Amenmeit the Sealbreaker

[starkwolf]

You were writing a bit of a plot-twist with the sudden assassination attempt and Zach's 'obvious' guilt.

But the writing is very fast-paced, a lot happened in that one chapter and numerous changes of scene/character focus happened. When editing you need to focus on breaking it up somehow, to clarify where we are and what character is now in the spotlight.

You're the first person to tell me something I can work on story-wise rather than formatting/grammar (though for the record that is appreciated too), so thank you very much. I look forward to that kind of feedback as improving my writing is one of my motivations for doing AARs in the first place.


This pacing definitely seemed a bit fast compared to other chapters, but were those other chapters also a bit fast? Has my pacing been pretty consistent throughout, or have there been some that drag as well. And if you are interested, feel free to compare chapters from here to some of my chapters from The Dark-Reign of the Gulk-Furki in my signature.

 

[Goblin-Cookie]

You're the first person to tell me something I can work on story-wise rather than formatting/grammar (though for the record that is appreciated too), so thank you very much. I look forward to that kind of feedback as improving my writing is one of my motivations for doing AARs in the first place.

This pacing definitely seemed a bit fast compared to other chapters, but were those other chapters also a bit fast? Has my pacing been pretty consistent throughout, or have there been some that drag as well. And if you are interested, feel free to compare chapters from here to some of my chapters from The Dark-Reign of the Gulk-Furki in my signature.

Yes, all your works are fast-paced.

What I mean by this is that you quickly shift between character perspectives and between subject matter with the text. By character perspectives I also include narrative, you the narrator are an unspoken third-character, so you should take account of how many times you shift into narrative third-person. What I have read of your other work appears less fast-paced only because there isn't much character dialogue or personal agency, it is all narrative third-person.

So things to look out for.

1. Switching the character that is the main subject of the narrative.
2. Switching the place and subject matter of the narrative.
3. Switching between abstract narrative third-person and character actions.

On the third point, I see a lot of third-person abstract analysis being used, typically in regard to diplomacy with Artica or Kruul or whatever, rather than character dialogue being used to the same effect. In a character-focused text, it is best not to use narrative for things that can adequately be expressed through character actions, which in this case you could easily have done.

If you do use narrative, it is best to place it at the beginning (the prologue) or the end (the epilogue), rather than breaking up a character-focused narrative with it. You should mainly use narrative to set the scene to aid interpretation of the characters actions or summarise the consequences of what they just did.

In any case, fast-paced vs slow-paced is ultimately a spectrum and the ideal value is subjective, though few people like extremes at either end.

 

[starkwolf]

Yes, all your works are fast-paced.

What I mean by this is that you quickly shift between character perspectives and between subject matter with the text. By character perspectives I also include narrative, you the narrator are an unspoken third-character, so you should take account of how many times you shift into narrative third-person. What I have read of your other work appears less fast-paced only because there isn't much character dialogue or personal agency, it is all narrative third-person.

So things to look out for.

1. Switching the character that is the main subject of the narrative.
2. Switching the place and subject matter of the narrative.
3. Switching between abstract narrative third-person and character actions.

On the third point, I see a lot of third-person abstract analysis being used, typically in regard to diplomacy with Artica or Kruul or whatever, rather than character dialogue being used to the same effect. In a character-focused text, it is best not to use narrative for things that can adequately be expressed through character actions, which in this case you could easily have done.

If you do use narrative, it is best to place it at the beginning (the prologue) or the end (the epilogue), rather than breaking up a character-focused narrative with it. You should mainly use narrative to set the scene to aid interpretation of the characters actions or summarise the consequences of what they just did.

In any case, fast-paced vs slow-paced is ultimately a spectrum and the ideal value is subjective, though few people like extremes at either end.

Thank you very much for that feedback. Hopefully Ch5 will be less choppy and a smoother reading experience overall.