"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

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Wow ... author #1's story is one of great mystery and good storytelling. I enjoyed it very much, especially the scene-setting at the beginning. This literary style is not economical or sparse by any means, but at the same time did not waste any sentences, and told the story simply and effectively. Or, rather, told part of the story: we are left to wonder for ourselves what happens to Albrecht and if his attempt is successful. Actually, a good deal of thinking goes into this reading, and I much enjoyed the polished, excellent objective style.

The third word of entry #2 should be lower-cased, but after that the story settles down into a nest of intrigue. Honestly my head started swimming in all the name-dropping and geopolitics - I haven't played a Paradox game in months! - but I managed to keep it above water enough to see that this tale has quite a bit of excitement, and the Duke of Saxony is a character with depth (though maybe not lovable) - in fact, his entire persona is effectively presented in his first spoken line, a remarkable bit of characterization. Interesting!

My attention was certainly grabbed by author #3 in expletivacious style. I am also intrigued, though, by the idea of a re-election of an Emperor. (WHY do I keep spelling intrigue with a q instead of a g???? ) Whoa, now I'm a little miffed. A dead guy running for Emperor? He could defeat John Ashcroft. I love the line about how Wittelsbach will be haunted by his sons. However, I really am unsure what to think about the conclusion to this story. What on Earth??? Wish there had been more rhyming.

Author #4 presents an interesting story with a delicious (for Conrad) little twist, although I feel compelled in some cases to sign on with previous comments regarding proofreading. You did a good job, though, and the first and last few paragraphs especially were strong.

Another great month for GTA; I only remembered the topic during entry #2 and I enjoyed reading all the stories! Hope the authors will continue to join us ... and I look forward to reading more from them. Apologies I didn't post here sooner; life has been very stressful recently (as readers of my AAR will have heard a wee bit about).

Good job everyone! You have something to cheer about.

 

[coz1]

I meant to reveal our authors a week ago but things got busy and I'm just now getting to it. Thankfully, there is still a week left in the month for the writers to respond to their feedback. So, let's first reveal the 4 authors. They were:

1. fj44

2. CatKnight

3. AmbassadaBelgie

4. The Yogi

I'd like to congratulate each one for some really terrific work and thank then for participating. As well, I'd like to offer great thanks to the following: CatKnight, AmbassadaBelgie, stnylan, Miral, Rensslaer, fj44, J. Passepartout, Nil-The-Frogg, The Yogi, Phoenix Dace and Hajji Giray I. Your critiques are what this project is about and without you, there is little reason to keep it going. Thanks for lending a hand and giving some wonderful feedback to the four submissions.

Great work this round, though I will admit, I was surprised to see this thread grow silent during March. I am sure that has much to do with EUIII, however. Another round is definitely called for. Look to April 1st for the beginning of a new round. And feel free to offer some suggestions for the next subject.

Now let us open the floor to the authors and allow them to respond to their critiques.

 

[The Yogi]

Now let us open the floor to the authors and allow them to respond to their critiques.

OK, I'll start, given that I think I botched my story a bit. The reason is simple - hardly any proof-reading. I wish I could say that I was short on time, but that was not the reason. It's just that once I've written something, it's a bit like money burning a hole in my pocket, it has to GO. As readers of my AARs are probably aware, during the first 30 minutes or so after a Yogi update, the editing function is working over-time. Of course, with guess-the- author I can't do that. I just got to learn to be more patient, re-read, review and clear out those convoluted sentences of mine.

Thanks to all for comments with special thanks to stynlan for a good and very constructive critique, and to J. Passpartout for introducing me to Strunk & White. Not being a native english speaker, I had never heard of them. Very useful rules.

As for the piece itself, the concept is taken from a non-AAR project I'm working with at the Nitpick Club. The "tartars" that have overrun Germany before being driven back by Fredrick II are the Mongols, who weren't stopped by the demise of Ögedei Khan. Good catch about Conrad dying before Innocent IRL... of course, in the scenario, he doesn't spend the next four years fighting in unhealthy areas of Italy, does not catch malaria and escapes the fate history had in store for him.

 

[CatKnight]

Let's see here.



Belgie: Regarding Hohenfall: Nope, I don't speak German. Historically after the Defenestration of Prague, the HRE awarded the survivors the title 'von Hohenfall.' Thank wikipedia for me knowing that

stnylan: I think I agree. I meant the first paragraph to set the scene, but ignoring the one or two really bad sentences which I mentioned in my own critique, it wasn't necessary.

Miral: You're right that the 'villian revealing plan' skit is overused. Unfortunately in a story of this length I had no choice. You needed to know why he was killing Rickard or it would have just left even more questions.

Regarding the girl beating him back: I didn't say so (I hinted at it by mentioning how late it was), but I assumed Rickard stayed with the Duke of Saxony working out details for some time, giving the 'servant' plenty of time to go about her business. Like Rennslaer, thanks for thinking I was Mett

Rensslaer: I'm honored that you thought I was Mettermrck. You're right regarding the citation. I realized I'd effectively betrayed myself right after Coz posted, which is why I was so quick to 'critique.'

fj44: Thanks. That turned out to be the crux of the story. After looking up what I could find on the different electors in 1618 it appeared there was plenty of opportunity for intrigue and multiple political plans here.

J. Passepartout: Perfect guess. As I told stnylan, I think I'd have done something with that knocking on the door scene. There were certain points I wanted to convey: Rickard had Mainz's vote. Rickard was NOT the archbishop. Legal, but strange since Mainz hosts the electoral meetings.

Nil-The-Frogg: I don't know if the master spy nuns actually existed. It's true that nuns of her order could 'escape' the nunnery and travel the world. It would make sense they would thus make excellent spies.

The Yogi: Actually you're mistaken. This is not Prague, but Hamburg where the elections are always held. I didn't think the city name important. Mainz always hosts the elections, but oddly Hamburg is Hessian turf.

I imagine part of the problem, again, is that opening paragraph. I don't think the Hessian involvement needed to be explored.

Regarding the idea of moderate Catholics protecting Lutherans: You may want to look up the Archbishop of Mainz in 1618. His parents were Lutherans. He, himself, was moderate and did forsee the chaos that was about to ensue. Either this HRE or the last one questioned him on it.

Regarding the defenestration scene: I'm assuming the Lutheran attack on Imperial governors did happen in Prague as the situation started to destabilize. This was Habsburg's 'response.'

Hajii: Thanks! Again, I looked up the actual elector of Saxony at the time. He made a deal with Austria to be 'left alone', a deal later reneged upon. He hated the Brandenburgers over border disputes more than the idea of a Catholic emperor.

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

.

Is this a play on an EU3 bug I don't know about?
Nope!

though I wonder which Oracle told him to seek reelection.
If it had been longer this would have been a nice thread to work with I agree...

The universal indicator exposed to Chlorine gas hurts your description of von Wittelsbach, however.
In retrospect I guess you're right. I sure have heeded to this comment lately in my AAR

You then discuss the utterance that would affect Vienna's future forever. A very curious statement, because we're not determining Austria's ruler - but the Holy Roman Emperor. It's true Austria's a part of the Empire, but focusing on Vienna's future doesn't support that.
I'm afraid this may be author's omniscience playing... you see, Vienna's ending destruction was what I was referring to, although the reader could not know of it yet...

A really cool ghostly figure may not be the best of descriptions. What makes it cool?
the childish slap-dash feeling transpired a bit too crudely here as you can see True, I could have made that decription better but I couldn't stop thinking of Casper

The ending is...hm. Interesting. No explanation why God destroys Vienna. Incidentally, since von Habsburg is now a ghost descending to the 'wine cellar' doesn't that mean there's a new election?
Well, let's hope someday a sequel appears here by another GtA writer that would live up to Vienna's destruction and insubstantial candidates!!!

I don't know. Author was trying for humor by appealing to absurdity. There was a great description or two, and the last part starting with "YAY!" did well (except the magnifying glass broke the rhyming scheme.)
Again, I wasn't thinking too much.

Actually I really enjoyed writing this little play-about, despite it's (as you say) absurdity I hope people enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it

Nice. As CatKnight said, the chlorine-gas thing was pretty out of place... but overall a funny concept, I can imagine the corpse in a voting-chamber surrounded by sickened visitors (reminds me of the ghost of the slain King in Blackadder Season 1 Episode 1 where he holds his head from his body!)
For the final paragraph I expect putting the "with a magnifying glass," on a new line would have been more effective in keeping the simple rhyme of the closing lines... and maybe subtracting/rephrasing some unnecessary words to make the very last of those lines shorter in keeping with their predecessors...

Awwww thank you Thomas for commenting on your own submission Schizophrenia is so pretty :rofl:

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

.

To be honest this one was a little off-the-wall for me to appreciate.
This saddens me Watch out God doesn't find a magnifying glass for YOU

Indeed, I am not really sure I understand at all what is going on.
reference to above comment

It 'looks' fun, but beyond that I find myself somewhat flummoxed. So I am going to have to apologise for a very inadequate comment.
Commenting in itself is already a great honour, I could barely ask you for more so I bow to you

All I suppose I can add is that this could be viewed as a comment on itself. The further off the beaten path you write, the higher the chance that people will not understand what it is you are doing.
Food for thought there, I'll have to think about this

After the style of the first two ones, suffice to say I did not see that one coming! Quite the changeup. Two thumbs up for originality. I primarily echo the sentiments of what others have said as well.
Thanks, I feel like a DVD box now (two thumbs up)

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

.

This author approaches the study of history and the craft of storytelling with an appreciation for the humor and good fun which are natural to both. Irreverence goes without saying... This story, I think, was meant to give an impression and a laugh, not necessarily to tell a story.
I am happy that aspect of the submission came through flawlessly! Yes, it was pure mind-emptying, I enjoyed it

This could be Storey, though I make that guess with no certain level of confidence. I am not especially familiar with Joe's work, but most of this reminds me of what I know of him, with the exception of the level 5 tornado, which seems a bit too surreal to match. But I might be wrong!
Nope, it's ME! ..........And the level-5 tornado came out of the blue, reminisces of a dicoverychannel program i'd seen five year ago :rofl:

EDIT: Upon reflection, I think it unlikely that this is Storey. The style is more like his comments, which are off the cuff, but probably not like his stories. I would guess this is a newer author -- someone perhaps new to the Author Challenge... Miral?
Someone new to it, yes. Mistral? Nope

I guess the author had some fun writing this one.
Indeed!

I had fun reading it anyway. It’s well written, by the way, and descriptions are immersive.
Thanks...

Now, regarding the story, there is not much to say since it’s rather short and straightforward. I think that making it that way was a good idea however, or it would have required a richer scenario to be interesting.
I agree with this. It would probably have lost it's comic attributes (Because sadly I'm not as good at comedy as, say, Rocketman (WHY, oh WHY was he banned ), or Anonymous4401 (I miss the AAAAAAAARk!!!!!! ARGH!)

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

I'm not fond of this kind of absurdity, but will offer some comment nonetheless.
Good choice

I would have liked some buildup regarding the prophecy. This was nonsensic enough that the anachronistic metaphor didn't overly disturb me, .

I kind of liked the yay-verse though, but if you could have integrated the final divine destruction (why, by the way, is Vienna destroyed? <<<to be honest...a WHIM >>>) into the verse, (together with the line about God), it would have been better.

My attention was certainly grabbed by author #3 in expletivacious style. I am also intrigued, though, by the idea of a re-election of an Emperor. (WHY do I keep spelling intrigue with a q instead of a g???? <<<Try reading Sigmund Freud's Psychopathology of Everyday Life (short but excellent book) and you may discover why >>>) Whoa, now I'm a little miffed. A dead guy running for Emperor? He could defeat John Ashcroft <<<shoot, who was he again I forgot.... :$ >>>. I love the line about how Wittelsbach will be haunted by his sons. However, I really am unsure what to think about the conclusion to this story. What on Earth??? Wish there had been more rhyming. I'll keep that in mind

Wow! That's everyone? Ah well this took me a good 20-30 minutes! Thanks everyone for the comments (whether supportive or objective), and CHANT WITH ME THE HOLY SONG:

Can't wait till the next entries!​

 

[fj44]

Many thanks, all, for the feedback.

CatKnight: As to the logic, I do realize that it's a bit off. I can only blame myself, as I didn't proofread the entry as much as I should have. I guess, like The Yogi, once I finish something, I have to immediately send it out.

AmbassadeBelgie: Thanks. Looks like I caught the style I was looking for. You never know until someone else reads it.

stnylan: I agree with both your points. As to #1, it was a bit out of place within the piece. As for #2, I didn't realize the word repeats until you brought it up. Seems I'll need to work on that.

Miral: Abdecker is no one historically significant. He represents a Catholic fanatic, albeit imperfectly. The way I was writing the entry, I don't believe background on the assassin matters all that much. He is not so much a man as an idea or passion. Still, I can see that if you were seeking information on the "main character", you might come away somewhat disappointed.

Rensslaer: Do I really have that predictable writing?

J. Passepartout: On the passive sentences, I struggle to reduce them with every piece I write. It is a weakness of mine, and I didn't do a very good job with this piece.

Nil-the-Frogg: You do raise a good point, one I had not considered when I wrote the piece. Abdecker may not know where his quarry is to be found? Or perhaps he is just confirming to himself where the archbishop resides? I lean towards the former, as you do.

The Yogi: When writing this, I intended for most of the plot to be obscured. I probably should have revealed more through the course of the piece, but I did consider that the assassin's plot be cloaked in mystery, even from the reader.

Hajji Giray I: Thanks for the compliments.

 

[Rensslaer]

Rensslaer: Do I really have that predictable writing?

No, it's more that...

Well, if I may flatter myself by comparison... It's that you and I have a very similar writing style! So if I see a style that is reasonably like mine, I do always suspect you.

Actually, I was stunned by how close many of my predictions (guesses) came! I picked CatKnight as a "strong second choice" (should have been first). I wasn't far off on Amb.Belgie.

Yogi I should have done better on. Yogi, as much as you tell me you're Swedish, I remain convinced that you're really just an American in disguise! So if I'd been thinking, you would have been on my list of European "suspects"! And it's silly that I said it's probably an author I'm not very familiar with. I'm probably more familiar with yours than many folks -- though I'm not sure how typical your writing was in this installment.

Great round, folks! Let's try it again.

Thanks, Coz!

Rensslaer

 

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Amb.Belgie: John Ashcroft is a United States politician who ran for a Senate election from the state of Missouri. His opponent died a few months before the election ... but the dead man won.

Hope that explains!

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

Amb.Belgie: John Ashcroft is a United States politician who ran for a Senate election from the state of Missouri. His opponent died a few months before the election ... but the dead man won.

Hope that explains!

Wow yeah I thought I'd heard of that name somewhere (though Ive never been to the US)

Hopefully a sequel will include a William Ashecrofte

 

[Nil-The-Frogg]

Yep, it was a great bunch of submissions. While I'm still slowly coming back to the forum (ie: reading AARs I have not checked for a long time), I still look forward to the next round!

 

[fj44]

I still look forward to the next round!

So do I!

 

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Ditto.

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

ditto seconded... although with exams going on and all, my appearances here are less and less frequent (almost bi-weekly!)

 

[Nil-The-Frogg]

Okay, let's find a topic then... I'm not very inspired right now, but what about "ancient writings", for instance?

 

[AmbassadeBelgie]

Or in the mood of the moment (exam revision), a topic like "The Academic Showdown"... definitely something fitting for eu2/3

 

[TeeWee]

Two other ideas:

- A time of high attrition

- A single pre-written scene, rewritten by the candidates from different perspectives.

The second idea probably needs some explanation. The coordinator posts a single scene, from a certain perspective. The task for the writers will be to write that same scene, but from a perspective of their choice.

Take for example an army's march from the perspective of a common soldier in a regiment. Others can describe this same scene from the perspective of the regiment leader, army leader, other regiment soldiers, the camp women, the omniscient narrator, etc.

 

[CatKnight]

I like TeeWee's idea, with a slight change. Perhaps a scene presented from a neutral, objective PoV - like a camera. Then the authors choose a character in that scene and get in his/her head, retelling the scene from that angle.