On The Reign of Nithard the Mad of the Marbodid Clan - 496-519 A.U.C.
On The Reign of Nithard the Mad of the Marbodid Clan - 496-519 A.U.C.
(258-235BC)
On His Surprising Election
Nithard, if you recall, had accomplished nothing beyond humiliating Teutobod Dagaricid with unflattering statuary. So, his rise from Prison to High-Chieftanship was somewhat surprising. In the wake of Teutobod the Younger's death, there was a near Civil War. Teutobod the Elder claimed the throne of his dead son. So did the excellent general Cataulda Dagaricid and Munderic Marbodid, son of the Munderic Marbodid so tormented by Ageric Andicid.
After much killing, pillaging and mayhem, Munderic Marbodid stepped aside. Cataulda and Teutobod agreed to elect a feeble old man. The one still living when he passed would get to be High-Chief. They chose Dagaric Amandid, a wise, respected, skilled and all around decent fellow. Dagaric, true to Amandid form, declined the post.
Teutobod, while discussing feeble High-Chief options with Cataulda, recalled the story of the most weak Teutobod Dagaricid and how Mad Nithard dared to insult him grievously after being released from prison. Both laughed as they gazed upon the statue. Then inspiration struck. The artist was still alive. Nithard was pulled from prison and placed on the throne. The perfect puppet. Or so they thought.
When his first act as High-Chief was to have his 'rival' for the throne, the 66 year old Dagaric Amandid, arrested, tortured, castrated and condemed to life in prison, the drawbacks of electing a maniac as High-Chief became rather apparant.
On The Endless Wars of Nithard the Mad
Under Nithard, the Horde would not be neglected. With just over 7,000 Vandals under arms at his rise, the Hordes would grow to over 14,000, including cavalry for the first time. This endless fighting would, ultimately, break the Hordes. At his death, there were less than 6,000 Vandal warriors. Most of them were mercenaries as Vandal manpower was devastatingly low at this point. Alas, if only they had gone extinct. Nithard drove them so close.
The year of his election, Nithard sent the Horde and the Warband against the Chatti, placing Ageric Amandid and Cataulda Dagaricid in charge of the armies. The Chatti War ended within a year with the total conquest of that tribe. Nithard, in spite of his horrific cruelty, was very popular after that. Next, the Turones refused to open a trade route with the Vandals, prompting a declaration of war and the pillaging of the Turones. They still wouldn't trade, but now sent monthly piles of gold to Nithard, which was better, as far as he was concerned.
The Turones, it turns out, had been willing to stand up to the Vandals because they were members of the Gallic League, which promptly launched a War of Revenge against the Vandals. Nithard's response was to invade the Semnoni and force tribute out of them while simultaniously invading the Sicambri and taking the province of Cheruscii from them.
The Gallic War raged for three full years. At the end, the Horde numbered a mere 3,000 and every territory in the Vandal 'Empire' had been plundered by Gauls at least once. The tribe kept their conquests and land only through the expert generalship of Ageric and Cataulda. And through a big pile of Gold Nithard finally agreed to give to the Gauls.
The Chatti took advantage of the weakened Horde to launch a rebellion right on the heels of the Gallic War, which was violently crushed. The rebellion did show that Nithard's great popularity didn't extend too far beyond the army. Of course, in Vandalia, that is the only popularity that actually means something.
The Langobard Barbarians also tried to take advantage of the weakened Horde by sending 5,000 screaming, painted maniacs into Vandalia, where they ran into Catualda and the 2,000 strong Warband, who crushed them and earned himself a Victory Parade.
A week or two later, Thane Gunderic Malaricid made an unusual power-play for a Malaricid. He declared Chatti and Cherusii were now independant of Vandalia proper. It is assumed he had no daughters. The Suebi decided that this would be a perfect time to rebel as well. As the Vandal armies marched off to reclaim their lost lands, the High-Priest and brother of Gunderic Malaricid, Priarios Malaricid, announced the latest curse from the gods. The gods, he delcared were dooming the Vandal armies to defeat. This was no different than any other curse visited upon the Vandals over the course of their miserable existence, but Nithard was troubled. And when Nithard got troubled, his perceived enemies got arrested, tortured and castrated.
Teutobod Andicid the Elder, ex-rebel, father of rebels and High-Chiefs, murderer of a High-Chief and all around tough guy, was made the new High-Priest. This was a bold move for Nithard to make. Curiously, Teutobod never actually tried to murder Nithard or rebel. Probably because he was fond of his testicles.
Meanwhile, while Ageric Amandid and Catualda were in the west, finishing off Gunderic and the Suebi's ill-conceived rebellions, the people of Vandalia rebelled. Had they timed it better, the whole Vandal 'Empire' might have collapsed and ended, saving me and the world a lot of suffering. Instead, Ageric and Catualda stormed the hillforts of Chatti and Cherusi, then wheeled east to crush this latest rebellion with ease.
Almost immediately, Teutobod Geroldid launched a rebellion. He was commanding a few thousand mercenaries and rose up clearly expecting the rest of the Horde to join him. Of course, since he was a Geroldid, no self-respecting actual Vandal was about to let him sit on the throne, no matter how horrific Nithard was. His rebellion was crushed quickly.
After that, Nithard executed everyone in the prisons as a gentle reminder that rebelling has its consequences. Even if some of those consequences are visited on pick-pockets and the innocent relatives of other traitors. For some reason, this caused the Chatti to rise up. Presumably because most of the current batch of prisoners were all Chatti. Ageric Amandid quickly crushed this rebellion and refilled the prisons. The Cherusi then rebelled as well, once again showing that timing means nothing to Vandals. They too were quickly crushed.
The Vandals enjoyed almost a full year of peace after that. I say 'enjoy,' but really it was 'realize what a vicious monster their High-Chief was.' So, with Catualda and Ageric wavering over a civil war, Nithard did the only thing that could possibly save his realm: throw it into a war. This time with the Sicambri. Even though the Horde only numbered 8,000 total men, half of whom were mercenaries, and with no reserves at all.
This time, the Cherusii and Vandalians planned their uprisings a little better, turning this into a vicious war of survival for Nithard. Thanks to his brilliant generals though, the rebellions were all crushed and the Sicambri were incorporated into the burgeoning Vandal Empire. Alas, for Nithard, Ageric Amandid died shortly after. He was easily the greatest military mind in the whole history of Vandalia, fighting wars for five different High-Chiefs and harboring no political ambitions. He never once rebelled. That alone makes him almost unique among the Vandals, and lends further credence to my view that the Amandids are not actual Vandals. The people of Vandalia and the Sicambri celebrated Ageric's life by rebelling a week after his death.
The endless rebellions were too much for one army to handle. Nithard's rule required two armies to be constantly employed. So while Catualda was busily supressing a rebellion in Vandalia, Nithard decided to lead the Horde against the rebels in Sicambri.
He also raised 2,000 cavalry into a new army, the Raiders and began testing generals, allowing Magneric Malaricid to lead them against the newest rebel threat in Chatti.
Nithard then provoked a Civil War with the whole Geroldid tribe, who were quickly crushed. Several prominant Vandals joined the Geroldid rebellion though. This was an ominous sign, which Nithard cleverly ignored.
Having executed Magnaric, Nithard then gave the post of Raiders commander to Amalaric Andicid, the younger son of Teutobod Andicid the Elder. He got to test his new command by crushing yet another rebellion in Vandalia.
Things were looking good in the Vandal Empire. Until, out of nowhere, 37,000 Barbarians banded together with one goal: plunder the Vandal Empire, which begs the question: how poor and miserable were the barbarians that their dreams of wealth involved plundering Vandalia? The Horde and the Raiders were both smashed by the Barbarians, who tore through Cherusi and Chatti, forming their own little nation right in the middle of Vandalia. Meanwhile, the Sicambri took this opportunity to rebel, successfully this time. Timing is everything.
Teutobod Andicid the Younger's son Gerold Andicid was given command of the much reduced Horde as Catualda and his Warband continued to try and keep the Sicambri in Vandal hands. This was a cue for his uncle Amalaric to lead the Raiders and Vandalia in revolt. Gerold was quickly arrested and, of course, tortured, for his uncle's rebellion.
The Sicambri successfully defeated Catualda and escaped the Vandal sphere, leaving only Suebi in Nithard's hands. Catualda, seeing the Empire he wanted to run destroyed, did the only thing a good Vandal could and murdered his friend Nithard violently, ending his mis-rule and leaving Amalaric's Rebellion unsettled.
On His Courtship of Catualda Dagaricid
Somehow, Nithard enjoyed the good fortune of commanding both of the greatest generals in Vandal History: Ageric Amandid, who we first saw storming Boii back in the reign of Ageric Andicid and whose kinsman was viciously tortured and murdered by Nithard for refusing the High-Chieftanship, and Catualda Dagaricid, whose personal power and prestige almost made him High-Chief instead of Nithard. Both men wanted him dead at the start of his reign. Both men were also the only thing standing between Nithard and certain death. He spent his whole reign keeping them both busily employed and happy.
Ageric stayed loyal because that is just what Amandids do. Nithard's master-work was keeping Catualda Dagaricid loyal. That he did so for twenty five years shows that there was some genius in Nithard's madness.
The first tenant of this plan was to keep Catualda Dagaricid happy. The general received no fewer than 7 victory parades. Shortly after the Gallic War, Nithard stripped Ageric Andicid of the Horsemaster title so he could give it to Catualda Dagaricid. He also promoted Catualda's friend Teutobod Geroldid to command of a Mercenary band, which Teutobod would quickly use to try and overthrow Nithard. He also promoted Catualda's best friend Gunderic Malaricid to the Thaneship of Chatti and Cheurusii. When he rebelled and was crushed, he gave the post to Catualda's new best friend High-Lawspeaker Munderic Marbodid, in spite of the fact that Catualda was clearly a very poor judge of friends. If Catualda made an enemy, it was only a matter of time before that foe was arrested and tortured to death. Nithard's plan worked so well that, if you ignore the part where Catualda actually murdered him, Nithard and Catualda became the closest of friends.
The second tenant, of course, was to keep Catualda too busy to rebel. Which the endless warfare accomplished quite well.
A Tiresome List of His Hideous Crimes
To refer to Nithard as 'Mad,' 'Cruel,' or 'Insane' without listing his most well known crimes would do a disservice to those words and to the man himself. Nithard took the Vandal tribes to their greatest hight of power and prestige while at the same time inflicting cruel and demeaning violence and horror upon those same people. In spite of the fact that he visited these cruelties on the well-deserving Vandals, even I must flinch at this cataloge of horror.
His mis-treatment of the really innocent Dagaric Amandid has already been mentioned, but that start to his reign was just the beginning. The very next year Attalus Malaricid was tortured and castrated because Nithard was bored and Attalus had annoyed him. Catualda Amandid was arrested, tortured, castrated and killed because, in Nithard's words, 'it is highly confusing having two Catualdas running about.'
When his cousin, Malaric Marbodid, came begging for a post in the government, Nithard had him jailed saying 'I shall give you a job. You can count the days until blissful death releases you from your chains.' Another Malaric suffered a similar fate. When the High-Priest's distant relation led a rebellion, old Priarios Malaricid found himself in chains and sans testicles as well.
On several occasions, he ordered the slaughter of every single imprisoned Vandal. Once he did it for fun, once to try and extinguish the Geroldids and once, he claimed, as an object lesson. Though beyond 'the axes are not too sharp,' it is difficult to understand what lesson was taught. Though it should be noted, the prisoners did object to this method of instruction.
In the later years of his rule, Nithard had several prominent men arrested, tortured and executed not for their crimes, but just because he thought they might rebel against him in the future. Magneric Malaricid, the first commander of the Raiders, suffered this fate. Memorably, so did the High-Priest Magneric Amandid. He announced that the gods had smiled upon the Vandals and a good omen had been spotted. Since it had been more than 20 years since a good omen had been seen in Vandalia, Nithard immediately suspected a trick and had Magneric Amandid arrested, tortured and killed.
There are so many more insanities, high crimes, and sins against god and man, but this list has left even me, who has witnessed so much depravity, too tired to continue.
What The Overthrow of Nithard Shows Us About Vandal Character
In spite of the absolute terror and horror of random and excessive violence that Nithard's rule inspired in the Vandals, and in spite of the inumerable attempts on his life, he remained quite popular among the rank and file of the army and among the 'common folk.' Indeed, no one with actual power tried to destroy him until his empire collapsed. The lesson was not lost on his successors: You can be a violent, insane sociopath, but you better be good at it!
A Chronicle of Nithard the Mad Marbodid's Reign
496AUC (258BC) - Nithard elected High Chief as a stopgap, aged 52. Dagaric Amandid arrested, tortured and castrated as Nithard's alleged rival to the throne.
497AUC (257BC) - Chatti invaded. Ageric Amandid destroys the Chatti army. Chatti conquered. Ageric Amandid gets a Victory Parade. Sicambri invaded.
498AUC (256BC) - Catualda's friend Gunderic Malaricid appointed Thane of the Chatti. Cherusi seized from the Sicambri. Turones refuse to trade with the Vandals. Attalus Malaricid arrested, tortured and castrated. For no particular reason. Turones invaded. Start of the Gallic War. Semnoni invaded for no particular reason. Ageric Amandid defeats the Turones army. Nithard defeats a Semnoni invasion of Chatti with just 1,000 men.
499AUC (255BC) - Catualda Dagaricid destroyes the main Semnoni army. Turones stormed by Ageric Amandid and a large monthly tribute is exacted. Ageric defeats a Gallic Alliance army approaching Chatti. Catualda Dagaricid storms the Semnoni hillfort. Large monthly tribute extracted from the Semnoni. Cherusii seiged by the Gallic Alliance. Over the year, the Vandal armies drop from 12,000 men to 4,000 as they fight off a total Gallic invasion force of around 40,000 men. By December, there are no enemies on Vandal soil.
500AUC (255BC) - The Gallic Alliance, tired of this nonsense, offers peace in exchange for a pile of gold. Nithard accepts. Ageric Andicid stripped of the Horsemaster tite so it can be awarded to Catualda Dagaricid instead. Ageric Andicid commits suicide over this. Teutobod Geroldid, Catualda Dagaricid's friend, given the command of a new group of Mercenaries. Catualda Amandid arrested, tortured and castrated for being named Catualda.
501AUC (254BC) - Chatti rebellion. Crushed by Ageric Amandid. Dagaric Amandid dies in prison.
502AUC (253BC) - Munderic Marbodid, a friend of Catualda's appointed High-Lawspeaker. Langobard Barbarians advance on Vandalia.
503AUC (252BC) - 5,000 Barbarians routed by Catualda Dagaricid's 2,000 Warband. Catualda gets a Victory Parade. While his army purses the Barbarian remnants east, Gunderic Malaricid leads a Chatti-Cheruscii war of independence and the Suebi rebel. Malaric Marbodid arrested for asking Nithard for a job. Catualda defeats the Suebi rebels. Ageric Amandid defeats the Chatti rebel army. High Priest Priarios Malaricid arrested, tortured and castrated for being related to the rebels.
504AUC (251BC) - Vandalia rebels. Ageric Amandid storms Chatti, ending their attempt at independence. Gunderic Malaricid, who led the Chatti rebellion is arrested, tortured and, you guessed it, castrated. Then he is executed. High-Lawspeaker Munderic Marbodid named new Thane of the Chatti. Teutobod Geroldid leads a rebellion with his mercenaries in Chatti while Ageric Amandid and Catualda are in Vandalia defeating those rebels. The High-General defects to Teutobod's rebels. This annoys Nithard who -
505AUC (250BC) - All prisoners in Vandal jails are summarily executed. Ageric Amandid defeats the rebel army in three battles while Catualda storms the rebel stronghold. Teutobod Geroldid is arrested, tortured, castrated and killed. The Horde reduced to 1,500 after this latest Civil War. 4,000 mercenaries hired.
506AUC (249BC) - Nithard moves the capital from Vandalia to Suebi. There are better huts there.
507AUC (248BC) - The Cheruscii rebel. They are defeated by Ageric Amandid.
508AUC (247BC) - Concerned over the disloyalty of his generals, Nithard invades Sicambri. Again. Cheruscii rebel again. This time, they rise up just as a Sicambri invasion army arrives. Catualda arrives in time to kill the surivivors.
509AUC (246BC) - Ageric Amandid conquers Ampsivarii. Catualda routes a larger Sicambrian army in Treveri. Ageric pursues and destroys the remnants, capturing the Sicambri general. Rebels seize Vandalia. Again.
510AUC (245BC) - Catualda storms the Treveri hillfort. Their High-Cheif is arrested and the Sicambri are annexed. Alliance with Boii.
511AUC (244BC) - Ageric Amandid dies aged 70. To honor his memory, Nithard releases his daughter from prison. Tassilo Dagaricid named new general of the Horde.
513AUC (242BC) - Nithard changes his mind and takes over the Horde himself. Remarkably, Tassilo is not arrested, tortured and castrated. Teutobod Andicid the Elder dies. Catualda and Nithard become close friends.
514AUC (241BC) - Ampsivarii rebels. Nithard marches on the rebels. Vandalia rebels. Nithard's 8,000 barely beat the 3,000 man rebel army. Nithard gives himself a Victory Parade. Catualda routes the Vandalia rebels.
515AUC (240BC) - Magneric Malaricid given command of the Raiders, the new Cavalry force. Magneric defeats a Chatti rebellion.
516AUC (239BC) - Mannus Geroldid complains that no Geroldids have a position in Nithard's government. Every major Geroldid in Vandalia arrested. Mannus escapes and launches a Civil War. Vandalia and Chatti rise with him. The armies all stay loyal. Many, many prominant Vandals join the rebellion.
517AUC (238BC) - The Civil War is crushed and most of the rebels are arrested and jailed. Mannus is, of course, arrested, tortured, castrated and killed. All the jailed Geroldids are executed for their kinsman's role in the rebellion. All the jailed Gelimerids are also executed, just for fun. Vandalia rebels again. Catualda crushes them. Magneric is awarded for his hard work during the Geroldid Rebellion with arrest, torture, castration and execution. Just in case he was thinking about rebelling. Amalaric Andicid, brother of the late chief Teutobod the Younger, is appointed the new commander of the Raiders. High-Priest Magneric Amandid announces a good omen. Nithard has him arrested, tortured, castrated and executed because that just seemed highly unlikely. Which it was: 37,000 Langobard Barbarians descend on Cheruscii. Raiders routed by the Barbarians.
518AUC (237BC) - Nithard and the Horde routed by the Barbarians. Cheruscii stormed. Sicambrians rebel. Chatti stormed by the Barbarians. Cheruscii, Chatti and the Barbarians form the Angrivarii Vandal Tribe and there is nothing Nithard can do about it. Rebels in Sicambria rout the broken Horde.
519AUC (236BC) - Nithard appoints Gerold Andicid to command the remnant of the Horde. Amalaric Andicid, stationed in Vandalia with the Raiders, leads that province in rebellion. Gerold Andicid is arrested and tortured, just in case. Sicambrians gain independence. Nithard has lost all his conquests and Vandalia too. Nithard murdered by Catualda Dagaricid aged 76.
On The Reign of Nithard the Mad of the Marbodid Clan - 496-519 A.U.C.
(258-235BC)
On His Surprising Election
Nithard, if you recall, had accomplished nothing beyond humiliating Teutobod Dagaricid with unflattering statuary. So, his rise from Prison to High-Chieftanship was somewhat surprising. In the wake of Teutobod the Younger's death, there was a near Civil War. Teutobod the Elder claimed the throne of his dead son. So did the excellent general Cataulda Dagaricid and Munderic Marbodid, son of the Munderic Marbodid so tormented by Ageric Andicid.
After much killing, pillaging and mayhem, Munderic Marbodid stepped aside. Cataulda and Teutobod agreed to elect a feeble old man. The one still living when he passed would get to be High-Chief. They chose Dagaric Amandid, a wise, respected, skilled and all around decent fellow. Dagaric, true to Amandid form, declined the post.
Teutobod, while discussing feeble High-Chief options with Cataulda, recalled the story of the most weak Teutobod Dagaricid and how Mad Nithard dared to insult him grievously after being released from prison. Both laughed as they gazed upon the statue. Then inspiration struck. The artist was still alive. Nithard was pulled from prison and placed on the throne. The perfect puppet. Or so they thought.
When his first act as High-Chief was to have his 'rival' for the throne, the 66 year old Dagaric Amandid, arrested, tortured, castrated and condemed to life in prison, the drawbacks of electing a maniac as High-Chief became rather apparant.
On The Endless Wars of Nithard the Mad
Under Nithard, the Horde would not be neglected. With just over 7,000 Vandals under arms at his rise, the Hordes would grow to over 14,000, including cavalry for the first time. This endless fighting would, ultimately, break the Hordes. At his death, there were less than 6,000 Vandal warriors. Most of them were mercenaries as Vandal manpower was devastatingly low at this point. Alas, if only they had gone extinct. Nithard drove them so close.
The year of his election, Nithard sent the Horde and the Warband against the Chatti, placing Ageric Amandid and Cataulda Dagaricid in charge of the armies. The Chatti War ended within a year with the total conquest of that tribe. Nithard, in spite of his horrific cruelty, was very popular after that. Next, the Turones refused to open a trade route with the Vandals, prompting a declaration of war and the pillaging of the Turones. They still wouldn't trade, but now sent monthly piles of gold to Nithard, which was better, as far as he was concerned.
The Turones, it turns out, had been willing to stand up to the Vandals because they were members of the Gallic League, which promptly launched a War of Revenge against the Vandals. Nithard's response was to invade the Semnoni and force tribute out of them while simultaniously invading the Sicambri and taking the province of Cheruscii from them.
The Gallic War raged for three full years. At the end, the Horde numbered a mere 3,000 and every territory in the Vandal 'Empire' had been plundered by Gauls at least once. The tribe kept their conquests and land only through the expert generalship of Ageric and Cataulda. And through a big pile of Gold Nithard finally agreed to give to the Gauls.
The Chatti took advantage of the weakened Horde to launch a rebellion right on the heels of the Gallic War, which was violently crushed. The rebellion did show that Nithard's great popularity didn't extend too far beyond the army. Of course, in Vandalia, that is the only popularity that actually means something.
The Langobard Barbarians also tried to take advantage of the weakened Horde by sending 5,000 screaming, painted maniacs into Vandalia, where they ran into Catualda and the 2,000 strong Warband, who crushed them and earned himself a Victory Parade.
A week or two later, Thane Gunderic Malaricid made an unusual power-play for a Malaricid. He declared Chatti and Cherusii were now independant of Vandalia proper. It is assumed he had no daughters. The Suebi decided that this would be a perfect time to rebel as well. As the Vandal armies marched off to reclaim their lost lands, the High-Priest and brother of Gunderic Malaricid, Priarios Malaricid, announced the latest curse from the gods. The gods, he delcared were dooming the Vandal armies to defeat. This was no different than any other curse visited upon the Vandals over the course of their miserable existence, but Nithard was troubled. And when Nithard got troubled, his perceived enemies got arrested, tortured and castrated.
Teutobod Andicid the Elder, ex-rebel, father of rebels and High-Chiefs, murderer of a High-Chief and all around tough guy, was made the new High-Priest. This was a bold move for Nithard to make. Curiously, Teutobod never actually tried to murder Nithard or rebel. Probably because he was fond of his testicles.
Meanwhile, while Ageric Amandid and Catualda were in the west, finishing off Gunderic and the Suebi's ill-conceived rebellions, the people of Vandalia rebelled. Had they timed it better, the whole Vandal 'Empire' might have collapsed and ended, saving me and the world a lot of suffering. Instead, Ageric and Catualda stormed the hillforts of Chatti and Cherusi, then wheeled east to crush this latest rebellion with ease.
Almost immediately, Teutobod Geroldid launched a rebellion. He was commanding a few thousand mercenaries and rose up clearly expecting the rest of the Horde to join him. Of course, since he was a Geroldid, no self-respecting actual Vandal was about to let him sit on the throne, no matter how horrific Nithard was. His rebellion was crushed quickly.
After that, Nithard executed everyone in the prisons as a gentle reminder that rebelling has its consequences. Even if some of those consequences are visited on pick-pockets and the innocent relatives of other traitors. For some reason, this caused the Chatti to rise up. Presumably because most of the current batch of prisoners were all Chatti. Ageric Amandid quickly crushed this rebellion and refilled the prisons. The Cherusi then rebelled as well, once again showing that timing means nothing to Vandals. They too were quickly crushed.
The Vandals enjoyed almost a full year of peace after that. I say 'enjoy,' but really it was 'realize what a vicious monster their High-Chief was.' So, with Catualda and Ageric wavering over a civil war, Nithard did the only thing that could possibly save his realm: throw it into a war. This time with the Sicambri. Even though the Horde only numbered 8,000 total men, half of whom were mercenaries, and with no reserves at all.
This time, the Cherusii and Vandalians planned their uprisings a little better, turning this into a vicious war of survival for Nithard. Thanks to his brilliant generals though, the rebellions were all crushed and the Sicambri were incorporated into the burgeoning Vandal Empire. Alas, for Nithard, Ageric Amandid died shortly after. He was easily the greatest military mind in the whole history of Vandalia, fighting wars for five different High-Chiefs and harboring no political ambitions. He never once rebelled. That alone makes him almost unique among the Vandals, and lends further credence to my view that the Amandids are not actual Vandals. The people of Vandalia and the Sicambri celebrated Ageric's life by rebelling a week after his death.
The endless rebellions were too much for one army to handle. Nithard's rule required two armies to be constantly employed. So while Catualda was busily supressing a rebellion in Vandalia, Nithard decided to lead the Horde against the rebels in Sicambri.
He also raised 2,000 cavalry into a new army, the Raiders and began testing generals, allowing Magneric Malaricid to lead them against the newest rebel threat in Chatti.
Nithard then provoked a Civil War with the whole Geroldid tribe, who were quickly crushed. Several prominant Vandals joined the Geroldid rebellion though. This was an ominous sign, which Nithard cleverly ignored.
Having executed Magnaric, Nithard then gave the post of Raiders commander to Amalaric Andicid, the younger son of Teutobod Andicid the Elder. He got to test his new command by crushing yet another rebellion in Vandalia.
Things were looking good in the Vandal Empire. Until, out of nowhere, 37,000 Barbarians banded together with one goal: plunder the Vandal Empire, which begs the question: how poor and miserable were the barbarians that their dreams of wealth involved plundering Vandalia? The Horde and the Raiders were both smashed by the Barbarians, who tore through Cherusi and Chatti, forming their own little nation right in the middle of Vandalia. Meanwhile, the Sicambri took this opportunity to rebel, successfully this time. Timing is everything.
Teutobod Andicid the Younger's son Gerold Andicid was given command of the much reduced Horde as Catualda and his Warband continued to try and keep the Sicambri in Vandal hands. This was a cue for his uncle Amalaric to lead the Raiders and Vandalia in revolt. Gerold was quickly arrested and, of course, tortured, for his uncle's rebellion.
The Sicambri successfully defeated Catualda and escaped the Vandal sphere, leaving only Suebi in Nithard's hands. Catualda, seeing the Empire he wanted to run destroyed, did the only thing a good Vandal could and murdered his friend Nithard violently, ending his mis-rule and leaving Amalaric's Rebellion unsettled.
On His Courtship of Catualda Dagaricid
Somehow, Nithard enjoyed the good fortune of commanding both of the greatest generals in Vandal History: Ageric Amandid, who we first saw storming Boii back in the reign of Ageric Andicid and whose kinsman was viciously tortured and murdered by Nithard for refusing the High-Chieftanship, and Catualda Dagaricid, whose personal power and prestige almost made him High-Chief instead of Nithard. Both men wanted him dead at the start of his reign. Both men were also the only thing standing between Nithard and certain death. He spent his whole reign keeping them both busily employed and happy.
Ageric stayed loyal because that is just what Amandids do. Nithard's master-work was keeping Catualda Dagaricid loyal. That he did so for twenty five years shows that there was some genius in Nithard's madness.
The first tenant of this plan was to keep Catualda Dagaricid happy. The general received no fewer than 7 victory parades. Shortly after the Gallic War, Nithard stripped Ageric Andicid of the Horsemaster title so he could give it to Catualda Dagaricid. He also promoted Catualda's friend Teutobod Geroldid to command of a Mercenary band, which Teutobod would quickly use to try and overthrow Nithard. He also promoted Catualda's best friend Gunderic Malaricid to the Thaneship of Chatti and Cheurusii. When he rebelled and was crushed, he gave the post to Catualda's new best friend High-Lawspeaker Munderic Marbodid, in spite of the fact that Catualda was clearly a very poor judge of friends. If Catualda made an enemy, it was only a matter of time before that foe was arrested and tortured to death. Nithard's plan worked so well that, if you ignore the part where Catualda actually murdered him, Nithard and Catualda became the closest of friends.
The second tenant, of course, was to keep Catualda too busy to rebel. Which the endless warfare accomplished quite well.
A Tiresome List of His Hideous Crimes
To refer to Nithard as 'Mad,' 'Cruel,' or 'Insane' without listing his most well known crimes would do a disservice to those words and to the man himself. Nithard took the Vandal tribes to their greatest hight of power and prestige while at the same time inflicting cruel and demeaning violence and horror upon those same people. In spite of the fact that he visited these cruelties on the well-deserving Vandals, even I must flinch at this cataloge of horror.
His mis-treatment of the really innocent Dagaric Amandid has already been mentioned, but that start to his reign was just the beginning. The very next year Attalus Malaricid was tortured and castrated because Nithard was bored and Attalus had annoyed him. Catualda Amandid was arrested, tortured, castrated and killed because, in Nithard's words, 'it is highly confusing having two Catualdas running about.'
When his cousin, Malaric Marbodid, came begging for a post in the government, Nithard had him jailed saying 'I shall give you a job. You can count the days until blissful death releases you from your chains.' Another Malaric suffered a similar fate. When the High-Priest's distant relation led a rebellion, old Priarios Malaricid found himself in chains and sans testicles as well.
On several occasions, he ordered the slaughter of every single imprisoned Vandal. Once he did it for fun, once to try and extinguish the Geroldids and once, he claimed, as an object lesson. Though beyond 'the axes are not too sharp,' it is difficult to understand what lesson was taught. Though it should be noted, the prisoners did object to this method of instruction.
In the later years of his rule, Nithard had several prominent men arrested, tortured and executed not for their crimes, but just because he thought they might rebel against him in the future. Magneric Malaricid, the first commander of the Raiders, suffered this fate. Memorably, so did the High-Priest Magneric Amandid. He announced that the gods had smiled upon the Vandals and a good omen had been spotted. Since it had been more than 20 years since a good omen had been seen in Vandalia, Nithard immediately suspected a trick and had Magneric Amandid arrested, tortured and killed.
There are so many more insanities, high crimes, and sins against god and man, but this list has left even me, who has witnessed so much depravity, too tired to continue.
What The Overthrow of Nithard Shows Us About Vandal Character
In spite of the absolute terror and horror of random and excessive violence that Nithard's rule inspired in the Vandals, and in spite of the inumerable attempts on his life, he remained quite popular among the rank and file of the army and among the 'common folk.' Indeed, no one with actual power tried to destroy him until his empire collapsed. The lesson was not lost on his successors: You can be a violent, insane sociopath, but you better be good at it!
A Chronicle of Nithard the Mad Marbodid's Reign
496AUC (258BC) - Nithard elected High Chief as a stopgap, aged 52. Dagaric Amandid arrested, tortured and castrated as Nithard's alleged rival to the throne.
497AUC (257BC) - Chatti invaded. Ageric Amandid destroys the Chatti army. Chatti conquered. Ageric Amandid gets a Victory Parade. Sicambri invaded.
498AUC (256BC) - Catualda's friend Gunderic Malaricid appointed Thane of the Chatti. Cherusi seized from the Sicambri. Turones refuse to trade with the Vandals. Attalus Malaricid arrested, tortured and castrated. For no particular reason. Turones invaded. Start of the Gallic War. Semnoni invaded for no particular reason. Ageric Amandid defeats the Turones army. Nithard defeats a Semnoni invasion of Chatti with just 1,000 men.
499AUC (255BC) - Catualda Dagaricid destroyes the main Semnoni army. Turones stormed by Ageric Amandid and a large monthly tribute is exacted. Ageric defeats a Gallic Alliance army approaching Chatti. Catualda Dagaricid storms the Semnoni hillfort. Large monthly tribute extracted from the Semnoni. Cherusii seiged by the Gallic Alliance. Over the year, the Vandal armies drop from 12,000 men to 4,000 as they fight off a total Gallic invasion force of around 40,000 men. By December, there are no enemies on Vandal soil.
500AUC (255BC) - The Gallic Alliance, tired of this nonsense, offers peace in exchange for a pile of gold. Nithard accepts. Ageric Andicid stripped of the Horsemaster tite so it can be awarded to Catualda Dagaricid instead. Ageric Andicid commits suicide over this. Teutobod Geroldid, Catualda Dagaricid's friend, given the command of a new group of Mercenaries. Catualda Amandid arrested, tortured and castrated for being named Catualda.
501AUC (254BC) - Chatti rebellion. Crushed by Ageric Amandid. Dagaric Amandid dies in prison.
502AUC (253BC) - Munderic Marbodid, a friend of Catualda's appointed High-Lawspeaker. Langobard Barbarians advance on Vandalia.
503AUC (252BC) - 5,000 Barbarians routed by Catualda Dagaricid's 2,000 Warband. Catualda gets a Victory Parade. While his army purses the Barbarian remnants east, Gunderic Malaricid leads a Chatti-Cheruscii war of independence and the Suebi rebel. Malaric Marbodid arrested for asking Nithard for a job. Catualda defeats the Suebi rebels. Ageric Amandid defeats the Chatti rebel army. High Priest Priarios Malaricid arrested, tortured and castrated for being related to the rebels.
504AUC (251BC) - Vandalia rebels. Ageric Amandid storms Chatti, ending their attempt at independence. Gunderic Malaricid, who led the Chatti rebellion is arrested, tortured and, you guessed it, castrated. Then he is executed. High-Lawspeaker Munderic Marbodid named new Thane of the Chatti. Teutobod Geroldid leads a rebellion with his mercenaries in Chatti while Ageric Amandid and Catualda are in Vandalia defeating those rebels. The High-General defects to Teutobod's rebels. This annoys Nithard who -
505AUC (250BC) - All prisoners in Vandal jails are summarily executed. Ageric Amandid defeats the rebel army in three battles while Catualda storms the rebel stronghold. Teutobod Geroldid is arrested, tortured, castrated and killed. The Horde reduced to 1,500 after this latest Civil War. 4,000 mercenaries hired.
506AUC (249BC) - Nithard moves the capital from Vandalia to Suebi. There are better huts there.
507AUC (248BC) - The Cheruscii rebel. They are defeated by Ageric Amandid.
508AUC (247BC) - Concerned over the disloyalty of his generals, Nithard invades Sicambri. Again. Cheruscii rebel again. This time, they rise up just as a Sicambri invasion army arrives. Catualda arrives in time to kill the surivivors.
509AUC (246BC) - Ageric Amandid conquers Ampsivarii. Catualda routes a larger Sicambrian army in Treveri. Ageric pursues and destroys the remnants, capturing the Sicambri general. Rebels seize Vandalia. Again.
510AUC (245BC) - Catualda storms the Treveri hillfort. Their High-Cheif is arrested and the Sicambri are annexed. Alliance with Boii.
511AUC (244BC) - Ageric Amandid dies aged 70. To honor his memory, Nithard releases his daughter from prison. Tassilo Dagaricid named new general of the Horde.
513AUC (242BC) - Nithard changes his mind and takes over the Horde himself. Remarkably, Tassilo is not arrested, tortured and castrated. Teutobod Andicid the Elder dies. Catualda and Nithard become close friends.
514AUC (241BC) - Ampsivarii rebels. Nithard marches on the rebels. Vandalia rebels. Nithard's 8,000 barely beat the 3,000 man rebel army. Nithard gives himself a Victory Parade. Catualda routes the Vandalia rebels.
515AUC (240BC) - Magneric Malaricid given command of the Raiders, the new Cavalry force. Magneric defeats a Chatti rebellion.
516AUC (239BC) - Mannus Geroldid complains that no Geroldids have a position in Nithard's government. Every major Geroldid in Vandalia arrested. Mannus escapes and launches a Civil War. Vandalia and Chatti rise with him. The armies all stay loyal. Many, many prominant Vandals join the rebellion.
517AUC (238BC) - The Civil War is crushed and most of the rebels are arrested and jailed. Mannus is, of course, arrested, tortured, castrated and killed. All the jailed Geroldids are executed for their kinsman's role in the rebellion. All the jailed Gelimerids are also executed, just for fun. Vandalia rebels again. Catualda crushes them. Magneric is awarded for his hard work during the Geroldid Rebellion with arrest, torture, castration and execution. Just in case he was thinking about rebelling. Amalaric Andicid, brother of the late chief Teutobod the Younger, is appointed the new commander of the Raiders. High-Priest Magneric Amandid announces a good omen. Nithard has him arrested, tortured, castrated and executed because that just seemed highly unlikely. Which it was: 37,000 Langobard Barbarians descend on Cheruscii. Raiders routed by the Barbarians.
518AUC (237BC) - Nithard and the Horde routed by the Barbarians. Cheruscii stormed. Sicambrians rebel. Chatti stormed by the Barbarians. Cheruscii, Chatti and the Barbarians form the Angrivarii Vandal Tribe and there is nothing Nithard can do about it. Rebels in Sicambria rout the broken Horde.
519AUC (236BC) - Nithard appoints Gerold Andicid to command the remnant of the Horde. Amalaric Andicid, stationed in Vandalia with the Raiders, leads that province in rebellion. Gerold Andicid is arrested and tortured, just in case. Sicambrians gain independence. Nithard has lost all his conquests and Vandalia too. Nithard murdered by Catualda Dagaricid aged 76.
