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Chapter II.4: Second “Bucharest Mirage” newspaper issue ever to be published on a forum
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If the Sultan is surprised now he'll be even more surprised when you take Constantinople - or is that being a little ambitious 
Major News: The Shepherd's Quest – a Romanian AAR suffered a significant facelift. Hope you'll like it.
@stnylan: we are way over “too ambitious”. I for one think, that with a little luck, we’ll see the Wallachian Prince drinking tea in London by Christmas.
@Walter Model: Yes, I love the smell of anarchy in the Ottoman Empire… in the morning, it smells like… victory.
@ CSK: I guess that Germany in WW2 had a Swedish spy also when they thought they could fight both the Allies and the Russians.
@ EvilSanta: Well, I guess that the Prince just wants to flex the Wallachian military muscles a bit. Today the Ottoman Empire, tomorrow the Alpha Centauri planetary system. No, now seriously, the war with the Ottoman Empire has the sole purpose of claiming the essential independence that Wallachia need, for you see, Wallachians need to roam free on the gleaming hills and mountains of their native soil.
@ Yoy21: that’s the backup motto in case this war doesn’t go as planned. We are not using it right now.
@ Quinton: You are lucky, just look at Walachia… or is it Wallachia? Oh, both forms are accepted?? Now that is annoying.
@ joebthegreat: The night is still young.
@stnylan: we are way over “too ambitious”
. I for one think, that with a little luck, we’ll see the Wallachian Prince drinking tea in London by Christmas.@Walter Model: Yes, I love the smell of anarchy in the Ottoman Empire… in the morning, it smells like… victory.
@ CSK: I guess that Germany in WW2 had a Swedish spy also when they thought they could fight both the Allies and the Russians.
@ EvilSanta: Well, I guess that the Prince just wants to flex the Wallachian military muscles a bit. Today the Ottoman Empire, tomorrow the Alpha Centauri planetary system. No, now seriously, the war with the Ottoman Empire has the sole purpose of claiming the essential independence that Wallachia need, for you see, Wallachians need to roam free on the gleaming hills and mountains of their native soil.
@ Yoy21: that’s the backup motto in case this war doesn’t go as planned. We are not using it right now.
@ Quinton: You are lucky, just look at Walachia… or is it Wallachia? Oh, both forms are accepted?? Now that is annoying.
@ joebthegreat: The night is still young.
It's the middle of the day here...
actually... it's almost night...
erm...
Your newspaper was rigged... I called that number and they were making fun of me and stuff...
actually... it's almost night...
erm...
Your newspaper was rigged... I called that number and they were making fun of me and stuff...
For being that angry Mahmud is quite arrogant only to send the Serbian and Moldavian troops.
@EvilSanta : Yes, you found an Easter egg, congrats.
Actually this is a cheap way to make you believe I wrote it on purpose, when actually I did it by mistake. Anyway, the correct year is 1836
@He clearly underestimates the Walachian powAAAAAAARAARAARAARAAR.
Actually this is a cheap way to make you believe I wrote it on purpose, when actually I did it by mistake. Anyway, the correct year is 1836
@He clearly underestimates the Walachian powAAAAAAARAARAARAARAAR.
I don't blame him... if he doesn't update for a month then MAYBE he has abandoned us...
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Chapter II.5: The mountain started moving.
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The very predictable battle plan of the Wallachian Army.
Andrei (riding on his goat): Bacovia, why is our army going home?
Bacovia: Well, they are courageousness-challenged…
Andrei: Pusses (!), now who will fight this war for me? (Pause) wait a second, I saw this somewhere and I always wanted to try it, and who knows(?), it’s so crazy it might just work.
(Andrei rides his goat in front of the Wallachian Army)
Andrei: (Yells) Sons of Wallachia! I am William Wallace.
(Everyone turns to look at him… silence for a few seconds)
Soldier: William Wallace is seven feet tall!
(silence again)
Andrei: Well ok… I’M NOT William Wallace (boos)… BUT… I AM Andrei, your prince! And I see a whole army of my country men, here, in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?
[Wallachian army laughs]
Soldier: Against the Ottoman Empire? They have guns we have nothing! No, we'll run, and we'll live.
Second Soldier: I have a spoon (rises his spoon)…
A soldier near him: (slaps him) shut up!
Second Soldier: Sorry… (Hides the spoon and starts whistling like nothing happened)
Andrei: Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least for a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!
[The crowd cheers and fallows Andrei in the battle]
Soldier: Now this is good entertaining.
Second Soldier: Hell yah! (Rises his spoon and starts running into the battle).
The Battle of Iasi
Ion: I can’t believe we’ll have to fight our brothers, the Moldavians… oh well, ATTACK! AAAAaAaaaaaaaaa (battle cry)
The fresh Wallachian army starts charging, screaming like madmen while running and leaping around from tree to tree on the battle field.
The tension is being felt inside the Moldavian Fortifications:
Moldavian Soldier: (looking bored) Boss, why are they running and screaming like that?
Moldavian Chief: I don’t know, I guess they are celebrating something. I can’t really figure out what they are doing there.
The tired Wallachian army continues charging, screaming like madmen while running and leaping around from tree to tree on the battle field.
(after 10 min)
The exhausted Wallachian army is still charging, screaming like madmen while running and leaping around the battle field.
Eventually they reach the Moldavian Fort. The remaining Wallachian soldiers who still have enough power are walking on all four legs, trying to advance...
Wallachian Captain: Dear Sheep, I can’t believe we just sprinted 40 km…
Ion: (catching his breath) Sorry, a minor tactical miscalculation.
Ion: (using his last powers he hits the fort’s gate with his fist) Give up… please. (he falls down)
Moldavian Chief: What is he saying?
Moldavian Soldier: I didn’t quite hear it either.
Moldavian Chief: Well they looked extremely tired, open the fort’s gate and invite them in. Prepare the tuica lads, not often we have such noble guests.
After drinking and dancing around the fire, around seven AM before going to sleep, the Moldavian Chief was persuaded by Ion to join the Wallachian cause.
Still, Mihail Sturdza, the Moldavian prince, didn’t want to go down without a fight. He gathered the remaining reliable soldiers and fled to Bacau.
Mihail Sturdza: I’ll BE BACK (with a German accent).
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Ion is a tactical genious!
And Wallachian elite troopers with their deadly spoons are a frigthening sight!
And Wallachian elite troopers with their deadly spoons are a frigthening sight!
The Ottoman hordes will crumble before your might!
And thanks for the info on Tuica... now I have another thing to illegally drink while nobody's watching!
And thanks for the info on Tuica... now I have another thing to illegally drink while nobody's watching!
joebthegreat said:The Ottoman hordes will crumble before your might!
And thanks for the info on Tuica... now I have another thing to illegally drink while nobody's watching!
Yay, isn't it noce to see so much backgroumnd info,now all we need is a post
Relaxed, smoking his pipe, Andrei was making complex sailing vessels out of smoke-rings… when suddenly he was rudely interrupted.
Spike: Sorry to rudely interrupt you sir but you got mail!
Andrei: What... from whom?
Spike: I don’t know but it smells like perfume.
Andrei: Stop making rimes and read it, must be from Bacovia reporting on how the war is going.
Spike: Sure, it writes: “Dear Prince, as you can see in the picture I draw myself and attached to this message
Andrei: Ok! That is great news, we’ll be in London… I mean Constantinople… I mean Free in no time.
Inside Iasi city
everyone was celebrating the triumphant victory of the Wallachians over the unlawful occupants of Moldavia.
everyone was celebrating the triumphant victory of the Wallachians over the unlawful occupants of Moldavia.
Ion dismounted his white goat and walked to the city’s mayor who was waiting him with some goat cheese and garlic necklaces.
Ion [smiling]: Veni Vidi Vicy Brother.
Iasi’s Mayor [turns his head towards his assistant and whispers]: what’s he saying?
Mayor’s assistant: I have no idea, something in Latin… I think.
Iasi’s Mayor [turns his head back]: Veni Vidi Vicy to you to [smiles].
Ion: Oh, the Latin blood flows throw our blood brother… I can almost smell that soon in our perpetual self-defense we’ll be able to form a new Latin Empire… [day dreams for a few seconds]… but let’s not hurry too much, I heard that you have some good wineries around?
Mayor: Now we’re talking, for a moment I thought we weren’t speaking the same language. [the Mayor makes a sign to the assistant who brings two bottles of Black Fetească ]
Ion [rises his bottle]: Balaenae nobis conservandae sunt!
Mayor [also rises his bottle]: Balaenae nobis conservandae sunt… whatever
Meanwhile on the Ottoman front:
Bacovia was leading the mighty Wallachian offensive against an undefended Ottoman province.
Bacovia [in his mind]: Please don’t let the Ottomans see me, please God, I just want to stay here a few months, take the province and then go back home.
Out of the blue he sees a rider coming fast from far away.
Bacovia [panicking]: Everyone pack up, enemies incoming, flee for your lives.
Soldier: Sir, but Prince Andrei said we should fight for our rights as free shepherds.
Bacovia: What’s wrong with you? Ok, what's your name?
Soldier [a bit scared he’ll get court martial]: Vlad Tepes sir! (I said I will not translate names again but I will translate this one: Vlad the Impaler)
Bacovia: Ok Vlad, from now on you’ll lead this Wallachian Army, got that?
Vlad: But sir, what about you?
Bacovia: What about me? [Bacovia gets on his goat and starts riding as fast as possible towards Bucharest]
Vlad: [looking at the soldiers around him] Ok people, if I see someone making some funny moves you’ll get in BIG trouble. Now! Red alert Battle Station! Everyone start digging defensive wholes.
The whole army: Sir! Yes Sir!
After a few minutes the lone rider finally reaches the Wallachian basecamp; the rider apears to be a Russian Officer and the Wallachian basecamp apears to be empty.
Russian Officer: Who’s in command here?
Vlad: I am! [gets out of his whole] What brings you here, (Takes a large stake in his hands making a very big evil grin) are you an Ottoman spy?
Russian Officer (scared): Well, no, no! I’m here because my Tsar sent me to see if you are… you know… begging for us to save you from the Ottoman Empire.
Vlad [yells]: BEGGING? (his eyes turn red)
Russian Officer (trembling): Uhhhh… no, no, no; that’s not what I wanted to say… He told me to ask if you want …
Vlad: Puny mortal, you don’t know who you’re dealing with here. [Begins laughing so evilly that the Russian Officer starts running away... along with half of the Wallachian army]
Vlad [seeing that the Russian Officer is no longer around]: hmm, I guess that Hardly Improved our mutual relations.
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