CHAPTER III: TRIPOLI
Part 3: Warmongering for Fun and Profit (1500-1505)
Om Nom Nom
So, it's February 1500 and other than wanting to buy a few more galleys, I've pretty much restored economic order after Shaka rampaged through Tunis. First target: Cyprus.
I check the diplomatic interface: Cyprus has no allies. Check the ledger: No army. No navy. Attacking them while they're so helpless would be a bit of a jerk move.
Do I want to be a jerk?
I'm not the only one. I 'call all allies' to the war really expecting nothing, but instead I'm joined by Armenia, Crimea, Georgia, the Ottos, Mamluks and Yemen.
Apparently being a jerk has dividends, as the Maghrebs in Tunis decide being a part of the greater Tripolitanian Empire isn't such a bad thing. I load 4K (all infantry) on my transports and sail over, but because I once again forgot about my army maintenance being down AND Cyprus hired some mercs, the landing is delayed until July. The Ottomans and Mamluks take turns helping out by blockading the port.
Meanwhile, the Christians decide they don't have enough problems.
No point in showing you a map yet, as even by 1505 the Reformation's just warming up.
So, in July we win the one battle of the Cypriot war. We breach the walls in August and settle in for a nice, leisurely siege. People at home celebrate with charming bonfires.
It also turns out that, despite previous concerns, the Army is the way to Glory after all to the tune of 5 prestige.
Cyprus meanwhile wants peace. In November 1500 they offer 51 ducats. In March they offer me 102 half-ducats. In June they ask if I want to get in on the ground level of a Ponzi scheme. No thanks. I want blood. Well, not really, but I do want land. Theirs.
Unfortunately, pacifying them is going to be a real problem. They do NOT want to convert. They do NOT want to be part of Tripoli. (It would take 11-12 years of not spending dip points to get to the next Tech level and have them in range.) So, I tell them that if they agree to be my loyal Sunni vassals, I'll let THEM play Emperor!
I despite Byzzies in EU4. I believe an inordinate amount of attention is paid to a state that not only should be dying early in EU4's time frame, but MUST do so if Europe has any chance of developing historically. Making them lick my boots, worship at Sunni temples, and deal with a wrong-religion province sounds like fun.
It's even more fun in 1503, when the Byzzies introduce the Jizya, a supplemental tax on non-Muslims.
Interlude
So I let
Cyprus Byzantium go their merry way and bring my army home. Now it IS time for those two new galleys, and while I wait for them I ponder targets.
Morocco/Ottomans/Mamluks: Far too strong, and they seem to like me. Why destabilize the region and lose in the bargain?
Ragusa: Tripoli's third rival is tempting, but again- wrong culture, wrong religion, too far away to core.
Venice: Several isolated islands sounds ideal, until you realize they have 23 ships: 13 light, 5 galleys and 5 transports. Unless the Ottos or Mamluks chose to help, that would end badly.
Algiers. It has to be Algiers. No allies that I need to worry about. Their army is now 10K to my 6K, but their leader isn't that great and my fleet is stronger. I wait a few months, building up a war fund so I can afford mercenaries without needing loans. In the meantime I get my Stability to +1 (despite a wandering comet), War Exhaustion to 0, and introduce the Jizya.
I mention my diabolical scheme to the Ottos, who reply that they've been invited to a party, and if I'm bored I could tag along.
Hungary Throws a Party!
Imagine you're the outcast in high school. You know the one: He probably ate alone at lunch, or she spent her spare time in study hall or, I dunno, Lan Xang for lack of anything better to do. Perhaps they were too shy for their own good, or too smart, or too strange. Now imagine you finally got the cool kids to notice you and you've been invited to the Party of the Year(tm). Only they forgot (or probably didn't bother, the bastards) to tell you that gifts are expected. And the Charleston went out in the 1930s. So you proceed to do an excellent imitation of a wallflower and get sick from eating too much chips and dip.
Now imagine you're Tripoli, and if you know you send your army in they're going to get creamed, nor make much difference. Frankly they don't need my help.
(January 1503)
So, do you sit in the corner with the chips?
I sent in the Allah damned fleet and sieged Hungary's one coastal province.
The comet stops by once again, and yet again I swat it out of the sky with an abundance of Admin points. Then, in August 1503, the Hungarian fleet comes out.
A bit underwhelming, huh? One odd thing did happen I never saw before: After winning, I chased the 'shattered' Hungarian fleet all the way beyond the Straits of Gibraltar. No doubt looking for a port with one of their allies.
In May 1504, chroniclers offer to write a National Epic about chasing the Hungarian fleet out of the Mediterranean, and I say 'sure.'
By June the situation is pretty hopeless.
Still, the Hungarians prove stubborn and hold out by November. First the scientists escape offering to share the secrets of their heretical research.
Nah.
In November the Pope, who's currently Burgundy's sock puppet, tries to launch a crusade versus my Ottoman buddies, perhaps hoping to turn the tide of the war. It's too late though, and Hungary gives up 2 provinces to the Turk, two more to a newly freed Serbia, and 78 ducats.
Well, now that that's settled I can finally get back to dealing with Algiers...
Johan's Dice:
Length of reign: 15 years
Roll to continue: 2
Continue? (Y/N): (Need 4+) No
Of course not.