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I think that perhaps he does not appreciate that Catholic and Orthodox do not co-religionists make! :D
 
does Ming have a lot of cores left? If not, then flag entire China as vital territory.
 
They did, but I do not really get a chance to use them :(
Which will become apparent in the next chapter
 
Japan needs to stop blobbing in Asia and start blobbing in North America. Though with California not doing much...
 
Japan needs to stop blobbing in Asia and start blobbing in North America. Though with California not doing much...

Well future-predicting guy, you're almost right! I don't do much in the new world but I do focus more on colonizing than conquering mainland Asia for sure.
 
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Part 11: If you have to pee, go now you won't miss anything important

Emperor Nagahito proved himself to be a diligent civil servant, by passing the blame of the corrupt government onto his advisors. He gave them a good tutting and went about his business.
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Wondering why people were still worshiping trees and stuff, Nagahito unlocked the idea of forcibly converting your country's citizens to your religion.
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After a good tutting to his advisors, Nagahito gave his army a good " 'atta boy!" They seemed to like it.
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The Chagatai, one of the last remaining hordes in Asia, was fighting his former vassal Yarkand and Bukhara. Nagahito decided to take advantage of this and declared his own war.
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Lady Okiko, whom Nagahito persuaded to come with him to fight Chagatai, died leading 1000 soldiers against the full Chagatai army. He really thought she had a chance.
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Nagahito got really damn sick of the steppes, and vowed to never set foot in them again. He instead focused on the sea, and crafted new ship hull designs that would allow them to better smash enemy fishing fleets without hurting themselves as much.
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Having lost an important battle against them, the Shogun made peace for a few of their eastern provinces. He gave one back to Ming, who still hated him and wouldn't come out of their room.
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A couple of years later, Nagahito realized Korea still existed, and payed them a little visit. Korea had no friends, neener neener.
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But Korea fought back, it seemed that since the last thrashing they had improved their army and put up a good fight. However strong Japanese leadership and Jianzhou's really, really good army put an end to their fighting.
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In the end Nagahito only took one province from them, as well as all their money. Even after his awesome mods to their hulls, the Japanese Navy was destroyed and a lot of time and money was needed to restore it.
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The Pope, forgetting that Japan hadn't been Catholic until about 20 years ago, proclaimed one of Nagahito's ancestors as a saint.
The Shogun was quoted as saying "About damn time I get a positive stability event." Historians are still trying to understand what he meant by this.
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Nagahito died crushed under a new boat he was making entirely out of iron. His heir, Yoshiharu ascended to the throne. Meanwhile a ragtag group of thirty-one thousand Koreans in one stupid province rose up against their new overlords.
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Japan struggled to defeat them at first, but eventually they were overwhelmed. Korean rebels would never ever ever rise up again, ever.
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Finally seeing how awesome Jesus is, more and more Japanese citizens are flocking to the...flock.
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Yoshiharu was wed to Sen, who gave him his heir, Yoshihisa. Yoshiharu was not very good with names.
To the left, you can see rebels occupying Ming. Since the Japanese army was dealing with its own rebels, it didn't notice Ming's until it was too late. Having lost all the land they had given them, the Emperor broke their vassalage. In their place a Catholic Mongolia popped up.
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Qi, thinking they were the top shit, broke their alliance with Japan. Whatever we didn't want them anyways! So there!
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Yoshiharu wrote a very long letter to Qi, asking them to come back and Japan wouldn't hurt them like that again. But realized he had no way to distribute his letter. A few (more) loans later, he invested in printing presses for his nation. The letter was not well received by critics, who called it "creepy" and "why is mine soaked in tears?"
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The Pope, deciding 60% unity was close enough, ended the counter-reformation in Japan. Yoshiharu started to write another letter, but was thankfully stopped.
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Figuring they'd be cool with it, the Shogun resisted Jianzhou's attempts to regain one of their claims in Japan.
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Finally able to deal with international politics, the Shogun decided to help out his Catholic buddy by enforcing a white peace on Chagatai, who thought they'd grab Mongolia while Japan wasn't looking.
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As thanks, Mongolia offered to form an alliance with Japan. Being on the rebound, Japan accepted.
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Meanwhile some guy in England realized you can make a lot of stuff by making a bunch of people work on the same thing in a small room.
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Reading about how crappy his ancestors were to their people, Yoshiharu decided to follow suit. Luckily his country's corruption was so high that he just bribed everyone to be okay with it.
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Ahh, everything coming along nicely. Had to chuckle about the pope and the saint.
 
Part 12: The one where everything goes terribly!



Finally realizing how awesome they were, the Russians extended an offer of alliance to the Shogun. The Shogun wholeheartedly accepted!
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The Japanese tentacle of friendship had completed it's mission!
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But the Emperor would not have time to celebrate, as the Koreans managed to muster up another 30,000-strong army. The weakness of the Empire was finally revealed to the world, as their full standing army was soundly defeated.
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What followed was a series of military blunders, with Japan and Jianzhou unable to coordinate an attack on the rebels. If only the Shogun could tell his vassal to attach to his army or siege down a rebel-occupied province, this disaster would never have occurred...
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But no, they preferred to charge in alone after passing by the retreating Japanese army.
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The Japanese infantry fell like a little league hockey team facing roided-up NHL stars.
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To add insult to injury, the determined rebels SWAM ACROSS to mainland Japan and began occupying territory. Their demands were far too outrageous to be accepted; they demanded that all Korean cores be returned to Korea.
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Thinking that maybe stopping the flow at the source might help, the Shogun declared war on the Koreans.
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The war was swift, and the oh-so-smart Shogun demanded they revoke any claims in Japanese territory. Little did the Shogun realize that the Koreans had long ago claimed dibs on the provinces, and dibs can never be removed even if it had been like hundreds of years since a Korean had even been there.
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Spending his entire treasury on mercenaries, the Emperor mustered up his last attempt to end the rebellion.
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Meanwhile the heir to the throne seemed perfectly content in his library, and didn't even notice the countryside engulfed in flames.
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The Japanese army only barely defeated the rebels. The mercenaries were dismissed, and an extended period of repair began.
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In response to this, Emperor Yoshiharu officially closed off Japan to the outside world. Previous emperors had relied on the sheer size of the country to ward off any would-be invaders, but only Yoshiharu experienced first-hand how far behind Japan was to the rest of the world. He instead dedicated himself to spreading Catholicism to his people, and expanding Japan's borders via colonialism.
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His first target was the Philippines, which had been previously colonized but efforts had stagnated in recent years. Yoshiharu sent his two prized colonists south to grow the territory.
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This period of isolation was actually an economic boon, and with the extra cash flow the Shogun began to slowly root out the entrenched corruption in his government.
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Russia, who apparently didn't noticed the "closed" sign on Japan's front door, requested its aid against Bukhara. Japan accepted but warned them they were only going to send the army school dropouts.
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Yoshiharu called upon the nobility to provide resources for the fight. Forgetting to carry the 1 when he calculated the nobility's overall power, he unwittingly allowed them to seize control of the government. They were cool though and let him stay.
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Yoshiharu could have avoided the whole mess if he had waited a few more months for their aid...
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Having burned that one guy who offered to print the bible in a language they could actually read, the Japanese were getting pretty stupid. The fact that they can't even fight properly doesn't help.
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To no one's dismay, the Japanese army decided not to help out Russia in this battle.
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Yoshiharu was not even focusing on the war, but instead working tirelessly to convert Japan to the True Faith.
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The war with Bukhara ended, and Russia gave them all of 1 ducat as thanks. They were overpaid.
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Sperm. Hah.
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Anyways, the Shogun learned from his previous mistake and made sure to curtail the nobility when he could, before immediately giving them more power.
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Suffering yet another negative stability event, the Empire was back in the Shogun's hands.
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The Russians decided Japan hadn't had enough, and were threatening war over a barren province. So much for the tentacle of friendship.
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To alleviate the matter, Yoshiharu just sold them the stupid province. This seemed to quell the Russians and all returned to normal between the two countries. The tentacle of friendship was stunted, but alive.
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Yoshiharu was approached by his court on the matter of ending or continuing Sakoku law. Stating that he hadn't yet gotten the "kirishitan japan" achievement yet, he would continue to enforce the law.
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Yoshiharu also promised to begin establishing defensive policies in the nation. When asked if he would actually follow through with any reforms, he replied with a definite maybe.
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Sure, Japan didn't have the mightiest military, or the best allies, or the best vassals, or the best technology, or the best colonies, or the best economy, but at least they were all Catholic so they could pray together because only a miracle was gonna save them now.
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The Japanese tentacle of friendship had completed it's mission!
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Are you going to seal off Russian expansion by colonising their border? Although they probably would turn even more hostile, they're probably coming for you at one point.

Did they get cores on your mainland? Would be funny to see Korea get independent in Japan if you would wipe them from the map ;).
 
This last update is a very enjoyable farce :D
 
Are you going to seal off Russian expansion by colonising their border? Although they probably would turn even more hostile, they're probably coming for you at one point.

The Russians are free to take as much of that worthless land as they please!
 
Russia wouldn't royal marry with me unless we touched tips first

Their expansion eastward has been slow during this time because their ally Brandenburg feels like taking on half of Europe!
 
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Part 13: The Sun Sets



The world in 1674, there's a terrifying blue blob in Europe that doesn't seem to care about the world outside of Europe, luckily. Persia was formed by Taberestan, so go them! Russia seems fine with its disgusting bordergore, and allied Brandenburg who is busy eating Germany. The Mamluks are still alive, and will form Egypt, so go them too! With that let's dive back into Japan:
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Qin, who we thought was a lot bigger last time, accepted our offer for a military alliance, since Wu is a dick.
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The Shogun decides to take this period of isolation to improve the long-neglected Japanese navy. The navy has actually not beaten an enemy since they fought Ainu and Yeren, so this is probably a good idea.
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Qin, who must be feeling pretty damn lucky, are attacked by Chagatai shortly after Japan sent the offer of alliance. We join to defend our new ally, since there really isn't anything better to do.
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The Shogun sends his finest troops (the ones who have TWO shoes, instead of the standard issue no shoes)
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Lady Sen, who realized the soldiers were all wearing her shoes, died of shock.
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The Japanese caught a the Chagatai army in their retreat, and soundly beat them.
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Probably more scared of the Chinese army rather than the Japanese, Chagatai agrees to give Mongolia some cores back. Oddly enough Qin takes nothing, so nice of them.
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The Jianzhou, who have hovercars already, ask their overlords-only-in-name for the Kuru province. They get it and all die of prion disease.

Don't look it up you'll get nightmares.
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Using his apparently-holy lineage as leverage, the Shogun recruits a new missionary from the Pope.
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The new missionary gets to work converting Beijing, kind of as a spit in the eye to the long gone Ming. Haha losers.
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It turns out that the overseas colony wasn't doing anything because everyone was in the gold mines. The Shogun makes a pool of the gold and tries to jump in, spraining his back.
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Because they didn't totally just get a BOAT OF GOLD, the government levies new taxes on the populace to get some more cash.
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The Shogun needed this cash, you see, because he noticed that the islands to the south were just as technologically backwards as Japan, and knew he could probably beat them with a strong enough navy. A claim was fabricated and a massive armada sent south.
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The clergy announced that the faith of the people of Japan had never been stronger, and that the Lord and Jesus were watching over their future and would guarantee prosperity for years to come.
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Or not.
But he did live, so maybe.
Either way, the Shogun requested another BOAT OF GOLD from California.
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With his troops at the staging area and the armada at the ready, Japan was prepared for its first offensive war in many many years.
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Ternate would be joined by Buton, who would contribute with a positive spirit!
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The Japanese troops landed in Palu, and headed north since the fort there wasn't in the mountains, which have snakes and spiders and stuff. The beach was a lot nicer too since they didn't have shoes and all.
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Meanwhile Jianzhou, in an impressive moment of AI clarity, actually blockaded the Ternate capital and with it, all of their forces.
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This allowed Japan to continue almost unchallenged on the big island.
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Buton attacked the Japanese forces in a suicidal attempt to turn the tide of the war. It didn't go well for them.
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Their homeland was then occupied and annexed, the rest of the big island was conquered as well, with hardly more than a skirmish taking place.
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An offer of peace was sent to the defenders, who readily accepted. Much of the big island was ceded to Japan. There were thoughts of giving the provinces over to a vassal state, but then everyone remembered how that went the last few times and decided to just hold onto it for themselves.
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California, who didn't particularly like shipping BOATS OF GOLD overseas, began speaking of rebellion and independence. Much of it was through fast-paced song and dance. The Shogun, when asked if he had a response, said "No screw you I'm not singing and you're not getting independence so get back to the gold mines."
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For being a poor sport, the Shogun was branded as a party pooper and other countries liked him less.
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But that didn't matter for too long, as a sick burn from one of the leaders of the independence movement caused him to collapse in embarrassment and die. A pretender rose up, and when it was determined that he wasn't as good as the heir, was taken down by the army.
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The Mongolians then called for aid against Buhkara, who were attacking. The Japanese army had been decimated by attrition in Ternate, and was a shell of it's former self (which isn't saying much). Regardless they accept the call and march to Bukhara.
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Meanwhile the new Emperor, Yoshihisa, began to learn about the world around him, and that maybe shoes should be standard issue in the army.
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The reborn Japanese army was showing it's newfound strength, which really helped when fighting a landlocked (reformed) horde.
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The navy could have shown its might when the Qin requested aid against all of China, but the Shogun said no way. The grand Japan-Qin alliance lasted all of 20 years.
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Meanwhile the Japanese army was hiding.
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But that didn't work and Bukhara killed them.
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The weakness of the Japanese army caused Jianzhou to become slightly rebellious. Yan, thinking they were the top shit, supported their independence and they became VERY rebellious.
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This part has too many pictures, read on in the next post:
 
The war against Bukhara ended in white peace, suddenly a lot more shoes were available in Japan.
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Some Europeans decided that they were better than everyone else, and declared a new era of mankind before the last two even got to Japan.
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Realizing he could no longer keep his vassal in check, the Shogun released Jianzhou, the only Shinto nation left. So good luck with that.
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Hoping to be friends, he offered the newly-free country an alliance, which they accepted.
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That is, until they realized how weak Japan was and broke it.
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The Japanese empire has simultaneously reached new highs and lows at the same time. It is the turn of the century and the 18th century is in front of us. This is where I am deciding to end the run, as you may have noticed the attitude of my writing has gotten more cynical of Japan. I'm crazy far behind in tech and the corruption is killing me and is so high that it would take 50-100 years of max payments to get rid of it.

My initial plan was to ignore the mainland and conquer the islands first, which I think I should have stuck to, but then Ming exploded and I thought I could grab a piece of the China pie. The hordes were a pain in the ass to conquer, and rebelled constantly.

Overall though I had a ton of fun uniting Japan and taking Korean land, but I want to play in Europe again where I don't have to worry as much about institutions. Here's some maps of the end game:
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The last few decades had a lot of conversions, as Sakoku law removes the "western trade" malus from religious converting. I got the Kirishitan Japan achievement, which was one of the goals of the run. I converted Jainzhou to Shinto early on, which was stupid. Seeing a catholic Mongolia was pretty funny though!
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But here is the tech map, showing just how bad it got. 1v1 me, Kongo.
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And finally, the map of the Most Glorious Empire of Japan, long may she reign!
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Thanks for reading! I already know where I'm playing next and can't wait to get started!
 
It was a fun AAR - I don't envy you that corruption at all.
 
Sad to see it already ending in 1700 but if you don't enjoy the run anymore it's better to stop earlier. It was as stnylan said an enjoying AAR to read, hopefully there will be more in the future :)!
 
"Japanese Tartary" sounds like a dish you'd find at your local hibachi grill.