Born to Breed: The Estridsen Lectures
- An Introduction of Sorts -
a welcome, a curious decision, a few gratuitous insults, bitching about the ministry of education, the incompetence of, and students, the worthlessness of, setting the scene for the first lecture, a curious royal decree, the rules and goals, an index.
- An Introduction of Sorts -
a welcome, a curious decision, a few gratuitous insults, bitching about the ministry of education, the incompetence of, and students, the worthlessness of, setting the scene for the first lecture, a curious royal decree, the rules and goals, an index.
Welcome to this lecture series on the history of Denmark. We will be examining the chain of events that sprang from King Svend II Estridsen's curious decision upon hearing that his relative had invaded England and, ultimately and by many byways, led us to the world we have today.
For your information, the scholarly work underlying the lecture series has been bastardized almost beyond belief in order to present the information in an easily-digested version suitable for nincompoops by order of the minister for education in a misguided attempt to popularize ancient history. You can rest assured that no real work will be required from you sorry lot, whom I am compelled by direct order of the dean to consider my students.
I realize that scurrilous gossips amongst earlier so-called students may have enticed you with words such as “outrageous”, “a feudal mess of epic proportions”, or “inbreeding is how you make the best racehorses” but rest assured that this is a sober lecture series without pretty pictures and with no focus on the rather lurid events taking place as reported with horror in Saxo Grammaticus' Gesta Danorum. Rest assured that they will be mentioned only in the passing and with the greatest discretion as befits the acts of the kings and princes of Denmark.
Each lecture will be short and to the point with no digressions of the sort encouraging intellectual activity or independent thinking. Motivations will be largely guessed at or ignored as time allows. Students are encouraged to bring pillows, lest they hurt themselves when falling asleep.
And thus, without further ado, let me set the scene for the first lecture.
1066 and all that
Fall 1066. Three men struggling for the throne of England. King Harald of Norway was invading England from the north, Duke William of Normandy from the South, and King Harold of England was caught in between. Stuff of potential high drama though these days considered a footnote in the annals of history, but the importance for this lecture series is the impact it had on Svend II Estridsson and his sons. So let us forget those three losers and let the mind's eye swivel to focus on the man that mattered.
He was the son of a count named Ulf and of Estrid, sister to Knud the Great, and daughter of Svend I Forkbeard, who was the son of Harald Blue-Tooth, who made the Danes christians, and himself the son of Gorm the Old. His lineage was second to none. He was also an old enemy and older friend of King Harald of Norway having contended with him in the Danish and Norwegian wars.
His claim to the throne of England through his mother was as good as anybody's, or at least he considered it so, but he had made a deal with Harald after their last war to stay out of Harald's business so long as Harald stayed out of his, and Svend was arguably a man of his word. At least he argued so. Svend would focus on Denmark and get his realm in shape rather than going viking. Of an honoured lineage, Svend were to become known by his matronymic and, in time, so were his many sons.
Do you see him yet? Tall and strong and darkly handsome, no longer young but still ready to seize the world by the throat and the women by the buttocks? No matter, it is he, Svend II Estridsen.
Now, Svend loved children, and he loved the begetting of them even more. It is fair to say that he was a lusty man and had many bastards to his name, for the church's teachings about legitimacy and bastardy had not yet been fully assimilated in Denmark. Every bastard of his by a noblewoman was legitimate, and that was that.
His advisers strongly advised him that getting church-approved legitimate children would improve Denmark's standing in the world significantly and with his holiness the Pope in particular, who could be a real killjoy where the issues of the flesh were concerned, so they started shopping around for a suitable chaste and not too shop-worn princess on the international marriage-market.
Fall 1066: Shopping around for a chaste princess
King Svend wasn't particularly interested in marriage to a chaste princess, so when he noticed there was a young hot Italian duchess on the market, he snapped her up. According to Saxo, his confessor put down his words for eternity, though it is likely that he paraphrased rather than quoting the king verbatim: “Sure, she might be seen as beneath my dignity, but my dignity is mighty indeed and I'll stay on top to show her who's the boss. She isn't reputed to be chaste, but only empirical tests can resolve that question and I'm up for it. Finally, she reputedly has a face like a pumpkin and doesn't speak a civilized tongue like Danish, but these are not necessarily downsides. Your objections are all silly. Let's not disappoint his holiness over trifles. She's young, she's available, she has huge tracts of land, and I want her. Gentlemen, let's rock.”
Class dismissed.
Rules and Goals
I am playing CK2 version 1.04c. (VH difficulty). There are no specific goals apart from deliberately doing slightly silly things as the narrative allows and doing my level best to perform suboptimally overall rather than going all out, nor any specific rules save not setting up an anti-pope unless I can find a truly amusing reason to do so. Which I probably cannot.
I do not intend to play this AAR through to the bitter end, only to play it until I get bored, get buried in work (as happens way too often), or some new patch invalidates the save game. If I find out that it is turning into a WC game despite my best intentions not to, I'll terminate it on the spot. You have been warned.
Updates will be infrequent due to work; I expect two or three over the first week as I have enough material collected for a decent start, then probably one per week or so.
Index
Introduction – the thing you are reading right now.
Svend II Estridsen 1066-1068 – a tale of the first exodus.
Svend II Estridsen 1068-1070 - the worth of his word.
Harald III Estridsen 1070-1079 – the Serene.
Harald III Estridsen 1079-1083 – Bloody Harry.
Erik I Estridsen 1083-1095 – his life and his times.
Erik I Estridsen 1095-1096 – the First Crusade.
Erik I Estridsen 1097-1111 – Ordering the Realm.
Lennart I Estridsen 1111-1113 – Bad to the bone.
Asger I Estridsen 1113-1120 – his Regency.
A historical footnote to those confused by the title: CK2 names the Danish dynasty Ylving, tracking it paternally to Svend's father Ulf. This is consistent with CK2's approach to naming, but nobody cares about Ulf Jarl.
Svend's claim to the throne came through his mother, Estrid, and he was happy to use that fact for PR purposes. Due to the unprecedented historical fact that no less than five of his sons became kings of Denmark, one after the other, and that the line remained kings for a very respectable three centuries, latter historians looking for a snappy title for this grouping of kings labelled them Estridssønnerne (the sons of Estrid, or the Estridssons) and talked about the house of Estridsen. I have followed their lead.
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