Very Well, Alone! A British H.P.P. Semper Fi A.A.R.

[misterbean]

find the ID in the event file, open cheat console and fire it by hand.

edited to add: abdication of Edward VIII: event 2603
resignation of Baldwin: event 2604

 

[Elastic Fish]

Thanks to Narkaz for that tip. I just kept playing until October 1936, and the event popped up! Thanks to misterbean, too, whose technique is very likely to come in useful at some point, in this AAR or others. It's great to have a base of technical support amongst my readers, being so poor at all that jazz myself!

ON WITH THE SHOW!

Political Wizardry (Part 1)​

*Stanley Baldwin stands in a room on the first floor of 10, Downing Street. He gazes, mournfully at an open door and, through it, the staircase leading down towards the front door and the cold, October rain. Beside him rest two small suitcases and an umbrella. He is holding a crystal whiskey bottle in one hand*

Stanley Baldwin: It’s bloody unfair… never would have happened if that bloody woman hadn’t attached herself to Edward… bloody Yanks… always their fault…

*Baldwin trails off and goes into deep thought*

Stanley Baldwin: Hmm… yes. I think that should work… Yes! They’ll surely agree… I’ll say it was a mistake, not my choice, I was… Outvoted! That’s it! And by my own cabinet, too… I’ll have to blame this on Eden, poor sod. Then again, he was always a bit uppity for my liking… serves the blighter right, I think… I’ll have him hung for treason! And rightly so, threatening to depose the king like that… dear, dear, Mr Eden…

*Baldwin pulls a telephone closer to him and begins to dial. He also reaches for a cigar box, but is surprised to find it empty*

Stanley Baldwin: That’s odd, there was one left last night, and the doctor says my sleep-smoking has been cured… Where could it have gone?

*From behind Baldwin, a loud and deliberate exhalation of cigar smoke can be heard, and smelt*

Voice: Your cigar seems to have disappeared as if by, one could say, by magic?

*Baldwin turns around*

Stanley Baldwin (very shocked): Y-y-you!? How on Earth did you get in here? I’ve been watching the door since I came in!

Voice: They don’t call me the Welsh Wizard for nothing!

*David Lloyd George proceeds to pick up Baldwin (still holding the crystal whiskey bottle) with one hand, by the scruff of the neck, and hurl him out of the window*

Stanley Baldwin: Blooooody heeeeeeeeeeeeeell!

*During his fall, Baldwin collides with Winston Churchill, who has been eavesdropping below the window, hanging on a drainpipe. Both hit the ground, scratched by glass, but Baldwin is protected by Churchill’s body fat*

David Lloyd George (from the window): Two birds with one stone!

Winston Churchill: Oh, Stanley! I knew you’d want to talk to me, so I turned up early!

Stanley Baldwin (very angrily): You weren’t supposed to turn up at all, Winston.

Winston Churchill: Well, all the better that I did, since you clearly want to talk to me about… Oh, wait, I can guess! Is it a… position in the cabinet? I’m right, eh?

*The sound of a crystal whiskey bottle smashing on Churchill’s head can be heard, followed by Baldwin escaping and hailing a cab*

Winston Churchill: Hmm, that hurt… Oh well, must’ve been an accident! If my long struggle for political renown is to end, the better it should end, not through surrender, but only when I am rolling senseless on the ground! Blimey, that was good! I’ll keep that for later.

*Winston takes out a notebook and begins scribbling*

David Lloyd George: Hmm, looks like a cabinet meeting is in order…

*Lloyd George snaps his fingers and, in a puff of smoke, a telephone appears in his hand*

David Lloyd George: Still got it!

Part Two Coming Soon!​

 

[misterbean]

great! now I have to go find out who the heck David Lloyd George is!

edit: a strange man, this George. on the one hand, he seems about as corrupt and dirty as they come, on the other, he raised schooling age, increased pensions, and generally made life better for the British everywhere. curious to see where this will lead.

 

[loki100]

great! now I have to go find out who the heck David Lloyd George is!

edit: a strange man, this George. on the one hand, he seems about as corrupt and dirty as they come, on the other, he raised schooling age, increased pensions, and generally made life better for the British everywhere. curious to see where this will lead.

well a common refrain of the time had the line "lloyd george knew my father" which encapsulated both his habits - of having multiple affairs and utter corruption, even by UK standards, of the honours system ...

great, if rather bizarre (in the best usage of the word) update as well

 

[Elastic Fish]

Thanks for the comments, guys. I'm really happy that people enjoy this, because it's great fun playing through. Lloyd George is indeed an interesting guy, who worked wonders in the First World War, but ended his RL days looking up to Hitler almost as a child to a comic book hero.

He wrote the following in The Daily Express in September 1936

'As to his popularity, especially among the youth of Germany, there can be no manner of doubt. The old trust him; the young idolize him. It is not the admiration accorded to a popular leader. It is the worship of a national hero who has saved his country from utter despondence and degradation.'

However, he soon changed his mind about Hitler and began to support Churchill's views. His speech in the debate following the Norway campaign likely played a part in Churchill's rise to power. Despite this, he thought that the war was unwinnable by the time France fell.


So, Lloyd George is certainly a very interesting character and, as Rensslaer asked and I confirmed earlier on, the way Britain goes will depend on who is steering the ship, and Lloyd George will be steering for the forseeable future.

Oh, and, as I said, I like to keep it funny at the personal level (at the top) and serious on the wider scale. Variation, and all that!

 

[Elastic Fish]

Political Wizardry (Part 2)​

*The members of Baldwin’s cabinet, minus Baldwin, have been told to meet outside the door of 10, Downing Street. A day has passed since Baldwin’s literal fall from power. Chamberlain is early, as always, and more than a little uneasy, again as always.*

Neville Chamberlain: Nine twenty-five…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine twenty-six…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine twenty-seven…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine twenty-eight…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine twenty-nine…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine thirty… the meeting starts in forty-five minutes! They’ll all be late…

Neville Chamberlain: Nine thirty-one… have I got the right date? Oh God, they’ve probably already gone in, but if they haven’t and I try and open the door… Oh God I’d look silly…

*Chamberlain furiously checks both his diary and his watch for the next forty minutes, at which point Ernle Chatfield is dropped off by his chauffeur*

Ernle Chatfield: A little cold to be standing outside, eh Neville?

Neville Chamberlain: Better three hours too soon than a minute too late!

Ernle Chatfield: Hold on… Neville, how long have you been standing here?

Neville Chamberlain: Better three hours too soon than a minute too late!

Ernle Chatfield: Oh dear…

*Anthony Eden walks around the corner*

Anthony Eden: Gentlemen

Ernle Chatfield: Morning Anthony

Anthony Eden: Any idea why Stanley called this meeting?

Ernle Chatfield: No, actually, although I think it might be something to do with the whole monarchy business…

Anthony Eden: That seems most likely.

Neville Chamberlain: Why did he call this meeting? There must have been a reason! Oh, dear Lord, I’ve slipped up… I’ve done something wrong and he-he’s giving me the boot! Oh no, oh dear God no! Whatever shall I do! It must be my fault… oh dear… Stanley, I-I mean Mr Baldwin or, or Mr Prime Minister, please Sir! Sir, no! I need this job sir! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

*Chamberlain pulls out a handkerchief and begins to sob uncontrollably*

Anthony Eden: For the love of…

(From around the corner) Winston Churchill: MAN UP, NEVILLE!

*Hugh Sinclair arrives and notices Chamberlain crying*

Hugh Sinclair: Neville got here early again, eh?

Ernle Chatfield: Three hours.

Hugh Sinclair: That’s big, even by Neville’s standards…

Anthony Eden: Agreed!

*The other members of Baldwin’s cabinet soon file in (except Baldwin), but they are left wondering why Baldwin has not arrived.*

Anthony Eden: You would have thought he could have let us in, at least.

Owen Boyd: It better not rain, I’ve got all these papers…

*The door opens, but the person opening it is not recognised by anyone, except Chamberlain*

Neville Chamberlain: Good heavens!

*Chamberlain faints. Eden is in a position to catch him, but lets him drop*

Austen Chamberlain: Good morning, dear half-brother.

Anthony Eden: Right, what the hell is going on here?

Austen Chamberlain: The P.M. told me to come, says I’m the new Minister of Security.

John Gort: That’s not like Baldwin…

Austen Chamberlain: Who said anything about Baldwin? Ha-ha…

Anthony Eden: I think he is actually more malevolent than that bloody monocle suggests…

John Gort: Wait, you say the P.M. made you the Minister of Security. The Prime Minister did this, yes?

Austen Chamberlain: Oh yes… in no uncertain terms…

John Gort: Yes, but, well, Baldwin is the Prime Minister!

Austen Chamberlain: Oh, ha-ha, not anymore!

Cyril Deverell: Start talking sense or I’ll stop you from talking at all, you little blighter!

Austen Chamberlain: Do come inside, dear friends…

*Austen Chamberlain opens the door and retreats into the shadows with a sinister chuckle*

Ernle Chatfield: Blimey, he’s a few books short of a library…

Hugh Sinclair: I think, perhaps, a few books too many.

*They proceed inside, with Deverell dragging the still unconscious Neville Chamberlain in by the ear*

David Lloyd George: Hello there, gentlemen!

Cyril Deverell: I could’ve sworn you were dead!

David Lloyd George: Hah! I can’t die! I mean, no, I have not been dying recently…

*Very awkward silence*

John Gort: So, you’re the new Prime Minister?

David Lloyd George: Indeed. I have selected Austen here to be our new Security Minister. His ‘efficiency’ should be instrumental in rooting out any… infiltrations…

John Gort: But, what happened to Stanley, I mean Mr Baldwin?

David Lloyd George: He gave me his letter of resignation. Copies are on the way to King Edward and The Daily Mail.

John Gort: Is this letter written in blood?

David Lloyd George: Yes, unbreakableness and all that. Mr Baldwin was most insistent…

John Gort: Riiiiiiiight…

David Lloyd George: In case you are interested, here is the chart of your cabinet positions.

Hugh Sinclair: This is an exact copy of Baldwin’s, just with the pictures of you and Chamberlain put over Baldwin’s!

David Lloyd George: Well, not much has changed.

Anthony Eden: Well, with Baldwin ‘resigned’, where do we stand on foreign policy?

David Lloyd George: Well, err… Francis, was it?

Anthony Eden: Eden, sir. Anthony Eden. I’m the Foreign Minister, you see.

David Lloyd George: Yes, yes, whatever.

Anthony Eden: Well, sir?

David Lloyd George: Well what?

Anthony Eden: Our foreign policy, sir.

David Lloyd George: Hmm, yes…

Anthony Eden: Err, sir?

David Lloyd George: Well, what did Baldwin think?

*Eden pulls out Baldwin’s old hand-annotated maps from a drawer and shows them to Lloyd George*

Lloyd George: For an insignificant little speck like him, these aren’t all useless… I recommend that we adapt his ideas somewhat, whilst keeping the main body of them essentially the same.

Anthony Eden: Very good, sir.

David Lloyd George: We leave the Nazis, the Reds and the French to fight it out. Expect the French to collapse and plead for our help, just like the Great War. We’ll leave them be, and let the Nazis turn on the Communists, hopefully exhausting themselves and the Soviets in the process. Meanwhile, we pick on the minor side-states and expand the empire as much as possible.

Anthony Eden: But the French are our Allies!

David Lloyd George: That agreement means nothing, except to the French. We shall keep up appearances, as Baldwin has done, of friendship, but be prepared to leave them in the quicksand at the first sign of danger.

Anthony Eden: What of the Japanese?

David Lloyd George: Hmm, they have eyes on all of the Far-East, and that means Hong-Kong, Singapore and India. The Royal Navy must be ready to face them. Fortunately, their greed will likely pull them into a war with America, which will doubtless be their downfall. Sadly, they look to be falling in line with Hitler. We may have to wage war with Germany. If we do, we shall keep it a defensive affair. Air superiority must be maintained over the Home Islands, and invasion must be halted before it can begin.

Anthony Eden: Fair enough. What about Mussolini?

David Lloyd George: He’s a rather pompous fellow, not half the man Hitler is. He’ll likely try for a war of expansion. Should he target Egypt, we’ll drive him out of Libya and set out a friendlier regime in Rome.

Anthony Eden: You think he can be dealt with that easily?

David Lloyd George: Yes.

Anthony Eden: OK…

David Lloyd George: Now, for all you military men, Baldwin’s projects will remain in place, as they seem worthwhile. Any other requests will go through me, however.

*Murmurs of reluctant acceptance from Deverell, Gort, Chatfield and Boyd*

Hugh Sinclair: Any chances of me being able to actually get some work?

David Lloyd George: The Espionage Chief, are you?

Hugh Sinclair: Yes.

David Lloyd George: No, then.

Hugh Sinclair: Well, I’m off to the Bahamas!

All: Bye, Hugh!

*As Sinclair disappears happily outside, Austen Chamberlain bounds in, wickedly happy, carrying a mangled body. He drops it at the feet of Neville Chamberlain, who has just regained consciousness*

Neville Chamberlain: Good Lord!

*Neville Chamberlain faints*

Owen Boyd: Not again…

Anthony Eden: Why exactly have you brought a… still-bleeding corpse into 10, Downing Street?

Austen Chamberlain: A spy, Mr Eden. I killed him myself.

Anthony Eden: I can see from the… bite marks on the neck. You clearly work fast. What has happened to his chest?

Austen Chamberlain: Oh, I ate his heart.

Cyril Deverell: WHAT THE HELL!?

*Owen Boyd makes a sign of the cross and backs away from Austen Chamberlain*

David Lloyd George: Well done, Austen; good boy! I think that concludes this meeting my friends, good day!

---​

Thanks for reading and stay tuned for replies and the next (historybook style) update!

 

[Rensslaer]

You know, a friend of mine plays a good geopolitical game in a vampire LARP (live-action roleplaying)... This is starting to remind me of the sorts of things he'd talk about.

Very bizarre! But it has a strange way of drawing me in, whereas I normally don't pay much attention to comedic/semi-comedic AARs.

Rensslaer

 

[Thandros]

Ok Then you'll get a new man of the people at the end of the year if you wanted to know. He's at the very least properly saner than your current minister of security.

 

[Comm Cody]

Kill Austen Chamberlain WITH FIRE!

 

[Thandros]

Kill Austen Chamberlain WITH FIRE!

Sorry but fire's getting a little old really do it with super heated plasma

 

[loki100]

always worth remembering that Jane Austen had a thing about zombies ... obviously the name influences the behaviour of those who bear it ....

 

[Elastic Fish]

Wow, looks like you guys enjoyed that last update!

(Note to self: include more insane cannibal characters...)

Thanks for all this feedback, I'm really happy to have you on board.

Now, replies:

Rensslaer: I do try and keep it odd at the top ... Great to have you following!

Thandros: Firstly, do we want a sane Minister of Security? Is there such thing as a sane Minister of Security? Is there such thing as a sane minister? A sane politician? Nevertheless, the man of the people trait is rather useful...

CommCody: But he only wants love! Oh, and brains, brains and love! He does a great job, though!

Thandros (again): Hmm, plasma isn't too British... super-heated hot water bottles, maybe?

Loki100: Hmm, could we have a crazy family link here? Probably not [), but Austen Chamberlain isn't a zombie! Maybe a human spyhunting rottweiler on evil-steroids, but he's pretty alive (I hope)...

 

[Elastic Fish]

Through Fire, a New Country?​

The King retained his power. The Prime Minister did not. In his place, the British people had decided (mostly) to go with an old, experienced leader. David Lloyd George, the hero of the Great War, was pushed into power. Exactly how this happened has never been quite ascertained, but Baldwin resigned around two days after it became certain that King Edward would retain his crown. He claimed ill health, and declined any offers of a statement to the press. He would be barely seen by anyone beyond this point. He died in December 1936, having retired from politics. He had not been a memorable Prime Minister, with much of his reign being concerned with guiding the United Kingdom through the Great Depression.

David Lloyd George became the new British Prime Minister in October 1936.

King Edward VIII and Queen Wallis were firmly in power.

Although the political situation in Britain was now secure, the turmoil, however brief, had left a lot of people unhappy, especially the Communists, who had seen the crisis with the monarchy as an opportunity to forge a republic. Opinion polls estimated that around 10% of British people were displeased enough to take action. Sure enough, protests soon flared up in London, Birmingham and Glasgow, with the factory workers stirred up by die-hard Communist revolutionaries.

A protest takes place against the political changes in Birmingham, one of many across Britain. Nearly all protesters were poor factory workers.

Lloyd George, however, was ready. He acted quickly and decisively, by ordering all factories that had been upgrading weapons for the armed forces to begin making products for the public. Although the new Prime Minister was accused in the House of Commons of ‘Fighting fire with washing machines’, to which he famously responded: ‘Would you rather I throw you?’.

Lloyd George’s strategy for tackling unemployment was rather unorthodox.

British factories were busy, even if (like the one pictured) they were not manufacturing civilian goods.

Radical as the Prime Minister’s plan was, it appeared to be working. Protests started to gradually wind down and disperse. At the same time, Britain’s already booming trade was boosted by a cheap metal import deal with Australia. Although, technically, it was metal Britain didn’t need at the moment, the prices offered were low enough to make the deal worthwhile.

An Australian trade proposal was accepted.

As October drew on, Britain cemented its place as a nation at the forefront of military research. Key advances were made in infantry equipment and training and naval engines. Scientific experts were now directed towards bombing tactics and theoretical research.

British experts were pioneering many new technologies in 1936.

Britain had built the first ever tanks in the Great War, where they had been used to break the previously near impenetrable trench lines of the German army. Since then, Britain had lagged behind in tank research and production, with no tank units in service by 1936. This was finally remedied on October 1936. Fresh off the testing grounds, the first of a series of British tank brigades went on active duty. The Matilda Mk. II was a typical British tank. She was fast enough to keep up with an infantry advance only, very heavily armoured, compact and fairly well armed for her time. They had taken months to produce, with British factories taking time to adapt to tank production. Nevertheless, British pride on land was partially restored by the return of tanks to the British army. Sixty-five Matilda tanks and thirty other armoured vehicles, along with their crews, were waiting to make up the first British armoured division.

The first tank brigade in the British Army for years is deployed, greatly pleasing the public.

Matilda tanks being assembled, several months previously.

A Matilda receives its first test drive, moving through a local village.

Britain’s first armoured division would consist of another brigade of Matilda tanks and two infantry brigades. The two brigades were decided to be the West-Lancashire division. The division was officially withdrawn from the frontline units list of the British Army, and the West-Lancashire Area H.Q. was disbanded. From their barracks in Liverpool, the division was ordered south, where the tanks had assembled.

​

The military situation in the west of Britain, showing the new tank brigade and the division, moving south from Liverpool that would combine with it.

---

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!​

Note: I’m trying this type of shorter, more compact updates, with each covering less time. Let me know how you find them!

 

[loki100]

as to the style, I like it, informative and easy to read. As to the contents, I remain intrigued to see where this is going, you've got a plausible alternative to what happened in the late 30s, so it'll be interesting to see how well HPP allows you to play that out

 

[unmerged(205323)]

The officer ration is scary

 

[Redandwhite]

Excellent stuff Fish.

 

[misterbean]

I've never used IST myself. interesting to see whether they are worth it or not.

 

[Elastic Fish]

Thanks for the feedback, all. I will implement these shorter updates permanently, as they seem to have been well recieved!

loki100: As said above, all non-narrative updates will be like this from now on. The story is still completely unknown to me! I have no idea where this will go. When I play through, I don't aim for specific things, instead simply doing what I think the leaders in charge would do. We may well end up in a similar position to real life, but I don't know whether I would bet on it...

Megaherz: Yep, I'm slowly remedying the situation, without pouring masses of leadership into officers. When (if) I can enact better conscription laws, it should soar.

Redandwhite: Ooh, I've never been called 'Fish' before! I rather like it . Thanks for the support.

misterbean: It's my first time with IST, too. I hope they work (they must! Matildas are awesome!)...

 

[Thandros]

2 infantry and 2 IST are combined arms so they should be at least reasonably effective against most troops.

 

[unmerged(205558)]

Hellou Fish ^^