1400-1420: The Time of Troubles, the cure for depression, the prestige score goes crazy and the sweet taste of revenge.
Official soundtrack/philosophy. By 1410 I was pretty much afraid of my own shadow, so it's appropriate on many levels.
My reputation is still rather scandalous in 1400, so it's time to institute the old "duck and cover" method I use for handling such matters. Sadly, the "do nothing" gambit is weakened by Sarpa defecting. I take it back in short order, though. That's the end of that, right?
While this is going on my Steward recovers from depression. I'm not sure if mental illness is subject to "just going away" but there is no need to inspect the molars on this gift horse.
Depression is a disease. Meet the cure.
Senoussi defects in 1402 and I'm beginning to worry just a little bit. My reputation is moving back toward honorable, so this must be the final flare ups. Elsewhere, miners "exhaust a vein." Who's doing the mining, anyway? Sid Vicious?
The world's most fudged-up series of alphabet books. This is the sequel to "G is for Genital Warts" and the prequel for "I is for Irritable Bowel Syndrome, No Doubt Caused by Your Teenage Sins."
By 1403 my reputation is again "honorable" even as the Senoussi siege drags on and on. These huge castles are harder to take than bad news in a paternity test.
The King gets the official Russian sickness (pneumonia) and is dead by 1404. His successor is three years old.
Oh no.
Narva immediately defects during the hated "new ruler loyalty hit" that I've come to fear more than even the dreaded "alms for the poor" event, if you can believe that.
While Russia is being ruined by a child King I learn that our scientists will soon be "able to make gold with a little more research." Wow.
I can hardly wait.
The newest breakthrough, I think it's called, uh, alchemy.
Just as Narva is reabsorbed into the belly of the Bear the Atlas Mnts (what's Mnts? Mutants? Yeah, that's probably it) try to make a run for it. A bitter war against the mutated offspring of the most over-rated Titan ever begins.
At this point the "zealous firebrand" events begin falling like snow in Siberia. It's harmless talk, really.
The firebrand danger. Why did we ventilate that vault???
By 1406 the latest round of deformed Titan children trouble has been halted. Sadly, our reputation is now slightly tarnished and when Urgell revolts I have to take my medicine, giving them independence for 267 gold.
This is a dark day, when our comically bloated empire losses land.
In 1407, just when I'm catching my breath, Berhesky Verh revolts. These are wicked times indeed, when a province right next to the capital thinks it can defy our Kiddie King.
Alternate soundtrack/philosophy? Billy Jo Spears? For a guy like this there should be a warning.
The bad neighbors are hammered into submission and it looks like the worst might be over. The demense of the King is now 29 provinces and the efficiency is 0%, prompting the dreaded "too large demense" event. Time to start "multitasking," which in Russia I guess would be feeding people to dogs and burning them at the same time.
The value of multitasking. You don't even want to know about the cartoon I rejected for this. It involved a woman in a cubicle with three men...that's all I'm saying.
A nice peaceful era of revolts, firebrands and arbalests begins. If I can just keep the peace for a little while I'll make it out of this. Come on game, give me a break. I've suffered enough.
The peasants just keep on revolting. I'll show you a "chocker" you traitors!
One final revolt, Mozhaysh, happens in 1411, but that must be some weird anomaly because everyone else seems to be "devotedly loyal." Even stranger, my prestige is now 11,965. How could that be? All those glorious hangings couldn't have added up that fast?
Oh well, bad news for Sweden.
Speaking of unnecessary wars, Beni Yanni gets crushed in 1413 and in 1414 it's time to deal with an Arab Muslim Hospitaliers.
Wait, back up. Pump the breaks.
That's right, the future Knights of Rhodes have a Muslim Arab as Grandmaster. Somewhere Professors of Medieval History are ill at ease without knowing why.
There is something deeply wrong about this.
With some successful wars under the belt of the Kiddie King it's time to claim the title King of Sweden. I'm not attacking, though. Not yet.
The King comes of age in 1416 and becomes a shadow, of all things. The King of Rus is now old enough to drive...God help my enemies now!
I want to be a shadow when I grow up.
Speaking of enemies remember the bitter peace with Urgell? Like any good Russian ruler I never forget and never forgive. It's time for some sweet, sweet revenge. The hammer falls in 1417 as the independent Urgell experiment comes to a bloody end.
Getting revenge with the new ultimate weapon: monster trucks! What hope do murdercycles have against that?
Peace, marriage and child bearing rounds out the remaining years until 1420. Like the virgin in a slasher film I've managed to survive and that's all that really counts at this point. With things under control, the time to punish the Swedes draws near...
Western Rus, 1420.