-
We have updated our Community Code of Conduct. Please read through the new rules for the forum that are an integral part of Paradox Interactive’s User Agreement.
- Status
Java shall only arise to become an even better colony of the Benelux!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Knight & Frog
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Knight & Frog
[Wakes up from his stupor.]
Arise my brothers and sisters, arise my friends and bastardly foes, for this nation is the third greatest [according to some Queen named Victoria] in entire world! Hail at our magnificence! Surprisingly the liberals have not been capable of messing up this great nation; for we are still great and intact! But do not let your guard down my brothers, while the liberals may be enticing us with great benefits and new freedoms we can only dream of – they shall eventually mess up and when they do, we will suffer tremendously!
A copy of the standing of the eight greatest nations of the world. Whoever this Queen named Victoria is is really a jerk.
Fear my brothers and sisters, fear we must, for the peace between the bordering nations has been shattered into a thousand pieces. The Black Knights find themselves defending against a Frog who wishes to reclaim the region of Alsace-Lorraine! Shall the great and glorious Benelux become a battlefield for the might of both nations? I say not! We must intervene in the affairs of either nation. Crush the Frog against our forts [for I am hungry for some frog legs]. But no! The liberal government will not jump at the chance to be proactive and achieve greater honor for this nation!
TORTURE! TORTURE! The liberals are destroying this nation! THEY ARE TREASONOUS! TREASON! First they do not dare fight the Frog nor the Black Knight. Secondly, they openly consider allowing either the Knight or Frog to cross our border – leaving it to the highest bidder! We are not a whore of a nation, we are a nation of morals that these liberal scum do not understand! Thirdly, they change the laws for voting! What was wrong with the previous system where my great wealth and intelligence allowed me participate in the steering of this great nation! Oh wait! The law is beneficial, while all can vote, our rich vote counts for more! PRAISE TO THE LIBERALS! PRAISE TO THE LIBERALS.! PRAISE TO THE LIB---THAT’S ENOUGH PRAISE!
War is not the only thing we must be concerned about these days my friends! There is more outside of war [though war is the most exciting subject we always discuss], like politics, religion, my wealth, my knowledge, and of course just plain talking about me, Brother Jacobs! Aw, you enjoy my diligence in reporting the news in great detail with a fair and balanced approach, how grateful! But so sad, your subscription rates shall now cost you a pence more! But moving on my brothers and sisters, steaming forward we must with a great new invention. A grand invention that uses water and fire, the steam ship! My two favorite things, fire and water together! Oh dear GOD! What if….no it couldn’t. But what if…What if The Knight and Frog worked together! LOOK AT WHAT I’VE DONE! OH NO!
Steamers are researched. In the background French troops can be seen fighting the Prussians. Whoever worked on this photograph did a bad job. Pay for cheap labor, you get cheap results.
[Brother Jacobs collapses again from a fit of rage, thinking about the Knight and Frog teaming up to destroy the Benelux.]
Awesome update again, thank you!
You also have deffinatly the 5 chapters that are necessary for the contest, congratulations
You also have deffinatly the 5 chapters that are necessary for the contest, congratulations
Awesome update again, thank you!
You also have deffinatly the 5 chapters that are necessary for the contest, congratulations
Thanks. There should just be 1 more 'update' in the Chapter 5. I think that's whats scheduled according to the Table of Contents.
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Dream or Nightmare?
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Dream or Nightmare?
[Brother Jacobs wakes up from, his body is eerily cold and he notices he is sleeping on the stone floor.]
Oh my! Oh my! My brothers and sisters the most horrific dream I have occurred and I must warn you, for sometimes dreams can become true, and that is such a nightmare! It has felt for the last few days and into the nights I could think of nothing about the deceased Napoleon of France and his bountiful amount of offspring, all but one who are illegitimate – but all scoundrels to the great nation of the Benelux! We must be wary friends, for the French intentions should be known to us all! Especially now that word of their peace with Prussia has renewed, all for what you ask? Alsace-Lorraine is the name of the prize and the name of the game is It Somehow Involves the Benelux.
A massacre of our dignity on this great day! A massacre! The young republic of far far away [the United States of America] has humiliated our humble diplomat! What did we ever do to you? Oh yeah…we owned present day New York City about....what….over a century or two ago? Way to hold a grudge man! But what! What is this that our great king does? It has been less than a full two months since the massacre of our dignity on February 14th, 1849, and we sign a military agreement with the nation of far far away? HOW CAN WE? I am not a man to the question the king [every day], but I often [at least once a week, but never more than six days of the week] find it is the most reasonable thing to do pass time when time moves by ever so slowly.
February 14th, 1849 - a Massacre of Beneluxian Dignity.
To the diplomacy application we go! Who is going to become a dependent nation of the graces of the Benelux today? What does our magical wheel that spins say? [A wheel of imagination spins around in the head of Brother Jacobs.] “Afghanistan, too many mountains; Burma, wedged between China and the British; Canada, non-existent and too cold; Denmark, just right [plus I don’t know many more countries after this].” To Denmark we send our diplomats to influence the once great nation! Let’s just hope those pesky Black Knights don’t beat us there.
Ha! Ha! To the Black Knights, your country is weak! Weak and unable to defend itself from its own people! Your nation crumbles before the wave of liberalism that has spread across the lands of Europe. Perhaps your weakness shall be ours gain! But watch out, we aren’t the only ones who might seek to increase our holdings with your demise.
In other news my brothers and sisters, the King proclaimed October 6th, 1849, one of the greatest days in the world as the “Liberal Revolution” was declared over. If the king so eagerly states the Liberal Revolution is over, how does he know? Does he have inside information on this? And if he does, what is to say he is not a liberal himself! TREASON AT ITS HIGHEST LEVELS! TREASON!
The King proclaims the Liberal Revolution is over. Says who?
One more time: Brother Jacobs= Pure, unbridled, chocolate induced, utterly mad awesomeness.
Last edited:
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Honor? Oh that thing...
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Honor? Oh that thing...
Good day there my brothers and sisters, what a glorious day of great glory to an empire that we are. Empire you ask? You think that the great Benelux is not an empire? Well then! You are certainly in for a treat. [Makes a mental note to write down your name on a piece of paper and hand it into the secret police afterwards.] You shall see the power of the Benelux forge across these next few years. You shall watch the great powers of Europe, Britain, Prussia, Austria, Russia and France tremble at our might. They shall pay heed to the power of a country that they thought their road!
How did this all start you ask? Well quite simple, there is no grand tale of two has been empires fighting for control of their scant colonial holdings. Wait a minute! [Re-reads his briefings about the war.] There are tales of two has been empires in our allies the Portuguese receiving a declaration of war by the Spanish. Interesting. So that is why we are going to war. In order to defend the Portuguese who received notice of war on February 28th, 1850.
Portugal calls for the aid of the Benelux against the Spanish monsters. We accept, only because it will break up the boredom of these past few years.
I guess this fight should be hard and epic, and we should queue in some monumental music that clearly displays the legendary status this war will deserve. To play Bach or Beethoven that is the question, or shall we find somebody else whose mastering of the vibrations of molecules in the air that correlate into sound to play? [Are you confused by that sentence, because I surely am, it is a grade A Brother Jacob’s Tongue Twister!]. So yeah, anyways…..back to the war. Our king, in his great infinite wisdom launches our first cavalry division of 18,000 troops. I clearly ask him on the day of the departure, “My great liege, master of the syrup, king of the fruit galore and hitchhiker of the road, why is our division so large?” And the great king stared at me for a brief moment. ‘To be quite honest good citizen, you will have to ask Commander Johan and his team of like-minded officers. He should be available soon.”
I nodded and quickly found Commander Johan, who did not look quite happy to see a man of greater intelligence [perhaps my questions are too probing for the mind]. “Great commander Johan, the King that we share has asked me to ask you why the first cavalry division is numerically stronger than most others. And also, can you answer this pickle of why every regiment we recruit, no matter if infantry, if engineer, if artillery, if horseman is always 3,000? Why is that?” The commander nodded, clearly understanding the frustration of the nation. “Well Brother Jacobs, if 300 men could stand at Thermopylae can you imagine what 3,000 men could do?” The logic and reasoning of the commander amazed me. I remained quite for the rest of March 8th, as our brave troops departed the lands of the Benelux for the tyrannical lands of the old monarchs in Spain.
Commander Johan, clearly his wisdom matches those of Brother Jacobs.
(is that now an compliment or an insult? you get to choose )
Thanks for the update!
(is that now an compliment or an insult? you get to choose
)Thanks for the update!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Our Might is Real, Vila Real!
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Our Might is Real, Vila Real!
It is noted throughout the world that March 22nd, 1850 is one of the greatest days in all of Beneluxian history, as we the masters of the road, are well masters of the road, except we aren’t the road. Portugal is our road, the road to Spain! Through Lisbon our great cavalry division of 18,000 great men proceeds to northern Portugal to fight off the invading Spaniards. News would soon reach from the interior of Iberia of a great battle happening on the Portuguese-Spanish border at Vila Real, where 18,000 of our troops had bravely fought of a numerically superior Spanish army of 28,000. Perhaps Commander Johan was right about regiments with 3,000 men [though I will have to check the history books, as I think the 300 men at Thermopylae were capable of killing more men than we did].
Results of the First Battle of Vila Real.
The Beneluxian nation was becoming a super high---power, with its massive sphere of influence stretching from Portugal to Japan. But on April 23rd, one of our greatest diplomatic conquests was realized – and we hadn’t even known it [until the king proclaimed it]. Though I often question the wording of the proclamation, which reads as: “a great nation, deep with tradition, master of the great men and knowledgeable of power….” [yawn, our overly wordy king is being well over wordy and not to the point. I hate people who are not to the point. What is the point of dragging out the description when nobody even reads it? And yes, I notice I am being hypocritical, but that is how I roll my brothers and sisters.] “…the great nation of Denmark joins the ranks of subjects of the great Beneluxian Empire.” [What a downer if you ask me.]
Moving way from the boring diplomatic events of the nation; [who cares about diplomacy, unless you are a diplomat! And even they must be bored with diplomacy, because often I hear of corruption charges and drunken brawls brought about by ‘civilized’ men.] To Spain we go, or is it Portugal? Lets just call it Iberia. “But Brother Jacobs, it is not united!” You say. Well, I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THINK! It is Iberia. Iberia it is. Deal with it. The Spanish seemed quite down about their defeat at the first battle between Beneluxian and Spanish forces at Vila Real in early April. So in early May, the Spanish tried again to dislodge the Beneluxians at the second battle of Vila Real. Then a third battle, and a forth battle and finally a [if you guessed bet on six battles, you guessed right and have just won your very own special signature copy of my…] battle that ended their will. By Mid-November, with the Battles of Vila Real over, other interesting developments had occurred.
Other interesting developments, besides the constant battles of Vila Real.
Most of these developments were overlooked by the constant twitter of news from Vila Real. Apparently our navy was quite capable of transporting massive armies of Beneluxian troops to and from our kingdom with ease. “A highway on the ocean is our navy!” I proclaim one day, only to recall the very next day that the day I proclaimed such truth that the harbor was empty. I must apologize my brothers and sisters, because sometimes for patriotism for this country blinds me. But anyways, our navy had taken the task with great heart and easily transported an additional four divisions of infantry numbering 21,000 soldiers each. But why such force is needed? Why do we keep the Benelux defended by only three divisions of 21,000 soldiers? Why?
Oh wait, I know why!
The reason why the Benelux was so lightly defended. The Prussians had become chocolate loving liberals! And we all know liberals don't attack liberals!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
A Hard War to Fight
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
A Hard War to Fight
Good day my brothers, I have returned from a stupor. I have awoken drenched in cold sweat from a horrendous nightmare where I dreamt a terrifying dream that was of the greatest horror. “Brother Jacobs, please tell us more, but with less big educated words,” you might say. Since I love playing to my base, I will dumb down the words for you sap whose lack of a noggin but good working hands keeps my lap full of a sack of gold. I dreamt of a dreaded Frog Prince by the name of Napoleon II, the son of the croaked Emperor. But luckily it was only a dream my brothers and sisters.
[Shakes his fist at the thought of a Bonaparte returning to the throne of the French. Brother Jacobs seems somewhat disturbed, as if this isn’t his first dream about a Bonaparte.]
Let us return a war that is quite easy to win my brothers and sisters, against the Spanish crown that does not realize it is defeated. News has reached my ears, that two great victories occurred in Iberia at a place none of you heard of, it is called Logrono, and my brothers and sisters the victories were some of our greatest [during the war]! The Spanish armies would be decimated at the two battles occurring in and around this town. Nearly ten thousand Spanish devils would meet their maker at the cost of a little over three thousand Beneluxian souls. Poor souls, you shall never again taste the fine beers and chocolates of this nation. [At least that leaves more for me. Oh and I can’t forget the waffles.] But what is this? The Frogs dare to allow the Spanish to jump across their border? DISGRACEFUL!
Our spies report that Spanish troops cross the French border and return into Spain.
ALARMING REPORT! A great tragedy on the home front, our nation is going down faster than ever before. “But Brother Jacobs, we aren’t being invaded!” the peasants will scream. “I know we aren’t being invaded!” I will say to them, the matters of wealth are of no concern to the poor. My wealthy comrades and I have been quite concerned as of late, as the world economy began to “tank”. Quite an interesting word I must say, but it is the word we agreed upon at our discussion. Our government friends quickly found what they thought was the source of the problem that the steel production of the world was well below the demand. Also, we have learned that the Chinese have fallen under the sphere of the Red Coats! Perhaps that is playing into our problems?
Our king, whoever it may be, perhaps it is a queen by now, I am not quite sure [nor do I really care, as I am the real source of information in this nation], cannot live with the fact that our treasury has gone from gaining an average of 500 pounds a day to losing up to 220 pounds a day! So what does he do? He raises the tariffs from 10% to 25% only to turn a profit! Oh dearest [ ] king; [ ] queen; [ ] president; [ ] dictator; [ ] alien overlord (Please check the box[es] that apply), this is madness! MADNESS!
On September 1st, a great economist noticed the true problem to our deficit, sadly his name is forgotten [as sometimes when somebody points out the blunders of the state, the state just wants to get rid of that person]. The national stockpile [didn’t know we had that thing] was attempting to buy a shortage of clipper convoys, which was draining our budget at alarming rates. So the great economist decided to stop our purchases of these ships, returning us to profitability! The tariffs were reduced back to their original rate of 10%! And sometime in between this war that was harder to win than our Spanish endeavor, Spain decided to declare peace.
We gain the Philippines, while Portugal gains a good portion of Morocco.
Thanks for another update!
I feared that Brother Jacobs was dead after reading in the "Character Writer of the Week"-Thread... I am glad he isnt!
Congratulations on winning the war!
I feared that Brother Jacobs was dead after reading in the "Character Writer of the Week"-Thread... I am glad he isnt!
Congratulations on winning the war!
Brother Jacobs never dies...though he comes close to it sometimes. I do have a sad update I'll have to share when we get to 1853 (two updates from now). There is quite a bug I found within Victoria 2 that will need to be immediately fixed, but it can wait until the next update or two.
- Status