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"Guess-the-Author" Analysis and Critiques

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Well writAARs it's time for a new round!
Due to the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, and subsequent Christmas one, we'll be merging November and December into one round of Guess-the-Author. Our subject will be a successful conversion (thanks to dharper for the suggestion). Way back in 2004 some authors wrote for "unsuccessful conversion", so it's about time we got around to this. Nota bene: for those authors inclined to be adventurous, I should note that the conversion does not have to be a religious one. Make of it what you will :eek: :)

As always PM me to join the fun as an author. Our writers will be getting a bit of extra time this round since I and many other AARlanders will be gone next week: our submission deadline will be December 1.
 
And we have our four authors!

Readers, be sure to tune in this December for a terrific new round - until then, best of luck to the writers who will be exercising their pens!
 
Note to our authors: I'm going on vacation for a week beginning this afternoon. You can go ahead and submit your stories if they are finished, but don't be alarmed when I can't write back to let you know I received them successfully...
 
Good news/bad news!
The bad news is there will be a slight (one to two day delay) in posting the entries;
The good news is there will be five instead of four! :)
 
I'm happier than I am disappointed!

Looking forward to seeing all the new ones.

Thanks, everybody!

Rensslaer
 
Wow, it's been awhile since we had five writers instead of four. Very cool. Call it a holiday bonus! Looking forward to them!
 
Long vacation, Hajji??? :D

Renss
 
Rensslaer said:
Long vacation, Hajji??? :D

Renss
Click to expand...
Ask two of our authors .......... :eek: I gave them an extension until LAST Sunday, but ... :D
 
All right....Whomever you are! Get those stories turned in! I'm ready to critique and you're holding things up! :)
 
They are just proof reading for the thousandth time to ensure there are no grammatical errors for us to pick apart. ;)
 
When they get their stuff in, let us know which posts came in late so we can really go over it with a fine-toothed comb ;)
 
This kind of thing seems to happen often with Guess-the-Author...there's not much we can do to change human nature, writer's block or life's screwballs, but perhaps we should consider announcing the topic of the next month's contest on schedule (i.e. now) so that the extra time next month's authors are likely to need doesn't slow down everyone... :D
 
dharper said:
This kind of thing seems to happen often with Guess-the-Author...there's not much we can do to change human nature, writer's block or life's screwballs, but perhaps we should consider announcing the topic of the next month's contest on schedule (i.e. now) so that the extra time next month's authors are likely to need doesn't slow down everyone... :D
Click to expand...
I could do that, but my experience this semester with university papers is that our authors might say, "Wow, I have a lot of time to write this," and then procrastinate until the last week anyways. Or at least, that's what I do :D

One of our wayward authors is forgiven; the email simply got lost in transit. I am going to do something quite different this time around: submissions will be posted at a rate of one each day for the next five days! Thereby giving everyone something to read and author #5 time to work with. Unless everybody objects to this plan, I will be posting Author #1's entry tonight. :cool:
 
Hajji Giray I said:
I am going to do something quite different this time around: submissions will be posted at a rate of one each day for the next five days! Thereby giving everyone something to read and author #5 time to work with. Unless everybody objects to this plan, I will be posting Author #1's entry tonight. :cool:
Click to expand...
What! You mean to split up the posts and in so doing get far more responses and attention than otherwise, perhaps bringing a larger audience to the thread to tear apa--er, appreciate the stories this month? I object! I object!

...that I didn't think of it first.
 
dharper said:
What! You mean to split up the posts and in so doing get far more responses and attention than otherwise, perhaps bringing a larger audience to the thread to tear apa--er, appreciate the stories this month? I object! I object!

...that I didn't think of it first.
Click to expand...
Ha ha! :D Never realized I was being diabolical. At any rate, prepare for our first two entries. I am posting two at a time because (as my AAR's readers know) my computer is broken - again - and this might be the only time I'll be able to visit Paradox while in the library, for a few days. :) :(
 
Author #1

The sun had long since passed its zenith when Hamza Beg arrived in al-Najaf. The city was a disappointment; one would never have thought the Safavids would have paid so dearly to defend such a miserable prize. Still, as he knew all too well, first impressions could be deceiving. One of his men took a proffered wineskin from a little girl who looked more terrified than flattered, then passed it to the prince, who poured it over his head to wash away the dust and sand sticking to him. That very human action seemed to break the ice, and soon the crowd was chattering in relief.

Looking around the town square, a delegation of ulema caught his eye, and Hamza manuevered his mount towards them. Funny how little they change from one end of the empire to the other. They bowed their heads in respect and invited him into the mosque. Leaving his horse in the hands of his servant, Hamza followed into the temple and quickly ran into a balding man of middle years hurrying towards the
entrance. He looked nervous and out of breath. He was obviously the imam.

"Assalamu Alakum," said the cleric. "I am Uzay ibn-Esad."

"Assalamu Alakum," said the prince. "I am Hamza ibn-Muhsin." The two men shook hands.

The imam smiled at him cautiously. "We are honoured to have a guest of your stature visit us," he said. "I have prepared entertainment for you and your men."

Hamza looked at him flatly. "That will not be necessary. As my missive said, I have come to check on your progress, and to deliver a message from the Sultan."

"A message?"

"It can wait. Have you assembled the faithful as I asked?"

"Oh, yes," said the imam, his smile far too wide for his face. "They are waiting in the hall." He gestured for Hamza to follow him and walked down the hall. The prince gestured to Murad and the lieutenant gathered twenty men to follow.

"The truce with the Farsis is almost over," said the prince. "Hostilities are expected to begin anew soon. The Sultan is most interested that al-Najaf be converted to the true faith as soon as possible." He paused delicately. "Frankly, results have not been what he expected. I have heard reports that the Shi'a are allowed to meet! In public!"

The imam had the grace to blush, but he rallied gamely. "Patience, my lord. 'Therefore grant a delay to the Unbelievers: give respite to them gently for awhile.' Sura 86:17."

Hamza raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Mohammed (peace be upon him) said, 'Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him.'"

The imam gave him a sour look. "Taken out of context. Surah 2:256. 'Let there be no compulsion in Religion.'"

"Hm! Well then, Sura 72:15. 'The disbelievers are the firewood of hell.'"

At that, the imam grinned. "You have been studying the Qur'an. But I have met my fair share of detractors already - there is nothing new you can say. I believe in patience and kindness, not fear. These people have only known us five years - can you really expect them to trust us? Nevertheless, Allah works through simple hands; I have made many converts - over two thousand." Who all fit into a single mosque? He caught the eye of Murad, who shrugged.

"How long do you think you would need to convert them all?"

"At this rate - perhaps thirty or forty years, my lord."

The prince winced. "Not fast enough! Would that we could simply destroy the tomb; it would serve much the same purpose."

The imam stopped, shocked. "Do not jest! Ali was a Caliph!" He frowned at the prince. "The faifthful await your address," he said, pointing at the door. Hamza smiled. One of his men took his coat and he nodded at him, catching his eye, then the prince strode through into the busy hall.

At once the crowd quieted and Hamza gazed at a sea of faces all staring nervously in his direction. He chose one at random and strode forward. "You," he said brusquely. "What is your name, woman?"

The peasant stammered. "Gohar, my lord."

"And do you have a husband?"

"Yes, my lord. Jamal the Shepherd. He, he could not come here today. He has to tend the flock."

The prince nodded benignly. "What do you think of the mahdi?"

The woman's eyes filled with hate. "A false prophet, a snake in the grass, trying to lead the people astray!"

Hamza smiled. "Very good." He chose a small boy next. The lad could not have been older than twelve and was trembling visibly. "What is the first pillar of Islam?" The boy let out a sigh of relief and rattled it off from memory.

After he had worked his way through a dozen more, Hamza made his way to the front of the hall. "I have heard enough," he said to the crowd. "You have convinced me that you know the truth." He smiled. "Let us now sing together the hymn 'Praise Allah, I am saved'." Beside him the imam began to sing; the crowd picked it up and soon the strains of the hymn filled the hall. Noticing the prince had not joined in, the imam leaned forward. "Are you pleased, my lord?"

"Oh, yes. I shall return to Istanbul and tell my father that, thanks to you, al-Najaf has been successfully converted."

"Indeed, my lord!" The imam beamed.

"Yes, your kindness and patience shall have the credit, for I see that all of its people have embraced the true faith once again."

The imam's smile faltered. "My lord?" he asked, wondering now if the prince was having a joke at his expense.

The chorus ended, but even as the next verse began the choir faltered, distracted. There was something going on outside - something faint, yet unmistakeable. As people reacted, the hall quieted down, each person trying to recognize that faint sound.

Then a shot rang out, and the screaming grew closer.

The crowd began to murmur, and the noise in the mosque grew louder, but it could not cover the shrieks and pleas coming from the city outside.

"Jamal! Jamal!" a woman screamed as she rushed for the doors; it was the peasant from before. Hamza nodded to his men, and the two at the door let her leave, then followed close behind. The lesson was not lost on the rest of the crowd. Somewhere, a man fainted to the ground. Another had to be restrained from leaving. The guards near the prince held their rifles tightly.

"What are you doing?" whispered the imam urgently, his face blanched of all color.

"Your job." The imam stared blankly at him, then sat down heavily. Hamza gestured at the choir.

The crowd began to sing again raggedly, tears streaming down their faces. It was almost enough to drown out the cries.
 
Author #2


SAVE​

Missionary: Greetings, simple people of Toga Toga! I have come to bring you the Good News of our risen lord!
Chief Wampana: I didn’t sleep in that late.
Missionary: No, no, no, no! Ahaha. I’m talking about a more transcendent truth, a higher authority, something that will change your life!
Chief Wampana: Go on…
Missionary: I’m talking about religion!
Chief Wampana: Sorry, not interested.
Missionary: …Beg pardon?
Chief Wampana: We’ve got our own god, and boy is he jealous of other gods. Also, people with ‘TiVo’.
Missionary: But…but…I have a forty-two percent chance of success!
Chief Wampana: Well, them’s the breaks. Win some, lose some, chalk it up to experience. Better luck next time, old chap.
Missionary: But I just got here!
Chief Wampana: Already gave at the office? Look, I’m kind of busy today, so if you’ll excuse me…

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: Come on, give it a try! You might like it! How can you say you won’t like it before you try it?
Chief Wampana: Who are you, my mother? I told you, not interested. Maybe if you were here to help us get out of tribalism.
Missionary: Say…
RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: …which makes the king the head of the church of England. You see?
Chief Wampana: So…the prince of Wales is the heir to the throne…which is also the head of the church...
Missionary: Yes! You’ve got it!
Chief Wampana: …Making him God-in-Waiting.
Missionary: No! <sobs quietly>
Chief Wampana: <patting him comfortingly> Look, it sounds like your religion still has a few issues to settle, so maybe you should go back to London and work on things for a while, then come back when everything’s done, hm? Or perhaps you'd be interested in our god - he's much easier to understand. And allows us to have four wives.
Missionary: I’m here to convert you!
Chief Wampana: Well, you’re not doing a very good job of it!

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: Look! I brought pamphlets with me! Pamphlets that explain all about Christianity in easy-to-understand phrases! So simple a child could understand!
Chief Wampana: Really.
Missionary: Yes! Really! Here! Take one! Take a thousand! I had a hundred thousand of ‘em printed in London especially for this mission!
Chief Wampana: In English.
Missionary: In English!
Chief Wampana: Out of curiousity, do you know what the literacy rate is in Toga Toga?
Missionary: …You can’t read, can you?
Chief Wampana: Not a word.
Missionary: Ah.
Chief Wampana: <raises spear> Say, you just called us all stupider than little children, didn’t you?

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: People of Toga Toga! I have brought you the words of Our Saviour in your own language! I’m reaching out to you! ‘Urkle ping Walla-Walla podunk!’
Chief Wampana: ‘God is the All-Cheese’?
Missionary: That’s not right, it’s supposed to be about Heaven. Let me try that again. ‘Pooka bingo Santa Williamsburg!’ Did that make more sense?
Chief Wampana: Oh, yes. But won’t you get in trouble for calling your Queen a man?
Missionary: Oh, dear.
Chief Wampana: <puts his arm around the missionary’s shoulder> Look, don’t feel bad! I know some great guys who are good at languages, maybe they can help you…they’re called Jesuits, been here a while – everyone loves them…
Missionary: <sobs>

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: <slurred voice> You don’t understand. I have a forty-two percent chance of success. It says so. Look, right there. Under my picture. Forty-two.
Chief Wampana: You know, some would argue this for proof your God doesn’t exist.
Missionary: FORTY-TWOOOOOOO!!

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: JESUS, JESUS, RAH RAH RAH!
Chief Wampana: …Excuse me, I have a sudden urge to pluck out my eyeballs.

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: Eternal Paradise!
Chief Wampana: Boring Sermons!
Missionary: Divine Providence!
Chief Wampana: Human Error!
Missionary: A holiday in December!
Chief Wampana: Shopping on Christmas Eve!
Missionary: Ooh, I hate that. <awkward pause> Forgiveness of Sins!

RETIRE / LOAD GAME​

Missionary: FREE LOLLIPOPS FOR THE FIRST TO CONVERT!
Chief Wampana: Fine, you win. You’ve worn down my resistance. We’ll convert to your faith.
Missionary: Really? Was it the lollipops? I should write that down.
Chief Wampana: No, no. It’s more of a sense of déjà vu. Like I’ve done this before…over and over again.
Missionary: Er. How strange! Because, of course, I only just arrived here today.
Chief Wampana: <suspiciously> Yes…yes, you did.
Missionary: Never mind that! I must get ready to baptize you!
Chief Wampana: And then I, and all my people, shall worship the All-Cheese and his son the Whale!
Missionary: …Eh. Close enough. You’re in!

SAVE​
 
Author #1 – This piece – in my opinion – started off a little slow but caught it’s stride during the debate on theology, which was well played . . . My one quibble with the story’s research on cultural and religious practices relates primarily to the peasant woman who features in the story’s second half. Mainly, it seems a bit incongruent with the religious focus of the story that an unescorted woman would not be greeted with more surprise. Never the less, that was merely a passing thought of mine. In the end, it was a good story with characters that I feel would be interesting to flesh out further. How, for example, does Hamza feel about what he does to the people of the town? That’s the kind of question I would love to see explored, especially given the material’s darkness.

Author #2 – Um, what more is there to really say about this piece other than a word or two on how ridiculously hilarious it is? I loved all the lines not only for their ability to make me chuckle but also their skillfully subtle lampooning of how people deal with religion and playing strategy games in today's world.
 
There is no way I can guess the authors, so I'm going to focus on C&C.

Author #1: A nice story overall, if rather dark. It was hard to visualize, though - perhaps more description would help. Also, there were all kinds of names bandied about in the story that weren't explained. In a longer AAR that would lend an air of authenticity to it and I've always believed in showing, not telling, to get across ideas to readers - but in a short scene like this it's confusing to the reader. It left me with questions about things - which could be a good thing, except that there's no AAR, darn it! ;)

Author #2: This one made me laugh, so kudos for that! You had to feel for the poor missionary - and the poor player who kept having the mission fail despite being 'promised' success. :D One criticism: it started off slowly and only picked up near the end. Perhaps that's a given with comedy, but it needs something to catch the reader's attention more in the opening lines. The whole story reminded me a bit of Monty Python, and I have to wonder - is 42% a Hitchhiker's Guide in-joke?

Looking forward to the next three! :)
 
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