New Imperial Guards parade during Victory over Norway day, who would later be shipped to guard one of Takero's palaces in Stockholm.
I wanna join the imperial guard :O
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I wanna join the imperial guard :O
With General Helk on the rampage somewhere in central Finland, being pursued by mobs of angry, torch and pitchfork-wielding Finns, the time was right for Estonia to make its move. Partially, this was to ensure that the general would be recovered in time to direct the new imperial propaganda gala. Also, since Finland was included in Emperor Takero's Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere, it was a convenient excuse to 'liberate' the Finns.
Operation: Spring Opportunist, the attack on Finland, begins.
More so than the Danes, Swedes, or Norwegians, the Imperial High Command feared the fighting ability of the Finnish soldier. However, they had constructed a strategy (a flimsy one, brainstormed in all of three hours' planning the night before.. half of which time was spent getting wasted on miraculously reappearing Palace booze) that was believed to be capable of subduing Finland.
Helk's bizzare, monstrous rampage could actually work in their favor. After all, if the Finnish army had to pursue him they wouldn't be so focused on defending against the Imperial Estonian Army. For once, Takero was greatful for his general being a freak. In addition, the Finns had foolishly placed all of their most important industrial areas in the south... easily accessible to the IEA's attacks. So what if the north was too cold and unhospitable to put factories there? Estonia would take advantag of this fact to bring Finland into the Empire.
The invasion's first stage was an amphibious assault on Turku, one of the key provinces for subduing the Finns. Once again, the Imperial Estonian Navy avoided immediate contact with the enemy fleet. And once again, a mysterious delivery of Estonian booze to the Finnish fleet in port certainly had nothing to do with that fleet's absence. Not at all.
The initial stage of the invasion goes off perfectly, with the Finnish fleet drunk in Helsinki.
Of course, nothing goes as expected in war. Takero's hastily crafted master plan saw a potentially damaging event when another nation entered the conflict. If someone else was joining the war, Estonia might fall... especially if they were a certain big Red neighbor. He was perplexed and relieved when he found it that it was just Zog getting all excited and rushing to stand by his employers. To be nice, and to get control of what few soldiers Zog had, Takero agreed to form an alliance with his vassal.
Oh no, Finland! Iceland just DoW'd you! Whatever shall you do now?
Estonia and Iceland form an alliance of convenience.
It was at this time that a new feature was added to Estonian news reels covering the conflict. After numerous requests from the film-going public for extra domestic news to be involved in them, the Ministry of Information and Graphic Novels introduced it. A weather forecast, to be presented by some of the Kadriog Palace staff personally... Takero himself was said to have approved the idea within ten seconds of it being brought up to him.
A new feature of Estonian propaganda - Weather Break!
Meanwhile, on the diplomatic front, a couple of trade agreements were cancelled in the wake of Estonia's newest declaration of war. Emperor Takero was informed that Estonian industry needed more metal to be imported to keep up with demand. Busy with the war, and watching the rehearsals for the imperial musical from time to time, he dispatched Foreign Minister Piip to deal with it.
His Imperial Majesty was quite confused when Piip returned a week later with a group of musicians with scraggily hair, torn shirts, and toting instruments. They'd been brought to Estonia to solve the metal shortage... and Takero didn't see how that was possible. Piip explained that they were musicians of a specific kind of music, called 'metal'.... and Takero promptly left the room without asking any further questions, just shaking his head in disbelief.
A trade for Canadian 'metal'...
Back to that lovely war, and Takero came up with a rather ingenious plan to get Goz I involved. He decided to feed the Icelandic king some false information, which he was instructed to tell only to the Finnish president. And low and behold, the vassal did just that. Finland's president was told of the 'really awesome moose-mounted attack from Norway' that Estonia was going to launch. Time would tell whether this would actually work, but Takero's main aim was to confuse the enemy.
A look at Estonian positions at the time of Goz I's phone call to Helsinki.
Then, in the midst of transporting the Imperial Army to Finland, the IEN spotted some ships approaching from the east. Spotters confirmed them to be of Finnish nationality. They seemed to already be zig-zagging before even engaging in battle.. and far too far away for it to be to avoid fire from the IEN. What was the cause of this?
Whatever it was, the IEN engaged and quickly fended off the two cruisers and collection of submarines that made up the Finnish fleet. No ships were sunk, but the enemy ships did collide a few times in retreat.. and during the attack. It would seem that the supplies of Estonian liqour hadn't gone dry yet.
The Imperial Estonian Navy inflicts a defeat on drunken Finnish sailors.
After the drunken Finns retreated to Aaland to recover from a massive number of hangovers, the rest of the Estonian forces were landed. Some reinforced Turku, while a token force occupied a lone industrial province in western Finland. After mustering their forces, the Imperial Estonian Army attacked Helsinki, the Finnish capital.
Without motor vehicles, the IEA would've had to walk normally. However, they stumbled upon several reindeer farms, and two full divisions became impromptu cavalry. The sight of Estonian soldiers on reindeer back charging wildly (for they didn't know how to control the deer) into battle unnerved the Finns, making the victory easier to achieve. Marshal Mannerheim, Finland's great military mind, was mysteriously on an all-expenses paid holiday to Jamaica at the time. The fact that he'd won it in a contest he hadn't recalled entering through the Stockholm Syndrome Travel Agency in Estonian Sweden obviously had nothing to do with that either.
The IEA's reindeer cavalry lead the winning attack on Helsinki.
Just as the Estonian forces looked to be headed for another glorious victory, there appeared to be a setback in the North...
This was only a minor setback, since it was in fact part of the plan all along. Zog's call to the president had apparently covinced the Finns that an attack was coming from the north. The IEA had also put up signs that said, in Finnish, "Most important part of Estonian Empire" which pointed into arctic Norway. Combined, this seemed to get the Finnish army to commit several divisions to the north.
The Finns capture a worthless arctic province.
While the Finns were busy attacking undefended frozen provinces with the conviction that this would defeat Estonia, Estonia attacked a lightly defended south. The reindeer had been abandoned for the more traditional on-foot method after several troopers were badly trampled by their mounts. Or that'd been the plan, anyway. When the men of Reek's divisions found a toy factory in Helsinki with several shipments of roller skates just sitting inside, though, things changed.
On foot and roller skate, the Imperial Estonian army attacked the final bastion of Finland's defense. The Finns fought hard and well, but Estonia had one final trick up its sleeve. Just as the Finns were perparing for dinner, a single aircraft flew overhead - a once-glider that had been given engines. Small parachutes opened, and it looked for a moment as if someone was dropping supplies on the Finnish position.
In the darkness, the Finns didn't see what was coming until it was too late. Several soldiers screamed in horror as possums fell upon them from the sky, clawing their faces and biting their noses. At that moment, the roller skating Estonian infantrymen, though looking dumbfounded themselves, charged forward with a loud 'BANZAI!'.
It was the end of Finnish resistance.
Estonian victories continue thanks to the airborne rodent tactic conceived by General Tomberg.
Faced with the collapse of the army in the south, a navy plagued with hangovers, and a field marshal in Jamaica, the Finnish government was forced to capitulate. Better to Estonia than to Stalin, right? And so it was that Finland surrendered to the Imperial Estonian Army, and the Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere became larger still.
Finland surrenders, and the Estonian Empire as of early summer, 1937.
As the Empire perpared for celebrations on Victory over Finland Day, Tallinn made a brief nod to its ally in Reykjavik. Iceland had done nothing except sit at home and spread rumors of false Estonian advances, but they were Estonia's only partner in expansion so far. Plus, they gave Estonia a handful of resources, and Zog had stopped calling Takero in the middle of the night. And strangely enough, Iceland actually had an army by the end of the Finnish campaign.. consisting of one division.
A look at Estonia's ally, the Kingdom of Iceland, and the Royal Icelandic Army.
In Tallinn, the usual festivities were held to celebrate the Empire's latest victory. Girls parading, soldiers roller skating, and a posthumous medal ceremony for the valiant parachute possums who helped the breakthrough for the Imperial Army. To top things off, General Helk returned on a makeshift raft, no longer large and gree, to direct the musical. One of the songs from this show, which was delayed to at least post V-F day, was performed at the celebrations. This was a new Imperial anthem, modelled after Germany, which used a classical piece for its own nationalhymne.
However, Estonia's motivation was more along the financial considerations. They didn't want to pay royalties for a national anthem, so they chose a piece that was in the public domain. The choice was Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' (renamed in Estonia the 'Ode to Victory', or 'Ode to the God-Emperor'), with new, proper Imperial lyrics to be presented later. Until then, the Emperor would just have to bear with his beautiful palace staff... and an Empire that was becoming a more powerful force in Europe than he realized.
The usual short-skirted guards goosestepping.
"They were unwillingly parachuted into the Finnish defenses so that our roller skating men might see victory."
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The Possum Parachute Corp? :rofl::rofl::rofl:
What further diabolical weapons does Estonia have in planning?:wacko:
What further diabolical weapons does Estonia have in planning?:wacko:
Exciting action and daring-do! Brought to you by:
The mid-summer sun was just beginning to rise in the west over the airfield in East Prussia. It wasn't a particularly well-built airfield, what with dirt landing strips and hangars left over from the Great War. But that didn't mean that the Luftwaffe wanted people sneaking in, as the fence and guard towers attested to. Their patrols were routine, and all guards were equiped with modern rifles.
Yet somehow, a small group of men had snuck in anyway. Those men now lay prone behind some tall grass that hadn't been cut recently, plotting how to complete their mission. Captain Johann Holvaar (Jo-Ho, as he'd been inevitably nicknamed), an ambitious young Estonian Air Force officer, was their leader. He watched through binoculars as the Germans went about their routines as if nothing was wrong.
"Do you see the targets, sir?" asked Lt. Viktor Holvaar, second in command and the captain's kid brother.
"Sure do," Johann nodded, "Four of them, just like I.I.I. said there'd be."
"So what are we doing with them again, sir?" came a question from Albert Voss, whose bottle-cap lensed spectacles had earned him the nickname 'Bottle'. That and the time he'd gotten his tongue stuck in a soda bottle, anyway.
"We sneak over to them, get into the cockpits, and fly the planes back to Tallinn," Jo-ho explained with a sigh, this being the fifth time he'd explained the plan this morning.
"Won't we have to fuel them up, sir?" Pilot Officer August F. Rumm asked, clearly thinking the mission dubious.
"We'll find out," the captain responded, "We steal what we can, Rumm. That's the order straight from the top."
"Tomberg?" groaned his brother, "The inventor of the Possum Brigade?"
"That's right," Johann nodded, "Now, there's no krauts around right now, so let's move out! See you in Tallinn!"
With that, Captain Holvaar moved to a crouching position and began running (or close to it) towards the farthest fighter on the airfield. His brother and the other two pilots ran off for their own respective targets. General Tomberg had come to the conclusion that Estonia would have to acquire some planes to base an air force on. They didn't have any at home, and so had to get them from a neigbor; Germany had planes, but Estonia didn't have money to pay for them. Enter another hair-brained plot by Estonian intelligence.
Johann crossed the airstrip and reached the hangar, only to stop dead in his tracks when he heard two sets of jackboots pounding the ground behind him. He pressed himself up against the wall and watched with one eye as the Germans bore down on his position. He'd been caught! The captain was certain he'd die then and there, that this would be his final mission for Estonia. And then the Germans marched right on past. He'd been clearly in their line of sight, yet they hadn't even noticed him!
"Those are the worst guards ever," Johann smirked, then rushed inside to get his plane fired up.
Bizzarely enough, all the planes were fully fueled up too. Johann and his men had no trouble getting the aircraft working, though Jo-Ho was bewildered by the Germans' ineptitude. Still, the four aircraft they stole took off without the Luftwaffe noticing and headed northeast for Estonia. The greatest heist in Estonian history had just been pulled off!
When the aircraft landed, captain Holvaar went to the ground crew to explain what his men had discovered about their aircraft. What they had were two fighters, a twin-engined bomber, and a biplane. Good enough for now, but they'd need paint jobs to be incorporated into the Imperial Estonian Air Force.
"Which pilots will be flying which plane?" asked one of the crewmen.
"Hm... Jo-ho.... Ho..." Holvaar responded, pointing first to the two fighters, then to the bomber and biplane, adding, "And... eh... Bottle.... A.F. Rumm."
With that, the captain exchanged salutes and headed off to report to his commanding officer. The ground crew looked perplexed about the names, but went about it all the same. Captain Holvaar would later be perplexed as to why a Jolly Roger had been painted on the tails of each of the aircraft...
Jo-Ho, Ho... and... eh.. Bottle.. AF Rumm. The Air Pirates of the IEAF are born.
*******************
Takero I, Emperor of Estonia, Protector of Iceland and the Greater North European Co-prosperity Sphere, had noticed a strange tendency in the intelligence reports that reached his desk. Since his ascension to the throne, they'd been getting progressively more bizzare. First there was the Stalin pipe switch. Now, he was reading that the air force suddenly had four airplanes when before they'd had nothing.
He had to wonder where the airplanes had even come from. For a force that had once used 'We don't exist!' as a recruiting slogan, it was a strange change of pace. Takero hadn't ordered any airplanes to be built, as production was being focused on the Imperial Estonian Army and Navy. He certainly hadn't purchased any aircraft from another nation. Which meant.... he probably didn't want to know.
Besides, there were more pressing matters than the likelihood that the planes had been stolen. Estonia's Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere was nearing its completion. Or at least as much as you could complete without the Soviet Union declaring war on your butt. Latvia and Lithuania, however, remained out of Estonia's grasp. It was a tricky issue to get the pair of Baltic states to join the Empire, so Takero had ordered Foreign Minister Piip to come to his office.
Piip was there, seated across from the Emperor, looking over some papers in his usual folder. Takero tapped his fingers on the desktop again, waiting politely for Piip to finish going over his intelligence reports. He'd been waiting for ten minutes, and it didn't really seem like he was getting very far. In fact, Piip seemed if anything even more sucked in to his papers. Finally, Takero coughed politely, causing Piip to look up with a bizzarely aroused expression on his face. When Takero raised an eyebrow, the man's eyes went wide and he hurriedly shut the folder.
"Yes, Your Imperial Majesty?" asked the foreign minister.
"Minister Piip... nevermind," Takero began, about to ask about the expression but deciding not to, "The matter of the day is what to do about Latvia and Lithuania. As you know, they are part of the Greater North European Co-Prosperity Sphere, but yet they resist attempts to convince them of the benefits of joining it. Why is this?"
"I don't know, sir. To be honest, I thought the full-page ads we took out in their newspapers saying 'Join Estonia or Die, Pigs!' were very clear and convincing," Piip responded in honest confusion.
"You guys didn't actually use that exact wording, did you?" the Emperor asked, but thought he already knew the answer.
"Yes we did," Piip nodded proudly, then asked, "Do you think that was a bad idea?"
"Most likely," Takero sighed, leaving it at that. He'd learned it wasn't worth arguing over the ineptitude of his minions' efforts. Instead, he tried to steer the discussion in a more constructive direction, "I think if it appeared they had a choice in the matter, it might be better for us all."
"How so?" Piip asked, scratching his head in bewilderment.
"We let them vote on it," Takero stated matter-of-factly.
"Vote? But why would they choose to join us?" Piip blurted out.
"Three reasons, Piip. Number one, we'll make it clear that their nation is imperiled by neighbors all around - Russia, Poland, Germany. Joining with one is inevitable, and Estonia is the best choice of them all for everyone involved. Number two, we'll campaign on style, not substance. And thirdly," Takero answered decisively, then paused for effect before concluding, "We'll cheat."
"Ah, very well then," Piip answered, "I'll attend to the business of helping them prepare for this 'election'."
Piip left, and Takero refocused on the progress reports that were next in his stack of files to look over. Slowly but surely the Imperial Estonian armed forces were expanding. Nowhere near the size of the perilous Red neighbor to the east, but far stronger than they'd been when he'd taken power. More infantry was being trained, but more importantly the fleet was growing in size. The IEN had recently commissioned its first submarines, which made Takero very happy. Until he noticed that their designation was 'Rustbucket' class. Sure enough, the pictures revealed delapitated looking submarines that he wasn't sure would survive underwater. The reports assured, though, that the next class - the 'Hünley' class would be state of the art, their design coming straight from America's navy. Judging by the picture, Takero wasn't so sure.
The IEN Rustbucket, flagship of the Imperial Underseas Fleet.
A conceptual sketch of the Hünley-class hand-crank powered submarine.
In other news, the Imperial Estonian Army's R&D division had prepared a prototype of Estonia's first armor. This was quite exciting to the Emperor. At last, Estonia would have modern machines of war to hurl at the enemy and cause them to fear the might of the Empire! However, there was a flaw in the design: they were said to be highly flammable. Why? Because they were designed to be constructed of cardboard.
Pride of the IEA's armored vehicles.
Takero was about to go down to his army offices and kick some tail when the foreign minister rushed back in from the hallway. From the panicked look on his face, Takero could tell something serious had just occured. Maybe Latvia and Lithuania had joined forces and were on the march against Tallinn. Or the Soviet Union had decided to take away their conquests with its huge army. But the news that the foreign minister delivered was far more surprising, more bizzare than Takero had ever expected.
"Your Imperial Majesty," Piip announced, "King Goz I of Iceland has declared that he deserves a colony, and that colony is Ireland. As Ireland has not responded to his declaration, he has declared war upon them."
Takero was stunned for several seconds, then he composed himself and spoke the only words that seemed fitting for the occasion, "Oh crap."
Did Iceland declare war on itself (knowing HOI timid AI, that is totaly unbeliveable), or you made them do it.
Recently read through this entire piece, I must say it has been hilarious so far. 
Onwards ! For King Goz I wants war! To Ireland!
-Laurence
Onwards ! For King Goz I wants war! To Ireland!
-Laurence
IREland is now at war with ICEland. I think that king Goz/Zog is being a liability!
Iceland DoWs Ireland:
it makes sense, i mean: it is cold up there and they need something to warm up with so they DoW Ireland and get their Guinness supplies
another Icelandic foolproof plan- ah, the genious of Goz...
it makes sense, i mean: it is cold up there and they need something to warm up with so they DoW Ireland and get their Guinness supplies
another Icelandic foolproof plan- ah, the genious of Goz...
So when will you backsta..... er I mean liberate your Baltic brothers. Add claims on the german coast as well to make you empire connect,
Yes, liberate the Baltics.
Also, because of the quality of your AAR and it's high amusement value, here is my tribute to you.
Also, because of the quality of your AAR and it's high amusement value, here is my tribute to you.
