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OK everyone, I've been playing my socks off and I've got enough screenshots for three, four, maybe even five updates. And they're good ones (here's a sneak preview!)
Update tomorrow!
Update tomorrow!
The AARoquois: Part 5: I Suck At This Game
Good Lord, again? Honestly, one of these days I'll have to just shove you into lake and have done with it.
Well, I'd suppose I'd better do something about this stability matter then. Let's hire someone, or whatever. You! You'll do.
We now do crown you with the sacred emblem of the deer's antlers, the emblem of your Lordship. You shall now become a mentor of the people of the Five Nations. The thickness of your skin shall be seven spans - which is to say that you shall be proof against anger, offensive actions and criticism. Your heart shall be filled with peace and good will and your mind filled with a yearning for the welfare of the people of the Confederacy. With endless patience you shall carry out your duty and your firmness shall be tempered with tenderness for your people. Neither anger nor fury shall find lodgement in your mind and all your words and actions shall be marked with calm deliberation. In all of your deliberations in the Confederate Council, in your efforts at law making, in all your official acts, self interest shall be cast into oblivion. Cast not over your shoulder behind you the warnings of the nephews and nieces [Note to self - this bit could cause problems. Remove it soon. Bear Paw.] should they chide you for any error or wrong you may do, but return to the way of the Great Law which is just and right. Look and listen for the welfare of the whole people and have always in view not only the present but also the coming generations, even those whose faces are yet beneath the surface of the ground - the unborn of the future Nation.
Now, let's see how you look with those deer's antlers.
Very you!
Oh, but that's caused some trouble with the economy. I must talk to my new friend about our expenses legislation. Still, he's certainly doing his job.
Hurrah, I can make a slider change! Time for more centralisation!
Oh no! Two whole regiments! Oh what am I to do?
MERCIFUL MOCCASINS! I really should stop underestimating things like this. Well, time to recruit some mercenaries.
Oh, what's this?
Great. We've found another few square miles full of funny-smelling animals and belligerent savages. What a wonderful thing to know about. Our scientists are truly doing a great job for our naGET TO MAKING SHARPER SPEARS BEFORE I TIE YOUR LEGS TOGETHER AND CHUCK YOU INTO THE WILDERNESS LET'S SEE YOU DISCOVER NEW LANDS LIKE THAT YOU IVORY TOWER USELESS MORONS
Really? 16 ducats? I think I have that in my pocket. That's about a fifth of the minimum amount allowed in petty cash. Honestly, I should never have expanded the bureaucracy. Too many loopholes and regulations. Great Creator.
Finally. Oh, and look who's back.
HERE! HAVE YOUR GODDAMN POCKET CHANGE! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!
GRAAAAAAARGHoh Creator the Huron have declared war on us. Oh no no no no no I'm not ready I haven't recovered from the pretenders yet I got rid of all the mercenaries please no oh blimey they've taken Onondaga they've taken everything how big is their army no no no no no no no no come on they're in control of all our territory come on if my army can just get to Ottawa maybe we'll have a chance
Great Creator, give them speed. Give them strength. Save us all. Please.
No.
Well, Huron. We are at your mercy. Do with us what you will. Have mercy.
Oh, Great Creator. No.
If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room listening to Arrow for my Valentine.
Good Lord, again? Honestly, one of these days I'll have to just shove you into lake and have done with it.
Well, I'd suppose I'd better do something about this stability matter then. Let's hire someone, or whatever. You! You'll do.
We now do crown you with the sacred emblem of the deer's antlers, the emblem of your Lordship. You shall now become a mentor of the people of the Five Nations. The thickness of your skin shall be seven spans - which is to say that you shall be proof against anger, offensive actions and criticism. Your heart shall be filled with peace and good will and your mind filled with a yearning for the welfare of the people of the Confederacy. With endless patience you shall carry out your duty and your firmness shall be tempered with tenderness for your people. Neither anger nor fury shall find lodgement in your mind and all your words and actions shall be marked with calm deliberation. In all of your deliberations in the Confederate Council, in your efforts at law making, in all your official acts, self interest shall be cast into oblivion. Cast not over your shoulder behind you the warnings of the nephews and nieces [Note to self - this bit could cause problems. Remove it soon. Bear Paw.] should they chide you for any error or wrong you may do, but return to the way of the Great Law which is just and right. Look and listen for the welfare of the whole people and have always in view not only the present but also the coming generations, even those whose faces are yet beneath the surface of the ground - the unborn of the future Nation.
Now, let's see how you look with those deer's antlers.
Very you!
Oh, but that's caused some trouble with the economy. I must talk to my new friend about our expenses legislation. Still, he's certainly doing his job.
Hurrah, I can make a slider change! Time for more centralisation!
Oh no! Two whole regiments! Oh what am I to do?
MERCIFUL MOCCASINS! I really should stop underestimating things like this. Well, time to recruit some mercenaries.
Oh, what's this?
Great. We've found another few square miles full of funny-smelling animals and belligerent savages. What a wonderful thing to know about. Our scientists are truly doing a great job for our naGET TO MAKING SHARPER SPEARS BEFORE I TIE YOUR LEGS TOGETHER AND CHUCK YOU INTO THE WILDERNESS LET'S SEE YOU DISCOVER NEW LANDS LIKE THAT YOU IVORY TOWER USELESS MORONS
Really? 16 ducats? I think I have that in my pocket. That's about a fifth of the minimum amount allowed in petty cash. Honestly, I should never have expanded the bureaucracy. Too many loopholes and regulations. Great Creator.
Finally. Oh, and look who's back.
HERE! HAVE YOUR GODDAMN POCKET CHANGE! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!
GRAAAAAAARGHoh Creator the Huron have declared war on us. Oh no no no no no I'm not ready I haven't recovered from the pretenders yet I got rid of all the mercenaries please no oh blimey they've taken Onondaga they've taken everything how big is their army no no no no no no no no come on they're in control of all our territory come on if my army can just get to Ottawa maybe we'll have a chance
Great Creator, give them speed. Give them strength. Save us all. Please.
No.
Well, Huron. We are at your mercy. Do with us what you will. Have mercy.
Oh, Great Creator. No.
If anyone wants me, I'll be in my room listening to Arrow for my Valentine.
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i love the sense of humour... this happened to me (accept they annexed me) about 4 times (maybe more like 40) playtesting for my own game. I figured out the best way to deal with this was not to try to defeat their stronger army, but fight it somewhere, on your own turf. meanwhile your other stack over runs them and seizes the provs. Once you have thier capital, if their army are stil lfighting you cna just annex them. or ask for a white peace and they'll probably accpet!
Mind you I play HTTT so you may not be able to grab the provs in DW...
Mind you I play HTTT so you may not be able to grab the provs in DW...
At least you still have two provinces... playing Cherokee I was annexed in the very first war against Shawnee and Creek. The game then crashed! 
I have no idea how to play EU3, having never made the jump from EU2, but this is a very interesting read. To be honest, the more setbacks in an AAR, the better! Readers love seeing the player struggle. Sometimes I think there's an inherently high level of sadism buried deep within AAR readers.
The AARoquois: Part 6: Normal Service Will Be Resumed Shortly
CRAWLING THROUGH MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIN
THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEAAAAAAAL
SHUT UP I HATE YOU YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD
RARGH GREAT CREATOR I have to get myself together.
Come on Bear Paw. Right.
Sale of offices? Whatever, cube jockies. Have your rooms. Great Creator, the Huron slaughtered us, it's not like we don't have longhouses going spare.
Oh, who are you? Really? Yeah, sure, you can be part of my government. We're called the Great Council, or the A-Team for short. Here's your antlers.
By the way, I don't know what that pendant is, but it's so cute! Where did you get it? Oh yeah, and what can you actually do for the Iroquois? I suppose I should have asked that question first, but what's done is done AND NOW THEY'RE ALL DEAD
I don't know what that is, but OK, let's do it.
What on Earth..?
-"Greetings, Bear Paw"
COR LUMMY WHAT THE--
-"I am Marley."
Ohh, I love that film! Apart from at the end though, it's so sad.
-"No, not that Marley. The other one. Scrooge, chains and such."
I don't know what you're talking about.
-"A Christmas Carol."
Nope, doesn't ring a bell. I don't think it's been written yet.
-"Wha-- never mind. Tonight you will be visited by three spirit guides. They'll tell you stuff. You know, things in your subconcious, predictions, the usual paranormal crap. Also you'll get seven years bad luck."
What? Why?
-"Because it's not Christmassssssss..."
Well, that was strange. Still, I'm sure it was just an undigested bit of beef, a fragment of underdone mustard or whatever. I'm sure I won't be seeing it agai
AAAARGH WHAT
-"Hullo Bear Paw. I am Ivan, the Spirit Guide of Christmas Past."
What's Christmas?
-"Oh, it's nothing. It doesn't matter. What I am here to do is show you the decisions you have made in the past, and how they have affected your life."
Cool! So are we going to be flying around and travelling through time?
-"Sweet mercy, no. I'm not budgeted for that."
Oh.
-"And besides, the Risk Assessments for this spirit guide stuff are horrendous as it is. I'm just going to be talking, really."
Oh.
-"So, remember at university, when you went to your first Law class?"
Honestly? I don't remember anything of university. Hell, I don't remember anything between the ages of 16 and 29.
-"Oh. Well, you took one look at the textbook and decided to change your course to media studies. What could have been a great entry into a successful career became several years of useless partying and preening."
Hang on. I got into my position today because I was voted World's Sexiest Man. That "preening" led to me becoming leader of my country, which is a lot more than a Law degree would have got me.
-"Well, yes, but--"
Whatever. Gotta fly, mate. So many spirit guides, so little time.
-"Wait!"
What?
-"If you see a pigeon called Hamish, punch him for me, will you? He crapped on my nose."
Oh, I thought that was some sort of jewellery.
-"No, it's guano."
Oh. Well, gotta fly!
-"Och aye the hooooo!"
And whooooo might yoooooo be?
-"I am Hamish, the Spirit Guide of Christmas Present! Look under me wings, what do ye see?"
Well, I see twi--GREAT SCOTT MAN, THAT SMELL! DOES PERSONAL HYGIENE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
-"Of course not, Jimmy! I'm a pigeon! I live in smog and crap as I walk!"
Well it's anti-social.
-"Anti-social yerself! Don't talk to me like that, I'm Hamish the Pigeon, Sprit Guide of Christmas Present!"
Sorry, did you say Hamish the Pigeon?
-"Aye! Are ye deaf, laddie?"
No. By the way, this is from Ivan.
-"Ivan? That fur-faced baOH JESUS ME BEAK!"
Bye.
-"¡BUENOS NACHOS!"
So you're the Spirit Guide of Christmas Yet to Come, I take it?
-"NO SEÑOR, HE IS ON HOLIDAY. I AM JEFFÉ, THE CROCODILE WITH A SKIN CONDITION."
Skin condition? I can't see a - hang on, let me put my eye drops in.
Oh yeah, you've got some serious lizard skin there.
-"THAT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE I AM A REPTILE, SEÑOR. I DO, HOWEVER, HAVE ECZEMA. BUT EET EES IRRELEVANT. ¿NOW, I A SUPPOSED TO POINT TO YOUR GRAVE?"
Oh, we don't have those. We leave our dead on wooden scaffolds until they are rotted down to their bones, which we bury in their house.
-"¡WOW, THAT IS MESSED UP, AMIGO!"
Hey, that's my culture you're disparaging, fish-breath.
-"SO SORRY, SEÑOR. ¿BUT CAN WE JUST PRETEND THAT I HAVE POINTED TO YOUR SCAFFOLD? I GET QUEASY EASILY."
Sure, I don't mind. O! spirit, what can I do to change this horrid fate? How may I sponge away the writing on this stone? Must I be kinder? More generous? I promise you, Jeffé, I can change!
-"¡CALM DOWN, BRO! IT SAYS HERE YOU JUST HAVE TO CUT DOWN ON THE CHOLESTEROL."
Bah, humbug!
-"HEY, IT'S YOUR FUNERAL HOMBRÉ. YOUR FUNERAL..."
Oh, what a queer dream. Well, I'm sure it was nothing. Now, where am I?
Jiminy Christmas! I've missed a month! I must get back to the longhouse immediately!
CRAWLING THROUGH MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIN
THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEAAAAAAAL
SHUT UP I HATE YOU YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL DAD
RARGH GREAT CREATOR I have to get myself together.
Come on Bear Paw. Right.
Sale of offices? Whatever, cube jockies. Have your rooms. Great Creator, the Huron slaughtered us, it's not like we don't have longhouses going spare.
Oh, who are you? Really? Yeah, sure, you can be part of my government. We're called the Great Council, or the A-Team for short. Here's your antlers.
By the way, I don't know what that pendant is, but it's so cute! Where did you get it? Oh yeah, and what can you actually do for the Iroquois? I suppose I should have asked that question first, but what's done is done AND NOW THEY'RE ALL DEAD
I don't know what that is, but OK, let's do it.
What on Earth..?
-"Greetings, Bear Paw"
COR LUMMY WHAT THE--
-"I am Marley."
Ohh, I love that film! Apart from at the end though, it's so sad.
-"No, not that Marley. The other one. Scrooge, chains and such."
I don't know what you're talking about.
-"A Christmas Carol."
Nope, doesn't ring a bell. I don't think it's been written yet.
-"Wha-- never mind. Tonight you will be visited by three spirit guides. They'll tell you stuff. You know, things in your subconcious, predictions, the usual paranormal crap. Also you'll get seven years bad luck."
What? Why?
-"Because it's not Christmassssssss..."
Well, that was strange. Still, I'm sure it was just an undigested bit of beef, a fragment of underdone mustard or whatever. I'm sure I won't be seeing it agai
AAAARGH WHAT
-"Hullo Bear Paw. I am Ivan, the Spirit Guide of Christmas Past."
What's Christmas?
-"Oh, it's nothing. It doesn't matter. What I am here to do is show you the decisions you have made in the past, and how they have affected your life."
Cool! So are we going to be flying around and travelling through time?
-"Sweet mercy, no. I'm not budgeted for that."
Oh.
-"And besides, the Risk Assessments for this spirit guide stuff are horrendous as it is. I'm just going to be talking, really."
Oh.
-"So, remember at university, when you went to your first Law class?"
Honestly? I don't remember anything of university. Hell, I don't remember anything between the ages of 16 and 29.
-"Oh. Well, you took one look at the textbook and decided to change your course to media studies. What could have been a great entry into a successful career became several years of useless partying and preening."
Hang on. I got into my position today because I was voted World's Sexiest Man. That "preening" led to me becoming leader of my country, which is a lot more than a Law degree would have got me.
-"Well, yes, but--"
Whatever. Gotta fly, mate. So many spirit guides, so little time.
-"Wait!"
What?
-"If you see a pigeon called Hamish, punch him for me, will you? He crapped on my nose."
Oh, I thought that was some sort of jewellery.
-"No, it's guano."
Oh. Well, gotta fly!
-"Och aye the hooooo!"
And whooooo might yoooooo be?
-"I am Hamish, the Spirit Guide of Christmas Present! Look under me wings, what do ye see?"
Well, I see twi--GREAT SCOTT MAN, THAT SMELL! DOES PERSONAL HYGIENE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?
-"Of course not, Jimmy! I'm a pigeon! I live in smog and crap as I walk!"
Well it's anti-social.
-"Anti-social yerself! Don't talk to me like that, I'm Hamish the Pigeon, Sprit Guide of Christmas Present!"
Sorry, did you say Hamish the Pigeon?
-"Aye! Are ye deaf, laddie?"
No. By the way, this is from Ivan.
-"Ivan? That fur-faced baOH JESUS ME BEAK!"
Bye.
-"¡BUENOS NACHOS!"
So you're the Spirit Guide of Christmas Yet to Come, I take it?
-"NO SEÑOR, HE IS ON HOLIDAY. I AM JEFFÉ, THE CROCODILE WITH A SKIN CONDITION."
Skin condition? I can't see a - hang on, let me put my eye drops in.
Oh yeah, you've got some serious lizard skin there.
-"THAT IS PROBABLY BECAUSE I AM A REPTILE, SEÑOR. I DO, HOWEVER, HAVE ECZEMA. BUT EET EES IRRELEVANT. ¿NOW, I A SUPPOSED TO POINT TO YOUR GRAVE?"
Oh, we don't have those. We leave our dead on wooden scaffolds until they are rotted down to their bones, which we bury in their house.
-"¡WOW, THAT IS MESSED UP, AMIGO!"
Hey, that's my culture you're disparaging, fish-breath.
-"SO SORRY, SEÑOR. ¿BUT CAN WE JUST PRETEND THAT I HAVE POINTED TO YOUR SCAFFOLD? I GET QUEASY EASILY."
Sure, I don't mind. O! spirit, what can I do to change this horrid fate? How may I sponge away the writing on this stone? Must I be kinder? More generous? I promise you, Jeffé, I can change!
-"¡CALM DOWN, BRO! IT SAYS HERE YOU JUST HAVE TO CUT DOWN ON THE CHOLESTEROL."
Bah, humbug!
-"HEY, IT'S YOUR FUNERAL HOMBRÉ. YOUR FUNERAL..."
Oh, what a queer dream. Well, I'm sure it was nothing. Now, where am I?
Jiminy Christmas! I've missed a month! I must get back to the longhouse immediately!
Oh man, sorry I took so long. I had the pictures all lined up and everything for days, but I was delayed by the TWIN DEMONS of procrastination and idolatry!
The AARoquois: Part 7: "The joke's on you, I'm playing on Very Easy!"
What have I missed, what have I missed?
-"Well, someone called Osa--"
No time, just hire some mercs. I have had a revelation!
Yes, take out a loan. Since when have you cared about money, you horrid miser? Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons? You make me sick!
Bah humbug! What do the proletariats know about such things anyway.
Ah, the Cayugans are ready. Good.
And how much time do we have to prepare?
Enough. Enough...
And now for a little something I learnt on Holiday in Germany (wherever that is):
First, we create domestic problems in our target.
...Ahem, first we grow a bunch of spies, then spend over a year trying to create domestic problems in our target.
Much better.
As you can see, there are now patriotic rebels in Huron fighting to become part of our Great Binding Law again, just as the mercenaries in Onondaga have finished... mustering themselves? So now, we...
er...
hmm.
Ah yes, I remember now! There's that hammer at the top, so what we do now is centralise our country more.
That's it, I remember now. The pretender only has 1,000 men with him, so he is easily vanquished.
You're kidding me.
Carniverous coyotes! The despicable Huron are trying the same tactics!
OK, so now we move our--
I fear our army has not been as well-trained as promised. That's Sioux labour for you.
Thank the Creator.
Right, that's over. Time for a speech. PR face, PR face.
Gaze, O enemies, upon our mighty army, who, with only a few thousand people, managed to put down a WHOLE VILLAGE WORTH of gormless farmers! Surely thy doom is assured!
Damn, I'm a good orator.
Ah, lovely. Red is my favourite colour. I'm worried about Huron's embargo, though. After all, we had a whole zero merchants stationed there.
But a casus belli is a casus belli. To war!
The AARoquois: Part 7: "The joke's on you, I'm playing on Very Easy!"
What have I missed, what have I missed?
-"Well, someone called Osa--"
No time, just hire some mercs. I have had a revelation!
Yes, take out a loan. Since when have you cared about money, you horrid miser? Are there no workhouses? Are there no prisons? You make me sick!
Bah humbug! What do the proletariats know about such things anyway.
Ah, the Cayugans are ready. Good.
And how much time do we have to prepare?
Enough. Enough...
And now for a little something I learnt on Holiday in Germany (wherever that is):
First, we create domestic problems in our target.
...Ahem, first we grow a bunch of spies, then spend over a year trying to create domestic problems in our target.
Much better.
As you can see, there are now patriotic rebels in Huron fighting to become part of our Great Binding Law again, just as the mercenaries in Onondaga have finished... mustering themselves? So now, we...
er...
hmm.
Ah yes, I remember now! There's that hammer at the top, so what we do now is centralise our country more.
That's it, I remember now. The pretender only has 1,000 men with him, so he is easily vanquished.
You're kidding me.
Carniverous coyotes! The despicable Huron are trying the same tactics!
OK, so now we move our--
I fear our army has not been as well-trained as promised. That's Sioux labour for you.
Thank the Creator.
Right, that's over. Time for a speech. PR face, PR face.
Gaze, O enemies, upon our mighty army, who, with only a few thousand people, managed to put down a WHOLE VILLAGE WORTH of gormless farmers! Surely thy doom is assured!
Damn, I'm a good orator.
Ah, lovely. Red is my favourite colour. I'm worried about Huron's embargo, though. After all, we had a whole zero merchants stationed there.
But a casus belli is a casus belli. To war!
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Oh man, this entry is going to be great. I can't wait till they see this, as soon as I upload these--
HNNNNNNNNNNG
HNNNNNNNNNNG