If that Mameluke didn't speak the Devil's toungue he would do well to be king of Granada.
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Grundius said:
Another blopified blop of blops making blopy mess of HRE!
BLLLOOOP!
Yusuf's talking still makes my head hurt, but they had nice swords though.
One weird HRE you got. It's hilarious that highest secular ruler of (Latin) Christendom is vassal of a muslim king.
One weird HRE you got. It's hilarious that highest secular ruler of (Latin) Christendom is vassal of a muslim king.
What a bunch of idiotic electors, electing your vassal emperor, still I guess it is a little cool as well. Seems the Mameluks don’t fully understand your new king, maybe try again with someone who actually speaks normal…
Lord E said:
Quite on the contrary. The Mameluk king understood Yusuf very well, though he was probably talking some dialect. Triba-leet, perhaps.
Grundius said:
There is quite a bit of lag in my updates, but I can try to go back and give you a screenie. What you are reading right now is old news for me. Where I am right now I'm gearing up for Tours 2.0.
I actually had something like that happen in-game with EUII - no editing. Wanna see? EDIT: Just looked at my screenie. Nowhere near that drastic, but it did cover the screen.Dysken said:
...by the way, Dysken, I'm starting to wonder if you're anonymous4401's alter ego. Write up a description of the invincible Belgian army with its terrifying waffles, and the deal will be sealed.
Hajji Giray I said:I actually had something like that happen in-game with EUII - no editing. Wanna see? EDIT: Just looked at my screenie. Nowhere near that drastic, but it did cover the screen.
...by the way, Dysken, I'm starting to wonder if you're anonymous4401's alter ego. Write up a description of the invincible Belgian army with its terrifying waffles, and the deal will be sealed.
Don't forget the paper tubes and cardboard boxes!
Nah. Dysken is a swede.Hajji Giray I said:...by the way, Dysken, I'm starting to wonder if you're anonymous4401's alter ego. Write up a description of the invincible Belgian army with its terrifying waffles, and the deal will be sealed.
Like your great ability to write swedish?Dysken said:Don't listen to him he has no proof
Zuckergußgebäck said:Like your great ability to write swedish?
Like that will hold in court
Out of sheer joy over a Swedish OT forum being instituted I will now update!
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*Boy I sure am glad I instituted administrative monarchy, I really hate writing updates which involve this king*
Throne Room:
Advisor 4: Sir, although our tax lakes and marshes ploy has worked extremely well we can still improve our taxation. The peasants can still buy shoes at this rate.
`/|J5|J|=: 4/\/|) |-|0\/\/ |)0 `/0|J 5|J|?|?053 \/\/3 |)0 7|-|47? /And how do you suppose we do that?
Advisor 4: Allow me to introduce Cito Vorleone the man you have been wishing to see for quite a while.
Con Dorleone: Buon Giorno.
Advisor 4: I'm to deliver an interpreted message to you from the king. *clears throat*
"I believe in Spain, Spain has made my fortune. I raised my tax collector in the Spanish fashion. I gave him freedom to oppress my people however he wished. But I taught him to never dishonor his king. He found a village; not an arabic one. He went to the fields there; he stayed out late. I did not protest. Two months ago, the villagers took him to an Inn. They made him drink wine, and they tried to take advantage of him. Force him to lower the oppressive taxes. He resisted. He kept his honor. So they begged him like animals. When I went to the village his eyes were a'teary. His nose was a'runny, held back only by a hankie. He couldn't even speak because of the tears. But I spoke. Why did i speak? He was the light of my life that horrible man. Now he will never be horrible again. I went to the army, like any good spaniard. These villagers were brought to the gallows. They were sentenced to be hung in three years - suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They were taken down that very day! I stood on a pile of bodies like a fool. And those bastards, they smiled at me; either that or they had died smiling. Then I said to my advisor, for justice, we must go to Con Dorleone."
Advisor 4: *continues* Huh I can swear I recognize that from somewhere.
Con Dorleone: You come to me. Asking for favours and you do not even call me godfather. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then these scum that ruined your taxcollector would be suffering this very day. And if by chance a horrible man like yourself should make enemies then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.
Advisor 4: But you are not the kings godfather. He comes from a very inbred family I'm sure we would've known if t'were so.
Con Dorleone:*ignores 4* Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter's wedding day. *Hands over papers to 4 and leaves*
Advisor 4: Boy, that was weird. Had no idea his daughter was getting married today. In any case your highness these papers contain the plans for erecting..."constables".... all over our kingdom they will..."protect and serve"...and it is estimated they will increase the tax value from each province by 50%. How peculiar!
`/|J5|J|=:|_37 17 |33 50! /Let it be so!
1 year later
Constable: That's an awful nice field you got there.
Farmer: Yes it's my pride, shame I ain't growing anything there at the moment.
Constable: Wouldn't want anything to happen to it i suppose?
Farmer: What do you mean?
Constable: Well accidents do happen....
Farmer: Oh, like natural disasters! I've already insured it for that kind of things.
Constable: Ooooh.... Well... other kinds of accidents.
Farmer: What kind of accidents?
Constable: The kind you wouldn't want to happen...
Farmer: I'm not convinced..
Constable: JUST BUY OUR PROTECTION ALRIGHT!
Farmer: Want a piece of me tough guy!? Come and take it!
Constable: Fine you brought this on yourself!
*Constable leaves*
A few days later
Farmer:It...it...it's hideous! Oh my god what have I done?! I'm so sorry! I will pay for protection from now on! I swear it!
Constable: Excellent just sign here.
Throne Room
Advisor 4: I must say that your record is most impressive. We are making enourmous amounts of money. Can I just ask you? How do you convince the peasants to pay up?
Constable: Oh sorry can't disclose that. Trade secrets you know. By the way do you have those eggs and that toilet paper we asked for. We are running out....
Constables Wohoo!!
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*Boy I sure am glad I instituted administrative monarchy, I really hate writing updates which involve this king*
Throne Room:
Advisor 4: Sir, although our tax lakes and marshes ploy has worked extremely well we can still improve our taxation. The peasants can still buy shoes at this rate.
`/|J5|J|=: 4/\/|) |-|0\/\/ |)0 `/0|J 5|J|?|?053 \/\/3 |)0 7|-|47? /And how do you suppose we do that?
Advisor 4: Allow me to introduce Cito Vorleone the man you have been wishing to see for quite a while.
Con Dorleone: Buon Giorno.
Advisor 4: I'm to deliver an interpreted message to you from the king. *clears throat*
"I believe in Spain, Spain has made my fortune. I raised my tax collector in the Spanish fashion. I gave him freedom to oppress my people however he wished. But I taught him to never dishonor his king. He found a village; not an arabic one. He went to the fields there; he stayed out late. I did not protest. Two months ago, the villagers took him to an Inn. They made him drink wine, and they tried to take advantage of him. Force him to lower the oppressive taxes. He resisted. He kept his honor. So they begged him like animals. When I went to the village his eyes were a'teary. His nose was a'runny, held back only by a hankie. He couldn't even speak because of the tears. But I spoke. Why did i speak? He was the light of my life that horrible man. Now he will never be horrible again. I went to the army, like any good spaniard. These villagers were brought to the gallows. They were sentenced to be hung in three years - suspended sentence. Suspended sentence! They were taken down that very day! I stood on a pile of bodies like a fool. And those bastards, they smiled at me; either that or they had died smiling. Then I said to my advisor, for justice, we must go to Con Dorleone."
Advisor 4: *continues* Huh I can swear I recognize that from somewhere.
Con Dorleone: You come to me. Asking for favours and you do not even call me godfather. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, then these scum that ruined your taxcollector would be suffering this very day. And if by chance a horrible man like yourself should make enemies then they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.
Advisor 4: But you are not the kings godfather. He comes from a very inbred family I'm sure we would've known if t'were so.
Con Dorleone:*ignores 4* Someday - and that day may never come - I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as gift on my daughter's wedding day. *Hands over papers to 4 and leaves*
Advisor 4: Boy, that was weird. Had no idea his daughter was getting married today. In any case your highness these papers contain the plans for erecting..."constables".... all over our kingdom they will..."protect and serve"...and it is estimated they will increase the tax value from each province by 50%. How peculiar!
`/|J5|J|=:|_37 17 |33 50! /Let it be so!
1 year later
Constable: That's an awful nice field you got there.
Farmer: Yes it's my pride, shame I ain't growing anything there at the moment.
Constable: Wouldn't want anything to happen to it i suppose?
Farmer: What do you mean?
Constable: Well accidents do happen....
Farmer: Oh, like natural disasters! I've already insured it for that kind of things.
Constable: Ooooh.... Well... other kinds of accidents.
Farmer: What kind of accidents?
Constable: The kind you wouldn't want to happen...
Farmer: I'm not convinced..
Constable: JUST BUY OUR PROTECTION ALRIGHT!
Farmer: Want a piece of me tough guy!? Come and take it!
Constable: Fine you brought this on yourself!
*Constable leaves*
A few days later
Farmer:It...it...it's hideous! Oh my god what have I done?! I'm so sorry! I will pay for protection from now on! I swear it!
Constable: Excellent just sign here.
Throne Room
Advisor 4: I must say that your record is most impressive. We are making enourmous amounts of money. Can I just ask you? How do you convince the peasants to pay up?
Constable: Oh sorry can't disclose that. Trade secrets you know. By the way do you have those eggs and that toilet paper we asked for. We are running out....
Constables Wohoo!!
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Interesting move to hire certain Sicilian gentleman to take care of the taxation of the kingdom.
So the Con has begun buildings his con-stables. Excellent choice. But lay of the leet...oy! :wacko:
Somehow, I sense a simultaneous invasion of several countries by thousands of infantry armed with flower boxes. :rofl: