To the Great Surprise of all Involved.
As we look at the new world order, things seem excellent. The twin perils of German and Japanese fascism have been defeated, Europe is liberated and we gave the Italians a damned good thrashing as well. But all is not well, there is a dark cloud on the horizon; Gracie Field has survived the war.
No, no of course not that. As bad as her singing was (her attempts to 'entertain' the troops crushed British morale so badly she personally extended the war by six months) it can't compare with the real threat, the menacing beast in the east; The Soviet Union.
Fortunately the Americans are on top of the matter and have arranged a meeting at their Supreme Headquarters, Europe, Military And Logistic Establishment. We decline to go, mainly because we can't keep a straight face while discussing a meeting inside Eisenhower's SHEMALE. After everyone finally stops sniggering we re-arrange a proper meeting.
The US plan is stunning, laid out in incredible detail by all the specialists; Patton describing unstoppable armoured thrusts cutting through the Soviet Union, Bradley evoked visions of mechanised infantry walling of advances and encircling key locations, even the US Navy got involved, Nimitz expounding a brave scheme to fight a path up the Baltic and land Marines in Leningrad.
As the full details of this stunningly ambitious plan sink in one man stands up, his name is Field Marshall Montgomery and he proposes an alternative plan. A plan involving a paradrop on a key location. Yet to the great surprise of all involved it is actually a good plan, so good it was put into action as Operation Undead Garden!
Stage 1
War with Haiti
Stage 2
Bludgen Haiti
Stage 3
Win in Haiti
Stage 4
Curse the sodding Dominicans.
Never trust a country named after a bunch of monks. Particularly Assisi-stan, the most unreliable of all the Soviet Republics.
Stage 5
Return to London and Highgate Cemetery. This is the most cunning and dastardly part of the plan.
Dear Lord, what have we created? Truly an offence against man and god! Still it'll get the job done and, more importantly, it'll be nowhere near us.
Stage 6
Start Operation Undead Garden!
As Zombie Karl Marx is dropped by Lancaster bomber over Moscow, panic ensues in the Soviet leadership. They can't shoot the founder of communism, but he's going on on a rampage eating anyone who isn't equal, making the elite Politburo top of the target list!
Stage 7
Victory!
In exchange for stopping the Zombie Karl Marx, using our patented Adam Smith capitalism cannon, the Soviet Union surrenders to the clearly superior United Kingdom. Huzzah!
The eastern threat has been dealt with, but our work is far from done. There are still bits of the map that aren't pink, nations suffering under the terrible strain of not being run from London or being a British puppet state. We cannot, in good conscience, let so many people suffer such an awful fate.