all of us, that we didn't have more interest for this time around. This has traditionally been a very strong contender for interest.
Do Coz1 and Stnylan so run these boards that when they're out on hiatus nothing happens?? I know they'd be discouraged to think so. And I don't, really, but... You gotta wonder.
Definitely would like to see this continue as strong as it has been in the past.
Thanks for taking the time to write, guys, and to notice what's up to try to get the interest going again!
Rensslaer
My schedule has been so busy...I missed these again....What with changing jobs yet AGAIN.....
Nil, what do you mean by fading traditions?
Nil, what do you mean by fading traditions?
When he posted it had been a month since the last message ... Guess-the-Author deserves a strong revival!
Is there any interest in a new round? Who possesses all the names from the last round? It's sad to see this thread waste away.
Is there any interest in a new round? Who possesses all the names from the last round? It's sad to see this thread waste away.