Chapter 1: Dublin....BRILLIANT!
Chapter One
Dublin....BRILLIANT!
Comming soon to the city of Dublin
"YOU DON'T KNOW THE HISTORY OF YOUR OWN COUNTRY! WHAT KIND OF IRISHMEN ARE YOU?" asked Morgan, one of the Brewmasters of the St. James Gate Brewery in Dublin, Ireland (The greatest city in Europe). "Well, excuse me for not sucking up to our history teacher, Mr. "Oh, professor O'Fennel, you're sooooo smart...and good looking too!"" replied Meaghan, the other. "Well, until you know the history of our great nation, I am not going to allow you the priveledge of enjoying the world's finest brewed beverage." Now, ordinarily denying an Irishmen his Guinness will land you a one way ticket to the pine box. However, Meaghan considered what his friend was telling him. "Morgan, I have just had an idea! If I know the history of our great and glorious land, then maybe I can enjoy my Guinness that much more!" "Enjoying Guiness more...BRILLIANT!" "Then, let the lesson of our great nation begin!"
We shall start in the year 1453....Don't ask why, it just seems like a good year for things to begin. Now, as you can probably remember, Leinster, in southern Ireland, was the father of our great country. However, back then, Leinster was nothing more than a freakle on the cheek of the world. Here, let me show you a picture, which I just so happen to have right here!
Leinster in 1453
Now, at the time, Donnchadh was the King of Leinster...but he wasn't at all brilliant....So, he died, and a new King was crowned. This King was to be one of the greatest Kings of Ireland, but we will get to that later. His name was Cathaoir I. He was a military genius, can was reputed to be able to consume 17 pints of beer in under 59 seconds!
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BRILLIANT!
Yes, yes, it was BRILLIANT! Now, with the rise of this new King came a new sense of purpose to the people of Leister, all 2000 of them. They began to dream of an Ireland united, not divided. So, Cathaoir began the ambitious program of expanding his influence across Ireland, and the rest of Europe as well. He was able to obtain Royal Marriages with Connaught, Scotland, Munster, Tyrone, Burgundy, and Brittany. He was even able to Ally Leinster with two of the other powers in Ireland, Tyrone and Munster!
Now, Leinster was no more powerful than any of the other kingdoms in Ireland...save for Leinster's love for beer, which was unmatched, and is still unmatched, in all the world. So, Cathaoir set out to change this by doubling the size of his military from 1000 to 2000 soilders. Half Infantry, and half Cavalry. He also brought....
Wait a tick! He had an army of 2000 soilders, correct?
Yes.
And Leinster had a population of 2000 people, correct?
Yes.
That doesn't seem to make sense!?!
Well, ummm, Some of the soilders were ghosts.
Cathaoir was able to summon the dead to fight for him?
Yeah, sure....
BRILLIANT!
Ok........anyway, like I was saying Cathaoir brought in a military expert who had fought in the Hundred Years War for France. His name was Jean-Philippe de Broglie, and he was to serve as the chief military advisor to the King. Now, all Cathaoir needed was a target. Dublin was decided as the best suited target, since the English, (spit), were in control of the city. However, England was allied with Portugal at the time, so if war was to occur, it was going to be rather, shall we say, risky.
Do you think that stopped Cathoir?
HECK NO!
Cathaoir declared war on England and Portugal on 26 May, 1455. However, instead of comming to his aide, his two allies in Ireland abandoned him! Undetered, Cathaoir led his army to the walls of Dublin and laid seige to the city. There was no resistance from England, or Portugal, outside of the city, and Cathaoir seemed to be handling the siege quite well, always setting aside time for a nice brewsky. Because of this, Tyrone, Munster, and Connaught all offered Leinster a military alliance. Cathaoir happily agreed, and Ireland was unifed under once alliance! On January 1, 1456, Cathaoir finally marched into Dublin and took control of the city. This was a monumentus occasion, as Dublin was the most populous city in Ireland!
Over the next year Portugal landed 5000 troops into Ireland. Cathaoir, who only had his 2000 troops, was little worried about these Iberian sea dogs, and marched against them. In 5 sperate battles Cathaoir and his men fought bravely against the Porteugesse army, and won every single time! Most say it was the beer that gave his army strength. I tend to aggree with this statement.
Beer giving strength?
Yes, Liquid Courage, some call it!
BRILLIANT!
Alright, enough already, hold ur Brilliance till the end...
Now, the war continued on through 1456, and on 4 February, 1457, the English diplomats arrived in Dublin to offer Cathaoir a treaty ceding Dublin and the surrounding area to Leinster. Cathaoir agreed, and peace was signed. Here, here is a map!
Peace of 1457
And so, with that, Leinster double its size, trippled its population, and had a strong alliance across the island. However, what happens next is even more exciting.....
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Ok, you can say it now.
BRILLIANT!
to be continued