For the Fern! Part Deux, A New Zealand AAR

[Raaritsgozilla]

Constant Failures

With Kharkov being a major thorn in the New Zealand Army's side something had to be done. Rather than attack it outright, oh no, NZ generals are much smarter than that! Lets attaxk next door to it!!

Haha it sounds like bile. Sickening!

In a totally surreal twist of time travel weirdness, Canadian forces under the command of the New Zealand government attack Soviet forces in Bahghdad. Which is mind blowing. Soviet logistics men realise the var is lost, so they're hanging out in the rear areas swigging vodka left right and centre. The sum result of this is that supplies are not getting to the tough Boris... Borissess? fighting for Mother Russia at the front. Oh no, its all going to Ivan who is swapping his wife Natashya for thirteen cigarettes and an old turnip.

Reporters call it Bahg-dhad

Canadian forces prevail!! Maple leaf forever! Wait, thats a while away isnt it? Erm, Union Jack on red background forever!

Oh Canada.... Thank god for the mounties. On camels.

In keeping with the theme of not attacking the thorn outright, New Zealand generals order the attack on Belgorod. This doesn't work well. Despite using AK-45s and having no bullets, or worse, NO VODKA, Soviet troops beat the well equipped New Zealanders. Who were too busy... uh... *Baaaah* SHUT UP!

If you wear XXXL gumboot you can fit 2 pairs of legs in

FINALLY, the attack on the thorn is launched. No-one expected the thorn to be coated in concrete and filled with 13 Soviet divisions. Still, these New Zealanders are refreshed, and my god they can do wonders with No. 8 wire!

Ouch I stood on a thorn Sarge!

What brilliant fighters! Such courage! Such awesomeness!

Oh. Oh my.

GODDAMMIT!!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Its ok though. While they were faffing about losing, New Zealand aircrew were lounging around while groundcrew worked day and night to add moar cool guns and bigger engines and other cool shit to the planes. Hell yeah!

Lets draw a dragon on it! SHIT YEAH DRAGONS ARE AWESOME!

The concrete covering the thorn is cracking. It can be cracked! Lets try the tried and true Soviet method of zerg rushing! Oh. We're fighting the Soviets? Lets just ask them nicely to surrender. Will it work? Who knows?

Must... get... to... Sumy... fast...

Tales had been heard of a bald guy in glasses walking around stealing salt and stuff and sitting down. He sounded like the original stoner

NNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!

He was so chilled out! Why must you take the cool ones and leave us Stalin???!! Why Paradox, whhhyyyyyyy??!?!​

 

[Duke of Wellington]

Kharkov certainly is pretty tough. But I have no doubt that we shall prevail now, especially with dragons on the bombers! Also that'll teach the little salt thief for trying to stir up trouble.

 

[unmerged(104971)]

Nice AAR! Just discovered it.

Keep on the good work!

PS: I think releasing The Netherlands is better than occupying them.

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

Duke of Wellington: Well, he'll only steal it once... then BAM! I think I have a screenshot of your division hiding somewhere in the 200 odd upcoming ones

GasTurbine: Thanks, I don't think i can release the Netherlands as a whole yet, because I released Wallonia (or maybe Flanders). I like the colour of the world atm though...

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

The Thorn

Seconds into the new day, a diplomatic aide rushes into the office of someone not very important with an urgent message!

Pshaw

Yes, pshaw is what the not-very-important man replied with.
"That old chestnut? Those two have been picking on each other since time began. Its like Germany and the Poles."
He has a point, eh Hitler?

JA!

"Ja, zat is vat zer Poles are for! Everyone kicks the schit out of zer Poles!"

Everyone appreciates a cameo. With all the news from Asia covered by that report, we move on. The supply problems for Boris has become very dire in Iraq.

"Comrade Boris! Private Boris has been shot!" "Noooo!"

Parts of Persia have been liberated leaving some Borisses stuck in the swamps of Iraq with no food, only marsh water to drink.

Mmmmmm Marsh water....



































Moving along, it would seem that the attack on Kharkov failed. Again. And we lost Belogrod. Again. Moar attacks I say! Moar!!!

This time Mofo!

To aid the war effort on the ground, the newly outfitted planes with dragons (SHIT YEAH! DRAGONS!) started bombing Belogrod.

Still gamey? Yes!

Notice the CAS still doing their thing. Ground Attack + Interdiction = awesomeness. No Soviets, no problem.

In Iraq the last of the Borisses are rounded up. They are so low on supplies they don't have any marsh water any more.

One unnamed Canadian general beats 6 Soviet divisions! YEAH!

In the meantime, Ivan has sold his wife Natalya to a wealthy Canadian sergeant in exchange for a pack of cigars, three bottles and vodka and seventeen turnips. Both were happy with the outcome.

Natalya. Always a good trade

While waiting for the New Zealanders to occupy Belogrod, a schneaky Soviet motorised division schneaks into the province. He pays for his foolish mistake with DEATH! MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Gamey death from the skies!

With Belogrod finally secured the attack on the concrete encased thorn can now be launched!

Gogoogogogogogogogogo... GO!

Yes... Yes....

Yesyesyesyes go go go go!








Warning: Excitement ahead

Warning: This is the most exciting part of this update

YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally. With that out of the way, we can now finally move on! How exciting!

Next Update: More assorted, seizure inducing changes of theme, ideas and geographical areas! Stay tuned!​

 

[Duke of Wellington]

That sure was excitement overload. Or maybe it was just the marsh water and Natalya. Either way well done. Now with Kharkov done lets move on to more glorious things. Also wise words from Hitler.

 

[El Pip]

If it took that much for a concrete encased thorn I dread to think how much a real fortification will take!

Still doubtless the borises are so alarmed at the progress they'll skip the fighting and go straight onto bride selling.

 

[Mico94]

:rofl: great comeback updates

 

[unmerged(138234)]

Excitement, Excitement and more excitement

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

Ok, my broadband is down atm, so I'm on dialup and dont feel the urge to wait around while Photobucket uploads at 2 kb/s. So I'll promise an update when my broadband is back. Around the 10th or so. Promise. Promise promise

 

[unmerged(48100)]

He was so chilled out! Why must you take the cool ones and leave us Stalin???!! Why Paradox, whhhyyyyyyy??!?!

Gandhi chills, Stalin kills? Crappy comment, but at least I'm not the one updating.

Good updates. The short wait for the next will seem like nothing compared to the wait for those, though, so don't worry about that now.

 

[unmerged(74032)]

Do we get an update of your narrative New Zealand AAR too if your broadband is back?

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

Do we get an update of your narrative New Zealand AAR too if your broadband is back?

Yeah I guess so, Ive got some ideas so I'll try and pump one out

 

[unmerged(138234)]

im looking forward to it

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

May try to update tonight ladies and gents

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

This Update is Erratic

With one giant concrete encased thorn safely in the bag, the New Zealand generals turn their attention elsewhere. Namely, next door.

Belogrod, after whupping our airborne troops twice, TWICE!! is gone. Some guy in a hat and colour... gets beat by a black and white guy with a hat. New Zealand troops have been dressed in tropical fatigues in order to make them fight harder in order to get out of the cold. It seems to be working.

The French have a go now.

Hiiiiiiiiyah!!!

The noble French, our noble French allies, ride into battle in their 1944 tanks, white flags a-waving (just in case you know). They come into a bit of trouble. Freyburg is on hand to help out. The French are fortunate in that they are only facing Militia from deep Sibera who have not heard of the French Curse. All they had to do was simply yell OOGA BOOGA! and the French, well they would have hoisted those white flags higher.

Further south, near Iraq, heavy fighting erupts.

Mine! no its mine!

What pretty colours all in one spot. Ten Canadian divisions fall upon one single Soviet division. Why would this be happening? Has the Canadian sergeant grown sick of dear Natalya?

And a return appearance!

NOES! Of course not! Why would he?! Back on topic. What are they fighting about? Boris found an old lamp in the sands. Thinking it was full of old turnips he cleaned it up to see into it. We all know what happens next. Genie time!!

And what a Genie it is too!

Once the Canadians caught glimpse of... well... you know, they stampeded. All 100,000 of them. There were no winners in the melee that followed.

Once that little problem was cleared up, one other thing was dealt to.

OH MY GOD!

A Soviet aide went running into the Soviet Generals tent.

"Sir sir sir!!! Theyre attacking us!!"

I think his face shows you what he though of that.

Westwards ho we go, and not realising that the ground is full of marsh, Lt. General Kippenberger, known to his friends as 'Potato' (historical research has never found out why...) sends his troops forward. Toward that guy. Luckily it works!

Noes Sarge I'm sinking!

"Sir sir sir!!!! Theyre attacking again!!!!!!"

MY GOD NOT AGAIN!

Heh heh heh and him with only 20,000 men to help him. It works too! Wooo!

With all this shit hitting the fan, Stalin throws his toys and demands his best General to get to the spot.

"Zukhov! I choose youuuuuu!"

It does not work so well when your divisions are at half strength. And have no org. Oh well.

It is a gamble that does not work. And this is as far as New Zealand has advanced at May 18 1948. Moscow is in sight! Beat that Hitler! Muahahahahaha

Muahahahaha

NEIN!!!!

And so says Baby Hitler. Never trust him.

​

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

This Update is Not Much Better

General Wier sees his friend's name on a map and immediately orders an attack.

"Can it be? My old friend?! I order an attack now! Now now now NOE!!!!"

"Sir? Your friend is Bobraisk?"

"Well... Bob. Attack Bob! He's a jerk anyway."

Mmmm ok works for us.

The Yankees decide it is their time to shine in Europe! Shine on America! Shine on!

The sun never sets on the American Empire

Sending 170,000 of it's finest young men to the bottom of Finland must of looked good in Patton's crayon book, but I'm sure theyre not so appreciative. In fact, you can see what they think of that decision...

Patton is not well liked in the snows of Finland

In fact, no Americans are well liked in the far East either, especially after the last bit of information crossed Chiang's desk.

"That Truman... he is a...."
"Prick?"
"Yeah that works"

That is probably because China has started the second Japanese-Chinese war. And here is Japan being Americas friend finally. Not so impressed.

With the Soviets doing badly, Stalin once again turns to Zukhov. After his last performace, he's out for blood.

Do it Zukhov!


With things going more badly, Zukhov looks over his shoulder and sees something terrifying

Here's looking at you Zukhov

He promptly takes his eyes off the prize. With predictable results.

AAHHHRGGGG

Three divisions simply run away in fright, while the remaining four run around in apparent disorganisation. Good job bucko.

With victory looming, Potato is charged with attacking. 190,000 men charge into Slonim. Some tanks, trucks, etc etc. Russian soldiers come up with a bad joke. Wanna hear it?

"They're too fast! Nothing is Slon'im down!"

Told you it was bad.

Slon'im indeed

So it ends well for everyone. Militas go home, and New Zealand gets some more forest land. Cool.

By the end of May, alot has been achieved. Look!

Knock knock knocking on Moscows doooor

While in the East, Americans are smoking through Sibera and the remains of Manchuko. There is a common sentiment for the troops in Siberia.

But they're still going hard.

Notice the little bits of New Zealand land in Japan. Namely Tokoyo. Thats gotta piss them off. That, and the tons of Chinese on their beaches. No beach landings for you!!!

Ve Shall CRUSH you!!!​

 

[Raaritsgozilla]

And as from now I shall be labouring to update at least twice a week. Which is a big step for me I must say.

 

[TombolaG]

I've only read pages 9-11, but it's still brilliant! I have subscribed

 

[hebelecan]

Good God. This AAR ... Can you feel the awsomeness it emits ? What is your IC the Great Sheep master ?