soulking: Yes! Mecca is surely an option and Jebel Shammar now controls an amazing 3 IC. Steadily growing in power.
history dude: Nobody can stop Azuzi and soon the world will bow before his feet! Victory is certain!
Thundergate: I was afraid I would lose everything for a second there actually, but those blasted Turks were too slow.
FlyingDutchie: Way down!
Now being kept in the prisons of Jebel Shammar, he shall rule no longer!
fenruski: Ha! Azuzi wants your money just as much.
ColonelIronboot: Again, thanks for everything Colonel!
Asalto: About time, it was getting more and more confusing.
Maj. von Mauser: And a glorious victory indeed.
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Chapter Seven
The chapter in which the fourth wall is carefully assembled, then smashed into a thousand pieces, as Grauu starts insulting his readers.
You find yourself in a vast desert, terribly alone. You don't know how you ended up here, but you decide to just go with the flow. You let out a loud burp because you got no manners.
In the blink of an eye, you notice some riders have come closer. Riding full speed towards you. One of them is carrying a mighty banner.
(This awakens an almost inhuman fear deep within you.)
You start screaming, screaming a lot actually. Come on man, have some self-respect!
You start running around in circles, hoping for this nightmare to end.
Panicing doesn't help though, and as the riders arrive at your location, you can hear them laughing at your feminine behavior. Good job hero!
There must be at least 6 of them, armed with a crazy assortment of gear. You are not sure, but you think one of them is actually armed with some cooking gear.
"Come with us stranger." yells one of the riders.
You decide to:
Option 1: Attack them with your bare fists. Turn to page 1.
Option 2: Agree and go with them. Turn to page 2.
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Page 1.
As you pummeling the nearest camel with your bare fist, one of the soldiers closes up on you and smashes your skull with a frying pan.
The last thing you see before your sight darkens is the laughing soldiers, getting ready to pee on your body. Damn this new generation and their pranks!
Start over.
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Page 2.
You find yourself with no choice but to accept and fall to your knees, crying: "Fine, just don't hurt me!"
The soldiers, clearly not impressed with you, decide the safest thing is to rope you up and put you on the back of one of the camels.
They also decide to cover your mouth, so you can't cry during the trip.
You lie on the back of the camel for at least 10 minutes, way too much for a pansy like yourself. As you are dragged down from the animal, more troops gather around you. You look around and see you are inside a city.
"We don't like your kind around here." says the nearest of the soldiers as he starts pushing you inside a building.
"And you'll learn not to like us." says another, in a very cool tone. Much cooler than anything you could muster.
You are pushed into a prison cell and the door behind you is locked. You sit down and start crying. You always cry.
You had to think of something, and think of something quickly!
Option 1: Attempt to eat your way through the metal. Turn to page 3.
Option 2: Try to trick the guard into thinking you are a person of political importance. Turn to page 4.
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Page 3.
As you attempt to bite through solid metal, your teeth fall out. The intense bleeding causes you severe pain and you soon contract several rare diseases causing explosive diarrhea. You die soon after in your shit-covered cell.
Start over.
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Page 4.
You call one of the guards over. He looks at you, "what is it?"
You clear your throat, hoping your(barely existing) rhetorical skills will save you. "You might not know this, but I am in fact a diplomat! You have all made a mistake."
He stares at you, then asks: "Oh yeah? Well from what country are you?"
Oh dear, you didn't expect these kind of questions. You start sweating heavily. You've got to think fast!
You decide to tell him that you're:
Option 1: "Why, I'm Italian!" Turn to page 5.
Option 2: "Why, I'm British!" Turn to page 6.
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Page 5.
Upon hearing you mutter the word Italian, he beats you to death with a chair. Good job there genius.
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Page 6.
He takes a second look at you, then gives in and opens the cell. "You better be telling the truth."
You sigh in relief and attempt to sound the most British you possibly can: "Why of course, jolly ol' chap, mate, chapmate, ho ho ho!"
He stares you down and you let out a small whimper. He drags you along with him towards the largest building in the city.
"You will be meeting with the Emir then, he will want to know about this."
To strengthen your Britishness, you decide to scream out some more. "Blimey!"
The people on the street simply look at you, clearly thinking you are an idiot. And just how wrong are they?
You smile nervously and continue to walk right behind the guard. You decide it's best not to cause further trouble and stay quiet for the rest of the small trip.
You suddenly find yourself in the chambers of the Emir, as the writer got too lazy to write about the entire walk up there.
Before you sit, you see the Emir, seemingly speaking with his own shadow. Finally someone just as crazy as you!
You were told to call him by his full name or face his certain wrath.
You let out a cough and get ready to greet the Emir.
You just need to figure out just what to say, after some careful thinking, you finally decide to go with:
Option 1: "Greetings Azuzi!" Turn to page 7.
Option 2: "Greetings Head of State and Government, Foreign Minister, Chief of Staff and of the Army, General of the Royal Desert Corps and Emir Saud ibn Abdul Aziz Al Rashid!" Turn to page 8.
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Page 7.
Upon hearing the name Azuzi, the Emir quickly tells his shadow to beat you up.
You cry heavily as you are beaten up by a freaking shadow. That should not even be possible, you pansy!
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Page 8.
The Emir turns away from his shadow and looks directly at you with an amazing manly and dreamy look.
(Boy, what an Emir!)
You bow before him, feeling highly inferior to him.
"Ah, I've been awaiting you reader!" says the Emir.
You look around confused for a second, then decide to ask.
"Awaiting me? How'd you know I was arriving?"
"Grauuu told me!"
One of the walls of the building suddenly collapsed. "There goes the fourth wall. Again."
"So what exactly do you need from me Emir?" you ask, deciding to ignore the sudden collapse of the wall.
"Well, you see. Jebel Shammar is in trouble and I can't quite figure out what to do next. Here, come take a look at these maps of both the Western, Eastern, Italian fronts and also of the current situation of the Arabian Peninsula."
(It's map time!)
"First, the Eastern Front:"
(Hmm.. Yeah, that looks pretty standard.)
"And then there's the western front:"
(Alright Germany, you clearly suck, but hey, it could be worse, right?)
"And finally... The Italian Front..."
(Okay, what the hell have you guys been doing? It's the Italians for God's sake!)
"Then there's our Ottoman dominated surroundings:"
(At least someone is doing alright.)
"So," continued the Emir. "I ask you, dear reader. What should Jebel Shammar do now? Where is the step forward? It is now up to you!"
You give it a long thought, then decide to...
