-Ave, Chuckius! -the legions shouted to its general.
-Sons of Rome! You, who do not walk in four legs like me! You, who are not as furrier as I am! You all, I say, are a butch of son of a canis!
The burst of happy laughing which followed this statement filled the field.
-To those who are not that, I'm going to give them the chance to become a rael son of a canis! Legions! Close ranks! For Rome! For the Repulic! Forward! Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge!
There the legions started the most spectacular battle of all times, with the most subtle tactic ever used. If Hannibal had outflanked them over and over again, if Pirro had surrounded them to attack from behind, if Phillipus had used the legs of his phalangist to move around the enemy army to attack in its weak point, and if Sunt Tzu had proved that the strongest army is the one with the clever general, Chuckius Norris made a fool of all of them.
He saw where the enemy was the strongest and where is own army was the weakest. Thus, he charged full ahead to the strongest redoubt of the enemy...
...and wiped out of a single massive charge. Then, he kept charging until the enemy army broke and fled and the field was covered by corpses rotting, fiend and friend alike. Chuckius there won his fame as a outstanding General
... and as a psychopatic butcher.
Finished (at least for now) the crisis, the Senators turned to his old habits: to betray each other. Quintus Fluvius Flaccus, known as Quintus "Give me da sextericus, man" accused one of his most hated enemies of being a corrupt fiend.
To Flaccus own surprise, the charges were proved right and here and there started a witch hunt which finished many promising careers in the Senate (among them, good old Flaccus's). Cleaned of that disgusting scum, the Republic emerged bright and stronger than ever, even if a black shadow had flew, for a while, over Rome.
During all these events, Secundus Nieblius kept rising in the Cursus Honorum. His good luck and his good well doing were in part the cause of his success, but it also be mentioned the kicks he recevied from his good cousin Chuckius, who kicked him to keep Secundus on the track and aware that, whatever his enemies may do to Secundus, Chuckius was able to do it even worse.
Meanwhile, the "Roman way of life" kept winning hearths and sould to the cause of the Roman culture. Thus, the Barbarians who turned to the culture of Rome rose by thousands. To make a celebration of that, and to prove the good faith of Rome, Chuckius annhhilated the last Cartaginian army on the Peninsula and sold the prisioners as slaves.
Then he sent a message to Cartago which just read:
"If you make me to go there to ask you to surrender,
you'll regret it but only a time
in the rest of your pitiful existences, and it will be forever.
Kisses and Huggies
Chuckius, the killing machine".