Ireland- Brave and Drunk

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The end of Dunlang

Angels are telling you to shut up and leave me alone, Trian.

Gahh! OW!!!

Oh no! It seems even our beloved Sata- um... I mean.. God, can't help me. But there are so many people left unslayed! So many skulls uncrushed! I can't die, I haven't conquered Italy yet!!!

Well, I guess that does it. I'll leave it up to my son to finish the business on the peninsula. He will carry the unhol- er- holy banner into the east, perhaps! Well I guess I'd better go. I was supposed to be dead an hour ago.

Thus passes Dunlang the terrible, another ruler in the legacy of Ireland- Brave and Drunk.

 

[Specialist290]

Note that the vassal waited until after the king was dead to say that he was pleased

 

[EvilSanta]

Note that the vassal waited until after the king was dead to say that he was pleased

Sneaky bastard! He shall be crushed!

edit: 1453th post!

 

[Murmurandus]

Drunk Irish zombies!!! Run for the hills...

 

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Ok, so I sniggered at the last three pages. Quite a lot really. Entertaining in a Team Ireland: Christendom Police sort of way. Only with humping walruses.

EDIT: I meant to ask, does the Irish Empire not actually own Ireland now? The screenie of conquered Burgundy shows a susupiciously non-green Ireland. Time for a reconquista?

 

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EDIT: I meant to ask, does the Irish Empire not actually own Ireland now? The screenie of conquered Burgundy shows a susupiciously non-green Ireland. Time for a reconquista?

Well Ireland owns a few provinces in Ireland but that's it. Meath and Connaught became independent. Ulster finally repatriated, and Lenister has pledged loyalty to Scotland, but the county of laigan later seperated from them. I'm currently well into the reign of Dunlang's successor, and I might consider taking over Scotland completely at some point.

 

[Darks63]

Angels are telling you to shut up and leave me alone, Trian.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: great aar just caught up with it.

 

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The reign of Secadfadf... er Sech...Nass...Ach... there we go.

I'm glad you all enjoy it- I intend to continue updating until the end of next week, then it'll be on haitus for a while as classes start and my computer gets shipped.

My name is Sech... nass..ach... Sechnassach. Jesus, try saying that five times fast. It sounds like a brand of condom. Everyone in my family has names that sound like something dirty!! I mean, you go into a pharmacy and say, "Hey I'd like to buy a couple of extra large Sechnassachs. See I plan to put them on my Dunlang and then nail my girlfriend right in the Maelodor, but I'm afraid that when one of us has an Oengus I might end up with a bad case of Indrechtach, which is pretty gross if you ask me so i just want to be careful".

This is exactly what I'm talking about. Of course this is the middle ages and we don't have latex so all condoms are made out of chain mail. Ones that have already been used can be lobbed over the wall during a siege- this demoralizes and disgusts the enemy, especially when the first guy to see it doesn't know what it is, he'll pick it up and say "what's this?" and then it's already too late, all his friends will laugh at him and he'll be up all night scrubbing his hands. That's why seige warfare is so difficult.

This is another reason why siege warfare is difficult. You see, I intend to become king of Italy- my dad died in some pointless pagan-smashing campaign up north, he was preparing to go to war with the republic of douchebags. I mean Penis. Pisa, sorry. It all amounts to the same thing.

I hope my vassals don't ditch me.

During the opening phases of the war, the Italian army was horribly molested by my forces. Excellent.

You there! Random Turk, age 29, I- wait a minute... is your name "Assfin"? Ok Assfin, you need to go lift some sieges in Italy. Do it!

I said "lift the siege" not "let them burn down the Eternal City". Great. This guy's going to turn out to be a total Assfin.

Can you believe it? What a bunch of Vass Holes! Er Vassals. I swear, as soon as I can, I'm changing the law to hereditary and then I'll hire hobos to deficate on your chests. Then you wont be so eager to say "include me in the succession! Include me in the succession! I accidentally Devassalized in my diaper! WAAAH! We've been at war for too long!"
This is a lesson, kids: Just say no to Vass Holes.

HA! Now I'm king of Italy. And I don't have to share it with anyone! Except the pope... and Pisa... and those three counties in sicily I don't control... goddamn it, feudalism really sucks a lot of Dunlang.

 

[Jestor]

That's what you get for being Satanic. You die soon! (like oh say 90% of your ancestors)

 

[Murmurandus]

King Sex is doing fine it seems...

 

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Most awesome Indeed. I hold true to my family philosophy that a title is like a penis- everyone who doesn't have one either wants yours or will be drawn to it in amazement.

If I dare to say so myself, the realm of Ireland is more pimpin than ever before.

Goddamn I hate elective law. Of course, I'll just give all my worthless duke titles to my son. Since powerful Dukes control a lot of territory in the Irish realm, only one of his dutchy titles is really worth a damn.

Hunting season is great, the fox hunt is about to begin. Chancellor! Release the peasants dressed in Fox outfits. Put some collars on my vassals, they can be the hounds.

She's having some strange side effects after the hunt- I guess she ate some bad peasant or something.

I don't really know what to say about this. On the one hand, I banged that chick like there was no tomorrow. On the other hand, I banged that chick like there was no tomorrow. Nuff said.

Well that sucks. It's right next to my territory! Well those bastards can just stick an Il-Khanat down their throats and choke on all the Qara-qum for all I care. I can't believe this, I don't have nearly enough provinces near my transoxanian possessions to stand up to them quickly if they declare war on me.

Whoah! The Seljuk Turks are attacking the Mongols! Two wrongs do make a right!

My bastard child likes to beat the shit out of other children. *Sniff* I'm so proud!

I arbitrarily decided to assasinate a polish duke who was the papal controller. It seemed like a good idea at the time, although I'm pretty sure I had a reason for it when I offed the bastard. It was really good, I swear, I just cant remember it.

More soon!

 

[EvilSanta]

My name is Sech... nass..ach... Sechnassach. Jesus, try saying that five times fast. It sounds like a brand of condom. Everyone in my family has names that sound like something dirty!! I mean, you go into a pharmacy and say, "Hey I'd like to buy a couple of extra large Sechnassachs. See I plan to put them on my Dunlang and then nail my girlfriend right in the Maelodor, but I'm afraid that when one of us has an Oengus I might end up with a bad case of Indrechtach, which is pretty gross if you ask me so i just want to be careful".

Marvellous text, marvellous indeed.

 

[Darks63]

Will the golden horde appear soon to ruin ur day.

 

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Will the golden horde appear soon to ruin ur day.

Just a spoiler, they appear at the end of Sechnassach's reign but confilct with them doesn't come until the reign of his successor.

 

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This is a very funny AAR, but I hope the Irish crush the Mongols...

 

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"Sex-nassach"

This is the current leader of the Seljuk Turks. He looks like a homeless person and, quite frankly, smells bad too. How he manages to be the only other major power in the Middle East besides Ireland is beyond me. How he managed to defeat the mongols is a further mystery.

I have no choice but to kick his ass. Just take a look at my manpower!

I have no choice but to allow treason to go unpunished.

Twice.

I have no choice but to- ok you get the idea, this isn't going so well for the Dread Legions of the Emerald Isle, and if you know a damned thing about O'Brien family history, you'll know that I'm not going to be around much longer. Isn't anything going to go right?

Good, but not enough. We've been at war for three years now, and it's a complete stalemate.

We end up trading land for land. Nobody wins.

Just fantastic.
I have to say, this is pretty depressing. Oh well, lemme go over to the Emerald Isle, my homeland. Maybe that will make me feel better.

Nope.

Things look grim for Sechnassach. Next time, see his rise to grandeur once again!

 

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Awww... that's so cute. We decided to put the cutest little portrait of her decapitating heathens in the family album. Who's my aggressive little warmongerer?

Fothud is such a weird name. Why did I name him "Fothud" in the first place? What was wrong with a name like Roger or Paul?

Well, you all wanted to see them, so there they are. The big bad GH has stolen one of my provinces. Happy?

I don't see why I should reward him that much. He didn't help us win the Second Seljuk war or anything.

Bad Rhyderch! Why can't you be an aggressive warmongerer like your sister?

That's my heir-son. I'm concerned about his illness and stress, it's a bad omen. Isn't it supposed to be one or the other? Like stress turns into illness, that sort of thing? Stress and Illness are like sexual organs- you can't have both unless you're the Sultan of the Seljuk Turks.

Translated bibles- it sure beats standing around staring at the original Aramaic and saying "Hey bob, what do all them squiggly lines mean?"

Sigh... well go ahead, we all know I'm doomed and-

What!? This is unprecedented!! A sign from above! Or maybe from below, it could be father looking out for my best interests. Good ol' dad!

 

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The legacy of Sechnassach the Wise

Son number two became a martial cleric. He devoted himself to the relgion of Asskickery.

Another five grand. You can never be too rich.

The governor of Pisa finally died. His son, a naive dumbass, decided to pledge his loyalty to his archrival, me. I hope none of my descendants ever do this kind of shit, I swear I'll come back from the grave and beat them if they do.

Son number two got fixed. We put one of those plastic collars on him.

I marry my warmongering daughter to my marshal and collect the resulting cash. I'm getting fairly rich now. VERY rich. Richer than god, in fact, which makes me the first O'Brien to be able to hold that claim since Oengus of Arabia.

Annonymous commanders claim the area of Hormuz in the name of Ireland. Independent sheikdoms are frequently molested these days.

Son number three, the baronpawn, finished his education.

You know, when you think about it, I'm the most fortuitous O'Brien there's ever been- I made some conquest but not a lot, I didn't die in the process even though I came close, I only sired one bastard child, I didn't suffer too much duressment, most of my children survived to become adults...

And I left a whopping 86,000 ducats in the treasury at my death. You know, my reign kicked some serious ass! Shame it's over though.

Thus passes the reign of Sechnassach the Wise, another Ruler in the Legacy of Ireland, Brave and Drunk.

 

[Darks63]

ur still wounded though

 

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ur still wounded though

But didn't die from wound-illness