All Rhodes Lead To Rome

[Nikolai]

This is me. I'm a Ruler. I lead people. And Rhodes. Someday Rhodes will be great, and I will be to thank for it. I promise! Pinky swear!

My term is five years long. After building lots of boats (I love boats!), and some soldiers, I sent them to Crete. We've got friends there, on Crete. I asked them and they said yes! But some advisor said they wanted to take the city I wanted and was about to. So I said, "I'll take it without a Casus Belli! I said so. It worked. My friends helps me. And MY soldiers came there first! But the people on Rhodes thought me silly. I am NOT silly!

Then, as we were sieging, some friends on Crete decided to ask for help to take another city. I said yes. I hope I can get that city too.

But before I could get my city, my term was up. I had to give the Archon title to my general. He is a nice guy. The soldiers like him. I like him too.

 

[Nikolai]

*sigh*
Kids... I am the Archon. I command a mighty army. You better give me respect. R-E-E-S-P-E-C-K-T.

What?

....

I'll have you head, kid!

Anyways. We won the war. Took the city. And got money for it. No land. The stupid kid, he didn't wait for a claim. Our allies had a claim. Can't have future targets take land and get stronger. So, money. Just you wait.

I didn't waste time though. Made a claim on Knossos. Turns out my grandma's brother's cousin was king. Or something.

War was won handily enough. Only one claim, stupid allies had other claims. Didn't get them far, though. Took Knossos, some gold, and released a city. To be consumed later.

Then my term was up. Stupid ulcers.

 

[Nikolai]

Ah! The smell of money - of opportunities! I am, as all should know, Dikaiarchos Demaratid. A man of commerce. Of worth. Of importance!

But don't tell my wife. Or my lover. They might think I'm full of myself.

In fact, if you see my wife, tell her I'm not in. She's dreadfully expensive.

As is only proper for a man of commerce, I seize opportunities. Rhodes need land. Lots of land. To, err...trade. Yes. Yes. Trade. And loot, if you excuse my language.

Alas, the war did not end before my term was over. Some people died, we are out of manpower. But that is the lot of my successor. I'm taking a cruise of the Med now, thank you.

 

[Nikolai]

Don't you love it when people do the legwork for you. A war won, me to gain the glory - my relative counting his few coins, ME gaining the spoils as I saw the war through?

My name is Arrhidaiuos Demaratid, and I will profit from this office.

Under MY supervision, no less than THREE provinces were gained. There will be more. So what if our manpower is spent? So what if we can't get any mercenaries to do our dirty work? We have a big army, and I intend to use it. For the best of Rhodes, and for the best of my pockets.

Our former allies the Gortyna and their feudatory Tarrha will soon be mine. I mean ours. Gortyna has a 10 year truce with us, but Tarrha does not. Gortyna just had to take the bait. Ah, people are so...dependable.

So we did go in the red after my precedessor mismanaged so much into his pockets, but after some creative book keeping and conquests, we're all good.

Well, there is the slight problem of our army being only one third of what it was before the war, and our neighbours cancelling their agreement and claiming our land. But I am off to the beaches, that is problem for the next guy.

 

[Nikolai]

Ah! Back at it! Back in the limelight! Back to being all successful!

I am Arrhidaios Demaratid, and I'm back baby!

Took some time, but here I am. Me! Older, wiser, and boy will I be successful! Make my mark!

After I did my successful stint as Archon, Demaratus took over. He built things. Not big things, just marketplaces and stuff. BORING.

Then the young and handsome Antisthenes took office. He was all looks. BORING.

Then a FILTHY POPULIST took office. Under him, we finally got our troops up to a good size again.

Which brings us back to me. The guy with the brains to use them.

I used the fodder to gain GLORY and LAND to our realm. It's money in stuff like that. Crete is ours, save the westernmost part, which belongs to Phrygia. I'm not stupid, you know. And we got a sizeable foodhold in Anatolia, adding 10 cities there. And gold. Gold is always good.

But sometimes you have to, you know, spend gold to gain gold. And reknown. People will forever know me as the one who built the Colossus of Rhodes. Chicks dig that.

But you know what I don't dig? Lazy workers. Thankfully I know how to persuade people.

But alas, I had to give away my title to the next dude right before the big opening. Just my luck. And of all people, it just had to be Demaratus Demaratid, the blabbering fool!

 

[Nikolai]

Hello, it's me. Again. Third time's the charm they say. Not that I did bad the other two times. I think. I mean, I got friends and Rhodes is much bigger now than when I first took office. Just look at this:

My friend Arrhidaios begun to build a big statue. It's almost like a toy solider. Only big. I was so happy when it got finished. It brought money to Rhodes. I think that is good.

And then it was my friend Antisthenes Demaratid's turn to be Archon. He's a nice guy.

 

[Nikolai]

Man, what a ride. I was destined to this. Destined. Ordained by the gods.

First, Antisthenes was elected Archon.

He died.

Then the imbecile Euthykrates claimed the office.

He declared war in the Peleponnes.

Then subsequently died four months later. Making me the Chosen by the gods.

The war was naturally won. The gods are on our side. Naturally. It went so well, our rank among the nations rose to hitherto unseen hights. All in a day's work.

But, alas, the gods are cruel. Egypt took notice and declared war upon us.

Then again, the gods are fickle. What could have been a disaster, turned out better. The Egyptians went into civil war.

While they fought among themselves, we held the Olympic Games. The gods favor us and the peoples of the world liked us even more. All was good.

Seeing as the gods favored us, but knowing we might still get invaded, I got appointed Dictator. Good times.

The war ended a year later, no blood spilt. The gods are merciful!

And so my watch was ended. Unfortunately, the gods decided to "bless" us with a populist. Ugh.

 

[Nikolai]

Hello the people! I am your man. The man of the people, as you might say. Some call us populists...ugly things. I am here to tell you this is not true. We are men of the people - YOUR representative at the top of society!

I am told we are out of manpower. Thankfully Lycia is not a problem for our mighty forces! We will make them part of Rhodes. The people wills it!

Oh sh.......

Quick! Annex Lycia! For the people!

Oh sh......

Well, well. Gotta go! You know, when a man's gotta go and all that. Sayonara!

 

[Nikolai]

Slaves! Slaves everywhere! Before this war started, we had barely 20 odd census units of them. After having fought Phrygia for a while, we were up to over 60! As the benevolent ruler I am, I personally approved the emancipation of 26 census units to freemen. I'm a nice guy like that. They won't move back home though. There are limits.

I'm Philon Gylippid by the way. Pleasure to make your aquaintance.

The war ended with us claiming the province of Milyas and some gold by the way. Effectively doubling our presence in Anatolia.

However, the war against Aetolia goes pretty much downhill. We are in no way able to press back. I see the writing on the wall here. And Right before the end of my term, Macedon decided to take the fight to us. Heavens have mercy on us!

Thankfully, the new Archon has direct access to the gods!

 

[Nikolai]

Woe me. Woe. Woe I say! I am Antisthenes Demaratid and I had to forsake the Greek mainland to Aeotolia. History will surely remember me well, I´m afraid.

That is all there is to say. The Macedons are not invading after our mercenaries sent them packing from Anatolia. But they are numberous over there.

The military faction is taking over now. May they be of the more blessed sort.

 

[Nikolai]

Attention!

This country is in danger, and will be ruled as such; with strict dicipline! I am Kelearchos Demaratid and I am you Archon; your commander. Obey!

First of all: With the Macedon pig's defeat in Anatolia, we soon secured a white peace. One day. One day we will return the favor and take the fight to them. I swear by the gods.

Secondly, our forces together with our rebuilt military will crush these Phrygian dogs that dares to declare on us. They consider us weak. We are not.

Unfortunately the war was not won when my term was up. This Hektor has a second chance to redeem himself.

 

[Nikolai]

Well then. The people's choice is back in town! And just in time to score some points and slaves from the Phrygians! Life is good!

After five years of looting and, frankly, winning the war all by myself from my popular p(a)lace in Rhodes, I was, unfortunately, required to give the honor of signing the peace to Mnesidemos. He's all about money, that bastard.

Heeeeeeelloooooo everybody! I am the one to make you rich! And you! And you! Slaves, land and money everywhere!

I, the great Mnesidemos, gave you all this! Remember it, and prosper!

 

[Nikolai]

Gods be merciful! It was a long road, but finally I am here - Archon of Rhodes and ready to set my mark on the world!

After the war against Phrygia years ago, Antisthenes rose to office. A good man, a godly man. But he could not make his mark. It was too soon. We needed to rebuild.

Then the filthy, ungodly, populist manbaby Anaxikrates rose to office. A poor excuse of a man, he did nothing of worth.

But then the gods stroke him down as the ungodly tend to do! It was time. Godly ordained time. For me, Kephalon Demaratid, to make my mark!

And mark it, I did. The Phrygians were at war; weakened. We were, if not strong, then wealthy. And what is wealth good for if not spent? On mercenaries for example? If needed? You know the answer.

And so it was. Four years later, close to the end of my term, we got what we wanted. Peace in our time. For a time. And lands. Lots of lands. It's good to be Archon.

And so my watch is ended.

 

[Nikolai]

Behold, my children! Behold, as we rise! Behold how the gods use us small humans to rise to great hights!

And leading you; this humble servant, Pythodelos.

But before me came other giants (although less than your humble servant before you). First was Mnesidemos - he who oversaw our prestigous first victory in the Olympics.

He died, as all mortals do. In his place Kineas rose.

Kineas grew our coffers almost fourfold. This secured us a victory in any war waged; as we could buy the mercenaries needed. The gods truly are blessing us!

He was then replaced by Molon, the man who guided by the gods declared war on the godless Phrygians.

Which brings us to me, Pythodelos - the man who guided by the gods, guided Rhodes into what will surely be a meteoric rise. We are now truly a major power among lesser powers, led by lesser men!

And so my watch ended.

 

[Nikolai]

Bless us oh gods, as you have blessed us before. We thank you for your blessings, given to us time and time again!

I am Molon Xerxids, and I am the speaker of the gods' will.

Before me, lesser men were in office.

First, there was Derdas Demaratid. A man of my faction, a man of promise. Yet the gods struck him down before his time, his lunacy slowly building, then exploding as he rode a pig over a cliff. He was found days later, a broad smile still on his face.

Then KIneas Demaratid was elected in his place. He accomplished little.

Which brings us to me, the gods' chosen and the bringer of doom to the Phrygians!

Naturally, this requires a steady hand, and I got a nice dictator title for my efforts!

And as expected, we won handily. Glory to Rhodes - blessed by the gods!

And so my watch is ended.

 

[Nikolai]

Genious. I am. A genious. That is what everyone says. Zoilos, they say, you are a genious. Of course, they are right. I know how to rule, and rule well.

First of all, you need to be hard. Harsh even, if needed. You need to cruzify your enemies, when needed. Ruthless. Yet, kind when appropriate. The slaves...that was not the time to be kind.

The weak, by the way, they need to be...protected. Mysia Abrettene was weak. Small, no allies. Situated between us and Phrygia.

Macedon thought us weak. We. Are. Not.

Contrary to Mysia Abrettene. They are goners.

My time as Archon is over, but the Macedonians will soon rue the day they crossed us. Dropidas, for all his populist silliness, will know what to do. I left him plenty of money and manpower, and a nice army.

 

[Nikolai]

Hi there people I'm Dropidas Persid, people say I'm the popular man in Rhodes!

My term was guided towards one goal: Beat back the forces of Macedon - for the people! And beat they were. All of the province of Hellas went to us! And some nice other cities as well. It's no secret why I'm popular, is it?

As thus, we got Athenai under our control. The home of the philosophers of old needed to be protected. We are not savages. We are Rhodians!

And so my watch is ended.

 

[Nikolai]

Hello! The genious is back in town! Just had to wade through some mediocre people. All part of the job.

First, Aristobulos reigned. He did well, building up the manpower base and all that. Boring work, I know, but someone had to do it. And Aristobulos was the man of the hour.

Then Molon Xerxids took over. Good man, if a bit of a religious nut. But we all have our kinks, don't we.

Then he died.

As I took over, I realized, as the genious I am, that we needed troops. Lots of them. So I started a massive buildup of forces in Hellas. And then Macedon went into a succession crisis. Glorious! For us.

This needed to be taken advantage of, at once. Especially as Macedon already were at war with mighty Rome - whom themselves were on and off at war with Carthage, ceding and taking the same land all the time. Of equal strength, with us as the tipping point into oblivion!

And so my watch ended, early in the war, advancing on all fronts. I really am a genious.

 

[Nikolai]

Attention!

I, your commander in chief, Kephalon Demaratid, am speaking!

The war against the Macedonian scurge went well at my assuming of command, my predecessor did a good job!

Soon, the largest battle in our lifetime raged, and we were victorious! Good men, good men...

Our glorious army steadily went north, and soon the enemy capital, Pella, was taken by our forces.

Soon thereafter, the enemy accepted a harsh peace, with us taking most of their heartland. Victory!

I had to make a decision on how to treat Pella, and let it be known; I respect Alexander and his legacy!

And so my watch was ended.

 

[Nikolai]

Well, well, well... I am at the top. Controlling Rhodes, the mightest of the mighty! I am Menelaos Xerxids, and it is time we we west!

It is 602 AUC, and my underlings tell me we control 203 cohorts and 107 ships. Rome, just having won another of their many Punic Wars, are at war with Macedon who we just beat, and are weakened from their struggle with Carthage. This is the time to strike, the reports say they are almost out of manpower and have only 2/3rds of our cohort numbers! Rhodes, arise!

And Rome proved to be no match for us. Admittedly, they won a few battles, but we won the war! And I must say, the income of our humble republic is quite something; even with several mercenary companies in our employ, we are getting a positive income!

Behold, Rhodes the mighty!

And so my watch has ended.