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morningSIDEr

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Burgundian citizens are evidently drunk on their famous wine, that is the only explanation. Nice update, looking forward to seeing how the madness continues.
 

sjones25

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@lordkestrel: My vassals already do most of the sieges in my wars, I just whack the main enemy stack and watch them do the rest. The only problem is, a lot of my wars don't involve my vassals.
Funny you should mention becoming HRE...

@Wolfhashat: The Byzantines are doing well, I can't really say the same for Bulgaria anymore.

@JDMS: Yea, I'm not sure what happened to the poor OE, I certainly had nothing to do with their collapse.

@morningSIDEr: Ah, that must be it. Here I thought there was something fundamentally wrong with the Burgundian brain, but it must just be all that wine!

@Zitanier: Yea, at least they always are in IN. It looks like they have been fixed at least a little bit in HttT.
 

sjones25

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This next update turned out to be a little long so it has to be two posts to fit under the 20 pictures per post limit.

We start out with the Catholic church in a period of uncertainty. The old pope had died and speculation soared as to who the new pope would be. The righteous Emperor in Cleaves was heroically throwing what little weight his tiny country had at any foe who threatened to the HRE. The King of Castile was pursuing a never ending crusade against Morocco that had inspired the whole Catholic world. Hungary had stopped the Ottoman threat to the east and had enabled Bulgaria to completely destroy the gravest threat Christianity had faces for centuries. One of these great and heroic kingdoms would surely provide the next Pope...
EU3_39.jpg

Never mind.

Cries of foul play are heard throughout the Catholic world.

Luis: What? We have a Cardinal too? Doesn't Luisonia have just as much right to lead the Church as anybody?
EU3_40.jpg


Adviser 1: *Whispering to each other* Shouldn't we tell him the name of our country is still France, not Luisonia.

Adviser 2: You want to be beheaded? Go ahead.

Greece pops up in its usual spot.
EU3_44.jpg


And promptly goes bankrupt.
EU3_45.jpg


Welcome to the game fellas!

Our first Irish core! Finally!
EU3_46.jpg


Luis: Since the people of Ulster were the first to welcome there liberators, we shall move our capital there.
EU3_55.jpg


France is thrown into complete disarray as they realize that their liege has lost his very last marble.

Check out Italy. Milan, Venice, and Naples all balanced against each other for control of the peninsula.
EU3_58.jpg


EU3_64.jpg


Luis: Oooo! A pretender! I love playing pretend! What is he pretending to be!

Adviser: He's pretending to be the King of France.

Luis: Hey, thats my job! I'm the only one allowed to pretend to be the King of France! I want him thrown in the dungeon and all his supporters to be striped of their lands and titles.

Adviser: .... You... you don't want them beheaded???

Luis: Of course not, don't be so cruel! In fact, you are far to cruel to be an adviser of mine. Guards, have this man beheaded at once!

Adviser: Fine, I hate my life anyway.

The bane of my existence enters the game, they will no doubt cause me to envy the late adviser by the end of the game:
EU3_65.jpg


Well, that didn't last long.
EU3_66.jpg


A quick war with the newly reformed English results in total French control over central England.
EU3_71.jpg


See ya England!
EU3_72.jpg


The HRE finally comes up with a plan to stop Luis from expanding further into the Empire, they elect Luis to be their Emperor hoping that he might be confused by this and not attack them any more.

Luis: So... now I'm in charge of the whole HRE?

Electors: Well, yes.

Luis: Great! Give me all of your lands!

Electors: Uh, thats not actually one of the Emperor's powers.

Luis: So... what does the Emperor do then?

Electors: Well, its your job to protect the Empire by declaring war on anyone that attacks a member of the HRE.

Luis: Awww. This job blows!

Electors: You do get a really big army though.

Luis: A bigger army! Sweet! I can use it to become English!

Electors: :confused:

Luis: Thanks guys! See ya around!

Milan DoWed Pisa and Luis took this opportunity to show the Empire how good he was at protecting people... by letting Milan walk all over Pisa, and annex them.
EU3_81.jpg


The armies of France are so slow getting to the front lines that the Venetians are all but wiped out by the time France finally commits to the war.

Luis: Hey we got our last two Irish provinces to core! Now I can be Irish!
EU3_83.jpg


Luis: Everyone call me Luis MacBourbon from now on!
EU3_84.jpg

Turns out you'll have a hard time convincing anyone you're Irish when your kingdom is in France...

Meanwhile, French and Venetian troops team up to take down a large Milanese army...
EU3_85.jpg


Only the Venetians don't seem to have fought or participated in any way... at all. :mad: Thanks guys, nice of you to show up. I'm sure they were cheering from the sidelines or something.

Milan decides this is a good time to go pick a fight with Austria.
EU3_86.jpg


Good luck with that. Really, I mean it. We don't need Austria getting any stronger.

But we take all Milan's lands anyway. Because we're France, and that makes us evil.
EU3_87.jpg

Liguria! Nice! (He he, get it? Nice!)

Time for a culture shift. I need to ditch a bunch of Cosmopolitain provinces.
EU3_88.jpg


Turns out I've taken too many English provinces as well, so I sell one to Holland, one to Scotland, and let

English nationalists take one.
EU3_100.jpg


Despite having to ditch all these provinces, I'm still one of the most powerful nations in the world. I have the highest income and (if you include all my vassals) the strongest army. I'm not sure I actually had to ditch those non-core English provinces. It still wouldn't let me shift culture until I saved and reloaded, so I might just have to do that every time I change my capitol.
 

sjones25

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Well this is it, Luis has somehow managed to convince himself that he is Irish.
EU3_101.jpg


The French people take to the streets waving red and black flags to show their support for the king's brilliant decision.

And, being Irish and owning all of Ireland, he proclaims that we are no longer the boring, evil French Empire, but we are now the awsome, powerful Empire of Ireland!
EU3_102.jpg


Wohoo, our very first tag hop, and its only what, 90 years into the game? I better pick up the pace... big time.

I do enjoy that our "only chance to repel the English" is to unite Ireland, while our (Irish) troops are standing there sieging poor England's only province.

Scotland beat us to the punch. Those poor English are just getting annexed by everybody.
EU3_105.jpg


Curse you Scotland. Don't mess with Ireland. This is what happens.
EU3_109.jpg


Scotland proceeds to get annexed by Cornwall. How embarrassing for them.

So I will end this rather long update with a map of the new Irish Empire and a promise to write shorter updates in the future.
EU3_MAP_IRE_1492511_1.jpg
 
Last edited:

Sybot

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Good AAR so far. Hopefully you'll have enough time to do the whole chain.
 

JDMS

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Huh, I never thought of forming Ireland that way. Then again, if your objective was to only play as Ireland, that would be kinda gamey.

Anyway, great job, though like you said, you probably need to go faster. :D
 

theconfusedone

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Finally!
France -> Ireland
That's EPIC! :rofl:

I'm waiting for Scandinavia -> Byzantine and Persia -> Papal State :D
 

morningSIDEr

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Very innovative way to form Ireland. I sincerely hope you have enough time to complete the whole tag hopping list. Excellent update!
 

sjones25

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@Sybot, JDMS, and morningSIDEr: I am starting to pick up the pace a little now. Once I take out Castile I think I can just ignore the BB limit and go on a conquering spree over Europe and form the rest of the European nations pretty quickly.

@Zitanier: I know, although they won't be any match technologically by the time I get there.
 

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Luis: I'm bored of being Irish.

Adviser: But My Lord, we've only been Ireland for a few months.

Luis: I know, but you know what would be totally awesome is if we united all of the British lands into one country! We'll have to become England first, of course.

Adviser: Why can't we just unite them all as Ireland?

Luis: Yaaaaaaawn!

Adviser: *sigh* Why do I bother. So I suppose you'll want to take some more of Cornwall's lands then, shall we declare war?

Luis: Immediately.
EU3_001.jpg

Adviser: Umm... thats Hainaut.

Luis: Well thats what they get for being allied to our mortal enemies, the Corns!

This is a nice bonus:
EU3_002.jpg


Luis' rampage through the HRE continues as he vassalizes the Emperor.
EU3_005.jpg


So naturally, they elect him to be the new Emperor.
EU3_006.jpg


The tedium of being Emperor:
EU3_011.jpg

Tiny wars against suicidal little nations.

We'll run them over with no problem.
EU3_012.jpg

Oh.

The brave Palatinate troops are soon overwhelmed by the hords of Imperial forces. Wurttenburg becomes a vassal, the Palatinate follows suit.
EU3_019.jpg


The war with Cornwall is finally concluded. Poor Scotland got released, but most of its provinces were part of Ireland.
EU3_21.jpg

And thats me all set to become GB, as soon as Lothian cores. :)

Ungrateful buggers. What did you expect, your whole country?
EU3_24.jpg


In other news, the Protestant Reformation kicks off. Let the fun begin.
EU3_27.jpg


Luis: What is Hungry protesting about?

Adviser: Oh, they're just upset about some corruption in the Catholic church, so they made their own church which has the king as the leader of the church and the state.

Luis: So... he can't be bossed around by anybody, even the Pope?

Adviser: I suppose, but he's a heretic, the whole Christian world hates him!

Luis: So?

Adviser: We're going to have revolts for a decade if you convert.

Luis: Fine, stupid peasants, what do they know. Hey, see if you can get some people to convert to this crazy new religion and then I'll convert as well!

Venice tries its luck against the Imperial armies.
EU3_30.jpg


Luis: Whoa! This is really getting crazy. Now heretic comes in two different flavors!
EU3_33.jpg


The Venetians amass a huge army at Venice, but are crushed by the Imperial Cavalry.
EU3_35.jpg


Alright, one of the 4 provinces needed to form Italy.
EU3_37.jpg


Between Venice becoming the Papal Controller and Luis' poorly-veiled sympathies towards the Protestants, this was really no surprise.
EU3_38.jpg


Luis: Stupid Pope, who does he think he is!
EU3_41.jpg


Adviser: My Lord, you can't declare war on the Pope!

Luis: Why not? Naples does it all the time.

Adviser: You're going to hell for sure.

The war goes badly at first.
EU3_49.jpg


But Naples can't keep it up.
EU3_50.jpg


Rome soon falls to the Irish forces.
EU3_52.jpg


As Irish forces push deeper into Naples, news reaches Luis of a threat to a distant part of the Empire. The two largest kingdoms in Eastern Europe have teamed up to attack the tiny nation of Kurland!
EU3_53.jpg

There is no doubt that this is a test, Poland and Lithuania deliberately provoked a showdown to see if Ireland could actually protect the far eastern flank of the Empire. If Luis fails to stop this blatant act of aggression, the whole eastern side of the HRE could be open for Poland-Lithuanian expansion.

Besides all that, Kurland is kool and I almost never see them form. Don't worry Kurland, I'm koming!
 

JDMS

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The Irish want to be English? :rofl:
Good update. :)
 

theconfusedone

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You sir, are hilarious :rofl:
Can't wait for the Irish to turn English
 

morningSIDEr

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Something quite, quite wrong about Ireland declaring war on the Papal States...wrong but very amusing. But good God man, have you lost your wits? Arranging for Scotland to be released? Once Scotland is vanquished, rejoice, do not free them once more!
 

Malurous

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Nice AAR, great concept and funny writing. I'll follow.
 

sjones25

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@JDMS: Of course they do, they just aren't as bold about admitting it as Luis is. Sorry to all the Irish people I just offended. Don't hate me. :D

@theconfusedone: Thank you kindly. And don't worry, you don't have to wait any longer. :)

@morningSIDEr: A potentially devestating mistake to be sure. I was thinking that It would weaken Cornwall, but I may have just created an enemy ten times as bad! Only time will tell what damage Scotland will do to the world.

@Malurous: Thanks!
 

sjones25

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When we left our heroes (and by heroes, I mean those wacky French/Irish guys we find it amusing to watch) they were embroiled in two large wars. One in Italy, punishing the Pope for wrongfully excommunicating the righteous Emperor Luis of Ireland. The other was against Poland and Lithuania in defense of the tiny nation of Kurland.
EU3_54.jpg


Adviser: King Luis! I have important news!

Luis: I told you not to kall me that anymore, you are to refer to me as Emperor MacBourbon!

Adviser: Umm... ok, why are you replacing your c's with k's?

Luis: Well, we're trying to save Kurland and it starts with a K!

(If you, like the Adviser, are wondering whats with all the K's, its from a Kurland AAR I read a while back, in which the author outlawed the use of C's in the tread, replacing them all with K's. You can find it here)

Adviser: But you said c instead of k when you said MacBourbon.

Luis: Well... now your just trying to konfuse people. If I said MakBourbon, no one would be able to tell I was Irish! Whikh reminds me, kan we stop being Irish yet, the novelty has kinda worn off.

Adviser: Yes, of course. We'll re-institute the French Empire immediately. The people will actually be quite pleased I think.

Luis: No, no. That will never do. We just were Franke! No, lets be England now instead!

Adviser: ... um...

Luis: I say, the guillotine is looking rather too shiny too me, wouldn't you say?

Adviser: I'll go see what needs to be done in order to form England.

Luis: Oh wait, what was that "important news" that you had for me?
EU3_58.jpg

Oh.

May we have a moment of silence for the brave little nation of Kurland.

...

Having gotten what they wanted, and seeing the Imperial Navy on its way, the Lithuanians asked for white peace.

Luis: Ha! The King of Lithuania is trying to insult me! Does he think I am some lowly king that he can discuss matters with? I'm an Emperor! I'm actually two Emperors! Emperor of Ireland and Emperor of the HRE! That makes me at least... 3 or 4 times as cool as the sniveling king of Lithuania!
*Luis storms into the grand hall where the messenger from Lithuania is waiting*
Our nation will never stop until justice has been served. We shall hear no talk of peace until the blood of the innocent Kurlanders is avenged! We shall slaughter your people from the Baltic to the Black Sea! We shall... hey nice jacket! I tell you what, if you give me your jacket, I'll sign your peace treaty.

Lithuanian Diplomat: Deal!

Adviser: But what about Kurland? What about the HRE!? What about stopping Poland-Lithuania's military expansionism?!?

Luis: Nonsense! Check out how good I look in this jacket! Its totally worth it.

Peace with Naples is a bit more satisfying.
EU3_60.jpg


Now that I'm thinking about it, I wonder why Naples, who had fought at least 20 wars against the Papal States, backed them now.

A quick war with Modena will cement our position in Italy.
EU3_61.jpg


Modena was joined by Savoy, Naples and OPM Venice.

Modena was quickly annexed.

However, Venice made an early exit from the war when they were annexed by... The Byzantine Empire?

Well, well, look at the Byzantine Empire now!
EU3_65.jpg

Add Venice on top of that and they have a powerful little empire reemerging. If I wasn't going to have to destroy them and reform them later, I would be happy for them.

My armies down in Naples are getting swamped in rebels, so I just peace out with the alliance leader Savoy and leave Naples to its fate.
EU3_66.jpg


EU3_67.jpg

Ha ha!

Luis: We need to stop being Irish! Quick!

Adviser: Why, whats wrong?

Luis: Check out this guy's name!
EU3_71.jpg


Luis: He served as my general for decades and I was never able to pronounce his name the entire time. His replacement will probably be worse.

Adviser: Well, not to fear, we will soon have the last core we need to become England!

Luis: Good, make it quick!

Lithuania was not content with Kurland. They use their Brandenburgian pawns to spark another war with the Emperor.
EU3_73.jpg


This time, though, Poland is left out of the war. Irish diplomats report that the relationship between the two nations has become somewhat strained recently. Dealing Lithuania a crushing blow here might end the Poland-Lithuanian dominance of the region for good.

The tiny nation of Saxony was overrun and annexed by Brandenburgian forces in a matter of days.

Luis: Just like Kurland! Don't worry Saxony, you will be avenged!

The people of Saxony role their eyes at the Emperor's promise of aid, but are surprised to see Irish cavalry appear and beat back the small armies of Brandenburg. Brandenburg begs their Lithuanian allies for help but what small forces they can send through Poland are massacred by the Irish troops. The battle cry, "For Kurland" is heard on the fields of Ruppin, it is repeated over and over, until Lithuania begs for peace. Since Ireland still has no way of reaching Lithuania with any significant force, peace is grudgingly granted.
EU3_77.jpg


The entire world is shocked when Luis actually does his job as the Emperor in the peace deal with Brandenburg.
EU3_78.jpg


The Austrians start getting nervous at Ireland's growing dominance within the Empire. They don't dare risk an open war with Ireland's feared armies, but they send a wave of spies to try to topple the empire from within. Irish spies respond by checking into Austria, probing it for weakness, they find an interesting man leading the country.
EU3_82.jpg

This just raises all sorts of questions.

Luis: Ha ha! Protestant AND Excommunicated?? Franz you're a joke! Who excommunicated you? Your own bishops! HA HA!

Enraged at becoming the laughing stock of the Empire, Franz presses his claims on the rich province of Lombardia. People would learn to respect Austria if Franz I had anything to say about it. The Empire was once again thrown into warfare.
EU3_84.jpg


Austria wielded the most powerful armies Luis had faced yet. Especially since they were backed by the kingdom of Hungry which had grown large and powerful since the downfall of the Ottomans. (Whats with all these historic alliances anyway? France and Scotland, Poland and Lithuania, and now Austria and Hungry? Weird.)

The first major battle turns into a gigantic bloodbath as both sides pour more and more men into the meat grinder, each unwilling to yield the vital province of Lombardia.
EU3_88.jpg


The Austrians eventually win the day, but their nation is shocked by the casualties they incurred and the people begin to wonder about the wisdom of this war. The generals begin to wonder how many more "victories" like that they can endure with Austria's limited manpower.

Serbia's army is wiped out and they leave the war.

Austria's army is left to besiege Lombardia and their forces are whittled down by attrition. Franz knows that the province can't support his huge army, yet with new Irish forces arriving in the surrounding provinces daily, he can't split his army or they will be cut to pieces.

The Irish generals wait patiently as the city of Milan continues to hold strong against the besieging forces. Finally the Irish attack and drive the weak and starving Austrian troops out of Lombardia, then out of Italy altogether.

Hungry tries to help but their forces are caught up in the general rout of the Austrian army. They finally agree to white peace.

With the Austrian armies in a scattered mess Luis commands his men to spread out and begin sieging the Austrian forts.

One day as Luis was 'inspecting" an ongoing siege, an Austrian bowman spotted him and fired an arrow hitting him squarely in the butt, which, for reasons that will remain unexplained, was not being covered by his armor or anything else at the time and was pointed up at the ramparts of the Austrian fortress.

The old king died a few days later, leaving the crown of Ireland to his son, Turlough III; but not before making him promise to become British as soon as possible.
EU3_96.jpg

The HRE electors, still angry about the Emperor's failure to protect Kurland, elect the Duke of tiny Anhalt as the new Emperor. As though Anhalt were capable of protecting itself, let alone anyone else.

Nobles: Does anyone know why he's called Turlough III? Was there ever a Turlough I or II? And what kind of name is Turlough anyway?

Adviser: Well, as you know, his father was insane...

Turlough: *entering the room behind the adviser* WHAT!?! My father was a great man who saw this nation rise from its poor, humble, French beginnings and become the mighty nation of Ireland. It was Luis that defeated the Corns and secured our place as the dominate nation in Britain. It was Luis that destroyed the Venetians, Nepalese, and even the armies of the Pope himself to place Ireland as the dominate force in Italy. Luis defeated the Lithuanians; Luis even defeated the Austrians, the only power left to threaten our domination of the HRE!

Adviser: Yes, but why did he force this nation to become Ireland? We are obviously French! What on earth are we doing in England? Why do we want Italy? Why are we taking over the HRE? Why can't we focus on France our homeland, instead of selling it away piecemeal to our vassals?

Turlough: Here's a better question for you, what would Luis have done, had you questioned his decisions as you have?

Adviser: ...

Turlough: Hmm?

Adviser: Perhaps he would have been merciful because of my many years of service?

Turlough: WRONG! To the guillotine!

Austria had had it. In total defeat, they agreed to give up some of their richest provinces.
EU3_99.jpg


Messenger: My Lord! I have terrible news from Poland!

Turlough: Ha! What is it? After concluding peace with the miserable Austrians, nothing can spoil my mood!

Messenger: The King of Poland has inherited Lithuania!

Turlough: WHAT!?! 10000 curses upon Poland, Lithuania, their King, all his subjects, you for bringing me this news, and... and upon that peasant over there as well! *storms out*

Messenger: Well, that could have gone worse.

Turlough: Oh wait, one more thing, go chop off your own head! I can't be bothered with it right now!

EU3_101.jpg

Uh oh.

The final province necessary to form England is cored.
EU3_104.jpg


The next day Turlough give a speech at the royal palace in... wherever it is nowadays... dedicating the new nation to the memory of his father.
EU3_105.jpg


Turlough: My father was a great man. If only he were alive to see this day. He worked his whole life to become something he wasn't. He was never satisfied with who he was and he was always bored by what he had become. Here's to you Luis! Forever Emperor of Ireland! No one ever understood why you did what you did, but you were good at it, and thats what really counts. They all called you crazy, but now they're all dead... and so are you... but I'll bet you're still laughing at them wherever you are. (Which is probably hell, seeing as you were excommunicated and you declared war on the Pope and all that.)

Noble1: What on earth is he going on about?

Noble2: If you value having a head on your shoulders, that is one question you will learn never to ask in this court.

Great Britain here I come!
EU3_107.jpg
 
Last edited:

sjones25

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Here's a map of the new English Empire and all my vassals:
EU3_MAP_ENG_1535110_2.jpg


And a map of the world:
EU3_MAP_ENG_1535110_1.jpg

I'm going to need to get into Iberia soon, Castile is becoming quite powerful. And look at Poland and Sweden! Its getting all bloby everywhere I'm not.

And heres my updated plan for world lunacy:
France - Ireland - England - Great Britain - Netherlands - France - Italy - Spain - Prussia - Germany - Russia - Scandinavia - Byzantine Empire - Persia - Papal State - Mughal Empire
 

Malurous

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Nice progress! Seems that the dynasty does a great job of raising heirs that continue in their fathers' footsteps :rofl:

Hmm, I guess it's at least prudent to make sure that Spain can't form. That way, you won't need to take on the colonies if you play your cards right.