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DensleyBlair

UP THE EUROVILLA!! (they/them)
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Jul 29, 2012
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154a7e3eee0fffb201d02dba92f9edcc_zpsca5ea1f4.jpg




«—Part One.



Warning!
"This performance contains made up words and radishing lighting."

- aldriq​

"Well, slap my bottom with a turnip and a hey-nonny-nonny! I shall be following this AAR or call me a clumpy weasel..."
- Davout​



Many are the tales
told of Sherwin of Norfolk,
and of his faithful henchmen,
Lord Nevill Nevill
and Turquetil,
son of Herbert the
Pig Milker.
But none is told so oft,
with so much hitting
of heads in wonder
and repeating of
exciting parts as this,
the second chapter in
the Book of...

There's Nowt As Queer As Norfolk
The Farce Continues!




Dramatis Personae

Lord Sherwin Norfolk, illegitimate son of the Earl of Norfolk, wily wit
Turquetil, son of Herbert the Pig Milker, dim bondsman
Lord Nevill Nevill, heir to the Duchy of Bedford, foppish nobleman
Lord Horatio Dash-Dashington, heir to the Duchy of Suffolk, enviable bastard
Lord Cecil Sylvester, Lord Chamberlain, nondescript lackey
Elizabeth Tudor, Queen of England, verging on schizophrenic
Martin Frobisher, Captain, crewless
Egidio Bembo, farcically-accent Cardinal of dubious nationality



Contents

Prologue I
Prologue II

Sin I
Sin II
Sin III

Fork I
Fork II
Fork III

Play I

Intermezzo


There's Nowt As Queer As Christmas
 
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Oh come on, you have to tell us more about your new AAR than that!
 
Too many AARs and not enough life cycles. I'll be reading.
 
how do you subb? I want to subb all three as well

You've already done it! Posting to a thread should give you an automatic sub. Check the settings tab for new replies. :)
 
Oh come on, you have to tell us more about your new AAR than that!

Always keep them wanting more! ;) Besides, I've got to wrap up part one yet...

SubbeD, third one! Congrats

Cheers BR! Good luck with your own endeavour – I shall be watching.

It feels appropriate to voice a Hurrah! for this potentially legendary premise ;)

Huzzah!

Good to see the Stalker of the EUIV AARland sub-fora is arrived and well ;)

how do you subb? I want to subb all three as well

Welcome Persiani - good to see another fresh face! Thanks for the sub.

Too many AARs and not enough life cycles. I'll be reading.

Don't I know it! I'll be spending the next few days catching up on everything I've missed while I've been away.

As always, great to see you here LD.

Thank you all for your amazingly prompt and alacritous replies. Part one will be wrapped up in the coming weeks, so keep an eye out. In the meantime, I'll have some sort of prologue up to whet your appetites.

Huzzah!
 
My first EU4 sub. Does this mean that we should eventually expect a Norfolk AAR for each main game? (Shift Goes Forth into the WW2 era and it works.)
 
Subscribed! Excited! And counting the days!

Great to see another new face! Welcome aboard, bbiaso.

Dilemma: do I start with a clean slate here, do I read the prior installment, or do I first tidy up my House Karling backlog?

Reading the first installment will definitely take a lot less time, though I'm hoping to make it so that this sequel can function as a standalone piece.

Mind you, your Karling backlog is essentially the entire AAR ;)

Good to see you here, in any case!

My first EU4 sub. Does this mean that we should eventually expect a Norfolk AAR for each main game? (Shift Goes Forth into the WW2 era and it works.)

And, of I do say so myself, you couldn't have made a better choice ;)

Quite possibly. I'll say no more.



Thanks again to everyone who has voiced support thus far – I'm immensely eased that I've received so much support already, and am very much looking forward to getting a prologue of sorts up soon.

Huzzah!
 
My Turn Densley, I shall follow with Glee, Even If it does seem to be an English AAR...:D

You should wait until we get some golfer jokes in there – you won't like those ;)

Good to see you here!



I'm hoping to have a prologue up later today. Work begins on it now.

Huzzah!
 
Prologue

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"Milord, there's a messenger at the door."

"Tell him to go away."

"I can't, milord."

"An why would that be?"

"Because he says he brings grave news, milord."

"Fine, let him in. My morning's been pretty depressing thus far anyway so I fail to see how it can get any worse."

"What do you mean, milord? The sun is shining! The birds are singing!"

"Well, I've had to talk to you for a start. Now go and let the man in and make yourself scarce."



"My lord, I bear urgent and solemn news of our queen."

"Let me guess: she's run out of firewood and needs to borrow some of my furniture so that she can carry on with her decimation of the Protestant population of England?"

"No, my lord – it is much more grave."

"Shame. I was thinking of redecorating. Spit it out then."

"My lord, our beloved Queen Mary is dead. Her sister, the Princess Elizabeth, now sits on the throne.."

"My— Well I— I— I don't know what to say. How truly, truly tragic."

"Long live the Queen!"

"Long live the Queen indeed..."



"Turquetil, get me the biggest breakfast you can. Today's a day for celebration!"

"And why is that, milord?"

"Because, Turquetil, the queen is dead."

"But milord! That's a tragedy!"

"No, not really. You see, Turquetil, the old queen was a thick-headed papist who had an alarming penchant for human pyrotechnic displays. Even her ponce of a husband's beard wasn't safe. The new queen, however, is apparently delightful."

"I'll put the kettle on then."

"My lord! My lord!"

"Oh good! Some vaguely intelligent company. What is it, Nevill?"

"Haven't you heard, my lord? The queen lives no more!"

"Of course I've heard!—"

"Then let us lament together. For God's sake, let us sit and tell sad stories—"

"Abso-bloody-lutely not!"

"But my lord! This is an occasion of great sadness! Our queen is dead! The fire of this country burns no more."

"And neither do the fires that burn all those Protestants. Can't you see, Nevill? This is brilliant! Now that Old Mary's gone we don't need to live in fear of having our backsides barbecued, put on a silver platter and served to the king of Spain."

"Well, I suppose that is a bonus... Yes, my lord, I think you're right. This day shall be the start of a great new age for England! I can smell it in the breeze—"

"No, sorry – that's Turquetil."

"Sorry, milord."

"Why aren't you cooking breakfast?"

"I can't, milord. We've run out of turnips."

"Sod it. I'll have breakfast elsewhere. I don't think I could've out up with another day of your 'turnip surprise' anyway. "

"Yes, milord. Of course, milord."

"A fine idea!"

"What do you mean, Nevill?"

"Taking breakfast elsewhere; I assume I will be accompanying you?"

"If it really can't be helped. Anyway, they always say that one should start the day in the company of civilised men."

"Yes, I seem to recall having heard that at some point."

"I, on the other hand, prefer to start my day in the company of an utter idiot to remind me that I'm best. Now, are you coming or not? I want to get to Mrs Miggins' while at least half of the place is still prostitute-free."

"Ha! Your wit is in fine form today, my lord."

"So is yours Nevill. Insofar as, that is, your form is nonexistent. Now, onwards – to a new England!"



To be continued...
 
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Oh that was brilliant, I think I know you've done a good job with an update when upon reading, my brain immediately interprets your text as being spoken from the mouths of Atkinson, Robinson and McInnerney. I find the AAR works best if you actually try to picture it being acted out like an episode of Blackadder. :)