Louping All Over Aquitaine

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

I’ve not seen a Duran that sober and reserved since 1993’s self-titled comeback—

No, sorry… I can’t do it. I got nothing.

( )

Short but sweet for our phenomenally godly duke. No doubt the Lord has other plans for Duran – a man who, there is no doubt, we may confidently call “Le Bon”.

In truth, I really had nothing either. I fully intended to work in quite a few Duran Duran references in the post but after the play through it just did not make much sense. I'll explain more below, but it was a rather boring couple of sessions all things told (thus the aka in the title) and I figured that should be the way the write up went too.

A vow of celibacy after four (or is it five) wives and six children does not say piety, it says OVERDUE! In response to your weakness and cowardice, your brother and your son have taken to using false names with your brother even resorting to wearing an eyepatch to conceal his identity. A perch(e) does not replace the main(e) course. Though you were not just a one-hit wonder, Duke Duran it feels that we hardly knew you. A split of two duchies and three counties with one owned county, Duke Alias II is off to a good. Duke Duran, enjoy your rest with three deceased wives, your coming days could be busy. Thank you for the road tour with Double D.

Yeah, I could have used that vow of celibacy prior to the second son being born. He'd done great prior to that with Alias and then all of those daughters.

As threatened a considerable change in tone indeed! I feel the title is a tad harsh on Duke Duran not least because of that entirely unexpected swerve at the end where he had the duel so there was some interest in his life, though I'd argue that many wives and children means his personal life cannot have been completely boring. The Duel itself came across a bit mid-life crisis, or it would have been a mid-life crisis had he not died from it, one last attempt to shake of the insults that dogged him.

In summary he lasted over a Decade and his impressive piety means that his entry to heaven must be assured, no need to Save a Prayer for him. He never was one of The Wild Boys and perhaps he did not have The Reflex needed to be a great war leader, but overall he left his dukedom in a better place than when he started even if things did Come Undone for him personally at the end.

[1] This post brought to you by the Duran Duran Discography page on Wikipedia.

Ahhh...The Reflex. Great song! I should have found a way to use it. Darn.

As far as the duel - I plead ignorance as to how those worked. This is really my first time playing with all of the DLCs and so it's new to me. Duran was already considered craven and I guess I hoped he'd win and lose the trait. Well...he did lose the trait.


To all - So as I mentioned, I role played Duke Duran. He was meant to be a Bishop and his early focus was on spirituality. It made sense, especially after the reputation his father gained at death. So especially after he had the ambition to be a paragon of virtue, I made every decision to favor piety over prestige or any other. I really did want to see if I could fight the Umayyad but their numbers are so many - it would have taken a lot! That said, I got pretty close to fulfilling that ambition - as mentioned, I was just over 1500 piety and needed 2000. If Duran had just hung on for a couple more years. Oh well.

I will say that I had a slight save scum in there but not on purpose. On my first play through, I actually did go to war with Burgundy/Normandy when I lost Maine and it was going well but within 6 months of the war, my entire computer system went down and once I was able to reboot, I had to go back to the autosave prior to the DoW. I had second thoughts this time and had to remind myself that I was role playing.

And the war I did fight with them was rather a pain in the ass (well, with the Rebellion.) First of all, I had to hope the Rebellion did not make peace with Burgundy or it would have been for naught. Second, having to travel north and south back and forth took forever. The only good thing was that the sieges went really quickly. I assume that was due to my numbers. It worked out in the end, but then Duran died so everything got split up.

On that score, I have a cunning plan. You can probably guess what it is.

On Marriages, I was pretty proud of myself. Not only had Duran pulled off what seemed a coup prior to me taking control of him with son Alias' marriage to a Princess of Francia (and a Karling at that.) But then the Karlings were pretty much killed off. So not only did he marry one daughter to the King of Navarre, but another to the now current King of France. The new Duke Alias will hopefully gain some extra perks by being the King's brother in law. One can hope. I'm also quite interested to see how much of a claim young Otton (Alias' son with the Karling Princess) might have on the Kingdom.

As to goals for this Alias:

1.) Pretty simple - reunite the duchies.

2.) I still want to see the break up of Burgundy/Normandy/Toulouse.

3.) Do my best to try and pass on the full united duchies after Alias is done. He's fairly young at inheritance so it could go a lot of ways. I don't think I have enough research on laws and whatnot to change inheritance laws to a better way to do it, but you better bet that I will be looking closely at such. I am tired of this worry every time.

Also I have a question for those more learned than I - what great thing may one do with favors? I see a lot of people owing me favors or me owing them one, but I don't see too much real effect of them. Is there something I am missing?


Thanks to all for reading and commenting! This remains quite a fun project and I'm really glad it is being enjoyed. Hopefully this Alias will find more humor than his father without going full on insane like his grandfather.

 

[Midnite Duke]

A quality accidental save-scum is when you come back to life on Ironman.

 

[coz1]

A quality accidental save-scum is when you come back to life on Ironman.

I'm not sure how you come back to life on Ironman, but then I don't play with that on just in case. If I need a change, I want that ability. That said, I have played this game and written it with whatever happens. This one was accidental, but it really didn't matter much. In fact, I wish I had not had the computer crash. It really was going well even if it went against the role play I was trying to do. Sometimes you just can't help it.

And to all - I had planned to take a few more days before the next update, but my last play through was too interesting so I had to go ahead and write it up. Coming soon.

 

[Midnite Duke]

I'm not sure how you come back to life on Ironman, but then I don't play with that on just in case. If I need a change, I want that ability. That said, I have played this game and written it with whatever happens. This one was accidental, but it really didn't matter much. In fact, I wish I had not had the computer crash. It really was going well even if it went against the role play I was trying to do. Sometimes you just can't help it.

And to all - I had planned to take a few more days before the next update, but my last play through was too interesting so I had to go ahead and write it up. Coming soon.

Computer crash on Ironman, my ruler got a few extra and the satisfaction of his biggest rival dying first.

 

[coz1]

848 – 853: Big Time

Spoiler

Hi there. My name is Alias...Duke Alias II, thank you...and I am very handsome. Beautiful beyond words, some say. Yet I have words and I do say so myself. Quite often, in fact. And I have been waiting on this chance for 35 years but now? I’m on my way out making it. Oh yes! Now...there are some that call me an underhanded rogue (and I can be a bit deceitful) but I name myself as humble, zealous and certainly gregarious. Also attractive. Did I mention that?

To be sure, my father was a good and pious man. The Pope called him Blessed upon his death and who am I to disagree? Yet, I believe that his piety caused him to make some poor choices and I will not repeat those. I’ve started out well at any rate because unlike him, I’ve only ever had the one wife...my beautiful Madelgarde, Princess of Francia and one of the last remaining Karlings in the world. She has already born me three beautiful children, my great hope and son Otton who is now 13 and two beautiful daughters. Of course they are beautiful. Because I am.

So attractive, in fact, King Ragambald instantly wishes me as an advisor to his Council. Who am I to say no? I am certain that my looks will take me far and bring much favor with his other members to Council (I mean...I’m basically Tom Cruise with a beard, right?) Plus, I hope to get close to the King as his pending nuptials to my sister Juliana will be coming soon enough. By the way, she also is enamored with her looks...though they are not quite mine.

At any rate, I take to my ducal throne quickly and one of my firsts acts is to formally introduce my also handsome son and heir to my court. It goes well, especially with my uncle the Bishop of Lucon. When Otton introduced himself to Bishop Alias, he not only presented himself with grace, but also by skillfully complimenting the Bishop. I mean...not on the eye patch...but just in general. Were I him, I’d bedazzle that patch...or something. Bring out his other features. Something.

Anyway, we have other concerns and mainly that is the fact that my younger brother Hunoald has taken half of my inheritance! How may a man as handsome as I accept such a thing? I like my step-mother, but she never should have had that last child. It really puts a crimp into my style (which should match my looks.) I should say that when inheriting, I was already involved in a plot with my beautiful wife to kill Mayor Odon of Niort. Yet I had other plans so I suggested to dear Maddie...it is time. She, of course, agreed. One poisoned chalice later, we are on to bigger and better plans. Namely…

She and I have a handsome plan...err...a cunning plan. I mean...he’s young, so I guess he’s cute like that...but he has what is mine. I cannot, in good conscience and looks, let that stand just as I’m starting my rule. Thus the plot begins. Yet within months, that stupid bitch Countess Oria of Dax...the woman cannot hold her drink, I tell you! She lets it be known in a drunken stupor that I intend to kill my brother! What nonsense and more! I never should have included that drunken, ugly (I noticed you included ugly there) blabbermouth in a plot as delicate as this. My reputation is ruined...however, I remain very handsome. That should take me far.

So we move into 849 with our cunning plan just as King Ragambald wins his crusade against the Umayyad and gaining Valencia back. Probably because the Sultan is known as ‘the Repulsive’ which ought to give a clue. I think he’s a leper or some such but he wears a mask which...honestly! If you cannot show off your assets, why show up at all?

No matter. We are single minded (and handsome) so even though the Chancellor Mayor Clovis of La Rochelle dies in September and is replaced by Count Aimeric of Tours, we have larger concerns. Namely the untimely demise of my brother. In October, my co-conspirator Bishop Ives of Eauze lets me know that little Hunoald will soon have a tragic fall off the castle parapets. Oh goody-goody!

I cannot let this moment go without rubbing it in. I mean...everyone already knows my plan thanks to the stupid and ugly Countess. So when the time comes, I am there. Poor Hunoald was standing there...contemplating the stars or some such. Our assassin is poised to strike but then my brother turns. He sees it just before the push. I have just enough time to say to him, “Hi there. I’m very beautiful. And now what you have is mine!”

I must say that he flew off those walls like an ostrich! Being only 12, he really didn’t have his wings yet. I suppose I should feel bad, but...I’m handsome. Also, I now have the duchies of Anjou and Gascogne back. So...it’s a wash. Problem there is, I am now known as a murderer and a kinslayer. That could present some trouble down the line.

It is true that I am getting some poor side eyes in the months to come, though that may just be them wishing to look upon my pleasing visage, but my vassal opinion is certainly effected in the negative. I have to be a little careful now in my steps but it is entirely worth it. I am also told that I am beyond my demesne limit but my boy Otton is not yet of age. That will have to wait because I trust only him.

However, I cannot help myself. While I do try and sway their opinions as well as using well timed gifts to assist, I do find my new goal. I spend much of the year 850 building (a Militia Training Ground in Auch, Castle Fortifications in Lusignan and later a Castle Town also in Lusignan) my new ire is towards that great bete noir of my grandfather and namesake. Indeed...Bishop Waifar of Chinon.

He’s 65 now and that stupid ginger hair is now grey. But I have read my grandfather’s words and this man has gone without justice for too long. Plus, he could possibly become a Cardinal! I cannot have that. Yet I get ahead of myself…

In the intervening period prior to my latest plot, good Count Lop of Vienne died. His son inherits at age 12 and I need a new Marshal. In the hopes of winning over hearts and minds, I choose Count Eneko of Bearn. He really doesn’t like me (I don’t know why...has he seen me?) But he has great skill. However, I also need a new physician. This I find when one Guiscard shows up to court. He is blind, which seems a shame since he cannot look upon me, but he swears his talents are sound. I’ll trust him.

At any rate, by August of 850, I find time to make progress to Chinon. It is there that I finally meet this stupid Waifar. When presented to me, I waste no time.

“Hi there,” I say, “I am very handsome. And now I shall antagonize you!”

He looks to me dumbfounded (and ugly) before responding, “My Lord Duke...I know not why. I have always lived a troubled life. My father died under extreme circumstances and my own lands were taken from me. I was displaced as a Bishop in Bearn by a lunatic called ‘the Butcher’ and finally have found a home here to Chinon where I might preach to the faithful and live out my final years. Also...my Lord...I am a Louping. Does that not count for something?”

I look to him with my baby blues (should Paul Newman be a better comparison?), “Did I mention that I was handsome?”

“Indeed, my Lord Duke...why should my lineage be a matter?”

“Indeed indeed. I’ve killed my own brother and everyone knows it. What is another Louping? Antagonize I will do, sir!”

This I do as I look to the next step in my rule. Namely, my son Otton is soon to come of age. He finishes his education in 851 and is named Midas Touched, but the trouble is that somewhere down the line he has found himself betrothed to some woman named Klementia who is lowborn. Also...not that attractive.

My son shall find a better match than that, thank you! He has proved to be much like his dear old dad in that he is humble and deceitful, but also shrewd and diligent. He will require a mate to counter his great talents and so we scour the land. The betrothal is broken (so what) and we look far and wide until finding an appropriate match. This comes in the form of one Theodelinda de Grimaud who is 16 herself and the daughter of Baron Pippin of Grimaud.

Granted, my sisters are married to Kings so this is a step down. I mean...just a Baron. But she has nice high cheek bones and a lovely handsome head of dark hair. I wait until May of 851 after my building is done in Auch and then present the new couple with it as their new Count. It sets him up well and takes away the penalty for having too large a demesne. Score!

And on the above score, more weddings are in the air. I maintain my building program (aided by the marriage duty from my son’s match) until the late summer when my sister Juliana finally comes of age. She is now known as a dutiful cleric, but more importantly, has been betrothed to King Ragambald of France for some many years. I have recently been trying to encourage better relations between the King and I since the murder of my brother, so I was a tad worried that the King might not accept it when the time came, but…

Surely the King could not say no to a face like this, right? I mean...Juliana is known as a giant...she really is quite tall...but her face is almost as nice as mine.

At any rate, I spend the rest of the year building a hospital in Saintonge (for we will not fall prey to disease here) and spending on gifts to my council. I rather need them in my corner, don’t you know? I mean. Bishop Waifar thoroughly hates me by now and we are definite rivals, but he’s not on council nor is he as handsome.

I am forced to replace Count Wulgrin as spymaster as 852 begins with Mayor Jordan of La Rochelle, but otherwise I am enjoying looking at myself in the mirror...err...I mean wishing to hold a summer fair. This I do and it is success. It is a good year and I am so pleased that I let slip at the Christmas festivities that my rival Bishop Waifar is...and I quote…“an indolent, pathetic creature unwilling to perform the simplest task or take the smallest responsibility. I denounce this slothful attitude for I wish all to see.”

While he was not invited to the party, word did get back to him. He was not happy. In fact, as the new year of 853 began...he challenged me to a duel! I received word that he wished to meet to fight for glory and so my response was simple.

“Because I am so handsome...challenge accepted!”

“Hi there,” I said to him when we finally met, “Did you notice how handsome I am? Who are you to...”

He did not let me finish and slashed at me with his blade. Damn thing caught my eye and soon I began to think that I would find my fate just as my father and grandfather had before me. Lose an eye AND die from a duel. He had me to the floor and said, “Don’t look so glum.”

“You oaf...” I began to say before collapsing to the ground in great pain. I mean...my eye was bleeding and who knows how that will effect my looks?? I smell the blood but Waifar is old...and mayhap more honorable than myself. He seemed satisfied and I limped home to Maddie.

Was I wrong to direct my ire to the man? Would I fall prey to the same thing that killed my father? Would I end up like my grandfather and my uncle with an eye patch? Oh, Christ Jesus...my beautiful face!

Yet when my wife doctored me up alongside my blind physician, she looked to me lovingly and said, “You are dead sexy!”

“Really?” I asked with rare uncertainty.

She smiled that smile she gives and replied, “That really is a lovely scar.”

Ha! Even though I lost, I am now a renowned duelist and with that scar, my sex appeal is better than ever! And I am rewarded (somewhat) when Bishop Waifar dies later in the year at age 68. Natural causes, they say. I say because he just was not as good looking. He may have won the duel but he lost the war. And by the time I turn 40, I am back and better than ever.

I really am quite pretty like that. Like an older Brad Pitt. Willing to take the punches and never lose my looks. That may be why I choose my next target…

 

[Historywhiz]

The man’s mind is a mirror; everything that comes in is reflected right back out without penetrating deeper.

 

[Midnite Duke]

Did you know why the Duke took a fake name? He is not hideous to look at, is he? Thank you for the update, even if we did not learn what Alias looks like.

 

[Bullfilter]

For myself, I can only sleep at the now. Perhaps I shall write to him on the morn. I am quite tired.

Thud. He died as he lived - boring and without troubling the scribes overmuch. Le Bon Voyage!

The Duel itself came across a bit mid-life crisis, or it would have been a mid-life crisis had he not died from it

Touché (so to speak)

Duran was already considered craven and I guess I hoped he'd win and lose the trait. Well...he did lose the trait.

A quality accidental save-scum is when you come back to life on Ironman.

Been there, done that.

I'm not sure how you come back to life on Ironman

Mine was after I’d still made back up copies of my Ironman saves for my still-going CK2 AAR. An automatic patch upgrade broke the game, but I was able (with a bit of fiddling) to resuscitate it, but it breaks the achievement stuff you get on Ironman (not that I particularly cared) though it does remain in Ironman mode. At least it meant I could revert to the previous game version and continue the game and AAR.

my younger brother Hunoald has taken half of my inheritance

That can’t stand.

I am now known as a murderer and a kinslayer. That could present some trouble down the line.

Ah, very untidy. Still, needs must. But how will Alias keep it all together next time? Legal moves? Not duels - the family has bad form there.

Definitely a contrast to his father. And did I mention how handsome he is? There, I have now.

 

[HistoryDude]

A Medieval Europe where a holy war is discouraged? What is this madness?

It seems as if even his descendants refuse to honor Alias.

Duran didn't seem to do all that much.

Duke Alias II won his duel, so that's good. He's really arrogant, though. Why do I feel like that will come back to bite him?

 

[El Pip]

He has proved to be much like his dear old dad in that he is humble

That is some quite incredible delusion from Duke Alias, I am actually impressed. Unlike with his duelling skills, which he has clearly inherited from his father, even if he is a great deal luckier than Duran was.

While others have pointed out his arrogance and complete lack of any depth or capacity for reflection, I must confess I sort of like Duke Alias II. I'm sure he would be awful to actually interact with, but as a character to read about he is refreshingly honest and amusing, there is a wit and joy for life there (even if it is just the joy he gets from looking in the mirror) that help things rattle along at a good pace.

 

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

The man’s mind is a mirror; everything that comes in is reflected right back out without penetrating deeper.

You're not wrong there. He is very proud of his trait.

Did you know why the Duke took a fake name? He is not hideous to look at, is he? Thank you for the update, even if we did not learn what Alias looks like.

Indeed.

Thud. He died as he lived - boring and without troubling the scribes overmuch. Le Bon Voyage!

Touché (so to speak)



Been there, done that.

Mine was after I’d still made back up copies of my Ironman saves for my still-going CK2 AAR. An automatic patch upgrade broke the game, but I was able (with a bit of fiddling) to resuscitate it, but it breaks the achievement stuff you get on Ironman (not that I particularly cared) though it does remain in Ironman mode. At least it meant I could revert to the previous game version and continue the game and AAR.

That can’t stand.

Ah, very untidy. Still, needs must. But how will Alias keep it all together next time? Legal moves? Not duels - the family has bad form there.

Definitely a contrast to his father. And did I mention how handsome he is? There, I have now.

Le Bon, surely. But his son has more fun. Or at least thinks he does.

And yes...I had to make that play with brother Hunoald. Harsh, but required.

A Medieval Europe where a holy war is discouraged? What is this madness?

It seems as if even his descendants refuse to honor Alias.

Duran didn't seem to do all that much.

Duke Alias II won his duel, so that's good. He's really arrogant, though. Why do I feel like that will come back to bite him?

Holy War was not so much discouraged (despite how I wrote it) as much as not possible for just myself. Look to this next update for more on that.

As to coming back to bite him? Again...read on.

That is some quite incredible delusion from Duke Alias, I am actually impressed. Unlike with his duelling skills, which he has clearly inherited from his father, even if he is a great deal luckier than Duran was.

While others have pointed out his arrogance and complete lack of any depth or capacity for reflection, I must confess I sort of like Duke Alias II. I'm sure he would be awful to actually interact with, but as a character to read about he is refreshingly honest and amusing, there is a wit and joy for life there (even if it is just the joy he gets from looking in the mirror) that help things rattle along at a good pace.

He'll be pleased to know...especially if you tell him how attractive he is.

I saw a trait and used it. It made me laugh so hopefully it does for all of you as well.


To all - So indeed, the two biggest bits from the update are the killing of Hunoald (which ought to have been expected by any player) and the need to taunt poor Waifar. The first, as expressed, was natural. I could have let him grow up and gone to war with him over it, but that was...messy. This was cleaner. Though it did cost me. Lost part of my diplo skill and now everyone hates me by a count of 20. Especially that kinslayer trait which won't go away no matter how long Alias lives.

The other was just shits and giggles and who knew that Waifar would be so good at a duel? In the end, it didn't hurt me too bad but I might not have done that were I playing to win. I was just having some fun and now have a sexy scar.

Still have questions as regards favors. And there are a few other things that continue to confuse me, but I am getting the hang of the game with all of the bells and whistles attached. This Duke is having some fun even with some hardship. As I say above, read on.

Thank you again for reading and especially for giving great and funny commentary!

 

[DensleyBlair]

Alias II is great fun to read. I can't get Rupert Everett's Prince Charming character from Shrek out of my head…

 

[coz1]

853 – 865: The Legend of Narcissus​

So here’s the thing. This Duke Teudoin of Burgundy...and Normandy...and Toulouse...he’s not a...handsome man. Not like myself, to be sure (though who is?) He’s been around forever, it seems like...although he really isn’t all that much older than I am. My grandfather did not care for him and though my father was loathe to say a bad thing about anyone, I do know that he was not a fan. I am not either. He’s fat and balding and...well, this guy...he’s not my kind of guy.

Since the time of my great-grandfather Duke Hunoald, the Dukes of these lands have lorded it over the rest of us. You might even say...sticking it to us. Sticken’ it!! I have one more duchy title than he, plus a larger treasury, but he does own a great deal of land within France and he and his have always found place to the King’s Council. Thus it has been the Louping goal to find some way to split these lands. And here it is in the year 853 that he now has three sons and each ready to inherit one third upon his demise (which cannot come soon enough.) Thus I endeavor to make that happen.

Now I should make sure it is known that this Duke Teduoin is known as ‘the Tenacious’ and by practice, I have found that to be true. Yet surely...my looks and his tenacity? Which will win out? I mean his second son Theudoald is a leper for God’s sake! You know my thoughts on masks, so...well...Maddie and I think it is time for him to go and so we hatch our next plot.

In this challenge, I believe it is best to get the King behind me and so a fine gift is sent to my brother in law at the start of 854. (It’s not small...I mean...really quite large...and it moves the needle...a little.) And he is also at war again with the Umayyad in Iberia. Especially over Navarre where my sister Blanca rules as Queen with her husband the King of Navarre. It is a family affair I say and so by August of 854, I raise my own levies to assist. I’m diligent like that.

Trouble there is, King Ragambald is not doing so well in the war and it is a tad too late. Not sure why. The man had almost 12,000 gorgeous soldiers ready to join his already beleaguered army and my own 3,300 were just on their way...but within a month, the entire affair is over. I’m not entirely sure who to blame. The King or my other brother in law King Mauregato of Navarre? Did he lose his nerve? Or was he just not handsome enough? Recall...this Sultan is known as ‘the Repulsive’ so...

Yet I am not done trying to impress brother Ragambald. Surely he will look upon me and readily see why I am right...right? In 855 my boy Otton finally has a child. Sadly it is a girl. Named Elena...fine, sure...pretty thing and all that. Of course. As it should be. Yet he should be doing better at his role as Count of Armagnac and especially as my heir. He is supposedly stressed, but I tell him to buck up and look in the mirror man!

Especially because good King Ragambald is right back at war with the Umayyad in 856. This time supporting that hag Queen Fedelm of Italy. You really don’t want to get cornered by her at a party, I am telling you. She’s not...well...you know. But it does give me another opportunity to assist my bros!

I will impress him enough that he will follow me when it is time for Duke Teudoin to go, especially now that the poor sap has now lost an eye apparently. Heh! I know how that goes in my family. At any rate, I spend the rest of the year with my army fighting the King’s battles along side him.

It is touch and go, I won’t deny it. Those ugly Umayyad’s have a lot of soldiers. Many, many soldiers. But so does my King and while he does a lot of the heavy lifting, my guys do their work. While he does some battle, I am busy at siege to help his war score and by March of 857, we are sitting pretty at 57% (whatever that means...I mean...I’m a medieval and handsome Duke.)

However, that same March word reaches me that my beautiful and precious Madelgarde passed from this Earth at age 45. Now I know that many of you think that I am a narcissist, and I cannot really deny it. I mean...I’m humble...but not that humble. Yet even I can be heart-stricken and this does the trick up nicely. She has been my partner in crime (a figure of speech...please!) for many years now and I know not what I will do without her. At least our children are mostly raised. Otton has his bride and County. Clarmonda is now 17 and ready to marry. Even Lucia is coming along nicely and will be of age soon. And here I am in the middle of nowhere fighting for now…I don’t know what (as the French say.)

I am immediately sent many more documents by my council that I must marry once more and I ignore them all. How can I find a wife as fine and beautiful as Maddie? Surely not one that matches my own amazing face! Nor one that can match my talents otherwise! We have our son Otton and all of my hopes and dreams are now pinned upon him. That shall be enough...must be enough..for I will not fall prey to what happened to my father. Otton will have it all and so I move right back to the war with more fury and her spirit to my mind.

Problem there is...I’m not quite sure what King Ragambald is playing at here. I keep at sieges as he does not seem to need me much for the battles. As Calahora falls to us in June of 857, he’s just won a whopper of a battle in Zaragoza. We all meet to finish off the siege of San Sebastion by October of the year. And then just as my uncle Bishop Alias finishes off the touches, and is given praise for his role in taking it, the war ends. My King won...for nothing. The bitch in Italy didn’t either. No one did.

My sister Blanca remains under Moslem rule, I’ve lost many a good and beautiful man, and most importantly...my bride while I was gone. I suppose King Ragambald can sleep well at night. He and my other sister Queen Juliana have had a son, named for his father. Yet I am left with little and less and still do not have his support in my quest to rid the world of Duke Teudoin.

I am, in short, frothing mad (which does little to help the wrinkles starting to rise about my face. I’m not getting any younger.) I mean...I’ve raised a war chest which fulfilled an ambition, but that war chest was meant for Burgundy and not the rains of (S)pain falling mainly on the plains of Iberia! I’m starting to rethink this total support for my brother in law and my sister still rather hates me for what I did to our brother.

More to that, I do notice that while my son has a slight claim on the Kingdom of France (yes, I am now thinking about that) he is not given the respect of being a Karling descendant. His mother was a Karling! And now dead! Should he not also share in that infamous bloodline??

As the year 858 begins, I am looking into the mirror and not liking what I see. No...my face is still dead sexy, but what surrounds it. I am widowed and will not marry again so that my son will find his due when it is time and I have just spent precious resources and blood and treasure to assist a King that will not assist me. More to that...my Steward Count Garcia of Bordeaux dies! That at least allows me to promote my boy Otton to the role, but I am looking around thinking that I must do everything myself. Moments are wasting away to get at Duke Teudoin and his sons are not getting any younger or prettier.

To that end, I begin to spend more trying to impress possible plot partners and in July, I even replace my spymaster to better assist (I am also trying to sway Duchess Richenza ‘the Wise’ of Thuringia as she is a quite important Lady in the land – also even though she is 57, she is still quite comely which you might expect I appreciate.) Yet then I am distracted…

Hmm. This is interesting. Now this is just the county of Toulouse, though the Count of Toulouse Sunnegisil is also Count of Breisgau. The man is 23 and bald, though he does have a pretty wife, but more importantly, his lands are within the Duchy of Alemannia ruled by Duchess Isentrude. She is 21 and single, and honestly in retrospect I should have just married the woman for she is quite attractive and so am I, but I did not. I was more interested in the fact that she was having some trouble with a rebellion and she is in hiding (which might have made a betrothal difficult at any rate.) Also of interest, while she is hiding, who is that you think is her designated regent?

Yes, that’s right...that is my step-mother now known as Countess Konstanze ‘the Monster’ of Bar which is odd to me, but she really does hate me so maybe the moniker fits. Could be something to do with what happened to her son...but no matter. Point being, I cannot refuse to take up this chance to gain Toulouse. I do have to wait for a time because my levies were just raised and my vassals are still a bit prickly, and it also costs quite a bit but I have the coin, but Duke Teudoin is just going to have to wait for a minute.

While I wait, I see my youngest Lucia turn 16 at the end of the year and I start considering both daughter’s matches. Both are, of course, beautiful so any man should want them. Lucia especially wants to marry a ruler, but they are few and far between. I do find a decent match for my girl Clarmonda in Duke Cain of York in the Kingdom of Sasana – they are the same age at 18 and he is a relative of the King but I never really got a good look at him. However Lucia will have to wait as I do because even though she is headstrong and direct, I want the best and most beautiful for her.

At any rate, I have more important things to look at in the mirror...err...to do. That is mainly the taking of Toulouse. And by the start of 860, we are ready. The DoW is sent off as the new year begins and I raise all of my levies once more. It’s all happening…

Now you may notice something in the painting I’ve just sent you...namely that I am now known as ‘the Black’. Interesting. My grandfather was known as ‘the Wise’ and they blackened his name upon his death. So if I am now known as ‘the Black’ then surely they will think me wise when I pass from this mortal coil. And also amazingly attractive!

Regardless, things do not get off to a great start. At the first, my Marshal Count Eneko of Bearn is now disfigured. The man is wearing a mask now...and we all know how I feel about such things. It may have had some thing to do with a martial advancement I put him up to recently. Who can know? Yet I must trust him for this is a most precious adventure. I also gain on my martial score after studying the art of mounted combat. That’s a bonus even though it costs my a few bruises. They will heal (and thankfully my face was spared.)

We do take Toulouse by siege in July of 860 but then my Chancellor Aimeric of Tours dies of poor health. Grrr. Replace with Count Burchard of Vendome who at least likes me a little bit (and pour some wine for good Aimeric who gained me this claim in the first place), but we are at war. No time for ruminations. Lavarre falls to us in October and then Muret in January of 861. Finally Castelnaudary falls to us in June and then we are off to Basel in Alemannia.

But then in August, Alemannia is done with their rebellion. All of their forces are now heading my way and I am forced to retreat, eventually all the way back to Toulouse to protect my gains. Worse to that, somehow halfway there, my Marshal is no longer leading my army! What the hell masked Eneko?? Where are you? Surely not looking in the mirror!

At any rate, after a stop off in Limousin to pick up Marshal Eneko, we head out of Toulouse once more and then the damnable King declares war against the Umayyad one more time. As well, this is taking more time that I had planned. Thus, I use the tried and true method of using my ducats and looks to hire a band of mercenaries. This time, The Swiss Band some 1,500 strong. It takes some time to get everyone where they need to be as I try to pocket the Alemmanians, but we finally do in the Battle of Albon in January of 862.

It’s a long battle and definitely takes time away from my frequent baths but by March not only have we bested them but also capture the hidden Duchess. I thought she was in hiding, but I guess not. Mayhap she just wanted a peek at my face. One cannot know. Regardless, after the battle she is in no shape to say no when I come to her…

“Hi there,” I say to her as she sits in her field tent under guard, “I am very handsome. What say you to peace?”

Isentrude looks to me with a mixture of pain and pleasure, “Why would you do this to me? Did you not see that I was at a rebellion?”

“Umm...have you not seen my face?” I reply, “Now...hows about that peace?”

“Very well,” she sighs before looking to me again, “Yet that is a nice scar.”

Of course it is. Peace is made and Toulouse is gained. But then I notice that somewhere down the line Bordeaux has been lost! What the what? I had a nice spa day scheduled when I returned home, maybe some botox...just treating myself...but now I have to go again? Ugh! As Lady Isentrude said...very well.

Yet first I have a bit of house cleaning to do. I am once again above my demesne limit and while I would like to give it to my son, for some reason (probably the damned King) I cannot. So instead I do a little one two dance. First I marry my lovely daughter Lucia to my guy Laurenc (matrilineally of course) who just helped me win this war, and then I grant him the county of Toulouse. There you go, Lucia. Now you have married a ruler. Love you...mean it!

And then I check in with my not so bud Duke Teudoin. He is now at war with Duchess Richenza of Thuringia over some damn thing. Also...the man is now blind! More to that, things have changed as regards the kiddies. To wit...

Well played, sir!

Somewhere down the line, first son has died of some chamber business which...OK…I can see that. Second son is now in Bourbon leading a rebellion but he’s a leper and has a wife with a hair lip. Um...just gross! And third son has been placed on the Bishop path. As I say...well played. Tenacious indeed. You went blind, Teudoin, just because I make you think of how not handsome you are, but you are 55 and still kicking. Somehow. The man refuses to die and my plot is going nowhere.

I have to drop it because things in Bourbon are more interesting and I still have the loss of Bordeaux on the mind. But then...but then…

“This is not good,” I say to myself as I look in the mirror, “You are very handsome. So how do we get out of this pickle?”

Otton is 27 years old and now has some type of disease. He has only the daughter Elena and I am 49 years old without another male heir. If something should happen to him, this thing goes right down the crapper. Well...I guess I’ll have to get married again. Love you Maddie, but needs must. And so we head down to the newly gained Barony of Castelnaudary.”

“Hi there,” I say, “You wouldn’t happen to have any eligible women about would you? Preferably handsome like myself.”

In fact, they do. The Baron just happens to have a lovely young thing (to me at least) that is his sister and ready for marriage. Sigelsis. Ahhh...the name itself speaks of beauty. Hello, deary.

Marriage is set and done by the start of 863 and while I am biding my time readying for my next beautiful plan, I do some builds. And then my great uncle Bishop Alias dies at 56. After a bad meal, they say. Would that Duke Teudoin would eat more. But we move on.

I should also offer that King Ragambald has won again and taken back Navarre. Good for him…

I suppose that both of my sisters are happy. One is Queen of France and the other is...I know not what Ragambald will grant her husband now but at least she is no longer ruled by heathens. I have other things to look at...err...do.

Namely, I want Bordeaux back! As before, I must go after the big fish to get the little minnows, and this time is even better than the last. Bordeaux is now vassal to Duchess Constance of Franche Comte called ‘the Careless’ which seems rather rich. To lose one county would seem unfortunate, but to lose two...wait a minute...Oscar Wilde has not been born yet!

I, myself, may have been a bit careless in declaring war for the province in July of 863. After all, my vassals are still smarting over the war for Toulouse. But I’m not getting any younger (though still pretty...Cary Grant perhaps?) I don’t have time to waste. Thus the Lady receives my letter in which you can guess what is said...that’s right… “Hi there. I’m very handsome. I think I shall have a nice Bordeaux.”

I cannot afford to waste chance this time so The Swiss Band is called back into action and off we go...

I must say that it was a bit of a corker. Our combined forces met in Clermont in January of 863. A tough slog, but eventually a victory. We headed back to take our target but the Franche Comptians...Comptians...Franchians...whomever they are...they were right back and tried to siege with the best of them. So...let us face them again.

“Hi there...I am very handsome and shall best you in battle!”

Did so in Saintes just about the time that my lovely bride Sigalsis, now known as ‘the Affable’ gives birth to a baby girl named Flora in 864. And then we trade sieges again for another year until we best them for a final time in June of 865. We are able to take Saintes back from them in August, just as Sigalsis tells me she is once again pregnant. Yet this careless Lady of Franche Compte still will not relent.

If I was frustratingly mad before...at the King...at Duke Teudoin (who still isn’t dead)...it is at this Lady! She is bested and as I am trying to convince her...has she not seen my face??? As I try to convince her, I receive word…

My boy...my hope...all of my hope...finally succumbs to his disease. What are my looks in the face of this? My heir is now my eldest daughter off in the wilds of York, my second daughter is married to a courtier now Count of Toulouse. My sisters are now the Duchess of Navarre instead of Queen and the actual Queen of France, my other sister Juliana, hates me. I hesitate to quote the Greeks, but I am learned and is it possible that I am Narcissus? Have I flown too close to the sun?

I do win the war eventually. But for the first time in my life, I am wondering what it was all for? My grandfather was a master and showed how it should be done, despite his reputation (and his lack of an eye.) My father was a dolt and too pious by half (and not nearly as handsome as I...recall that he was born bald and remained so throughout his life.) Truth be told...my son hated me for much the same reason all others do. It had nothing to do with my looks...but my actions.

Or does it...because my new affable wife is about to have another child. How do you think that came about?

“Hi there!”

 

[DensleyBlair]

'The Black' is an excellent title for Alias. Very chic.

He is in a pickle, mind. This succession problem is a big old obstacle on the path to further glory. Let's see how this new child can help matters…

To lose one county would seem unfortunate, but to lose two...wait a minute...Oscar Wilde has not been born yet!

Our duke is a very Wildean figure, come to think of it. Earnest in his love of beauty, if perhaps little else.

 

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

Alias II is great fun to read. I can't get Rupert Everett's Prince Charming character from Shrek out of my head…

I'll take that. I'm not sure he is handsome enough for Alias but...that's a start.

'The Black' is an excellent title for Alias. Very chic.

He is in a pickle, mind. This succession problem is a big old obstacle on the path to further glory. Let's see how this new child can help matters…


Our duke is a very Wildean figure, come to think of it. Earnest in his love of beauty, if perhaps little else.

Yeah, I rather like the new moniker. Seems to fit him well. As for Wilde...I'll have you know I played Algernon in that play which is why I know the line so well. Not by him but by Lady Bracknell - "To lose one parent seems a misfortune but to lose two seems like carelessness." Ouch!

 

[Midnite Duke]

Duke Alias' walk-up music is Mac Davis' 'It's hard to be humble' when you are prefect in every way. To paraphrase Mac, some say that he is a narcissist and he thinks that has something to do with how he wears his chain-mail. CK2 laughs in the face of plans, witness Otton. What is the kingdom that York is in? Thank you for holding the mirror.

 

[HistoryDude]

Toulouse has been conquered, and France is expanding.

Burgundy hasn't collapsed yet, but I think its end might be at hand. The only heir is leading a rebellion!

 

[Bullfilter]

Did he lose his nerve? Or was he just not handsome enough?

Clearly the latter.

I mean...I’m humble...but not that humble.

Mac Davis' 'It's hard to be humble'

Dang, you beat me to it!

Well...I guess I’ll have to get married again. Love you Maddie, but needs must.

And for the skill buffs too.

wait a minute...Oscar Wilde has not been born yet!

It matters not - sliding doors between time lines and all.

My boy...my hope...all of my hope...finally succumbs to his disease. What are my looks in the face of this? My heir is now my eldest daughter off in the wilds of York

The Oscar Wilds?

 

[coz1]

Fb-fb:

Duke Alias' walk-up music is Mac Davis' 'It's hard to be humble' when you are prefect in every way. To paraphrase Mac, some say that he is a narcissist and he thinks that has something to do with how he wears his chain-mail. CK2 laughs in the face of plans, witness Otton. What is the kingdom that York is in? Thank you for holding the mirror.

That's a great suggestion for his walk up music. It definitely fits. And indeed, CK2 cares not for what I am trying to accomplish.

As for where York is, it is where you'd think it is but the Kingdom is called Sasana which I must assume is Saxon in nature. I certainly did not plan for it to get to this place (and hope it does not ultimately.)

Toulouse has been conquered, and France is expanding.

Burgundy hasn't collapsed yet, but I think its end might be at hand. The only heir is leading a rebellion!

Damn Teudoin just won't let me get his goat. I thought I had him there, but things didn't work out. And that second son leading rebellion is a leper. Actually, I wonder if he were to die, would the last son destined for a Bishopric renounce that for the combined duchy? Can he? Not sure what else Teudoin would do because second son and leper has no children of his own.

Clearly the latter.


Dang, you beat me to it!

And for the skill buffs too.

It matters not - sliding doors between time lines and all.


The Oscar Wilds?

Well, if Alias has knowledge of our current handsome actors, surely he would know about future Wilde. And I could not help myself. Had to use that line.


To all - I've not had chance to get back to the game since I last posted the update, especially with the holiday weekend. But hoping to get back into it soon. I'm quite curious if Alias can have that needed second son. He's not getting any younger and I don't want to leave all this to daughters. Fingers crossed!

Thanks for reading and commenting all!

 

[coz1]

866 – 874: Hungry Like A Wolf​

Hi there, indeed. You may know me as Count Eneko of Bearn, of the House of Widling, and the son of the late Duke...then Count...Everard known affectionately as ‘the Butcher’ and not because he was a lunatic (though he was) but he just liked his choice cuts of meat. Who doesn’t? Yet why am I writing to you now?

Well…I am now the Regent of Aquitaine, Poitou, Anjou and Armagnac (which I desire greatly as it is my birthright.) Now how did that come about? ::Eneko holds his head in his hands and shakes it with irritation::

As the year 866 began, Duke Alias II and his affable wife Sigalsis finally had the son they had longed for…

...and I must tell you that this child has been the bane of my existence! First of all, they named him for the Duke’s late father. So I guess that makes this one Duran Duran? My reflex is to hurl. Secondly, this fucking family! I have born the brunt of their terror since the day I myself was born. My father was hounded by the first Alias and the first Duran barely noticed me. Also, I must admit that I enjoy the company of ladies of ill repute (though I repute them fine) and as such I have come down with the “great pox” otherwise known as my cock burns like hell when I piss! It has disfigured me such that I must wear a mask and Duke Alias II chastised me roundly every time he saw me! Even when he appointed me as Marshal, just to get me out of his oh so precious hair, he still made fun of my looks. This guy...oh Christ Jesus how I wanted to punch that stupid scarred face!

What? Oh...I’m sorry. I was in the middle of a story…

So anyway...I guess it was good that the Duke and his wife had the son because it meant they could count on a full succession. Sad about that Otton, but he was no better than the father. The two of them, Duke and wife, were beyond the sun with happiness and beauty (he would tell you) but then things started going tits up.

First he noticed that the dumb heir to Burgundy had married the actual Duchess of Bourbon...just that place he’d been trying to gain a claim on and then his step-monster Konstanze died and his sister Blanca became Countess of Bar as well as whatever the hell she is in Navarre these days. Certainly not a Queen anymore.

But then in November of 867, his wife Duchess Sigalsis died of complications from gout at just 38. I must admit I never saw the man so over the moon for her, mainly because he was too busy looking at himself in the mirror, but it must have effected him more than we all saw because within a month…

Yes, that’s right. The poor (not as beautiful as he thought) bastard died at 54. They said it was a natural death, but I don’t care what it was. He is not remembered fondly due to the whole kin-slaying thing, but the son Duran Duran is...heavy sigh...just...oh I hate him!!!

I really would have preferred the old bastard and not this new one because he’s just 1...a mewling babe without parents that now we have to raise. Should I be happy about being named Regent? I suppose I thought I was, but it was the greatest mistake of my life!

First of all, now we have a female heir in the boy’s sister Clarmonda married to some son of a bitch in York. I don’t even know where that is. Second of all, somehow the succession in another place...Perche to be exact...fell out of our hands when Count Gerald became Duke Gerald of Saxony! And I get blamed for it? I just got to this power! Worse still, the damned Lollards show up in my Bearn! Serenity now!!!

Now I’ve got to rule. You’d think I’d enjoy it since I really want Armagnac, but it’s a lot harder than it looks. Turns out that our Count Raymond of Anjou has a slight claim on Perche and so by 869 I feel I need to act, if nothing else to show I can. Of course, by that time some sickly looking woman named Iudprost has usurped the Duchy and Count Raymond has died leaving his lands in Anjou to his 10 year old son Gauzbert. But no matter, we roll out, “Hi there...I’m...not as handsome as the last guy but damn it, I’m fierce! Hello to war, Duchess Sicky…”

Much like the last time, Belleme falls rather quickly and then Mortagne by the end of the year. By this time, the meager Saxon force has arrived to do their worst in Saintes but then we find a raid by norsemen looting in Thouars. I stayed back to protect the capital but the army does quick work of the raiders before heading south and defeating the Saxons in Niort by March of 870. Back to Nogent in Perche and then it falls by June of 870. And just like that, I have been victorious.

Of course, the little snot nosed brat gets all the glory. I mean, the little shit didn’t even learn to talk until he was 4. He gets the prestige and I get bupkis! At least the Chaplain did his work and Bearn is rid of the Lollards. And who am I to care if people like me (they really don’t) so I use some of the hard earned capital to build. First I upgrade the Keep in Saintes and then start work on Training Grounds in the same place. If I am to be both Marshal and Regent, I aim to have the best.

By 872, Duran Duran is now apparently wanting things, as he says, “My own way” and...grrr...you’re 6 you frustratingly evil child! I mean...he’s not wrong, I suppose...but who the hell does he think he is? The issue is over Maine. I, just as much as he and everyone else, want it back into the fold. But we’ve just gone to war and most vassals aren’t too excited about another so soon. That doesn’t stop the little shit prattling on about it incessantly.

He went from not saying a damn word and having no discernible traits to suddenly knowing the intricacies of the Duchy of Burgundy and beyond? I mean, it is true that Duke Teudoin finally died in 871 and now the Duke is his leper son Duke Theudoald who is married to the hair lipped Duchess Airsenda of Bourbon. However, Theudoald only inherited Burgundy and Toulouse. Normandy and Valencia went to Teudoin’s grandson from his first son – Duke Teudoin II of Normandy who is only 17. Have you got that straight? Here, let me show you a map the idiot boy drew for me...

I do have to admit, he is a surprisingly good artist. But anyway...as you can see Maine stayed with Burgundy and then another piece of the puzzle shows up when some moron named Frotari rebels in Normandy. He does quite a good job at it too. So much so that Duke Theudoald takes that as a sign to invade for himself to regain his lost duchies. And then he himself sees a revolt. It is 873 and suddenly all hell breaks loose.

It’s a shit show and that’s when the little prick starts pestering me daily, “Can we go to war now?”

“Well...not just yet,” I try to placate him. Nothing doing.

“It’s the perfect time!” he suggests.

I said, “How in the hell do you know? You’re 7!”

He storms off in a huff like a 7 year old will do. I try to appease him with some good news…

Yes, that’s right...I make a betrothal between Duran Duran’s sister Flora with his nephew Laurenc in Toulouse. Ha! Wrap your tiny little head around that, kiddo! But...he’s not done.

In September of 873, Saumur is lost by succession of its Count and now is a vassal to Duchess Isentrude of Alemannia. Now the jackass really wants to go to war. He disturbs the council meeting one day and tasks us all with it and we just look at each like…“Who the hell does he think he is?”

I say, “Right?! He’s 7!!”

But he’s a wily little scamp. We took a vote on it and no one was willing to follow. And he’s too young to sway anyone. But suddenly...one by one...my fellow members of council start to move his way. What the hell is going on? First the Steward, and then the Chaplain. Suddenly the Spymaster is on his side. Well...I’ve got friends too and the Chancellor remains with me so it’s a stalemate since Duran Duran himself doesn’t have a vote and is thus recorded as a no.

But then he does an end run around me in 874 and with the support of the three others, the Chancellor is replaced with Peire, the Bishop of St. Gaudens…

I find out that he has gone around to each of them and promised them all favors to get his way. The little shit!!! What has he promised them? Crayon drawings? Extra pudding cups and juice boxes? Are they so easily led as that?!

Apparently so because now the vote is 4 against me and now we have another damn war!

Worse still, I get stuck leading the army at siege in Rourgue while the main army is up north to take all the glory in Maine and beyond. Dammit! Why did I ever take this job? I’d really have much preferred watching girls on film if only my damn groin pox wasn’t acting up. Grrr! I’m too old for this shit!