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Do 1 and 2 together. The Allies, weary from the war, demand from Germany to offer them Hitler (and his goons) on a plate before an armistice can be signed. The Germans, weary from this war, agree so that the leading Nazis have to flee the country - towards Argentina and Brazil. A peace treaty is signed - but not in the borders of 1945, since the Germans did not lose that badly (maybe giving some territories to Poland around Danzig, maybe something for Denmark or things like that). Since the German forces (and the Allies after the Peace treaty) denied Stalin free access into Europe the influence of him will end in Poland with them effectively being the Germany of this war(being split up and all). Germany, now freed from Hitler, joins the Allies and gets a BAD relations penalty towards Argentina for protecting the Nazi leaders. Argentina and Brazil join the Axis, I don't know about France (they could become Commies as well due to the hard war years and the destruction your current wars bring over them).
1 for funniness value. There's plenty of serious business AARs around here, this shouldn't be one of them...
alxeu, WarmasterSamiel, Repaxan: Noted! Looks like people want to see a something a little sillier. I'll keep that in mind!
LanMisa: I think you meant "1 and 3." But that does sound like one way to do it. It all sort of depends on the situation I find myself when the AAR ends. I'll jot down the gist of it my notes though!
8:00 April 1st
Milan, RSI-controlled Italy
Mussolini’s War Room
*Mussolini’s cabinet are viewing various maps of Italy. Il Duce enters the room, looking exhausted.
“Good morning everyone. So, is this the month we reclaim Roma?”
“Unfortunately, most likely not Il Duce. The Brits have too much and the Axis too little.” General Graziani stated.
“Are we sure? Ricci, what do our intelligience reports say on the matter?”
“You know, we actually just rely on Germany’s reports.”
“Oh… oh, I see. Just like we rely on Germany’s resources, leadership, army-”
Chief of Staff Gambara interjected: “Yes, it really is a shame we have to rely on inferior German forces, Il Duce
! Why, a few more quality Italian men, and we could be dining in Sicily in 10 days!”
“Really, Gambara? I was under the impression that our men so far have performed… below expectations.”
“Nonsense! Well, maybe a little bit… but we were on the defensive then! Greece, North Africa, all defensive campaigns against Anglo-Saxon invaders. The Italian army does not know the meaning of the word “defense!” Attack, attack, attack, and overwhelm the enemy with our virile energy! That’s the Italian way. But seriously, what does “defense” mean ? I hear all the other generals talking about it, and it makes me feel silly. They claim we follow a “defensive focus doctrine” but how can we if we don’t defend anything ?”
“I honestly don’t know either, Gambara. I just assumed everyone else knew what it meant because everyone was always talking about “defense in depth” and defensive focus” and “pre-planned defense.” Gee, good thing we finally cleared up that misunderstanding, eh Mussolini !” Graziani said.
“Oh, for the love of- let me take a closer look at our war plans…
Graziani… Gambara… this is just a picture of a bunch of arrows going in random directions, isn’t it ?”
“Uhhhh… it’s post-modern strategy?” “Graziani weakly espoused.
“Yeah! It’s more advanced than anything the Germans could come up with !”
“… You know what, I don’t even care anymore. Everyone know I’m just Hitler’s puppet by now, and that nothing I do really matters anymore .”
“Oh, come one Il Duce ! We all still love you! Excluding the communist partisans of course, but they hate everybody anyway. Soldiers’ morale was soaring after your visit!”
“Yeah… yeah it was wasn’t it Graziani ! I’m still relevant here, at least.”
“Definitely! Much more than that madman in Germany, for sure! You’ll always be the Batman to his Robin!”
“You’ve lost me Gambara.”
“The point is we all love you Il Duce. Except the communist partisans, we can’t stress that enough.”
“Awww, you guys are the best generals a fella could ask for… provided you aren’t actually doing any general-ing. Which it turns out you never actually did in the first place… never mind that. Come here you two!”
*The phone rings*
“Hm, a phone call? On April Fool’s Day? How odd. Surely, this isn’t the set-up for an April Fool’s Prank ! *ahem* Yello?”
“Hello? Is this Il Duce? It’s me, Pope Pius XII. Do you know the significance of the date?”
“Why, no I don’t sir! I can’t see how a phone call from someone claiming to be the Pope on April 1st could possibly be anything remotely resembling shenanigans or hijinks in any way! No siree!”
“Is that sarcasm I detect, Il Duce? As it happens, April 1st, 1945 is also Easter, Mussolini.”
“Oh…uh, I’m not going to Hell for that, am Io ?”
“Well, not for that… but to get to the matter at hand- well, I think it’s just wrong that men should be fighting on Easter. So I arranged a peace between Italy, the Allies and the Soviets! I think you’ll find it quite amenable:
A few other countries went along too as you can see.”
“T-t-Thank youhmy: ! It’s a miracle! I know I renounced the Church, but you can consider me your most zealous follower now !”
“Good- because the College of Cardinals and I discussed it for many, many hours, and we’ve decided that the best person to lead the Kingdom of God, would be you... Pope Mussolini.”
“I- y-uuh-tha-”
“There’s just one catch, Il Duce…”
“…If you say, “April Fools,” when I return to Rome, you’ll be very, very sorry.”
“ Easter Fools !"
*Hangs up*
“Some days, I swear I don’t even know why I’m still here …”
“Aww, cheer up Il Duce! Gambara and I will treat you some pizza, eh? A full belly is a happy one you know!”
"Well, I suppose that's true at least! I get to eat Italian food everyday of my life! That's got to count for something, at least, huh?
• The Pope Mussolini picture comes from KaiserWilhelmI’s “Mussolini is Always Right.” It’s linked in the AAR and here as well, but I might as well directly name it as well.
LanMisa: I think you meant "1 and 3." But that does sound like one way to do it. It all sort of depends on the situation I find myself when the AAR ends. I'll jot down the gist of it my notes though!
Interlude: Italy Cabinet Meeting
8:00 April 1st
Milan, RSI-controlled Italy
Mussolini’s War Room
*Mussolini’s cabinet are viewing various maps of Italy. Il Duce enters the room, looking exhausted.
“Good morning everyone. So, is this the month we reclaim Roma?”
“Unfortunately, most likely not Il Duce. The Brits have too much and the Axis too little.” General Graziani stated.
“Are we sure? Ricci, what do our intelligience reports say on the matter?”
“You know, we actually just rely on Germany’s reports.”
“Oh… oh, I see. Just like we rely on Germany’s resources, leadership, army-”
Chief of Staff Gambara interjected: “Yes, it really is a shame we have to rely on inferior German forces, Il Duce
! Why, a few more quality Italian men, and we could be dining in Sicily in 10 days!”“Really, Gambara? I was under the impression that our men so far have performed… below expectations.”
“Nonsense! Well, maybe a little bit… but we were on the defensive then! Greece, North Africa, all defensive campaigns against Anglo-Saxon invaders. The Italian army does not know the meaning of the word “defense!” Attack, attack, attack, and overwhelm the enemy with our virile energy! That’s the Italian way. But seriously, what does “defense” mean
? I hear all the other generals talking about it, and it makes me feel silly. They claim we follow a “defensive focus doctrine” but how can we if we don’t defend anything ?”
“I honestly don’t know either, Gambara. I just assumed everyone else knew what it meant because everyone was always talking about “defense in depth” and defensive focus” and “pre-planned defense.” Gee, good thing we finally cleared up that misunderstanding, eh Mussolini
!” Graziani said.“Oh, for the love of- let me take a closer look at our war plans…
Graziani… Gambara… this is just a picture of a bunch of arrows going in random directions, isn’t it
?”“Uhhhh… it’s post-modern strategy?” “Graziani weakly espoused.
“Yeah! It’s more advanced than anything the Germans could come up with
!”“…
You know what, I don’t even care anymore. Everyone know I’m just Hitler’s puppet by now, and that nothing I do really matters anymore .”“Oh, come one Il Duce
! We all still love you! Excluding the communist partisans of course, but they hate everybody anyway. Soldiers’ morale was soaring after your visit!”
“Yeah… yeah it was wasn’t it Graziani
! I’m still relevant here, at least.”“Definitely! Much more than that madman in Germany, for sure! You’ll always be the Batman to his Robin!”
“You’ve lost me Gambara.”
“The point is we all love you Il Duce. Except the communist partisans, we can’t stress that enough.”
“Awww, you guys are the best generals a fella could ask for… provided you aren’t actually doing any general-ing. Which it turns out you never actually did in the first place… never mind that. Come here you two!”
*The phone rings*
“Hm, a phone call? On April Fool’s Day? How odd. Surely, this isn’t the set-up for an April Fool’s Prank
! *ahem* Yello?”“Hello? Is this Il Duce? It’s me, Pope Pius XII. Do you know the significance of the date?”
“Why, no I don’t sir! I can’t see how a phone call from someone claiming to be the Pope on April 1st could possibly be anything remotely resembling shenanigans or hijinks in any way! No siree!”
“Is that sarcasm I detect, Il Duce? As it happens, April 1st, 1945 is also Easter, Mussolini.”
“Oh…uh, I’m not going to Hell for that, am I
o ?”“Well, not for that… but to get to the matter at hand- well, I think it’s just wrong that men should be fighting on Easter. So I arranged a peace between Italy, the Allies and the Soviets! I think you’ll find it quite amenable:
A few other countries went along too as you can see.”
“T-t-Thank you
hmy: ! It’s a miracle! I know I renounced the Church, but you can consider me your most zealous follower now !”“Good- because the College of Cardinals and I discussed it for many, many hours, and we’ve decided that the best person to lead the Kingdom of God, would be you... Pope Mussolini.”
“I- y-uuh-tha-”
“There’s just one catch, Il Duce…”
“…If you say, “April Fools,” when I return to Rome, you’ll be very, very sorry.”
“
Easter Fools !"*Hangs up*
“Some days, I swear I don’t even know why I’m still here
…”“Aww, cheer up Il Duce! Gambara and I will treat you some pizza, eh? A full belly is a happy one you know!”
"Well, I suppose that's true at least! I get to eat Italian food everyday of my life! That's got to count for something, at least, huh?
-End Meeting-
• The Pope Mussolini picture comes from KaiserWilhelmI’s “Mussolini is Always Right.” It’s linked in the AAR and here as well, but I might as well directly name it as well.
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Wait...huh? I am quite confused - and amused at the same time. Surely you can't just leave Mussolini behind when you flee to South America? Every Führer needs his comic relief lapdog. A position that seems to be quite fitting for "Il Duce".
Being following this silently for quite a while.Despite the comical tone,what are the chances of surviving?And another thing,the Italian generals must be strtegy artists...
Lanmisa: He will surely not be left behind! His first name already blends in, anyway.
Duke of Awesome: Glad to hear it! It’s always nice for authAARs to hear when their jokes are liked .
Bill1993: Aaah, another lurker appears! Well, that’s a good question. I’m going to provide a large strategic overview where I will explain all my thoughts on the matter to conclude the Interlude… later. For now, I’ll just say my chances of survival are entirely linked to when the Red Army extends mobilization. The longer it takes them to bite the bullet and do it, the better my chances.
Emperor Hirohito stood alone in the war room, examining a plethora of maps. He was never a soldier, and he would have preferred the life of a gentleman scientist to that of a God-King. But Japan had been at war for nearly ten years now, and he was beginning to doubt the claims the militarists were making, of great victories nearly every day. “Today,” he thought, “I shall get to the bottom of this.”
*The Japanese cabinet shuffled into the room.*
“Oh, my glorious Emperor, why have you called us here?” Hideki Tojo inquired.
“I simply have a few questions in regards to the war, General. For starters, why does the Imperial Army follow an Elastic Defense Doctrine, when we do not have Motorized Infantry? As I understand it, that doctrine revolves around the use of motorized forces.”
“Well, my liege, as a soldier I can assure you Elastic Defense is by far the greatest doctrine this army could possibly follow.”
“And why is Field Marshal Yamashita under orders to research new strategies for the use of motorized and mechanized forces?
Of which we, to reiterate, have none, and lack the ability even to produce.
It is very strange to me, Tojo.”
“…allow me to read you a lovely haiku I wrote:
Motorized Infantry/
They move very, very fast/
Like, really fast guys/
I hope that clears things up for His Highness.”
“No, no I am afraid it does not.”
“Shall I read you another beautiful haiku?”
“No! Uh, that will not be necessary general. It just seems to me there is no good reason for Japan to follow this path.”
“You know nothing of war, my liege! Nothing! You must have more confidence in me :angry: !” Tojo blustered angrily.
“I am aware of my ignorance, general; I thought maybe you could enlighten me.” Hirohito coolly replied. “One more question: why does this island, with no airfield or port, have a garrison of 50,000 men? Why, despite the lack of strategic value, is the garrison personally lead by Chief of Staff, General of the Army, and Prime Minister of Japan, Hideki Tojo himself?”
“… come with me, we shall speak privately on this matter, my lord…
*They walked to a private garden. The only people there are the Emperor, Tojo, and two bodyguards.*
Suzuki, Tanaka, please leave us.
*They leave.*
Now then… listen here, you ridiculous little man! You’re just a puppet :angry: ! Now shut up and let me win this war in peace! Chichi Jima is the key to this war! If we let the Americans take that island, innocent people will die! Do you want innocent lives to be lost?”
“I-I-I”
“Well, if that’s what you want- HEY! EVERYBODY! The Emperor wants to lose this war! Everyone go get your swords! We’re all going to k-”
“That is quite enough, general. I will accept your judgment in this manner, but I would like to hear your reasoning first.”
“…Very well. Suzuki, you can come back. You’re going to help me explain something to the Emperor…”
“Hai! How may I be of service, my-”
*BANG!*
“HOLY S***, TOJO! T-That… that…wh- why-”
“Ahh, and now you understand, you coward! If you don’t grow a pair and start unquestioningly following my leadership, I’m going to kill innocent people. If I kill people, people will die. And it’ll be all your fault. And that’s terrible.”
“Th-that doesn’t make any sense!”
“Tanaka! Can you come here for a moment!”
“Hai! I was just in the middle of filling out my retirement paperwork. Hey, would you like to see a picture of my little gir-”
*BANG!*
“TOJO! That’s… that is quite enough.”
“Ahh, yes, and now you see why I am called the Razor! It’s not because I have a sharp wit! I’m the only person willing to do what it takes, to save Japan! Just imagine what will happen if the Americans win- the nation will kill itself with American movies and American music, loose morals, selfish democracy, but mostly with swords and guns, and sometimes by jumping off of high places.”
“…”
“Then again, it’d be hard to find a sword big enough to cut through all of Japan…”
“You are insane!”
“I’M NOT CRAZY :wacko: ! Is it really so mad that I would do anything to protect my country from ruining itself? If I need to personally kill everyone in Japan to save everyone in Japan, then by God, I will. Can you honestly say that’s insane :wacko: ?”
“Yes!”
“…I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions.”
“What?”
“Your constant doubt in my abilities is lowering my morale, and there’s only one solution to that problem…”
“Lock you up in the madhouse and find a new prime minister?”
“No. I was going to say “kill you,” but you ruined the moment, just like you are ruining the war effort, Japan, and my morale. We should probably get back to the others now, I’ll find a more suitable time to murder you.”
*They walk back to the war room in awkward silence*
“Hello again, my generals. The Prime Minister has persuaded me on the Chichi Jima issue.”
“That’s right. So, we should move on, correct my liege?”
“No- I will make a stand on this little motorized infantry controversy. From my understanding, motorized infantry are useless in jungles and mountains, in other words, the terrain of Asia. Correct?”
*The various Japanese generals begin muttering amongst themselves*
“What are you doing!? You’ll ruin everything!” Tojo sneered. “Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! Remember: motorized infantry go VRROOM!”
*The muttering gets louder*
“That- that is not a real argument, as I am sure every one of you understands.”
*The muttering stops for a moment*
“But they also go CHCHCHCHCCHOOMVRRRRRROOOOOOOMVROOMVRROOOOOOOM-ERERERERERERRR-BEEPBEEPBEEEEP-CHCHCHVRROOOOOMVROOOM-HONKHONK-CHCHCHHCHCHCHEEWM!”
*The generals explode in applause!*
“But-but-”
“Motorized infantry now, and forever!” Tojo exulted. “You’re a fool, Hirohito :angry: .” He hissed.
“Good lord.” Hirohito thought. “No wonder we have not won the war yet. Maybe subordinating ourselves to German leadership is not as bad as I initially thought.”
• I’m not sure why I made Tojo a lunatic, but it sure was fun to write for him!
• Seriously though- why do so many of Japan’s ministers provide benefits to motorized infantry, when Japan’s position and play style emphasize special forces? Also, Japan’s AI ought to be hardwired to choose Infiltration Assault Doctrine rather than the one which benefits motorized and mechanized infantry. Watching Japan choose that one is like watching Germany using human wave or defensive focus. Make it so next patch!
• I initially had more pictures, but then I realized there is no real point in showing them, since I show what Japan is doing periodically anyway. Japan’s build queue is the only thing worth mentioning- they are currently building 8 carriers, 2 of which will complete in ’45 and the rest in ’47.
• I’m considering dropping the American update, and just concluding the Interlude next weekend/this week, so I can start gameplay updates ASAP. Thoughts? I’d like to do one, but I figure some people might just want me to hurry up with the gameplay already.
Duke of Awesome: Glad to hear it! It’s always nice for authAARs to hear when their jokes are liked
.Bill1993: Aaah, another lurker appears! Well, that’s a good question. I’m going to provide a large strategic overview where I will explain all my thoughts on the matter to conclude the Interlude… later. For now, I’ll just say my chances of survival are entirely linked to when the Red Army extends mobilization. The longer it takes them to bite the bullet and do it, the better my chances.
Interlude: Japan Cabinet Meeting
Emperor Hirohito stood alone in the war room, examining a plethora of maps. He was never a soldier, and he would have preferred the life of a gentleman scientist to that of a God-King. But Japan had been at war for nearly ten years now, and he was beginning to doubt the claims the militarists were making, of great victories nearly every day. “Today,” he thought, “I shall get to the bottom of this.”
*The Japanese cabinet shuffled into the room.*
“Oh, my glorious Emperor, why have you called us here?” Hideki Tojo inquired.
“I simply have a few questions in regards to the war, General. For starters, why does the Imperial Army follow an Elastic Defense Doctrine, when we do not have Motorized Infantry? As I understand it, that doctrine revolves around the use of motorized forces.”
“Well, my liege, as a soldier I can assure you Elastic Defense is by far the greatest doctrine this army could possibly follow.”
“And why is Field Marshal Yamashita under orders to research new strategies for the use of motorized and mechanized forces?
Of which we, to reiterate, have none, and lack the ability even to produce.
It is very strange to me, Tojo.”
“…allow me to read you a lovely haiku I wrote:
Motorized Infantry/
They move very, very fast/
Like, really fast guys/
I hope that clears things up for His Highness.”
“No, no I am afraid it does not.”
“Shall I read you another beautiful haiku?”
“No! Uh, that will not be necessary general. It just seems to me there is no good reason for Japan to follow this path.”
“You know nothing of war, my liege! Nothing! You must have more confidence in me :angry: !” Tojo blustered angrily.
“I am aware of my ignorance, general; I thought maybe you could enlighten me.” Hirohito coolly replied. “One more question: why does this island, with no airfield or port, have a garrison of 50,000 men? Why, despite the lack of strategic value, is the garrison personally lead by Chief of Staff, General of the Army, and Prime Minister of Japan, Hideki Tojo himself?”
“… come with me, we shall speak privately on this matter, my lord…
*They walked to a private garden. The only people there are the Emperor, Tojo, and two bodyguards.*
Suzuki, Tanaka, please leave us.
*They leave.*
Now then… listen here, you ridiculous little man! You’re just a puppet :angry: ! Now shut up and let me win this war in peace! Chichi Jima is the key to this war! If we let the Americans take that island, innocent people will die! Do you want innocent lives to be lost?”
“I-I-I”
“Well, if that’s what you want- HEY! EVERYBODY! The Emperor wants to lose this war! Everyone go get your swords! We’re all going to k-”
“That is quite enough, general. I will accept your judgment in this manner, but I would like to hear your reasoning first.”
“…Very well. Suzuki, you can come back. You’re going to help me explain something to the Emperor…”
“Hai! How may I be of service, my-”
*BANG!*
“HOLY S***, TOJO!
T-That… that…wh- why-”“Ahh, and now you understand, you coward! If you don’t grow a pair and start unquestioningly following my leadership, I’m going to kill innocent people. If I kill people, people will die. And it’ll be all your fault. And that’s terrible.”
“Th-that doesn’t make any sense!”
“Tanaka! Can you come here for a moment!”
“Hai! I was just in the middle of filling out my retirement paperwork. Hey, would you like to see a picture of my little gir-”
*BANG!*
“TOJO! That’s… that is quite enough.”
“Ahh, yes, and now you see why I am called the Razor! It’s not because I have a sharp wit! I’m the only person willing to do what it takes, to save Japan! Just imagine what will happen if the Americans win- the nation will kill itself with American movies and American music, loose morals, selfish democracy, but mostly with swords and guns, and sometimes by jumping off of high places.”
“…”
“Then again, it’d be hard to find a sword big enough to cut through all of Japan…”
“You are insane!”
“I’M NOT CRAZY :wacko: ! Is it really so mad that I would do anything to protect my country from ruining itself? If I need to personally kill everyone in Japan to save everyone in Japan, then by God, I will. Can you honestly say that’s insane :wacko: ?”
“Yes!”
“…I've had enough of your disingenuous assertions.”
“What?”
“Your constant doubt in my abilities is lowering my morale, and there’s only one solution to that problem…”
“Lock you up in the madhouse and find a new prime minister?”
“No. I was going to say “kill you,” but you ruined the moment, just like you are ruining the war effort, Japan, and my morale. We should probably get back to the others now, I’ll find a more suitable time to murder you.”
*They walk back to the war room in awkward silence*
“Hello again, my generals. The Prime Minister has persuaded me on the Chichi Jima issue.”
“That’s right. So, we should move on, correct my liege?”
“No- I will make a stand on this little motorized infantry controversy. From my understanding, motorized infantry are useless in jungles and mountains, in other words, the terrain of Asia. Correct?”
*The various Japanese generals begin muttering amongst themselves*
“What are you doing!? You’ll ruin everything!” Tojo sneered. “Gentlemen, gentlemen, please! Remember: motorized infantry go VRROOM!”
*The muttering gets louder*
“That- that is not a real argument, as I am sure every one of you understands.”
*The muttering stops for a moment*
“But they also go CHCHCHCHCCHOOMVRRRRRROOOOOOOMVROOMVRROOOOOOOM-ERERERERERERRR-BEEPBEEPBEEEEP-CHCHCHVRROOOOOMVROOOM-HONKHONK-CHCHCHHCHCHCHEEWM!”
*The generals explode in applause!*
“But-but-”
“Motorized infantry now, and forever!” Tojo exulted. “You’re a fool, Hirohito :angry: .” He hissed.
“Good lord.” Hirohito thought. “No wonder we have not won the war yet. Maybe subordinating ourselves to German leadership is not as bad as I initially thought.”
-End Meeting-
• I’m not sure why I made Tojo a lunatic, but it sure was fun to write for him!
• Seriously though- why do so many of Japan’s ministers provide benefits to motorized infantry, when Japan’s position and play style emphasize special forces? Also, Japan’s AI ought to be hardwired to choose Infiltration Assault Doctrine rather than the one which benefits motorized and mechanized infantry. Watching Japan choose that one is like watching Germany using human wave or defensive focus. Make it so next patch!
• I initially had more pictures, but then I realized there is no real point in showing them, since I show what Japan is doing periodically anyway. Japan’s build queue is the only thing worth mentioning- they are currently building 8 carriers, 2 of which will complete in ’45 and the rest in ’47.
• I’m considering dropping the American update, and just concluding the Interlude next weekend/this week, so I can start gameplay updates ASAP. Thoughts? I’d like to do one, but I figure some people might just want me to hurry up with the gameplay already.
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I can imagine the conversations Tojo has with himself.
Tojo: "HOW AM I DOING TODAY, TOJO-SAN?"
The demonic clown living the mirror: "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!"
Tojo: GOOD! I'LL KEEP IT UP!"
Tojo: "HOW AM I DOING TODAY, TOJO-SAN?"
The demonic clown living the mirror: "YOU'RE DOING GREAT!"
Tojo: GOOD! I'LL KEEP IT UP!"
Schizophrenic Japanese general who wants to kill everyone in order to save them,and is afflicted with motorized infantry obsession.A bit contradictory,but hilarious.If you decide to make an american interlude please add a character with two personalitities ,who speaks to himself.It's the only thing that can explain their incompetence to destroy a broken enemy.
blitzthedragon:
:rofl: This is officially canon now. :rofl:
Behold, the ToJoker!
Lanmisa, tooichan: Thanks !
Bill1993:
I have something similar planned for the Americans... it won't be a lunatic, but it will help explain the AI incompetence...
MrLevenstein: Yes! I was planning on updating tonight, but I wasn't able to finish it. The American update will be sometime this week, the Interlude should be concluded next weekend, and the next gameplay update will be sometime this month.
:rofl: This is officially canon now. :rofl:
Behold, the ToJoker!
Lanmisa, tooichan: Thanks
!Bill1993:
Now that I think about it, that would make Tojo every Japanese villain ever. "Life is painful/hard/I'm sad so now I'm going to destroy the universe, because then no one will be alive to feel pain!"
I have something similar planned for the Americans... it won't be a lunatic, but it will help explain the AI incompetence...
MrLevenstein: Yes! I was planning on updating tonight, but I wasn't able to finish it. The American update will be sometime this week, the Interlude should be concluded next weekend, and the next gameplay update will be sometime this month.
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Glad you appreciate the humor, though in case you're wondering, it was a reference to this:
[video=youtube;cgvR5nFOETk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgvR5nFOETk[/video]
[video=youtube;cgvR5nFOETk]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgvR5nFOETk[/video]
If you lose, send Hitler to Japan.
[video=youtube;UVJPLeQ1JBc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVJPLeQ1JBc[/video]
[video=youtube;UVJPLeQ1JBc]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVJPLeQ1JBc[/video]
blitzthedragon: Hmm, I don't watch Family Guy so I didn't get the reference. I hate to hate on Family Guy but it's not as funny on the show...
Bill1993: It's preferable to surrender!
Gukpa: I don't understand how the inbox fills so quickly! It's clear now, I emptied everything.
nimrod123: Thanks ! And coming right up!
Migthy: They're a funny series of videos! It just might become reality .
8:00 April 1st, 1945
Washington D.C
“Good morning, everyone. I figure we better talk about the war effort. Stimson, what is the US currently producing?”
“An absolutely terrifying amount of aircraft carriers, mostly.”
“Hmmm, of course. Donovan, how close is the Manhattan Project to bearing-”
“SHHH!” Hoover said. “Someone here could be a spy. Maybe even… YOU!”
“I’m the President, Hoover.”
“Maybe your deep-cover.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“Exactly what a spy would say! Of course a spy would deny being a spy, if you weren’t really a spy you wouldn’t deny it!”
“...”
“It’s the perfect crime! First, you become Vice-President, then you off Roosevelt, and become President! That way, you’d know all the deepest secrets of this nation! How did I not see it coming ?”
“Hoover, how do we know YOU’RE not the spy, trying to sow discontent?”
“Mr. Truman, I’m the head of the FBI.”
“Maybe you’re deep-cover.”
“That’s ridiculous! Oh… I see what you did there :unsure: …You win this round Mister, or should I say, COMRADE President!”
“Donovan?”
“Mr. President, the US is currently focused on developing new rocket technologies, and at Generals Eisenhower, MacArthur, and Patton’s requests, improving our artillery and armored capabilities… Oppenheimer believes he has figured out the secret to atomic weaponry, so as soon as we’re ready to provide the resources necessary, he could develop the technology in a matter of months.”
“Well that’s good news, at least. Any intelligence report Donovan?”
“Well, Germany is throwing lots of resources to the nuclear physicist Heisenberg. Also, a large building project is underway in Berlin, code-named PROJECT: Surtr. I believe Surtr to be a Nazi nuclear weapon project.”
“That’s worrying… when can they have a bomb, at the absolute earliest?”
“Well, that depends. I’d say 1948-49, but potentially earlier if Germany invests even more money into the project [If I enact die Wunderwaffen decision] or designs more advanced computers.”
“Hmm. Well, I want a quick military overview- General Eisenhower?”
“Sure thing, Mr. President. The situation in France:
We have 49 divisions in France, with 1 more on the way. This includes 5 out of our 7 armored divisions. The other 2 have been deployed to the Pacific, at General MacArthur’s request… morale amongst men remains low, and a determined German attack could conceivably wipe out what’s left of the army. We need reinforcements, or we need to redeploy our troops more efficiently…
In the Pacific, China is collapsing. They’re about to lose three field armies; a loss of soldiers and land like that is something not even China could recover from. I give them two months, maybe three given the terrain. And once we lose China…”
“We’ll lose India, too. Is there anything we can do about it?”
“Well, we could try landing in China or reinforcing Ind-”
“Now wait just a minute!” MacArthur barked. “I have a better idea- let’s just invade Japan proper!”
“Really? Can it be done, General?”
“I assure you it can, Mr. President. I’ll need 100 Marine divisions, 50 armored divisions, 300 infantry divisions, 100 strategic bombers and 20 atomic bombs first… at least.”
“Well, uh, I’m not sure we have those resources :mellow: .”
“No problem. I’ve already given orders to begin the build-up. We’re deploying land forces to Peleliu…
And I’ve deployed about several strategic bombers to Saipan, Guam and Woleai.”
“What!?” Eisenhower shouted. “You mean that’s what happened to our bombers? I was told they were undergoing repairs! So that’s the real reason we haven’t bombed Germany into submission? Because you decided to base almost our entire airforce to random islands in the Pacific?”
“War is all about misdirection, Ike, you know that.”
“Misdirecting your allies too? By the way those random islands don’t even have garrisons, what if the Japanese land troops? They’d destroy most of the USAAF!”
“…They aren’t random islands, I assure you there is a clever algorithm at work here. Besides, I’ve ordered the strategic bombers to engage in air superiority missions, so we won’t have to worry about paratroopers. And I’ve ordered the fighter pilots to sit around and twiddle their thumbs, so they won’t get bored.”
“ :wacko: I think you have that ass-backwards, Doug.”
“Misdirection is the ke-”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, I am hereby overriding your orders. Those bombers are going to retu-”
“Wait a minute- I understand what’s going on here now, Ike. YOU’RE THE SPY!”
“ :huh: Doug, there is no spy. Hoover’s just paranoid.”
“You must be. That’s why you’re trying to prevent me from invading Japan, Mr. Eisenhower, or should I say, Eisenhower-san!”
“Why would I be working for the Japanese, Doug?”
“Fine, fine, Herr Eisenhower.”
*Sigh* “Why would I be working for the Germans?”
“I don’t know, why would you!”
“Why would I?”
“… :unsure: Maybe you’re insane?”
“Not likely.”
“All crazy people think they’re sane, just like all spies deny being spies.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you are an insane German spy.”
“ :blink: Doug, that’s quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Fine, an insane Japanese spy, whatever. Hoover, arrest this man!”
“But what if it turns out you’re the spy?” Hoover inquired.
“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Truman yelled. “Let’s just assume we’re ALL spies. Can’t we just work together to beat the Axis?”
“Hmm, beat the Axis… but not the Comintern? That’s an odd sentiment, COMRADE-”
“Shut up, Hoover.” Eisenhower said. “The President is right.”
“Of course the Great Leader Truman would be right, huh, Herr Eisenhower-san.”
“For Christ’s sake, Doug, I’m not a Nazi or a Japanese spy !”
“You just don’t think you are, because you’re insane.”
“I’m not insane!”
“Which is exactly what an insane spy WOULD sayhmy: !” Hoover exclaimed.
*The debate lasts for the remainder of the meeting. In the end, no spy plot is discovered. Hoover is not convinced.*
• I tried to keep the characteristic created by zig_zac in his contribution.
• Sorry about the late posting. I’m currently involved in a play, which sucks up a lot of time, in addition to my schoolwork. The play opens this Thursday!
• I was wondering why I hadn’t been bombed to the Stone Age yet. Strategic bombers doing air superiority in the Pacific, that’s a new level of incompetence!
• I will conclude the Interlude hopefully this weekend, but again, don’t be surprised if it’s a little late.
• I changed the American cabinet a bit- I put Stimson (historical secretary of War at the time) in as Armaments minister and Donovan (head of OSS) as intelligence.
Bill1993: It's preferable to surrender!
Gukpa: I don't understand how the inbox fills so quickly! It's clear now, I emptied everything.
nimrod123: Thanks
! And coming right up!Migthy: They're a funny series of videos! It just might become reality
.Interlude: American Cabinet Meeting
8:00 April 1st, 1945
Washington D.C
“Good morning, everyone. I figure we better talk about the war effort. Stimson, what is the US currently producing?”
“An absolutely terrifying amount of aircraft carriers, mostly.”
“Hmmm, of course. Donovan, how close is the Manhattan Project to bearing-”
“SHHH!” Hoover said. “Someone here could be a spy. Maybe even… YOU!”
“I’m the President, Hoover.”
“Maybe your deep-cover.”
“That’s ridiculous!”
“Exactly what a spy would say! Of course a spy would deny being a spy, if you weren’t really a spy you wouldn’t deny it!”
“...”
“It’s the perfect crime! First, you become Vice-President, then you off Roosevelt, and become President! That way, you’d know all the deepest secrets of this nation! How did I not see it coming
?”“Hoover, how do we know YOU’RE not the spy, trying to sow discontent?”
“Mr. Truman, I’m the head of the FBI.”
“Maybe you’re deep-cover.”
“That’s ridiculous! Oh… I see what you did there :unsure: …You win this round Mister, or should I say, COMRADE President!”
“Donovan?”
“Mr. President, the US is currently focused on developing new rocket technologies, and at Generals Eisenhower, MacArthur, and Patton’s requests, improving our artillery and armored capabilities… Oppenheimer believes he has figured out the secret to atomic weaponry, so as soon as we’re ready to provide the resources necessary, he could develop the technology in a matter of months.”
“Well that’s good news, at least. Any intelligence report Donovan?”
“Well, Germany is throwing lots of resources to the nuclear physicist Heisenberg. Also, a large building project is underway in Berlin, code-named PROJECT: Surtr. I believe Surtr to be a Nazi nuclear weapon project.”
“That’s worrying… when can they have a bomb, at the absolute earliest?”
“Well, that depends. I’d say 1948-49, but potentially earlier if Germany invests even more money into the project [If I enact die Wunderwaffen decision] or designs more advanced computers.”
“Hmm. Well, I want a quick military overview- General Eisenhower?”
“Sure thing, Mr. President. The situation in France:
We have 49 divisions in France, with 1 more on the way. This includes 5 out of our 7 armored divisions. The other 2 have been deployed to the Pacific, at General MacArthur’s request… morale amongst men remains low, and a determined German attack could conceivably wipe out what’s left of the army. We need reinforcements, or we need to redeploy our troops more efficiently…
In the Pacific, China is collapsing. They’re about to lose three field armies; a loss of soldiers and land like that is something not even China could recover from. I give them two months, maybe three given the terrain. And once we lose China…”
“We’ll lose India, too. Is there anything we can do about it?”
“Well, we could try landing in China or reinforcing Ind-”
“Now wait just a minute!” MacArthur barked. “I have a better idea- let’s just invade Japan proper!”
“Really? Can it be done, General?”
“I assure you it can, Mr. President. I’ll need 100 Marine divisions, 50 armored divisions, 300 infantry divisions, 100 strategic bombers and 20 atomic bombs first… at least.”
“Well, uh, I’m not sure we have those resources :mellow: .”
“No problem. I’ve already given orders to begin the build-up. We’re deploying land forces to Peleliu…
And I’ve deployed about several strategic bombers to Saipan, Guam and Woleai.”
“What!?” Eisenhower shouted. “You mean that’s what happened to our bombers? I was told they were undergoing repairs! So that’s the real reason we haven’t bombed Germany into submission? Because you decided to base almost our entire airforce to random islands in the Pacific?”
“War is all about misdirection, Ike, you know that.”
“Misdirecting your allies too? By the way those random islands don’t even have garrisons, what if the Japanese land troops? They’d destroy most of the USAAF!”
“…They aren’t random islands, I assure you there is a clever algorithm at work here. Besides, I’ve ordered the strategic bombers to engage in air superiority missions, so we won’t have to worry about paratroopers. And I’ve ordered the fighter pilots to sit around and twiddle their thumbs, so they won’t get bored.”
“ :wacko: I think you have that ass-backwards, Doug.”
“Misdirection is the ke-”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, I am hereby overriding your orders. Those bombers are going to retu-”
“Wait a minute- I understand what’s going on here now, Ike. YOU’RE THE SPY
!”“ :huh: Doug, there is no spy. Hoover’s just paranoid.”
“You must be. That’s why you’re trying to prevent me from invading Japan, Mr. Eisenhower, or should I say, Eisenhower-san!”
“Why would I be working for the Japanese, Doug?”
“Fine, fine, Herr Eisenhower.”
*Sigh* “Why would I be working for the Germans?”
“I don’t know, why would you!”
“Why would I?”
“… :unsure: Maybe you’re insane?”
“Not likely.”
“All crazy people think they’re sane, just like all spies deny being spies.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying you are an insane German spy.”
“ :blink: Doug, that’s quite possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
“Fine, an insane Japanese spy, whatever. Hoover, arrest this man!”
“But what if it turns out you’re the spy?” Hoover inquired.
“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Truman yelled. “Let’s just assume we’re ALL spies. Can’t we just work together to beat the Axis?”
“Hmm, beat the Axis… but not the Comintern? That’s an odd sentiment, COMRADE-”
“Shut up, Hoover.” Eisenhower said. “The President is right.”
“Of course the Great Leader Truman would be right, huh, Herr Eisenhower-san.”
“For Christ’s sake, Doug, I’m not a Nazi or a Japanese spy
!”“You just don’t think you are, because you’re insane.”
“I’m not insane!”
“Which is exactly what an insane spy WOULD say
hmy: !” Hoover exclaimed.*The debate lasts for the remainder of the meeting. In the end, no spy plot is discovered. Hoover is not convinced.*
-End Meeting-
• I tried to keep the characteristic created by zig_zac in his contribution.
• Sorry about the late posting. I’m currently involved in a play, which sucks up a lot of time, in addition to my schoolwork. The play opens this Thursday!
• I was wondering why I hadn’t been bombed to the Stone Age yet. Strategic bombers doing air superiority in the Pacific, that’s a new level of incompetence!
• I will conclude the Interlude hopefully this weekend, but again, don’t be surprised if it’s a little late.
• I changed the American cabinet a bit- I put Stimson (historical secretary of War at the time) in as Armaments minister and Donovan (head of OSS) as intelligence.