"Why wasn't this brought to my attention sooner?" Takero, Emperor of Estonia, demanded of Ants Piips, who sat on the other side of His Imperial Majesty's desk.
Piips blinked in incomprehension for a moment, and Takero realized he'd been yelling in Japanese. That wasn't good. How were his servants supposed to carry out his Imperial will if they couldn't understand what he was yelling? After chastising himself in his thoughts, Takero repeated the demand in English, flailing his arms for emphasis. This time it seemed to get the point across.
Piips glanced down to the file folder sitting in his lap nervously for a moment, then explained, "To be honest, Your Imperial Majesty, we didn't think you'd find out.."
"Didn't think I'd find out? How was I not supposed to find out?! They even wrote me a letter expressing their distaste for 'foreign' rule," Takero responded, and thrust the offending letter into Piips' face, "How am I supposed to react when they write: 'Dear Emperor, We were recently informed that you annexed Denmark into Estonia. While we are supportive of the concept of a Greater North European Co-prosperity Sphere, we don't think being ruled by a power even farther away is a good idea. Plus, you guys can't get to Iceland easily, so there! Nah-nah-nah-nah-naaah! With Respect, Bjorn' ?"
"Um... by sending him an autographed 8x10 of yourself?" Piips proposed, which elicited a sigh from Takero.
"What's worse is that Kaerma says this was the winner of an Icelandic nation-wide school writing contest... Piips, we have to move quickly to avoid the Bjorns of Iceland from rising up against Imperial will," Takero responded, then smiled, "Luckily, I have a plan."
"You do? Please, do tell, Your Imperial Majesty," Piips replied, relieved that he wouldn't have to do any serious thinking of his own.
"If the Icelanders don't want to be directly ruled by us, then we'll give them a nominal independence. Let them have a cabinet of men from Iceland 'in power', with one exception: the ruler is hand-picked by us. We find someone to be in charge of the Kingdom of Iceland, as we'll call it... someone over whom we have complete control, because we'll be paying them," Takero explained his plan, then stared down at the seated Piips intently, "Minister Piips, I hereby command you to place classified ads throughout Europe for the position of King of Iceland! We shall have a puppet government there, and maybe give them Greenland too. Less for us to worry about."
"Of course, Your Imperial Majesty," Piips nodded, groaning somewhat at the idea that he actually
would have to do some work now. He rose from his chair, folder in hand, and asked, "Is there anything else that requires my signature?"
"Not right now, Piips," Takero shook his head, "But send in General Tomberg. It's time we discussed the Air Force's recruiting tactics."
Moments later, the large double doors to Takero's office swung open. In walked General Richard Tomberg, chief of the Imperial Estonian Air Force. Or at least, he would be, if he actually had any planes to put into the air. With the IEAF currently consisting of a few children's toys and a crude sketch of a hot air balloon by a hobo, it wasn't exactly much of a force. This pretty much meant that Tomberg had the easiest job in Estonia, since there really wasn't much to do. As such, he was reputed to be a partier, and had shown up for work with a hangover more than once. Today he had a pair of dark tinted sunglasses to accompany his modified army uniform. Takero sighed again, realizing that Tomberg had been out for fun the previous night. Again.
"General Tomberg, welcome," he greeted the man in a conversational tone.
"Gah! Don't talk so loud! My head is ringing like... a big, ringy thing," Tomberg shouted in pain.
"Is this better, General?" Takero asked, hushing his voice somewhat.
"It'll do," Tomberg nodded, though he still looked pained, "Now, what did you want to see me about, sir?"
"As you know, I've decided to revamp the Imperial military's recruiting practices, beginning with the navy. Now, it's time to discuss the air force. To be honest, the poster alone says everything that's wrong with current strategies in recruiting," Takero replied, pulling the first example poster out from behind his desk.
"Huh? What's that mean?" Tomberg responded, just as perplexed as Vendt had been.
"Well, I'm confident in saying that this is probably the worst air force recruiting poster I've ever seen," Takero told the man, then pulled out the old air force poster.
The worst air force recruitment poster ever.
"I propose we replace it with something more like this," Takero continued, chucking the old poster aside and placing the new design in its place.
The new IEAF poster, one of a series of three just for the air force.
*******************
After sorting out the new IEAF recruiting campaign, Takero waited for applicants for King of Iceland to be sorted out. Surprisingly, none came from Iceland, which didn't matter in the long run. As Minister Piips sorted through those that did come in, Takero revelled in a pair of developments in Estonia. Firstly, the IEA was expanded to include five infantry divisions, making it the second largest in the baltic (not including the USSR) behind Finland. Estonia also was nearing completion of research into modern infantry weapons and tactics, which would give him another advantage over the other nations in the region that weren't Germany or Russia.
It would've been better had he not decided to smoke a cigar to celebrate. The only ones around were in a box from the used warship salesman of Guangzhou. Piips had said they were a gift for Takero specifically from the man, so why not indulge in them? He lit the cigar, then convulsed in disgust when he tasted it.
"What the hell is this? Who would make a horehound-flavored cigar?" Takero moaned, then stubbed the cigar out and tossed it into a waste bin.
Just then, Piips stepped in, notably missing his ever-present folder. Takero looked at him expectantly, and finally the minister announced, "Sir, we have the three finalists for the King of Iceland job here. I take it you would like to interview them personally."
"Yes, that would be best," Takero coughed, "Send the first man in."
The first finalist was a fairly tall, older European with a balding head and a mustache. What was notable about him, though, was his attire: a red military jacket with medals festooning the left breast, along with white pants and scuffed black shoes. Clearly a uniform of some sort. Takero felt he'd seen a picture of this man before, but couldn't place where. At least he was dressed for a position of authority.
"Welcome, Mister...." Takero began, then scanned the man's application, "Ah, Fergusson. It says here that your full title at the moment is 'Sir Richard Fergusson, Governor-General of Guangxi'. How did you come about that position?"
"Well, I really just thought that Guangxi could be run more efficiently than those locals were doing, rounded up some like-minded chaps, and occupied the government buildings in Guangzhou. All in the name of His British Majesty and the Empire," Fergusson responded proudly.
"I see," Takero noted, "And you're not Governor-General any longer?"
"Not at the moment. That blasted Chiang Kai-Shek invaded while the bulk of the Royal Guangxi Army was off seizing Siam for the British crown. Hardly sporting of the man to invade when most of the forces were overseas, but I will find some other way to serve the Empire," Sir Richard explained.
"Ah. You claim to serve the British Empire, then. Why are you interested in being employed by the Estonian Empire?" Takero asked.
"There's not many positions open to serve the Crown at the moment, so in the meantime why not become king of Iceland? I'm sure with some jolly good British organization, Iceland could become a proud member of the Commonwealth at least," the redcoat elaborated.
Takero frowned, "So if I gave you this job, what would you do as king?"
"My first act would be to declare Iceland a protectorate of the British Empire, and to establish a new military code of dress. I've brought a diagram showing how the new Royal Icelandic Army would appear," Sir Richard told Takero, and produced an illustration.
Sir Richard's envisioned Royal Icelandic Army.
"Ah. Well, thank you for coming in, Mister Fergusson. We'll contact you once we make a decision," Takero told the lunatic Scotsman.
"Very well. And Rule, Britannia!" Fergusson declared, then left the room.
Takero tossed Sir Richard's application in the rubbish bin on top of the old air force poster. This was going to be a long day. He looked at the next application, and was puzzled. The name was Chinese. Why would a Chinese man want to be King of Iceland? He couldn't be as strange as Sir Richard Fergusson, though.
"Minister Piips, send in Mr. Li Zongren, will you?" Takero requested.
He was met with silence. Again, Takero asked, "Li Zongren? You know, the Li Zongren who applied for the king position?"
"H-he's not here, sir," Piips explained hesitantly.
"Not here? Where did he go?" Takero demanded.
Li Zongren, administrator for the Nationalists in Guangxi, who had to rush home to deal with the rampage of a dog named Cromwell.
"He had to go.. something about a 'huge, destructive canine on the loose' in his jurisdiction in Guangzhou," Piips replied, then added, "The other applicant is here, though. In fact, he's been here since five o'clock this morning. We found him camped out in front of the palace gates."
"Really? That's pretty dedicated," Takero answered, then motioned to the door, "Send him in."
And in walked the final applicant. Takero was contemplating just picking out someone at random from his own staff if this man didn't shape up. This man, though, was dressed in a poorly tailored suit (one sleeve brown, another navy blue, and the jacket body being black with pinstripes) and bore a sash of station around his torso. His mustache reminded Takero of the German chancellor, oddly enough. Clearly amazed by the fairly modest surroundings of Kadriog Palace, the man was taking in Takero's office in a state of awe.
"Welcome," Takero announced, then looked down at the application, looking for a name.
"Whoa, this place is amazing! All I have back home is a wooden shack!" the man exclaimed.
"Mister Zog... er...
King Zog," Takero read the man's name, then raised an eyebrow, "It says here that your current job is 'King of Albania'."
King Zog: "Whoa, you guys have typewriters? That's awesome!"
"That's right," Zog responded, then noticed the typewriter sitting on a table off to the side of the Emperor's desk. Grinning excitedly, Zog poitned to it and exclaimed, "Wow, you guys have typewriters! I've never seen one in person before! That's awesome! Can I have one if I'm King of Iceland?"
"Uh.. sure. You can have as many as you want," Takero shrugged, wondering why he was so excited by mundane things, "So tell me why you're interested in this position as King of Iceland."
"Sure. First off, I've heard they have more industry than Albania, that's a plus. And people don't run away from military service there! It's so hard to do anything when it seems you've got negative manpower to draw from," Zog answered enthusiastically, "Their technical research firms have average skill, and that's awesome too! There's really no downside to getting this job!"
"No downside, eh? So you're fine following imperial directives from Tallinn?" Takero posed his question.
"Yep! Being away from the threat of invasion, and having awesome things like typewriters is more than enough to make me willing to serve an Emperor," Zog answered with conviction.
"Ooookay. Well, congratulations Zog, you're now the King of Iceland," Takero told Zog, which seemed to excite the man even more.
"Whoo-hoo!" he shouted, then shook Takero's hand vigorously and ran out of the office, shouting, "I'm King of Iceland! I'm King of Iceland!"
"What a strange person," Takero remarked, then went on to his next project.
**************
Takero's other move after hiring Zog (who renamed himself King Goz I of Iceland, in order to be 'sneaky') was to introduce the first of the new posters for the Imperial Estonian Army. Where the Navy and Air Force had had poor recruiting posters, the Army had followed. He was amazed that anyone had joined the army at all with the message of the old campaign. His own, he felt, was much better and had a simple enough message to draw in any young man. More or less, anyway.
Old Estonian army recruiting poster.
The first new IEA poster.
The new posters came just in time, actually. Tensions with Norway were increasing daily, and the posibility of invasion by Estonia became more real as time passed. This was partly due to their inclusion in Takero's Greater North European Co-prosperity Sphere. It was also due to the discovery that the cold nordic land boasted a number of Mexican resutaurants. Why this was, Takero couldn't figure out, but including Mexican food in Estonian imports seemed like a good idea. Soon, the invasion of Norway would begin.
A Mexican restuarant in Norway, specializing in lutefisk tacos.
