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Will Tony use the can of V8 vegetable juice with a picture of a tomato on it to shut up Phil, if I was Tony I would give him a peas of my mind.
Ciçatrix: I think the TO got annexed by Lithuania, so it's not in my hands. 
Hajji Giray I, Duke of Wellington, BBBD: Thanks for all those dreadful puns.
Coz1: Well, slightly bad things...
Skarion: Yeah!
4. A Sinking Ship Leeks
August had seen a great triumph for the vegetables, but September saw the fall of Mecklenburg to the lowdown scoundrel vegetarians of Hannover.
Tommy: Crap! We're totally outnumbered in the west!
Phil: I think we should attack them.
The Swedes did. Their entire army was wiped out.
Tommy: Phil, you're a twat.
Luckily the alliance leader, Prussia, accepted a white peace in October despite the -16% warscore. Meanwhile, the war with Muscovy continued with Engelbrekt besieging Livland, which fell in January 1433. Elsewhere.
Pete: Man, I just, like, saw the meaning of life. I should, like, write a treatise or something, on my philosophy...
Phil: Shut it, peabrain.
Pete: No. I will never be silenced, man.
Phil: Fine. (gets out a minituare cage and puts it over Pete.)
Tommy: (enters) Hey guys, this rubbish piece of dialogue wasn't supposed to represent an uncooperative philosopher getting imprisoned, was it?
Phil and Pete: (guiltily) No.
In April it was time to get angry with Poland:
Pete: They sold us out, the c-
Phil: Damn, we were absolutely smashing them! We could have got Livland for sure! (voice lowers) Soon Poland will become a land of red rivers of blood.
Pete: What about the rivers already there? You know, the Vistula and shit, what about them, cos they like run blue at the moment?
Phil:
The Vistula, soon to be red?
So, in the end Sweden only recieved a share of the 63 gold that alliance leader Poland got from Muscovy for peace.
Then Pskov declared war. And Magdeburg. And Denmark.
Tommy: Holy crap! Our badboy is only 11!!
To add to Sweden's woes, a noble rather stupidly managed to get himself asassinated, the twit. As 1435 rolled around in it's merry little, way, the vegetables gathered for an emergency meeting in the peace room.
The Peace Room
Tommy: Gentleveg, we face a crisis o...what, what??
Phil: Uh, why are we in the peace room?
Tommy: The war room suffered a little accident...
Pete: I burnt it down as part of my peas protest.
Phil: Riiiight.
Tommy: Anyway. We have barely any armies and barely any money. I suggest we take a loan.
Phil: Do it! We need the fresh armies.
Tommy: Well, I saw this earlier:
I also saw an ad on TV (points to a tv screen. A man approaches the camera)
Loan Man: Are you short of money? Do you have debts, mortgages, CCJs, BBBDs or CHEAPOs that you just can't pay? Do you wish you knew what CCJs, BBBDs and CHEAPOs even were? Well, call Get-a-loan-fast-with-no-strings-if-you-know-what-I-mean-nudge-nudge-wink-wink Loans now, and get two hundred ducats up front NOW, with no repayments for five years, consolidating your debt into one easily manageable amount. (quickly) Once five years has passed you will have to pay everything back in one big, crippling repayment. Failure to pay will result in severe damage to vital organs...
Carl: I'll call them, shall I?
Phil: Wait a sec, what was that last part???
So 200 fresh, shiny ducats entered the Swedish treasury and a new army was raised to fight the Danes. Magdeburg was largely ignored, much to the chagrin of Brandenburg who rather sillily had Berlin and Kustrin besieged and pillaged by marauding Magdeburgers. Pskov accepted a white peace soon after.
In July 1435 a siege began in Skane, and in February 1436 Lund fell to jubilant Swedish, only to be betrayed by the Poles once again who made peace behind their back for a patheric 6 ducats for the whole alliance.
Phil: Poland will run red rivers of blood. (glares at Pete meaningfully) Including the damn Vistula!!
There was sad news in May when Engelbrekt died, and on July 8th Sweden left the Polish alliance, rather pissed off with their leadership.
Phil: Rivers of blood...
Tommy: Sure, we get the point already!!!!
Hajji Giray I, Duke of Wellington, BBBD: Thanks for all those dreadful puns.
Coz1: Well, slightly bad things...
Skarion: Yeah!
A Turnip for the Books: A Rather Strange Sweden AAR
4. A Sinking Ship Leeks
August had seen a great triumph for the vegetables, but September saw the fall of Mecklenburg to the lowdown scoundrel vegetarians of Hannover.
Tommy: Crap! We're totally outnumbered in the west!
Phil: I think we should attack them.
The Swedes did. Their entire army was wiped out.
Tommy: Phil, you're a twat.
Luckily the alliance leader, Prussia, accepted a white peace in October despite the -16% warscore. Meanwhile, the war with Muscovy continued with Engelbrekt besieging Livland, which fell in January 1433. Elsewhere.
Pete: Man, I just, like, saw the meaning of life. I should, like, write a treatise or something, on my philosophy...
Phil: Shut it, peabrain.
Pete: No. I will never be silenced, man.
Phil: Fine. (gets out a minituare cage and puts it over Pete.)
Tommy: (enters) Hey guys, this rubbish piece of dialogue wasn't supposed to represent an uncooperative philosopher getting imprisoned, was it?
Phil and Pete: (guiltily) No.
In April it was time to get angry with Poland:
Pete: They sold us out, the c-
Phil: Damn, we were absolutely smashing them! We could have got Livland for sure! (voice lowers) Soon Poland will become a land of red rivers of blood.
Pete: What about the rivers already there? You know, the Vistula and shit, what about them, cos they like run blue at the moment?
Phil:
The Vistula, soon to be red?
So, in the end Sweden only recieved a share of the 63 gold that alliance leader Poland got from Muscovy for peace.
Then Pskov declared war. And Magdeburg. And Denmark.
Tommy: Holy crap! Our badboy is only 11!!
To add to Sweden's woes, a noble rather stupidly managed to get himself asassinated, the twit. As 1435 rolled around in it's merry little, way, the vegetables gathered for an emergency meeting in the peace room.
The Peace Room
Tommy: Gentleveg, we face a crisis o...what, what??
Phil: Uh, why are we in the peace room?
Tommy: The war room suffered a little accident...
Pete: I burnt it down as part of my peas protest.
Phil: Riiiight.
Tommy: Anyway. We have barely any armies and barely any money. I suggest we take a loan.
Phil: Do it! We need the fresh armies.
Tommy: Well, I saw this earlier:
I also saw an ad on TV (points to a tv screen. A man approaches the camera)
Loan Man: Are you short of money? Do you have debts, mortgages, CCJs, BBBDs or CHEAPOs that you just can't pay? Do you wish you knew what CCJs, BBBDs and CHEAPOs even were? Well, call Get-a-loan-fast-with-no-strings-if-you-know-what-I-mean-nudge-nudge-wink-wink Loans now, and get two hundred ducats up front NOW, with no repayments for five years, consolidating your debt into one easily manageable amount. (quickly) Once five years has passed you will have to pay everything back in one big, crippling repayment. Failure to pay will result in severe damage to vital organs...
Carl: I'll call them, shall I?
Phil: Wait a sec, what was that last part???
So 200 fresh, shiny ducats entered the Swedish treasury and a new army was raised to fight the Danes. Magdeburg was largely ignored, much to the chagrin of Brandenburg who rather sillily had Berlin and Kustrin besieged and pillaged by marauding Magdeburgers. Pskov accepted a white peace soon after.
In July 1435 a siege began in Skane, and in February 1436 Lund fell to jubilant Swedish, only to be betrayed by the Poles once again who made peace behind their back for a patheric 6 ducats for the whole alliance.
Phil: Poland will run red rivers of blood. (glares at Pete meaningfully) Including the damn Vistula!!
There was sad news in May when Engelbrekt died, and on July 8th Sweden left the Polish alliance, rather pissed off with their leadership.
Phil: Rivers of blood...
Tommy: Sure, we get the point already!!!!
A loan, that could get tricky when it comes to paying back. Good luck with the war.
Ah Cash Craving Juniperberries, Big Bad Bulbous Dates and Cheap, Hussy' Envious And Poisonious Oranges????
I didn't know that fruit had such a hold on the financial markets!
I didn't know that fruit had such a hold on the financial markets!
Honestly I thought you'd be mad we're stealing all your linesFiftypence said:Hajji Giray I, Duke of Wellington, BBBD: Thanks for all those dreadful puns.
Nice update, about the rivers, plenty of tomatoes just waiting to be squashed, and that should turn the river red, shouldn't it?
It is a bit strange you getting jumped like that with a low BB. Maybe they think you are vulnerable...or they just want to get a stew on.
Ah, yes, the alliance leader with the sense of a three-day dead skunk. I have been so there! The main reason always to try and be the alliance leader.
Let the rivers of Poland run red with KETCHUP!!!! MHUAUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Nice update! DW
Let the rivers of Poland run red with KETCHUP!!!! MHUAUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Nice update! DW
I must admit... I was drawn in by the title. o
...Okay, and by the author!
Fiftypence, this is TRULY bizarre!
Rensslaer
o ...Okay, and by the author!
Fiftypence, this is TRULY bizarre!
Rensslaer
Sorry for the delay, but I kinda ran out of steam pretty quickly with the whole vegetable thing. I tried writing an update several times, but it just didn't seem funny.
If anyone out there is really that desperate I could scrape together an (unfunny) update, I still have the notes for it somewhere.
If anyone out there is really that desperate I could scrape together an (unfunny) update, I still have the notes for it somewhere.
Thats a shame. You could always just post that update and see what your fans think? If its no good then say good bye to this AAR. You might find its funnier than you think though.
Duke of Wellington said:
I don't actually have an update written, I deleted all my prior attempts. I'm currently fascinated by Indian history, so I may do an AAR in that region instead. I don't know whether to bother though, as I don't seem to be able to maintain any AAR other than my Danish Revival.