peti already has grenades in his pants ... those are his farts XD I loved the mention of trekaddictus and the Hood-worship XD Hilarious ! I wonder what he says about it XD
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Chapter IV
The Petic War: Old friends, new enemies, cold pizzas
The Petic War: Old friends, new enemies, cold pizzas
With no time to waste, Primus Nieblus sailed with his legions to Greece. The pact with the Aetolian league helped him to advance fast and unmolested to Phyrrusland, where he arrived in a quite good mood.
Meanwhile, Publius Corneliius Rufinus had crossed the strait of Messina and he was advancing at a quite fast pace without anything that could trouble his way. In fact, Rufinus was more worried for the last words addresed to him by Primus than by the enemy armies.
- Rufinus, I swear by the Gods that, if you dare to faile me, you'll discover what feels a pizza when it's been coocked.
He had a good time in Sicily after the cross of the strait of Messina. The reorganization of the army was unmolested by the enemy, and more harm wasd one by the mess caused by the trip through the sea. In fact, Rufinus spent more time doing that that sieging the Sicilian cities. It was such an easy campagin that Rufinus could not help wondering where the hades was the best enemy general, Asklepiodorus Zoticid, who, it seems, has left Sicily and was nowhere to be seen. However, that would not last long, as a letter from Primus solved the mistery:
My dear Rufinus,
Don't worry, I've found good old Zoticid and his army. He's with Phyrrus, facing me. I'm quite happy that you have have had a good time conquering Sicily. If you want a bit to send me your legions, your death is not going to be either painless nor short.
Salve, if you can!
It goes without saying that Rufinus ended badly, as the reinforcements came too late and Primus had to win the battle with his own troops. He was having the main city of Phyrrus under siege when he received news from Rome:
A happy horde of Barbarians were strolling down towards the Galia Cisalpina...
Then Phyrrus surrendered, giving up his possesions yonder the straits. Primus returned to Rome to settle the unsolved issues. As soon as he entered into the Senate, he left speechless the good old paters of the Republic with the following words:
-So? The Barbarians at the Galia Cisalpina? Then I'll defend Rome by conquering Carthago!
And when a famous senator called Caton Schwarzenneger said the famous words:
-Carthago delenda est!
...Primus added, with rage in his eyes:
-And I'll conquer Delenda, too!
However, it would not be so easy.
Primus: -And those tools... what are for?
Rufinus: -To kill a distant enemy.
Primus: -Really? Then..., let's see... Rufi, take that apple and... please... go to that tree... yes, that one! Climb to the top, please... there, be quiet! be still! don't move!
ZUING!!!!
Rufinus: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
Primus: -Yes, it kills a distant enemy, indeed...
Meanwhile, Publius Corneliius Rufinus had crossed the strait of Messina and he was advancing at a quite fast pace without anything that could trouble his way. In fact, Rufinus was more worried for the last words addresed to him by Primus than by the enemy armies.
- Rufinus, I swear by the Gods that, if you dare to faile me, you'll discover what feels a pizza when it's been coocked.
He had a good time in Sicily after the cross of the strait of Messina. The reorganization of the army was unmolested by the enemy, and more harm wasd one by the mess caused by the trip through the sea. In fact, Rufinus spent more time doing that that sieging the Sicilian cities. It was such an easy campagin that Rufinus could not help wondering where the hades was the best enemy general, Asklepiodorus Zoticid, who, it seems, has left Sicily and was nowhere to be seen. However, that would not last long, as a letter from Primus solved the mistery:
My dear Rufinus,
Don't worry, I've found good old Zoticid and his army. He's with Phyrrus, facing me. I'm quite happy that you have have had a good time conquering Sicily. If you want a bit to send me your legions, your death is not going to be either painless nor short.
Salve, if you can!
It goes without saying that Rufinus ended badly, as the reinforcements came too late and Primus had to win the battle with his own troops. He was having the main city of Phyrrus under siege when he received news from Rome:
A happy horde of Barbarians were strolling down towards the Galia Cisalpina...
Then Phyrrus surrendered, giving up his possesions yonder the straits. Primus returned to Rome to settle the unsolved issues. As soon as he entered into the Senate, he left speechless the good old paters of the Republic with the following words:
-So? The Barbarians at the Galia Cisalpina? Then I'll defend Rome by conquering Carthago!
And when a famous senator called Caton Schwarzenneger said the famous words:
-Carthago delenda est!
...Primus added, with rage in his eyes:
-And I'll conquer Delenda, too!
However, it would not be so easy.
Primus: -And those tools... what are for?
Rufinus: -To kill a distant enemy.
Primus: -Really? Then..., let's see... Rufi, take that apple and... please... go to that tree... yes, that one! Climb to the top, please... there, be quiet! be still! don't move!
ZUING!!!!
Rufinus: -AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!
Primus: -Yes, it kills a distant enemy, indeed...
I don't know where you keep getting all those witty ideas, but you sure are good at comical AAR's. 
Keep your friends close, but the enemy closer, so that you can kill a friend with a javelin?:rofl:
Oh, why curse by Hades, he was a greek god.
use Iuppiter and folks!
Oh, why curse by Hades, he was a greek god.
use Iuppiter and folks!
I don't know where you keep getting all those witty ideas, but you sure are good at comical AAR's.
I don't know either. I just begin to write the main events and, as I write, they come to my mind. So easy, so simple.
Keep your friends close, but the enemy closer, so that you can kill a friend with a javelin?:rofl:
Oh, why curse by Hades, he was a greek god.
use Iuppiter and folks!
Closer? No need, poor old Rufi has learnt. Enewald, climb to that distant tree, please, and Peti will show what I mean...
Hehe, good to see you using Rome events and making them funny
If they come in my way, why not using them?
Actually, there is no accurate protrait of Peti, and I used that pic from Sprocket just to get a feeling of how Peti and his ancestors may look.
Just remember, he's a tender 600-pound-puppy, pizza lover, furrier than the furriest being and crazier than you and me...
Peti seems to have most cunning plans, it would have never came to my mind that declaring war against the Carthage is best way to defeat the invading Gauls.
Me neither...
Heh, funny as always sir!
I hope to keep it that way...
Nelson?
Chapter V
Anibal ad portas!
Anibal ad portas!
The Cartiginian war began in a quite unconventional way. That is, with the Romans loosing.
- Damned Africans... do you see how barbarians they are? They prove that they neither don't read nor know history, otherwise they'll know that it's us who must invade them, not the other way round. Darmnatio...
- But they have two thousands elephants!!!!
- And I have a mouse colony at hand
Then some good news came to Rome. A storm had annhilated the Cartaginian fleet and the reinforcements had to be landed at Sicily, just to be annhilated at Siracusa.
Then the Gods helped good old Primus Nieblus. The Senate, distrusting a general who walked on four legs, had send them to massac... erm... to spread the Roman culture through the heads of the Northern Barbarian tribes. Capturing several thousands of slaves and slaying some thousand more helped in the process.
As the situation in Rome kept worsening under the siege, the Senate panicked and put Primus in command of all the Roman legions placed to save the Roman capital.
Happy as he had farted the best fart of the world, Primus smiled at his nephew Secundus and said:
-Gñé.
And then he died, too old to live.
Secundus, whose knowledged about war was "if your enemy doesn't cut your head off, all goes fine", was only able to say:
-Rome? We have a problem...
- Damned Africans... do you see how barbarians they are? They prove that they neither don't read nor know history, otherwise they'll know that it's us who must invade them, not the other way round. Darmnatio...
- But they have two thousands elephants!!!!
- And I have a mouse colony at hand
Then some good news came to Rome. A storm had annhilated the Cartaginian fleet and the reinforcements had to be landed at Sicily, just to be annhilated at Siracusa.
Then the Gods helped good old Primus Nieblus. The Senate, distrusting a general who walked on four legs, had send them to massac... erm... to spread the Roman culture through the heads of the Northern Barbarian tribes. Capturing several thousands of slaves and slaying some thousand more helped in the process.
As the situation in Rome kept worsening under the siege, the Senate panicked and put Primus in command of all the Roman legions placed to save the Roman capital.
Happy as he had farted the best fart of the world, Primus smiled at his nephew Secundus and said:
-Gñé.
And then he died, too old to live.
Secundus, whose knowledged about war was "if your enemy doesn't cut your head off, all goes fine", was only able to say:
-Rome? We have a problem...
"And then he died, too old to live"
No autopsy required here!!! :rofl:
Haha, what's up with carthage? Hurry and get your mouse to the front lines to scare away the elephants
I must say they have some balls landing 21k on your capital.
"And then he died, too old to live"
No autopsy required here!!! :rofl:
Indeed! No one dared, anyway. It was a quite unexpected death, I must say.
Haha, what's up with carthage? Hurry and get your mouse to the front lines to scare away the elephants
I must say they have some balls landing 21k on your capital.
Balls... after I end with them, they won't have neither balls nor elephants.
Oh, let me introduce you to one of my mice soldiers:
Quite! Now, you must cut off their...err...retreat! Yeah, retreat...
And their supplies of pizzas.
My uneducated opinon is that the Carthagian landing happened because the Senate didn't trust enough to brilliant strategy of Primus, but meddled with the decision making and sent best troops against the Gauls.
Just imagine what is Secundus Nieblus going to do. Right now he's reading "How to command a Legion for newbies".
Rome, we have a problem??? :rofl::rofl::rofl:
Ehm, you need smaller mice for beating the small african elephants.
Ehm, you need smaller mice for beating the small african elephants.