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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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Stuyvesant

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So we come to your death, do you have any idea who? I mean you’d defeated almost all your vassals in battle, you were planning a new religious war in the Ukraine, you were publicly denouncing your son as a numpty, so it’s a bit difficult to find candidates for...
You mean, since half the world wants him dead, it's hard to know who in particular did the dirty? :)

So, the Assassins rule Ireland, the Isle of Man looks like it's gone Muslim as well... I wonder what Oliver Cromwell will make of it when he comes around, in a couple of hundred years.

“Aye Astarte, you’re probably right … anyway don’t you think you were a bit rough with Ivan. I mean a short session with you and the poor lad could scarcely walk for the rest of his reign”.
Under the influence of Peter Ebbesen's excellent Mount & Blade Warband AAR, I'm having great difficulty not imagining this in a certain (not-family-oriented) way... :p
 

morningSIDEr

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I love that for the poisoned event Boris gained the trait 'suspicious', surely it should have just been him gaining the trait 'corpse'. Good stuff, looking forward to the next.
 

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Poor Boris. Tragically misunderstood.
 

Stuyvesant

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I love that for the poisoned event Boris gained the trait 'suspicious', surely it should have just been him gaining the trait 'corpse'.

Could be the very brief suspicions of 'Why does my Russian food taste even worse than normal, why does it feel like my entrails just exploded and why am I bleeding from my nose, ears and eyeballs? I suspect something is amis... <urk>'
 

loki100

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You mean, since half the world wants him dead, it's hard to know who in particular did the dirty? :)

So, the Assassins rule Ireland, the Isle of Man looks like it's gone Muslim as well... I wonder what Oliver Cromwell will make of it when he comes around, in a couple of hundred years.

Under the influence of Peter Ebbesen's excellent Mount & Blade Warband AAR, I'm having great difficulty not imagining this in a certain (not-family-oriented) way... :p

I can't imagine Cromwell doing anything but what he did in reality to be honest.

as to the Astarte thing, well its comes up early in Ivan's life so you don't have long to wait ... but I can write really tasteful :D

poisoned? I have never had that, lol.

I love that for the poisoned event Boris gained the trait 'suspicious', surely it should have just been him gaining the trait 'corpse'. Good stuff, looking forward to the next.

Could be the very brief suspicions of 'Why does my Russian food taste even worse than normal, why does it feel like my entrails just exploded and why am I bleeding from my nose, ears and eyeballs? I suspect something is amis... <urk>'

'There's something wrong with this caviuuurgh.'

I've since had another King poisoned who lived beyond the incident, so the event obviously has a %die/live aspect to it, so I suppose if you live beyond 10 mins then being suspicious has some value?

As to Russian food, well I've visited both the Soviet Union and post-Soviet Central Asia, and on both occassions, I actually gave up eating ... I don't think this is fair comment on the underlying nature of the food, more what you could/can get in smaller towns when reliant on restaurants etc.

Poor Boris. Tragically misunderstood.

I thought it was quite apposite to put someone with either one very badly damaged leg, or two somewhat damaged legs, into a part of Purgatory where running around seems to be the main penance.

So does Ivan live ... and if so does he meet expectations? Find out next.
 

loki100

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Ivan, the done to, the boring or the idiot?

Scene 1: Heaven

Raphael is trying to work out if Ivan was (a) unlucky; (b) stupid; (c) boring or (d) the victim of Harry’s games.

In favour of unlucky, in one single battle both he and his marshall suffered injuries:




In favour of stupid, he made this person his steward, twice:



In favour of boring, he’s insisted on raising this:





When he could have stressed:



In favour of the demonic plot, its not clear why, when captured in battle, Ivan declined to have a ransom paid, and chose to stay, as ‘the staff were so nice, so if they could give him a bit of time before rescuing him, he'd be very grateful'



Scene 2: next to the unlit barbecue in Hell

Harry is reviewing the papers and comes to the following conclusions:

A – unlucky, nothing to do with him
B – a brilliant plan that Astarte carried off to perfection
C – did this actually happen? I mean who cares, minor rebellions in a Rurikovich reign really are 10 a penny
D – Astarte may have overdone this

Scene 3: Dis

Astarte is going over the papers

A – serves at least one of them right for not paying attention, since she'd distracted him this should be seen as being to her credit
B – yep, I played that role to perfection
C – boring mens stuff, who cares
D – sheer genius both in the planning and execution, Harry would never have thought of this in 15 eternities

So is he a,b,c, or d? Why did Ivan spend most of his reign in bed? What was his thing about Croats? Why did the Mongols start in Sweden?
 

morningSIDEr

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Why did Ivan spend most of his reign in bed?

Likely because he witnessed poor Marshal Hannu suffering his groin injury at the same time as his own severe wound, and thought better about venturing out ever again!

As for voting, I'll have to go for C as well, the Golden Horde factor swings it! I'm very surprised at the evidence for B though. The steward has 13 stewardship, thats clearly not a stupid, unlucky appointment at all!
 
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Stuyvesant

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A multiple choice test! But I didn't study! Argh!

Where's option e) 'All of the above' when you need it?!?

'Boring' and 'Stupid' seems fairer than to blame/credit it all to Harry's half-arsed plotting. :)

So, the Mongols are here - are they a match for the legendary Rurikovich melting pot of vices, or will the taint spread east and consign the Golden Horde to the dustbin of history? :)
 

loki100

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Likely because he witnessed poor Marshal Hannu suffering his groin injury at the same time as his own severe wound, and thought better about venturing out ever again!

Well, there is more to it than that ... but yep the wee blue 'in bed with serious wounds' sign was hung over him for most of his reign. I was actually surprised just how long he lasted.

As for voting, I'll have to go for C as well, the Golden Horde factor swings it! I'm very surprised at the evidence for B though. The steward has 13 stewardship, thats clearly not a stupid, unlucky appointment at all!

ah, I don't know why but the diplomacy score is the important one for a steward so on the face of it she is indeed the catch of the reign, the problem is the 0 loyalty means she's quite likely to raid the coffers, same as a 0 loyalty spymaster is quite likely to try and kill you.

Problem was I kept on appointing her 'cause I'd check the available list, see that 21, and forget why I'd already sacked her

A multiple choice test! But I didn't study! Argh!

Where's option e) 'All of the above' when you need it?!?

'Boring' and 'Stupid' seems fairer than to blame/credit it all to Harry's half-arsed plotting. :)

So, the Mongols are here - are they a match for the legendary Rurikovich melting pot of vices, or will the taint spread east and consign the Golden Horde to the dustbin of history? :)

In Ivan's reign, they ain't too much of a problem (unless you are Swedish). Playing beyond they are controllable but a real drain on the treasury, but this is my first time with them on the doorstep so I'm not sure what is the best solution.


Yeah, I tend to the boring as well. When I was doing my working file (I tend to first do a historic account based around screenshots etc, then redo slightly thematically, then repackage for the posts), what was in my mind was a sort of slightly whingy voice complaining that "nuffin ever works around here, man"

Have to think about his final fate, as the role of 'too uninteresting to be worth sentencing' has already been claimed by Ukko.

Anyway, reports are with the client, linked research paper is 90% written (social policy and mental health if you're interested ... which I know you're not), there seems little danger that Scotland will be exposed to that strange yellow thing that cluttered up the sky last weekend, so hopefully I can get some more years of mongol bashing in and maybe an update out. Which is good as the pending emergence of Semper Fi may lure me back to the bosum of uncle joe while at the same time Phargle is making Rome:VV so attractive to have a go at. His AAR at: The Consuls of Rome is almost a 'how to' play guide the game ... well worth reading if you've not wandered over there yet.
 

loki100

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Ivan 1215-1224, the exciting years

Scene 1: The Court

The clerks, Raphael and Gabi are sat facing Ivan. All their paperwork is covered in letters (a-d)[1].

Gabi, is the Prince of Darkness going to attend?

I don’t think so, he seems to have some problems with the female demons. They want equal rewards for being demonic, some long standing discrimination issue, oh and he’s meeting with his builders afterwards. Seems he wants a new source of heat installing.

Well ok this is not really satisfactory, however, Ivan maybe you can get us started then. Can we cover the early events in your reign,

Ah yes, ummh …. why?

Look just explain to us what happened during your reign, we need to determine where your soul is going for the rest of eternity.

Well when I inherited, I found that lots of the vassals were plotting a rebellion

Rebellion in Beloozero



And some seemed more committed than the others:



And this is typical of my luck, look what then happened



Ivan, I don’t think this has anything to do with ‘bad-luck’, it seems that, quite simply, he did not like you

Raphael passes a note to one of the clerks – “score this as a ‘b’ and a ‘c’

Well once the war started, I did much better than my father ever expected:



Ivan, there is a problem with your family claiming heroism when they were actually doing something else?

Oh no, I was being heroic, I felt so inspired, almost as if someone was leading me forward, anyway the good luck didn’t last long, when first my bishop was injured:



And then I was captured.

Ah Ivan, can we concentrate on what happened at this stage.

Well I was visiting the baggage train and …

No, no, not how you were captured, what happened next

Well they took me off to this big castle and locked me up

And you asked not to be ransomed?

No that was a mistake, I wanted to be ransomed, but just not immediately

Why?

Oh nothing

Why?

Well, there was this servant, dark haired, wonderful glowing eyes, I mean she was so tempting

So?

Well it was rather confusing, but I think they tried to kill me and then I managed to escape. Of course we then finished the war, deposed Vsevolod, and things, briefly, settled down

Raphael passes a note to the clerks – “score this b and d”, Harry is clearly up to something

Gabi indicates he wants to say something

Yes Gabi?

Its just can I stress here that Harry is not happy at any attempt to raise Mstislav’s old ‘confusion’ defence

Ok, noted, anyway Ivan please continue

Well after I got back, I rather wanted to spend time with the family:



Raphael passes a note – “C” underlined several times

The Suzdal War

It was all peaceful for a couple of years, and then I decided to force Suzdal back into the realm. It was large, fairly prosperous and had been independent for about 40 years (of course Ivan does not make the opposite connection that Suzdal is large and prosperous precisely because it has been outside Rurikovich control):



Now I was unlucky in that battle. First



Got that really nasty wound

And then I was thinking about the castle (we were quite nearby actually) and wasn’t really watching and …



Of course being wounded meant I was a bit unlucky in the next battle as well



But by December, he’d agreed to be my vassal and I was laid up in bed recovering from my wounds

Raphael passes a note – ‘a’, ‘c’, reserve judgement on ‘d’

The Croatian events

Anyway I was lucky that I had such a good Croatian spy master, well he was ill and excommunicated but otherwise



He spotted that my chancellor might be a problem



And that it would be a good idea to replace her with his wife, who was so much more religious as well. It was a pity, Sviatoslava just brought back memories of my episode in the tower.

Anyway, Tito, as I called him, arranged for his eldest daughter to go back



Apparently, he had some plan to use her to assassinate his old rival



Though, my initial rejection of his plan seemed to not really put him off.



And then much to my surprise, someone agreed to marry his second daughter, you’d have thought they’d have learned?



He did have such a nice shield though

Raphael passes a note to the slumbering clerks – “B”, “C”

And, oh yes, given the overall peace in the realm, I started to build a really exciting new castle:



Ivan is led out and chained next to Ukko

Raphael turns to the clerks


So what was the score? A-1, B-3, C-4, D-1

Ok so he is indeed boring, no obvious evidence that Harry has been up to too much, though I am suspicious about that tower story, the ex-communicated spy master and the utterly disloyal chancellor.

[1] for the key read the previous post

so does it get more or less exciting when the Mongols turn up? Since most of the demonic plots are her idea, why is Astarte looking for equal pay? Is this just the start of Russian spies being sent back to Croatia?
 
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Stuyvesant

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Well, there was this servant, dark haired, wonderful glowing eyes, I mean she was so tempting
Eyes blazing with the fires of Inferno? Is that Astarte's appearance? :)

My, the ability of Rurikovich rulers to get themselves injured and/or maimed seems to be surpassing their already legendary ability to cripple their marshalls!
 

morningSIDEr

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Its not a surprise Ivan suffered such grevious injuries and ended up a prisoner when he was engaged in the heroic action of baggage raiding!

Great stuff as ever. Thanks for the mention of a new phargle AAR, I'll head over there soon. His Knud Knytling AAR was the first I ever read, it is immensely good.
 

loki100

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Trying to have inbred offspring?

They are indeed all starting to look scarily the same, I've decided to widen the gene pool by not just marrying crazed Greeks but bringing in the occassional crazed German as a wife.

Eyes blazing with the fires of Inferno? Is that Astarte's appearance? :)

My, the ability of Rurikovich rulers to get themselves injured and/or maimed seems to be surpassing their already legendary ability to cripple their marshalls!

see, I told you it would be tactfully and tastefully handled. Aye between martial incompetence, self-harm and seriously damaged subordinates, wars in medieval Russia were dangerous places (& thats before the enemy gets involved).

Its not a surprise Ivan suffered such grevious injuries and ended up a prisoner when he was engaged in the heroic action of baggage raiding!.

Since the great days of Mstislav, I've not managed a decent baggage train incident. Typical of Ukko was the time he was accused of military incompetence he'd just won quite a big even battle, so its always nice to revive a lost art!

So Ivan whinges his way to his end ...
 

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Ivan, 1224-1227, still feeling hard done to

Scene 1: Hell, Harry's barbecue pit

Gabi is trying to catch Harry’s attention

Do I really have to sit through more of this

Yes

But its boring

Think of it as your penance, being bored must be good for something. In any case whats boring about this:



And then



Only to find the only alternative is



Well he’ll claim its typical of his bad luck

Gabi you really don’t get it do you?



Look, what do we do down here?

Well you spend all your time arguing with builders and plotting plots

Exactly

So, we send his bishop nuts with the old voices trick and then just as an insurance we’ve already done the replacement

Ah

Now do you understand? Good go and listen to the rest, there’s a good boy, see if you can help fill up the new extension with a Rurikovich.

Scene 2 The Court, Raphael, Gabi, the Clerks,
Ivan is setting out more incidences of his bad luck

Then there were the unfortunate events with the stewards



Well the money came in useful as being rather forgetful, I’d made Sviatoslava my Steward again



But this went some way to explaining where all her money had come from



Ivan, stop, you appointed someone you’d already sacked for disloyalty and you were then surprised she looted the treasury?

Gabi is thinking – plots, plotting, oh she does look a bit like ….

Well I sacked her again, the new one was broke and as a result had lots of good ideas



Mind you even that ended badly



Then the Princes got all uppity, wanting to change the rules. Seems as if they didn’t really trust or respect me.



Which naturally led to



This all dragged on for 6 months till the usual ending, though not before some idiot was captured



don't think he enjoyed himself as much as I did

Gabi starts to muse, rebellions are plots, harry does plots, so …

Then my heir Peresvet made me wonder if keeping the old sucession rules were worth it. He started well enough



If a bit ill, but then



So I followed some old advice I read somewhere, and married him off to a German:



Ok Ivan, can we briefly cover the only really interesting thing that happened in your reign?

What? Oh the Mongols? Not much



Their king was a huge whimp



Who had a thing about bashing Swedes, that was it really



Gabi can’t see the plot in this so decides the Mongols have nothing to do with Harry

Oh and, shortly afterwards:



So, Ivan, you'd couldn't even find an interesting way to die?

Scene 3: Outside the Court Room

Look we’ve got to come to a decision, its bad enough with Ukko looking so plaintive every time we turn up

Raphael

Yes Gabriel

Look I think that most of what happened to Ivan was the result of Harry’s plots – the tower incident and disloyal steward were most definitely the work of Astarte, the mad bishop and the rebellions I think were down to Harry

So

Well can’t we just let him off, … you know second spur of purgatory, the usual place?

Scene 4: Dis

Harry and Astarte are chatting

This isn’t another of your feminist things is it?

No, just wanted to know if we have Ivan coming?

Apparently not, seems that Gabi believed me when I told him it was all our plotting, so we’ve managed to avoid taking on another total numpty. I mean for the new hell, I want the seriously mad and bad, not some whingy ... whinging person

But Harry,

Yes

I was responsible for most of it

No?

Yes

Ah

Will Peresvet be as generally useless as Ivan? Now that Astarte has worked out just how useless Harry is, will there be ...? When will Gabi's penance be completed? Is Bala really a Mongol, I mean look at the stats
 
Last edited:

Enewald

Enewald Enewald Enewald
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