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Not An EUII AAR - A Tale of Morocco

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This philosopher is getting one of my favourite characters easily. Nice sentences he had. Doesn't look too bad for you, but why do you give into more than one tech at once, is it better than in EU2? Oh, by the way, don't muslims believe Allah is also the christian god as there can only be one?
 
Looking good so far, where do you plan to colonize first?
 
This is great. :D
 
Strange goings on in Morocco if you ask me! ;)
 
Researching government is wise...or at least that's an old Morrocan saying. As you say, it will surely help your Quest for the New World.
 
It is now January 1458 and in the Alis palace Ali, Ali and a random scientist are having a discussion about goverment. Also, Abduls Kiosk went bankcrupt. I work novadays as a housewife for one of the Alis palaces guards. I met him 5 years ago when Morocco and Algiers made an alliance.

I and the boys just made our best and most expensive invention ever! We call it the "Prime Minister" or shortly "Bob". It will improve our goverment that currently is nothing but you, philosopher Ali and those 2 weird guys who improve our military.

govermentimprovesyuippees.jpg


R-e-a-dy-t-o-s-e-r-v-e-m-y-m-a-s-t-e-r.

Thats great! I already feel so much wiser. I shall institute feudal monarchy! How I wasnt able to think of that before? Bob and random scientist, you can go now.

feudalmonarchyyyyy.jpg


As we philosophers say:"Who said money doesnt change your goverment type??"

Also "money gives one the ability to have an idea"

I just got an idea! I call it "Quest for the New World". It is simply brilliant. Listen to me. We send men to explore that white area we call "terra incognita"! How I wasnt able to think of that before? I finally know what we have to do in order to find America!

qtfnwvlaititataat.jpg


Like great Socrates once said:"Money talks, bitches!"

A year later, a peasant came to Ali and suggested him to create a national institution. I know it, because my sidework is to be a waitress at Alis palace so I heard it all. It is so hard beeing a good mother in these expensive days.

We peasants demand you to make national institutions!

How would it benefit me?

We people become more stable. Also, you lose some of your power over us and we become more innovative but provide you less money.

Well, so be it!

By the way, what is a national institution?

I have no freaking idea. But I do feel a lot smarter and less rebellious already. I am going to buy a seaside house with all the money I save now. Bye!

nationalinsittutitoon.jpg


The wiser man is, the less he makes money. But a stable country is to be desired like 3-some with 2 bisexual blondes.

The good thing about beeing a king is you actually get to enjoy the company of 2 bisexual blondes. See you tomorrow.

The only question a philosopher hasnt answered yet is "why women always pick the guy who has the money"...

*Next morning in Alis bedroom*

Damn, my rear hurts. But man has to do what man has to do. I better get going before Ali wakes up.

*A year later*

We need a brave man to enter that big white area! We need...the Explorer Man!

Did someone just say my name?

Oh, the Explorer man. Thank Goodness you came. Look. *points towards the white seazones*

*steps into a ship and shows he is ready to start sailing*

Thank you, Explorer Man. How can I ever repay you?

Well you dont need to guv, its allright. Its all in the days work for the Explorer Man.

But you can give me 33 ducats.

Ali and Ali:Our hero!

explorermanarrives.jpg


Now we have an explorer, ships and idea that New World exists! Lets fulfill Allahs will, boys!

If one wants to find new lands, one should give 33 ducats to a man dressed up in a blue underwear and a red cape.
 
Rich lands of America awaits your brave explorers. But I think that it might be also wise to search Africa. In South there's rich lands just waiting for you to take them. I mean expansion to Timbuktu and Gold Coast.
 
Olaus Petrus: Thank you. Im glad you are enjoying.

edit here, too: I will get a conquistador in the future but I first will explore the Americas as it is the driving idea of the AAR.

Lord E: We cant blame the Algerians for that.

gosam: When the other option is Spaniards to your north, Algerians start to seem like ok guys afterall.

Duke of Wellington: Thanks. I didnt think about the cross-dressing either. It just magically appeared on the screen.

...

That doesnt give a very good picture about me, now does it? :D

CSK: Thanks. I invest on more than one tech as I dont want to fall too much behind in any. I dont think any of the techs is too much more important than the others.

edit here, you always reply so fast: I gave up centralization because decentralization reduces tech costs and it will help me as I am Muslim. And extra stability didnt hurt either since it is much more expensive in this one.

And as far as I know Allah, christian God and Jew's Jehova are all the same guy. But this cant be the case in this AAR, where I am struggling against the christians.

GeneralHannibal: Really no plans. I colonize the first place I arrive at. But I have plans for Middle-America in the future.

Fulcrumvale: Thanks. I hope my future updates wont let you down.

stnylan: EUIII is a strange game. I love it, I can pick a pagan African nation and go colonizing Americas if I want!

coz1: Yup, I wanted QftNW as soon as possible. I am not investing so much into it anymore

Snake IV: Let me think a good fake reason foir doing that terrible thing.

...

Well, it will take time away from this AAR and thus update speed suffers so it is good to tell people what is the case...

No?

Im glad you atleast enjoy this.
 
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Off we go, into the wild blue yonder...and in a dress no less?
 
Moving into the unknown, maybe this will bring great explorations and ideas to your country… or it might end with horror and bad news. We can only wait and see. Shall be interesting to see explorer man sail westwards…
 
Time to spread Islam to the Americas!
 
Socrates was more interesting than I thought!

Morocco in the New World :wacko: EUIII is a goofy, but cool, game...
 
EvilSanta said:
A woman with balls is to be feared like taxation.
Click to expand...

If this was on a T-shirt, I'd buy it.
 
A little announcement: My testweek will start soon so I cant promise there will be any updates for 3 weeks on. There might be some random update if I can find time.

And on to replies, then.

coz1: No, in Superman suit

07-30-superman-main.jpg


:)

Lord E: Well, lets hope the latter one wont happen, shall we?

Walter Model: Thats great I inspired you.

What is social way of starting AAR?

stnylan: Yes, towards riches and future slaves!

Woops.

Lets save the souls of those poor souls!

CatKnight: You will die after seven days since reading this AAR...

Frightening? I dont know what you are talking about.

Hajji Giray I: EUIII this a dream come true for me. I always wanted everything EUIII allows me to do. But this isnt perfect yet, lots of balancing and bug fixing should be done.

Rocketman: We'll see about it in the future. ;)
 
I need a break from reading German. And what is more relaxing than writing an AAR?

And so, the Explorer Man started his daring adventure to find the New World.

And I broke up from my husband. It wasnt really a pleasant surprise for him to see my genital area.

But now I need to go meet Ali. Argh, even thinking about it makes my rear hurt.

*In the Alis palace, the two Alis get pleasant news*

M-y-m-a-s-t-e-r-T-h-e-E-x-p-l-o-r-e-r-M-a-n-h-a-s-f-o-u-n-d-a-n-i-s-l-a-n-d.

Do you really need to talk like that, Bob? It is really annoying.

Oh, I throught it sounded cool.

What did you say again? Was it something about my nose? I kill you if it was about my nose!

No sir. The Explorer Man just informed me about his newest discovery. He found 2 islands he calls Antigua and Guadeloupe.

uusialoytajomarokkol.jpg

uudetloydotkartlatlta.jpg


If you want to attract men to move to the New World, you name your discoveries in German. If you want to attract women to move, you name your discoveries in Spanish.

I have a question for you. How exactly do you know about those discoveries? Explorer Man is still on his trip.

Uhh, he sent a messenger sir.

With what? I havent seen any ships arriving. Are you saying the messenger swimmed across the bloody Atlantic?

Uhh, it was a dolphin, sir.

A dolphin? Are you saying he put a message on a dolphin?

Uh, no sir. The dolphin SAID the message to me.

A talking dolphin? Next you are saying he invented a mobile telephone and rang you! Ha, thats ridicilous idea.

The ways of super heroes shall not be questioned, like women who have their periods.

Few months later, the Explorer Man arrived back to Morocco.

And I started reading Homeros.

*At the coast of Morocco, Ali is talking with the Explorer Man*

Explorer Man, I want you to transport me to Guadeloupe.

Okay.

alilahteemreiller.jpg


Hey, that wasnt a talk! Explorer Man, you are supposed to fight against the idea, say it is too dangerous! Dont let Ali leave!

If king wants to kill natives in a little Caribbean island, then king shall kill natives in a little Caribbean island.

*In Guadeloupe, few months later*

1.st Cavalry Regiment, flank those slingers! 1.st Regiment, fall back to save our archers! 3.rd and 4.th Regiments, shoot your arrows at enemy spearmen! Mehmed, bring me coffee! 6.th Regiment, start marching towards right flank, we need reinforcements there! I saw a monkey! 8.th and 9th. Regiments, make a frontal charge at their spearmen! Hey that looks like a banana! 2.nd Cavalry Regiment, support 8.th and 9.th with a charge to their flanks! Dont give up men, this is our day! I like pie! 11.th Regiment, retreat to reserve! 2.nd Regiment, fill 11.ths place!

alinerktaisatonatiivit.jpg


Sir, I have one thing to say to you. Battle is over there, behind the hills... And second thing, we just won it. And third, that is not a banana but horses shit you are eating. Plus that monkey is actually a tiger. Oh, and there are Castilian ships next to Guadeloupe.

castilesshippys.jpg


*spits his mouth empty and stops cuddling the tiger*

We made it just in time, then. Allah, we won the bet for you!

Thats freaking great, dude. Now shut up and let me sleep my hangover...

Now all we have to do is to send colonists here and settle the island. All those natives are dead and it gets lonely in here with only few thousand men to keep you company.

*several months later*

Sir, 100 hundred colonists at your...*huge boulder hits 5 men* 95 colonists...*a man steps on a bananas peel and falls to ocean* 94 col...*a meteor falls to ground, killing 20 colonists* bloody hell, that makes only...*a colonist finds out his wife sleeps with other colonist. He kills both of them and then himself* Hmm...100 minus 5 minus 1 minus 20 minus 3 makes...*A bear attacks, taking another 10 colonists with it* Now its getting hard here. I only have B on math...Lets see...*A group of terrorist colonists commit a suicide attack, killing total of 40 colonists* Give me a break. I cant keep up with this speed! *4 men hear Britney Spears newest song* This is getting ridicilous here! *A sudden earthquake strikes island, killing 16 men* Hmm, it seems I am the only one still alive. Now that makes 1 colonist at your service, sir! *George Bush thinks there is oil in Guadeloupe and attacks there and the last colonist dies*

Damn, I think that our colonization attempt just failed.

colonizaatiofaliureees.jpg
 
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