PRIVATE EYE
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MAY 1969 — TENPENCE
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EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW
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Scottish Freedom (No, not that kind)
We tried to get our next interviewee to be the leader of the Liberal Party, the Honourable Mr. Jo Grimond. However his office replied to us that "... if he stopped even for a moment, he'd lose Jo-mentum", so we're stuck with his unintelligible senior lieutenant. The Honourable Mr. Robert MacAlistair, Scottish Liberal and noted for his thick accent, joins us today. For the sake of everyone, his words will be translated into English.
- - - - OFFICIAL TRANSCRIPT - - - -
Arthur Burr-Hewitt (ABH): "Today on the Eye, we are lucky enough to have one of our dear Scottish friends from the hinterlands of Britain. The Honourable Robert MacAlistair, one of the primary faces of the Liberal Party and a fan favourite for lost causes everywhere. It is a pleasure to meet with you Mr. MacAlistair."
Mr. Robert MacAlistair (RM): "And with you. Always a fan of the Eye, well after this hopefully I still am."
ABH: "I am learning that a surprisingly large amount of politicians follow my work. It is a pleasant ego booster.
Now, for such a small party, the Liberals have made quite a noise recently in their efforts to end the reign of Comrade Ida, pushing hard on the expansion of decentralisation of powers, and of the recent Manifesto fiasco. So I'll start with a portion close to my heart. What do you think of the recent publication of false Manifestos for the purpose of satire? I heard that the Party has launched suits to take them permanently off tabloids and papers across Britain."
RM: "I am all a fan of satire: I wouldn't be here if I despised it. The main issues are twofold: it was printed as if it were a legitimate Liberal publication; thus misleading the public and the fact that they are using trademarked logo. Now for the latter, that is purely a legal issue that we, like any organisation, have to deal with: it is a fact, and perhaps shame, of modern life. As for the latter though: it is a clear violation of the law and frankly just utterly disrespectful to the British public. Now if those who made it and distributed it so widely had done the right and proper thing of true satire and not slander, we would not be having this conversation. It is just not the proper way to act, and if I may say-so stings of the style of campaigning that occurs across the pond: and that is not the kind of politics we want in our fair isles."
ABH: "Perhaps it should have been the 'Literal Party''s platform, not the Liberal Party's. I too see it as a shame when a splendid article is thrown about due to a bit of bad legality.
Now, onto the next bit. What do you have to say about recent criticisms against the Liberal Party's seemingly floating platform? It does come across as if you simply fit into where-ever the Labour and Conservative Parties are not as opposed to having your own set view on the future of Britain."
RM: "Well I think that is just not true. For starters, we don't disagree with Labour or the Tories on all issues: our record in Parliament can state that quite clearly. We do have a set vision, a Britain where work pays and the government works for the people. Yes we hold some, unique views in Westminster compared to the Labservatives, but we hardly hold a view to spite them nor do we "float". I mean, I would be interested to see one issue on which we have recanted in recent years: we are steadfast in our devotion to a fair economy, a fair government and a fair society. Besides, it's hard to have internal factions in Westminster with 15 MPs."
ABH: "That is fairly nebulous, even by politician standards. What does your 'fair society' even mean to the average Briton? Give me something real as opposed to rhetoric if you please."
RM: "I get that it is nebulous, but it means different things to different people. To a poor family from Birmingham: it is ability to be able to send their bright son or daughter to university, perhaps the first such person in their family. To the Welsh speakers of the North of that land, it is the right and ability to speak their native tongue in all aspects of their life without hindrance. For the people of my constituency, it is the right to chose their own destiny in their own town rather than hundreds of miles away. It is different things to different people, but to us to is ensuring that everyone gets the chance to do what they aspire to do: not be constricted by rigid forced-egalitarian rules nor continuation of a clearly biased system. To some they may sound like tripe, but it is a clearer vision than the other two parties put across."
ABH: "So you admit your platform is based on a hodge-podge of support from various and unconnected populations with only the most nebulous of causes, no ideals, to unite these scattered voters?"
RM: "I hardly think that is right. We Liberals all share one common ideology: Freedom. Freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from discrimination; in all its forms and freedom to elect. I think the concept we have our base without common ideals and is 'hodge-podge' is a tad incorrect mostly because we are known as having "the local MP". An MP that speaks for the issues of an area: hardly hodge-podge. If anything our persistence since the war show we must have a solid support-base: otherwise we would have withered into the ether."
ABH: "But this freedom comes in many forms. You yourself, a Scot, face a new wave of political will within Scotland calling for a 'freedom of Scotland'. Will this particular freedom be added to the litany of freedoms that occupy your platform?"
RM: "Oh, the nationalists? They are a fringe view north of the border."
ABH: "So their belief in freedom is not to be addressed? That seems counter intuitive to what you were saying earlier."
RM: "To some people, freedom is the freedom to kill someone: it is all relative. We support the Union wholly, and I've never seen the UK as something detrimental to liberty."
ABH: "So you equate Scottish freedom to murder?"
RM: "Seriously? No. I am disappointed, I took the Eye for something higher than Headline-baiting gutter journalism. Would you actually like to talk about legitimate politics or should I just leave now?"
ABH: "If you want to snark that is your prerogative. I simply draw conclusions from what you say. If you have an issue with that you are free to leave, if not you are free to stay.
One final question before I let you go. We hear much about the Liberal's domestic policy. However what many overlook is the foreign policy of your party. For our readers, would you please describe the Liberal outlook on the Empire, or perhaps you prefer the Commonwealth."
RM: "Well, we have always pushed for Progressive Decolonisation: which is creating stable democracies that can function independently, with a tie to Britain. We think the Commonwealth should become far more of an interventionist organisation that ensures that they are not consumed by tyranny and totalitarianism. We are steadfast in this belief, and make no exceptions for dictatorships on either side of the political fence."
ABH: "So should friendly dictatorships be ejected from the Commonwealth if and when they exist?"
RM: "Yes. We should not foster regime that actively act to limit fundamental freedoms."
ABH: "Then what of similar such regimes in NATO?"
RM: "I think that a regime that violates the UN declaration of human rights should not be considered an ally of a nation like ours."
ABH: "Don't you feel this might challenge our geopolitical safety if we were to turn our back on strategically valuable dictatorships?"
RM: "The Soviet Union was a strategically valuable dictatorship: they are now our greatest foe."
ABH: "Fair enough. I'm glad we could finally hear the Liberal opinion on the nation's foreign affairs. Well thank you very much for your time here today, I'm sure you are very busy during this election season and too much of that was spent here."
RM: "And thank you, this was...an experience to say the least."