"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

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I'm a lurker and not too much of a writer myself, so I am in no position to write criticism to these stories. But I nevertheless want to say how much I enjoyed reading them! They each have a quality of their own, with the first story being funny in a light-hearted manner, while the second one has something more of a mordacious humour, with all the collourfullness that a historic romance must have. The third one transported me into the cold, rough stone walls where the tragedy that the life of Phillipe was in reality revealed itself, with the scene where the old abbot tries to save the soul of his friend from eternal damnation feeling specially vivid to me. And about the fourth story, all I can say is that it was very entertaining and very well written. The contained pleasure of the emperor at the thought of having the head of his loyal general handed for him in box was specially chilling and fitting for what I imagine of a japanese emperor.

Congrats to all you bunch, great work (and I here will curiously await the revealling of the identity of the authors, if only so that I can go after more works they may have on these boards! )

 

[coz1]

And it's time to name the authors who wrote these great submissions. Thanks again to each of you. And thank you also very much to J. Passepartout, Hajji Giray I, Judge, CatKnight, Mettermrck, Storey, Rennslaer, The Yogi and Nuclear Winter for providing some feedback. And the authors were:

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AUTHOR #1: Anibal

• Recommended Reading:

Rulers of the Seven Seas: Mar Portuguez, a Portuguese AAR EUII

Small History of the Timurids EUII

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AUTHOR #2: Judge

• Recommended Reading:

Kingdom of Jerusalem - A Modern Crusade EUII

Cum Deo Et Victuribus Armis - Der Deutsche Orden EUII

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AUTHOR #3: MrT

• Recommended Reading:

A Story of Seven Castles - the Bulwark of the West (Winner of Bronze OscAAR for Funniest AAR in March 2002) EUII

l’Eminence Grise (Winner of Gold OscAAR for Best Long AAR in February 2003) EUII

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AUTHOR #4: Rennslaer

• Recommended Reading:

Fire Warms the Northern Lands -- A Prussian AAR Victoria

Castles in the Sky (or The Wild, Wild West) – A Colorado AAR Victoria

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Authors, feel free to respond to feedback and use the rest of the month for discussion. In the meantime, I'll start thinking of a topic for February.

 

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Thank you to all who read and posted some very kind words about my story. I'll answer a couple questions that cropped up during your commentary -- and perhaps one or two that didn't. First off, though, I'd like to tip my hat to the other three authors who contributed their stories. I enjoyed each of them (Judge's most of all ).

I should say that I am actually not entirely satisfied with my piece. I was trying to keep it short and yet I quickly found myself at 4000+ words and climbing so I ended up cutting out quite a bit of material to get it down under 2500. The queen, who had supporting role in my first draft, found herself relegated to a brief mention (which really means that I should have axed her completely, although she was the reason for Philippe's excommunication in the first place -- something I tried to allude to, but which probably didn't come across very well). I also ended up omitting 99% of the description of the castle interior (the hall in which the bulk of the piece occurs) but I didn't remove much from the opening section because I needed to try to set the mood.

I'm also a bit rusty at writing fiction -- it's been a couple years since I wrote my last AAR and since then (as most of you know) I've been doing stuff like writing technical manuals, game manuals, etc. -- so I found it a little tricky to get back into the swing of things. I'm used to short, direct sentences, and out of practice on "subtlety". Add to that the slight hitch that not only did I have coz1's deadline to submit it, but I was also facing a deadline for the final draft of the Doomsday manual at almost the same time…so the short story is that I didn't have as much time as I would have liked to rework into something I was fully happy about.

As to the "reality" of the story, Philippe is a real person -- Philippe I of France -- but I did take some liberties with history.

Born in 1052, Philippe became king while still a child and his mother acted as regent until he was old enough to rule in his own right (1066). In 1072 he married Bertha, the daughter of Floris I, Count of Holland. They had two children: Constance (who would marry Hugh, Count of Champagne) and Louis (who would succeed his father to become King Louis VI). After Louis' birth, Philippe fell in love with Berthade de Montfort who was the wife of Count Fulk IV of Anjou. Berthade left Fulk (who died after Philippe, of natural causes, so I made that part up) and shacked up with Philippe who promptly repudiated his wife and married his lover in 1092.

The Bishop of Lyon was NOT amused, and eventually excommunicated him two years later. At the council of Claremont in 1095, Pope Urban II repeated the ban. After a while, Philippe promised to leave her and the ban was lifted…but this didn't last long as the lovers simply couldn't live apart from one another. The next decade or so saw Philippe excommunicated on and off (depending on Berthade's location), but eventually the pope couldn't be bothered to ban him any more and from 1104 onwards he was not under ban. Philippe and Berthade produced two sons and a daughter of their own.

The first half of his reign was a series of small-scale was as Philippe conquered a number of neighbouring areas and firmly re-established France as a dominant nation; and then he spent the second half of his reign putting down revolts. Alberic, the first Constable of France, was particularly good (and ruthless) at this.

At the time of the first crusade, Philippe happened to be in one of his excommunicated periods, so it was his brother Hugh de Vermandois that took a sizeable contingent of the French regiments to the Holy Land. Sadly, Hugh was a dolt, and pretty much utterly incompetent on the battle field. He began the campaign by losing most of his army when a storm sank most of his transport vessels in the Adriatic. Hugh survived, and took the remnants of his force to Byzantion. There's a pretty interesting story about his next year of crusading, but you can google that for yourself. The upshot was that he ended up with some troops on load from the Byzantine Emperor and participated (poorly) in the successful siege of Antioch.

The crusader army lacked sufficient forces to continue on and mount a full scale assault and siege on Jerusalem, so Hugh (due to a good relationship with the Emperor) was sent back to Byzantium to beg for more forces. Alexius I told him to bugger off, and instead of returning to Antioch as he had promised, Hugh simply high-tailed it back to France. Word of his broken vows was not well received, and when the second crusade came along the Pope made it clear that Hugh was either to get himself back to the Holy Land or he would find himself excommunicated like his brother.

So off Hugh went, with an even larger force than he'd taken on the First Crusade, and quickly (and amazingly stupidly by all accounts) got himself into a pitched battle agasint the Turkish force in Heraclea in June 1101. Due to his remarkably bad military prowess, almost his entire army was wiped out and he, wounded, barely escaped with his life. He was taken to Tarsus and died of his wounds in October. There is no source that mentions that Philippe was particularly upset at any of this.

During the course of researching this, I came across a primary source that describes the death of Philippe in July 1108 (so yeah, I made that up).

"...King Philippe daily grew feebler. For after he had abducted the Countess of Anjou, he could achieve nothing worthy of the royal dignity; consumed by desire for the lady he had seized, he gave himself up entirely to the satisfaction of his passion. So he lost interest in the affairs of state and, relaxing too much, took no care for his body, well-made and handsome though it was. The only thing that maintained the strength of the state was the fear and love felt for his son and successor. When he was almost sixty, he ceased to be king, breathing his last breath at the castle of Melun-sur-Seine, in the presence of the [future king] Louis... They carried the body in a great procession to the noble monastery of St-Benoît-sur-Loire, where King Philippe wished to be buried; there are those who say they heard from his own mouth that he deliberately chose not to be buried among his royal ancestors in the church of St. Denis because he had not treated that church as well as they had, and because among so many noble kings his own tomb would not have counted for much."

The source of the quote is….you guessed it…one Abbot Suger, one of the foremost historians of the time. Suger was born in 1081 and would go on to be a tutor (and ultimately a close friend and councillor) of Louis VI and later his heir Louis VII. He was Abbot of St Denis, although I moved that up in time a bit, and I have no evidence at all that he was particularly close to Philippe so that part is really stealing a bit from his future relationship with Philippe's son. As you read, Philippe died of natural causes some seven years after his brother, but what the heck…it made for a convenient vehicle for what I hoped would come across as a trigger of madness that led to a premature death.

So yes, it was Philippe who I intended to cast as the victim of madness, but when I found myself trying to write his insanity it just kept sounding ridiculous or forced. After quite a few attempts, I eventually settled on a very short paragraph and his final "damn God too" because I reasoned that in that era, damning both the religious power structure and even God himself was just about the pinnacle of madness. Obviously I didn't convey this convincingly enough so I should either have built up his anger over a larger body of the dialogue, or I should have tried even harder to come up with a "Lear-like" soliloquy for him.

And finally, in retrospect, I now regret using Philippe as my subject at all. In thinking about it later (after the Doomsday manual draft was over and done with and in Johan's hands) I wished I had chosen the storyline to follow his brother Hugh's disastrous exploits. Maybe next time.

Thanks again to all who took the time to read my brief story (and this less-brief explanation) and for your very kind words. If nothing else, this exercise has put the bug into me to write another AAR -- something for which I've already begun to plan, research and lay out a general plotline. Look for it in the not too distant future -- if you can stomach the verbosity.

Cheers!

Chris

 

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I really want to thank all readers who gave feedback, and also to thank Judge, MrT and Rensslaer for the great stories they came up with.

coz1 surprised me when he announced this round's theme. I've just happened to read stuff about the Teheran Conference when I notice the theme, and then I thought: "hmmm, perhaps I could get Stalin mad there if I changed a few things...". So I changed the Battle of Kursk and allowed Mussolini not to be couped by Badoglio. Yes, end was very abrupt, but... Being like one year and a half without writing fiction, I still think I did a good job.

Anyway, I have answered every feedback pointed at me as they were comming. Feel free to contest them if you wish. Now it's time to post them!

(disclaimer: I disabled smileys on pourpose, because of the images limit)

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Wow. This is so different, i'm speechless!

As most of the Guess the Author's buffs are mostly EU2's writers, like I was one day, I thought it would be quite good to write about a more modern theme, so to speak.

Hmm... If I posit that a crazy person can talk about themselves in the third person, then... Is it possible that this voice -- the fellow telling the story -- is Stalin some many years later, speaking from the asylum?

Not exactly my intention, but hey, why not?

He seems to have some knowledge... Seems sympathetic to Stalin... But man, he's way off his rocker. Way too flippant about how he tells the story.

My intention was exactly to be somewhat sympathetic to Stalin, although the author isn't in fact. But fictional writting is all about it: you change your personality and write. Now, I'm not sure if the "flippant" part if for me, for the teller or for Stalin. No problem: I haven't written any fiction for more than one year, so I still need some practise to get back to shape. Been writing A LOT of non-fictional stuff lately.

I'd almost guess this was a younger author just trying out a writing style, but the story has some sophistication and complicated analysis worthy of an older, college-educated author...

Yes, I'm quite young yet (aged 21, to turn 22 in two months) and I was exactly trying out a new writting style. Yes, you guessed it right. Since I like to do some "complicated analysis" on my non-fictional writings and I'm about to graduate from college, the last part also fits me quite well.

This required a great deal of thought to put together, even if I think it's written in a very distracting way. Perhaps that was the intent, especially considering the subject matter of the challenge!

That's my intent.

I am going to follow a belated hunch and guess that Author #1 is Rocketman. The sense of humor, and the cadence of the dialogue seems familiar to me.

<<braces against the expectation of peals of laughter if he's wrong>>

<<starts to laugh out loud>>
:rofl:

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I thought this was a funny story. It conveys Stalin's madness in an amusing fashion. The story does seem to be written by a novice writer, but one who has some talent already. Quite imaginitive, I say.

Thanks for the feedback! Makes me feel I was a bit succesfull.

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The narrative style is extremely casual, and in some places a bit odd - "he kept his soldiers' and officers' morale up and high, with the best method ever: 'Not one step back!...' "

Wasn't Stalin quite an odd being too?

You can basically pull off anything, Author #1, because you're clearly intelligent and have a goofy sense of humor, and those are the only things that really matter in writing ..................unless, of course, you want to become Herman Melville, which you don't. Trust me.

Thanks! I'll keep on trying. But what's about this Herman Nelville?

good story, and I'm glad Stalin got hauled off.

It wouldn't be nice either to see him getting on the top.

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Hello, Mr. E!

The story was a bit too confusing to me. First it was a history lesson, then a dialogue and at the end we got to know that Stalin kidnapped Roosevelt and Churchill. I don´t think the layout of this story worked all the way.

I partialy wrote it with the intent of being confusing, but I might have pushed it too hard to be fair. :wacko: Stalin, being as paranoid and a confusing being as he was in fact, deserved some confusion.

If I would have written this kind of story I would have tried to focus solely on the dialogue and I would have tried to build up the story from the start instead of adding a somewhat abrupt ending.

Ah, those dialogues involving Miss Hoover, the Big Sister and their guests...

The history lesson was good though.

Thanks. At least my lesson of semi-alternative history was useful for something.

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You spend a lot of time describing the Battle of Kursk and the aftermath. While a little backstory is inevitable and a good idea, eight paragraphs in a short vignette like this is just too long. I was starting to suspect you were trying out the 'history book' narrative form.

Yes. Some hours after I submited my story I thought about diminishing the backstory a bit and change its ending to an alternative I also thought about, but then I just decided to let the dice roll and didn't change it.

Your narrator seemed very sympathetic to Stalin, or like an apologist historian. (Yeah, Stalin was a jerk, BUT...) The opening paragraph seems to disprove that the narrator is Stalin, however.

Like I said above repling to Rensslaer, that was my intent, to show a teller a bit sympathetic to Stalin, even though I hate him myself.

You do a lot of 'telling' rather than 'showing.' "The conference is very important." "Stalin blames the western allies." The first is obvious from the history lesson, and you make the second very clear when they speak.

I just happened to read a discussion on the SolAARium regarding showing vs. telling. Even though it was mostly about screenshots, I thought it could apply as well to my story, where I both showed and told. Since the first comments on my story were already posted, I guessed some experienced writter would point this misunderstanding out, and I was right!

Enough nitting though, let's look at what is right. Your characterization of an insane Stalin was right on, and the part about his medicine (and what happens when they try to dilute it) is very enjoyable. You seem to have a good sense of humor and that kind of AAR, with just enough narration to establish the folk who are running around your world, could serve well. Stalin's solution, then Beria's, is also amusing though the ending was very abrupt.

Ironically, the medicine idea came after I casualy started to read on the web about people who are addicted to some strong depression medicine. It was right before when coz1 showed this issue's theme, then I reminded and thought I could use something about it. Yes, ending is abrupt. Something to pay better atention when I write something new again.

I think some more practice will serve you very well. These boards are a great place to practice as well as have fun! Keep reading, and by all means keep writing!

Yes, practice and practice. I acknowledge I need it. I wrote a few AARs here in the past and I know how fun it can become, and I know how spending about one year and a half in a hiatus can affect the writting. I know, I wasn't exactly a very good writer back then, but I need some training to get back to that level. How about starting an AAR soon? Maybe...

Your feedback was particularly useful and, when I write my book D), I'll put your name on the "thank you" section.

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Well, you captured insanity certainly enough.

So it means a success to me.

One thing I wish I could’ve discerned was the point of view. At first, I thought it was historical, with perhaps a winking nod to satire. This was confirmed by the historical descriptions of Kursk, Italy, etc. Then towards in the conference scene it became more humorous and at the end, with the kidnappings, it read as if the author was hurrying to a finish. There wasn’t enough depth to the ending.

The abrupt ending other readers also mentioned. Yes, I know, should pay more attention to this when I write again. Thank you nonetheless!

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I don’t have a problem with learning how the war is going. It helps understand the strain Stalin is under and why he goes crazy. But I think you get caught up in the details of the war and that’s a mistake. You could give a one or two paragraph general coverage of the war and accomplish the same thing and then concentrate on the dialogue between the three men. Stalin’s decent into madness is quite humorous.

Yes, the bad-going war (for the soviets, at least) should serve as a background and cause to Stalin's madness. My problem is: I've been so addicted to World War 2 lately that I, perhaps not in self-counsciousness, have put a big weight on the alternative war itself than on what really matters here: Stalin acting like mad! Thanks for the feedback, I think I learnt my lesson.

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While Stalin's madness was certianly amusing, and the subtle differences in this alternate history interesting, I found that this piece was a little crude in style. I was also not fond of the Theatric Play style of diaglouge (ie Stalin: Your planes suck!). I'd say that with a little more practice, this writer will acomplish great things though.

No problem: the story was a little crude, but so is the author. :wacko: Yes, practice, that's all I need.

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the first story being funny in a light-hearted manner

Thanks, pal! Quite my intent.

 

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Ooops, didn't get to review authors 2 and 3! Very, very briefly, they are both very good stories, and one thing I'd like to mention about 2 is that Mendoza is extremely scary but in a good, funny way - only the fact that he starts madly slobbering is over the top in my view because the intent is rather silly...

I'd like to be the first person to laugh at Rensslaer for guessing Rocketman was author #1.

And Anibal, welcome back to the world of fiction. Stay

 

[Rensslaer]

I'd like to be the first person to laugh at Rensslaer for guessing Rocketman was author #1.

And Anibal, welcome back to the world of fiction. Stay

Well.... I was trying to think, "Who does humor anymore?"

Welcome back, Anibal! I don't remember you from your earlier times... I guess that means I'm a newbie! But it'd be great to see you do another AAR.

Renss

 

[Rensslaer]

and was interested by the work of Author #4. The bullfighting metaphor was interesting, and artfully dodged the matter of explaining who the ruler is and why he's bonkers so we could find out for ourselves. Excellent! (Confession time: I'm biased towards this tactic because my aborted submission used the same trick...) The one thing I would like to have had in this piece, which isn't there, is some sort of reaction to the Emperor's final decree. "Oh, CRAP" would have been enough but I guess there was a slight lack of... closure perhaps?

Thank you, Hajji! Actually, this last part -- the generals' reaction -- was something I left out intentionally. I've been experimenting with where, exactly, to end a scene. My thought was that it might be more impactful if it's really YOU -- the reader -- who thinks that "Oh Crap!" at the end! Not sure if it worked, or not.

your opening reference to bullriding was jarring for a moment (American reference, Japanese setting) but it turned out working very well for you. Your description of the emperor and his office is done well - just enough for us to figure out what's happening, without overwhelming us.

Unari's asking for cavalry, given the situation, was brilliant. Certainly given the samurai-type culture, Hokkaido's fall, and the insane emperor the cavalry being obsolete wouldn't enter into Unari's thinking - and Horiuchi's right: If the Russians push on Tokyo, they'll need everything they can get!

The emperor's condemning Yamaguchi was well written, as was Unari's gambit. We now see clearly the emperor's not just cloistered and mistaken about the use of cavalry in modern warfare - both are forgivable - but this clearly indicates he's insane. In fact, it reminds me of the Stalinist purges of the oficer ranks after the Winter War. Horiuchi's trying to save Yamaguchi - good try, though what the former defense minister would do from an out of the way post could be questioned - was also nice.

I liked the characterization of this meeting. We clearly see Horiuchi and enough of the Emperor and Unari to make this a satisfying discussion. Each have their own agendas which makes them seem more real. Despite the nitting, I really enjoyed this story!

Sorry to quote so much, but I liked a lot of what you had to say! Thank you very much.

Stalin was exactly who I was aiming for in that particular part you mention, Catknight. The paranoid purges, and... I've heard quoted a part of Solzhenitsyn's Gulag Archipelago where he talks about a time when everyone at an event was afraid to be the first to stop clapping, for fear the political officers would see. So no one stopped! It went on, and on... Finally someone had to be the first to stop. And sure enough, he was arrested. <<shivers>>

The time period I meant to be somewhat ambiguous. Vicky's fluid tech trees allow some sliding, so I figured I could have Czars and cavalry and machine guns all in about the 1890-1900 period. I wasn't imagining samurai so much as a more modern "prussified" officer corps Japan saw in later years... perhaps about that time?

The bullfighting metaphor seemed to have thrown quite a few people. This is another experiment I've been playing with in recent writing -- introducing such a metaphor into the story to parallel what's going on. I've always been fascinated by how the Japanese learn so much from other cultures, and felt that if this officer had seen such a thing as a rodeo at a world exhibition, it might be something that would make an impact on him. And I envisioned the generals feeling like that -- at the mercy of an immense, uncontrollable force.

#4) My favorite of the four. A short scene, yet it embodied so much in the disaster facing Japan and how this terrible, insane, Emperor is bringing his land into ruin. It’s great how you could capture this in only a few paragraphs. I liked the rodeo allusion in the beginning, it really established the foreign perspective nicely. Putting the terrible reality directly after the glowing spoken reports was a great contrast. It both informed and gave you a clear sense that no one was brave enough to confront the Emperor with the truth. This is also the one story where I really wanted to know more. When I find this author out, I am going to demand that he keep writing more about this.

Thank you, Mett! I'm not sure if I will ever get around to a Japanese epic... Actually, I don't see how I could possibly outdo FJ44 in his Dawn in the East ! (Vicky -- go check it out!)

Storey, thank you very much for your kind comments!

Of all the madmen we've been shown this time around, Emperor Morihito is by far the scariest. The description of his madness is restrained, but that only brings it across all the more powerfully. The combination of complete detachment from reality, remorseless cruelty and absolute power is truly chilling.

Thank you, Yogi, for your kind compliments, and what you've said here means that I completely accomplished what I endeavored! Chilling is how I meant him to be. He sure scares me!

Thanks to every one of the writers, as well as those of you who took the time to comment! J. Passpartout and Nuclear Winter, thank you also, though I don't know that I can respond to your comments without repeating myself.

I had sat out a few rounds, so was glad to get back into the swing of writing for this challenge. Glad we had some new (actually, some older, but newly returned?) writers this time!

Rensslaer

 

[Judge]

Thanks to all reading and commenting my story, especially Rensslaer, Mettermrck, Catknight, The Yogi, Storey who commented on the stories and Coz who keeps this initiative alive and kicking. Thanks for all the kind words too. Also glad to see two great writers back, Mr T and Anibal, welcome back! Also some comments from me regarding comments on the story.

Storey and the Yogi, yes I agree that I made Mendoza a bit too ugly and almost a bit non human when I re read my story. Think I was too anxious to really portray the man as a madman. The ending is a bit mystic but I guess Alvaro was determined to save his own skin above all...

Catknight you had trouble getting a grip on Talvera.

“Despite the abundant help you try to give. We see him through Dom Alvaro's eyes, but he doesn't give us a clear idea what kind of man Talavera is. A converted Jew who admires Muslim architecture is about as far as we get. Though Talavera would certainly wish to avoid any excesses of the Inquisition, he sounds wise enough to not have argued with an insane cardinal. His position at court is exceptionally tenuous simply because of his religion.”

My intention was to portray Talavera as a fallen advisor to the Queen who despite this still is loyal to the Queen he once knew. Talavera is a man of principles not inclined to appease the cardinal since he thinks he might be able to win the favour of the Queen once more if he only could see her.

Catknight wrote: “Dom Alvaro is too...I don't know about him. He starts out being politely respectful, which is normal enough but then he acts oddly. He speaks firmly against the Cardinal, which even if the Card. was sane would be exceptionally unwise, albeit loyal. Why is he loyal? And if he is, why does he turn on Talvera at the end? To save his own skin? Certainly, but if he was that afraid he wouldn't have spoken against the cardinal in the first place. Ditto if he's an opportunist. I can't reconcile the two reactions. And if he is planning assassination, I think his last comment before we leave them has doomed his master Talvera.”

My idea was to portray Alvaro´s internal struggle. Alvaro really likes Talavera for lifting him up from the gutter but Alvaro is also very worried over his own future. At first Alvaro don´t expect much trouble when the Cardinal arrives but bit by bit he starts to realize what is to come. His initial reaction is to stay loyal to his master and dream of having the cardinal assassinated (a fate not too unusual for too eager followers to the inquisition in medieval Spain). His internal struggle is so strong that he even dares to confront the cardinal but as he understands that his master is not going to yield he sees a “vision” of the future. After that he realizes that there is no bright future in the “new land” and his loyalty to Talavera rapidly declines. Since he has dared to speak up against the cardinal he has to find a way out and the only way is to betray Talavera.

The Yogi wrote “It's hard to believe that the Queen would have gone from the spiritual guidance (and apparently also personal friendship) of the urbane and civilized Talavera to the slavering madman Mendoza. But then again, maybe it's the Queen that has gone mad in the first place, and chosen a confessor accordingly? If so, that should have been hinted at, at least.”

My idea here was inspired by the book “Dogs of God” about the inquisition. Apparently the Queen did have Jewish advisors that she held very high but as the inquisition grew more evil she turned on them and some were burnt to death. The format of the story did not allow a more detailed background though.

“There's also a small nitpick regarding the queen's edict; if the moors have been given the choice of conversion or exile, that is hardly one of religious freedom! Other than those two things, I find the style fluent and well developed, descriptions are well done and all in all, I'd say this is an experienced writer with a tubfull of talent!”

Yes, that was a mistake on my part. The Edict (expulsion) concerned the Jews while the Moslems initially were given the right of religious freedom.

 

[The Yogi]

Actually, this last part -- the generals' reaction -- was something I left out intentionally. I've been experimenting with where, exactly, to end a scene. My thought was that it might be more impactful if it's really YOU -- the reader -- who thinks that "Oh Crap!" at the end! Not sure if it worked, or not.

I think it worked out splendidly - the very words "Oh crap!" or the Swedish equivalent thereof went through my head as a read the line about having his head in a box - no way of dodging that bullet. I almost felt that "cold shower of unreality" that washes over you when you realize that something really bad just happened, on behalf of the poor General.

 

[Storey]

My idea was to portray Alvaro´s internal struggle. Alvaro really likes Talavera for lifting him up from the gutter but Alvaro is also very worried over his own future. At first Alvaro don´t expect much trouble when the Cardinal arrives but bit by bit he starts to realize what is to come. His initial reaction is to stay loyal to his master and dream of having the cardinal assassinated (a fate not too unusual for too eager followers to the inquisition in medieval Spain). His internal struggle is so strong that he even dares to confront the cardinal but as he understands that his master is not going to yield he sees a “vision” of the future. After that he realizes that there is no bright future in the “new land” and his loyalty to Talavera rapidly declines. Since he has dared to speak up against the cardinal he has to find a way out and the only way is to betray Talavera.

One thing I liked was when Alvaro was day dreaming of the new world, he didn’t think about the religious aspect of going there. He thought about the wine and women to be enjoyed. It was an indication of his weak moral character. It was because of that little detail that I thought he would turn in his friend to save himself. I remember thinking at the time that it was a nice subtle touch.

Joe

Joe

 

[Storey]

Thanks again to all who took the time to read my brief story (and this less-brief explanation) and for your very kind words. If nothing else, this exercise has put the bug into me to write another AAR -- something for which I've already begun to plan, research and lay out a general plotline. Look for it in the not too distant future -- if you can stomach the verbosity.

Cheers!

Chris

If I'd known you were writing again I might have picked you as the author simply from the amount of detail in the story. Good to see you writing again MrT. If you start an AAR let me know. The forum is so large I might never find it.

Joe

 

[Judge]

One thing I liked was when Alvaro was day dreaming of the new world, he didn’t think about the religious aspect of going there. He thought about the wine and women to be enjoyed. It was an indication of his weak moral character. It was because of that little detail that I thought he would turn in his friend to save himself. I remember thinking at the time that it was a nice subtle touch.

Joe

Joe

Thanks, I tried to portray him as a quite ordinary man and I guess most of us would have tried to save our own skin instead of joining Talavera on the burning fire

 

[Rensslaer]

Judge, I just wanted to add that I liked the conversion of mind at the end. Though I didn't recognize the foreshadowing others have noted.

Renss

 

[Judge]

Judge, I just wanted to add that I liked the conversion of mind at the end. Though I didn't recognize the foreshadowing others have noted.

Renss

Thanks

 

[coz1]

First, let me say once again a big thank you to everyone that participated this past month, authors and commenters alike. And it was wonderful to see some veterans back in action.

And T, whenever you are ready to start that new AAR, we are ready to read it. Can't wait.

Now, it's the first of the month and you know what that means. Another round of Guess-the-Author. Normally I try to come up with a topic that all of the games can write on, but this month I've decided to focus on EUII. My current game/AAR on Spain has seen one event at least three times in the first 120 years or so. And I thought I would throw it out there for others to try and write on. So here it is:

Treacherous Noble Arrested - there are three options for this event:

1. Hang him and confiscate his lands
2. Behead him and leave his estate to his heirs
3. Show mercy - impose fine and exile

You may choose any of the three, and any method of treachery. Enjoy.

The first four that PM me with interest are in. The deadline to have the submission ready will be Feb. 9. I will try to post the entries the following day (Friday the 10th.) So who's interested?

 

[coz1]

Folks - we still have one slot left for anyone that wants to be included in this months authors. PM me today to get in.

 

[coz1]

Hello there. Just a reminder that the latest round of submissions will be posted soon. I am still having a few issues with my computer, so look for the submissions hopefully Sat. morning. If not, assume I have tossed my computer through a window at long last.

 

[Rensslaer]

:: pokes his virtual head around the virtual corner, looking for something to read::

::says a little prayer for Coz1's computer::

 

[coz1]

Well, I think all is finally well with the computer...let us hope. Which means that I can get around to posting the submissions for this February's Guess the Author. Sadly, we never had a fourth join up. Is interest tailing off? But we did have three excellent authors try their hand at the assignment.

And recall the topic:

Treacherous Noble Arrested - there are three options for this event:

1. Hang him and confiscate his lands
2. Behead him and leave his estate to his heirs
3. Show mercy - impose fine and exile

Authors could choose both the exact treachery and punishment themselves.

Please give each author your best effort at reading the piece and offering your constructive criticism. No rudeness will be tolerated. And as always, feel free to try and guess the author as well, but remember that guessing should be a secondary effort, saving your critique as the primary goal.

I will post all three submissions in a row and then the floor will be open for critiques. I will divulge the authors later in the month after a goodly amount of feedback. Enjoy.

 

[coz1]

Author #1

"Duke! Duke, my old friend." Don Paulo sat upright as his second in command stepped in, escorted by two huge, nicely dressed men who epitomized the term 'goon.' He indicated a comfortable chair next to his by the fire. "Why did you not come on Sunday? My wife, who is your cousin's niece's babysitter, made pasta while Rico brought the chips and pretzels!"

Rico, one of the aforementioned goons, grinned as Duke sat. "Now see here, Don Paulo. I was busy, see?" Dressed in a grey suit, custom tailored to his wiry build, Duke could easily have been in an important business meeting, which in fact he was. "There was some trouble on the North Side, see, and I had to deal with it personal like!"

"The north side of where? Rico says he found you in Canada, which is...," Don Paulo searched the ceiling.

"Three hundred sixty nine point two miles," the second goon offered. Three pairs of eyes turned to him. "I was watchin' the numbers go round and round!"

"Fine, Vinnie. Which is ...." Don Paulo frowned.

"Three hundred sixty nine point two..."

"Far away!" Don Paulo rasped. He paused to inhale from his oxygen mask a few times, grabbed his cane, a thin, dark brown affair with a gold duck's head and leaned on it and stared. "Why weren't you at home?"

"I was visiting my grandma!" Duke replied, looking around nervously. "She's in...Ontario!"

"Ontario's in New York!"

"Actually," Vinnie began. Rico smacked him on the arm.

"Owww!"

"Duke,....Duke," Don Paulo spoke gently. "I've been good to you. I treated you like my own son, who I never had 'cause Maria was never the same in bed after the horse head incident. I watched you grow up. I made you my second!" He held up two fingers for emphasis. "Why did you go against me?"

"I...." Duke looked around again. "Look, see, I don't know what you've been told but I've been straight with you, see? I've always been loyal!"

:"You weren't there on Sunday, Duke."

"I told you, there was trouble on the North Side!"

"You knew the plan," Don Paulo pressed, his eyes narrowing over the top of his cane. "We spent half a mil on those refs."

"Yeah, and they got their money, see. I thought they came through for you!" Duke was sweating now, eyes darting back and forth.

"They did!" Don Paulo heaved silently, then took some more oxygen. He glared at his lieutenant for several long moments. When he could breathe again, he removed the mask and snarled. "You didn't!"

Duke cowered before the older man as he stood, leaning on the cane.

"You were supposed to place a wager for me, my friend. It is not hard. My own son, who is thirty and proved himself as an accountant for Enron, could do it. His son, who is nine, and recently bought the election for fourth grade election, has done it. Why did you not do this for me?"

"I had a secretary, see! She was supposed to do it!"

"I would have bet four point two million dollars. At six to one against an eleven point victory, I would have made," Don Paulo frowned and stared at the ceiling again.

"Twenty two million, seven hundred twenty one thousand, eight hundred dollars, assuming the standard five percent bookies' fee, three more percent on various 'donations' to avoid federal entanglement, and the five hundred thousand lost bribing the officials." Three pairs of eyes stared at Vinnie. "What!?"

"You're going to get in trouble," Rico hissed.

"Oh. Hokay."

"You owe me...a lot of money, Duke," Don Paulo returned to his lieutenant.

"Now see here! Making a bet on the Super Bowl isn't easy!" Duke writhed under the cold glare. "The lines were busy for hours! I tried!"

"You failed. Which I might have forgiven, except now my own...investment has disappeared. Four point two million dollars. Add in what I would have won, and the bribes and you have...." He snapped his fingers.

No response.

"Vinnie!"

"Whut!?"

"Never mind." Don Paulo growled. "How are you going to repay me for your treachery, Duke? You went against the family. No one goes against the family!"

"I'll get you your money, see!"

"That isn't enough, Duke. Not for this." Don Paulo straightened again. "I will have you know most of my people would have me hang you and confiscate your assets!"

"No! Look, see, you have to understand...."

"Or I could behead you and let your daughter have your assets. She would make a good match for my grandson once he gets out of elementary school."

"Yes! I mean No!"

"Or you could just pay me back and leave, never to return."

"I..." Duke licked his lips. "I'll get you your money, see. Even a little extra!"

Don Paulo shook his head. "You have no way to pay me back. I know you already spent the four million buying an attack helicopter for your mother in New York."

"Ontario, see."

"As I said. There's a fourth option," Don Paulo continued gravely. "And since you were once my son, my brother, my confidant .... just go, Duke. Take your family and go."

"You mean it?" Duke's eyes lit up and he rose slowly. "Really? Er....Really, see?" His eyes narrowed and he looked at Rico and Vinnie suspiciously.

Vinnie held up his beefy hands defensively. "Executing a person taking no active part in hostilities without a judgment pronounced by a regularly constituted court affording all the judicial guarantees which are recognized as indispensable by civilized peoples would be a violation of Article 3, Section 1(d) of the Geneva Conventions."

"Um...all right. Good luck, see." Rico stepped aside as Duke passed him. He headed for the door.

Don Paulo lifted his cane and pressed a knob just below the duck head. A single bullet fired out of its beak and imbedded in his lieutenant's skull. Duke fell without a word, a slow pool of blood framing his head.

"Boss! You said he could go!"

Don Paulo frowned at Vinnie. "I didn't want to ruin my good chair."