Unfortunately for Branbant, Johan11, and the rest of the sane world, Branbant's pitiful armies are no match for Italy and her vassals.
Just one more Dutch province...
Noblemen: We are sick of this constantly changing empire. First we're French, then we're Irish, then we're English, then we're.....(five hours later) We're sick of it, we just want to be France! Lets start a rebellion in one of France's historic home provinces.
... Meath... Ireland. Ummmm ok guys, I guess they don't study geography much.
Then, on the 30th of August, year 1588, a momentous occasion occurred. The evil, deranged, universally hated Empress Anne of Italy died. Struck down by the hand of God, according to the Pope. Her son, the surprisingly competent diplomat, Eugenio Bourbono I (Nice Mafia name BTW! Perhaps thats what makes him such a good diplomat: "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse") took over as Emperor of Italy but not Holy Roman Emperor. The electors, who no longer had to worry about Anne personally hunting them down and stabbing them to death with 1000 needles, finally got together the courage to vote for someone else.
Branbant, an interesting choice. A OPM stranded in the middle of Italy, with no army whatsoever, who have just recently proved their complete inability to defend themselves let alone all of Germany! Ha! Good luck Branbant!
The Pope presented Eugenio with a list of demands from God to turn Italy from its evil ways. Of course, the list was about a mile and a half long, and Eugenio had no intention of turning Italy from the path of greatness, so he refused.
Meh.
Burgundy's collective IQ, which had started out quite low and had been falling for decades, finally hit zero and they declare war on Italy. The shear stupidity is staggering.
They are again utterly crushed by Italy's vassals, with Italy's own armies barely taking part.
I don't seem to have a screenshot, but I declared war on Brandenburg, bringing in the HRE Branbant and the Pope.
The war doesn't last long.
Branbant is annexed:
Norway was elected to be the new HRE in their place.
The Pope is humiliated, becoming a vassal of his hated enemies. Brandenburg is completely annexed. (Looking back at it, I should have just annexed the Papal State, they wouldn't have asked for Rome back because I'm Italy. Oh well, I don't need Wurzburg for anything.)
This is interesting:
So these Protestant zealots want to join Venice and these Protestant zealots want to join Austria. If you do manage to take the province, who are you going to join?
I sold a Castilian province to Portugal (Galatia wouldn't take any of the ones I could sell) and I had to release Meissen since I now have more Saxon than Dutch provinces. Finally Dutch is the dominate culture, I just have to wait for my stability to be +1.
While I'm waiting for my stability to get up into the positives, something rather terrifying happens:
Oh.
Really guys? Really?
Ha ha!
Eugenio: Ha ha ha! What an amusing display of complete military and diplomatic incompetence! Humiliating the Pope, stomping Burgundy twice, and now I'm almost ready to form the Grand Netherlands Empire! I'm in a great mood today!
Polish Messenger: A message for you Sire!
Eugenio: Ah, and what does my beloved nemesis, the King of Poland have to say about my indisputable power and military prowess...
Eugenio: Oh %#$@! General!!! Get your lazy butt moving! NOW!!!
Italy had a theoretical numerical advantage over Poland, but Poland's forces are easily concentrated on the Polish-Italian border, while Italy's troops are spread across Europe. Italy also has a slight technological advantage, though me selling off cores to vassals and constantly moving my capitol and shifting cultures has stopped me from really taking advantage of the tech group difference.
Wow, talk about East meets West!
A huge Polish force lays siege to Hinterpommern while Italian vassals sneak by to siege Poland's lands.
I only had 30 regiments on the front, which isn't even close to a match for Poland's large stacks. Eugenio ordered armies from across the empire to join the front. He also started a huge conscription drive in northern France, the Netherlands and Germany.
This is probably the first time ever that I have cheered for the Ottomans over the Byzantines.
Eugenio was furious at his generals, who had retreated again and again, giving up ground to the Poles. He ordered Ermes Colonna to lead all the troops in the area to a massive counter attack at Brandenburg. Even though they were outnumbered, the Italians pulled off a massive victory. Colonna's cavalry nearly destroyed the Poles' artillery right off. The Italians then began a steady advance that punched right through the Polish line, while the Italian cavalry rolled up the flanks. The Polish commander, seeing the battle was lost, ordered his cavalry to attempt to cover the retreat. While this saved his army from a rout, thousands of his riders were cut down by the victorious Italians.
After this battle, the Polish invasion of Norther Germany was never really renewed, a few more major battles were fought, but the tables had definitely turned. From this point on, the war would mainly be fought in Poland. Ermes Colonna became a national hero, Emperor Eugenio immediately promoted him to Marshal over all the forces of Italy.
As the invasion of Poland was just beginning, Poland was already showing signs of internal trouble.
The large Lithuanian and Ukrainian minorities questioned whether they even wanted to be part of this "European war" and the Slavic peoples of the Balkans were already in open revolt. It was becoming clear that the Polish Empire would not survive this conflict. The Polish monarch begged for peace, but Eugenio explained that, "You started this war, now you better be willing to finish it!"
The Byzantines recognized that the war was a lost cause and they abandoned their allies to their fate.
Meanwhile small opportunistic nations joined in with Italy, hoping to get a piece of Poland, first Tver, then Hungry, and finally tiny Riga joined the war.
Poland's armies were crushed and enemies rampaged across their country.
They were forced to accept humiliating demands from Riga of all nations!
Unfortunately, Eugenio didn't live to see Italy's victory completed. He caught an illness while he was out with his troops in the cold Lithuanian winter and he soon died, leaving the throne to his brother, Francesco.
Ha ha ha, Papal Controller! He he!