Just a Little Bit Loony
- Thread starter Rotergeist
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Things were starting to look good there for a bit. I should have known what that meant...
I look forward to seeing Iudith die in a few days. Then will the crown go to Diederik II's son?
I look forward to seeing Iudith die in a few days. Then will the crown go to Diederik II's son?
Iudith, Cecily’s little sister, takes the throne of Loon. Unfortunately, no doubt in a fit of madness, Cecily allowed her to marry regularly (not matrilineally) in order to secure a silly alliance with the Duke of Meissen. This means that none of Iudith's children will be van Loons and therefore shall Not Be Spoken Of.
With no children of her own, Iudith tries to be helpful.
The Kaiser is a kindly fellow with a large brood; maybe we can score a job as a nanny, earn a few extra bucks, and ingratiate the van Loons with the next generation of Emperor-ness? Excellent scheme, Iudith!
Unfortunately, the Kaiser gives us the brush off. Hmph.
Things are pretty boring for a while. The HRE still has Medium Crown Authority, so we can’t fight against our fellow vassals.
But wait a second, maybe we can score a bit of French-fried territory and liberate some of our Dutch compatriots just over the border…hmmmm….
Mwahahaha, excellent. The weakling Count of Gent will quickly crumple under the weight of the van Loonish brute squad.
We’ll just hop on over to the diplomacy screen to Declare War and…
Oh. Hmm. Well, ok, let’s just declare war on his liege, the Duke of Flanders then! It’ll be tough (the van Loons hate fair fights!) but we should be able to manage. Let’s see, Declare War and then …
Oh, man. This is getting a little absurd.
“Oh for crying out loud! I have to fight the freaking KING OF FRANCE just to get ONE measly little county?!
Grrrrr….
Well, ok, a van Loon’s gotta do what a van Loon’s gotta do.
Ok. Deep breath.
It’s a little bit loony, but – “
Luckily, the Loonish Council intervenes before Iudith can pull the trigger.
She stays in a pretty sour mood for several weeks.
The Coming of Age Birthday Bash for Diederik III lifts the spirits of everyone in Loon. Here he is, our new champion, the one destined for glory and greatness.
Surely, this latest Diederik will fulfill the ambitions of his forefathers and make the van Loons a great nation.
Oh, never mind.
With nothing better to do, Iudith spends a lot of time in the Loonish Map Room.
The Holy Roman Empire is firmly in control of the bulk of central Europe. To the west, England has scored a big chunk of France and Aragon is in Brittany.
In the East, Russia is looming large.
The Middle East looks rather … boring.
And the Moors have just about overrun Iberia.
“Ah-choo! Sorry, these dusty old maps make me sneezy!”
Oh really, Iudith? Are you sure it’s just the dust?
Man, I really wish you could appoint a Court Physician or something in this game. As it is, Iudith takes the night off, turns in early ... and hopes she awakes in the morning.
With no children of her own, Iudith tries to be helpful.
The Kaiser is a kindly fellow with a large brood; maybe we can score a job as a nanny, earn a few extra bucks, and ingratiate the van Loons with the next generation of Emperor-ness? Excellent scheme, Iudith!
Unfortunately, the Kaiser gives us the brush off. Hmph.
Things are pretty boring for a while. The HRE still has Medium Crown Authority, so we can’t fight against our fellow vassals.
But wait a second, maybe we can score a bit of French-fried territory and liberate some of our Dutch compatriots just over the border…hmmmm….
Mwahahaha, excellent. The weakling Count of Gent will quickly crumple under the weight of the van Loonish brute squad.
We’ll just hop on over to the diplomacy screen to Declare War and…
Oh. Hmm. Well, ok, let’s just declare war on his liege, the Duke of Flanders then! It’ll be tough (the van Loons hate fair fights!) but we should be able to manage. Let’s see, Declare War and then …
Oh, man. This is getting a little absurd.
“Oh for crying out loud! I have to fight the freaking KING OF FRANCE just to get ONE measly little county?!
Grrrrr….
Well, ok, a van Loon’s gotta do what a van Loon’s gotta do.
Ok. Deep breath.
It’s a little bit loony, but – “
Luckily, the Loonish Council intervenes before Iudith can pull the trigger.
She stays in a pretty sour mood for several weeks.
The Coming of Age Birthday Bash for Diederik III lifts the spirits of everyone in Loon. Here he is, our new champion, the one destined for glory and greatness.
Surely, this latest Diederik will fulfill the ambitions of his forefathers and make the van Loons a great nation.
Oh, never mind.
With nothing better to do, Iudith spends a lot of time in the Loonish Map Room.
The Holy Roman Empire is firmly in control of the bulk of central Europe. To the west, England has scored a big chunk of France and Aragon is in Brittany.
In the East, Russia is looming large.
The Middle East looks rather … boring.
And the Moors have just about overrun Iberia.
“Ah-choo! Sorry, these dusty old maps make me sneezy!”
Oh really, Iudith? Are you sure it’s just the dust?
Man, I really wish you could appoint a Court Physician or something in this game. As it is, Iudith takes the night off, turns in early ... and hopes she awakes in the morning.
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Iudith has been laid low by the Loonish Flu. Uncontrollable shivers and violent projectile vomiting occupy her days and nights.
Mercifully, after several weeks, she drifts into a deep sleep. Today, we might call it a coma. Back in the Middle Ages, they called it start-digging-a-hole-she’s-a-goner.
Iudith, however, is not quite dead yet. Locked inside her feverish dreams, she wanders about a vast, dark space. It seems to be a tunnel. She notices a light … what could it be? Maybe she’ll go check it out… There’s a faint sound; choir music and trumpets, in the distance…
But then, Iudith stops suddenly.
There is another … presence … nearby.
It speaks!
“Grandpa Emmo? Is that you?”
Hey Iud! Don’t be afraid! How’s it going?
“Well, couldn’t be much worse, actually. The mean old Kaiser won’t let us expand, so I’ve just been sitting around for a couple of years. Oh, and I am deathly ill. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we van Loons have been dropping like flies lately. That kind of sucks.”
Hey, Iud, don’t carry the world upon your shoulders. You can always take a sad song and make it better.
“Really? You think everything’s gonna be ok?”
You betcha. Now go and get ‘er!
“Ok! Thanks, Gramps!”
Loon celebrates Iudith’s return to good health with a rousing heir nomination party.
(I’m not kidding about a virtual shortage of heirs; there are a grand total of four eligible folks. And one of those is 13.)
Using the patented Pick-Whoever-Has-The-Highest-Diplo-Skill method, our new heiress is Kimberley, daughter of Mad Duchess Cecily and Iudith’s niece. Looks like the Loonish line of Duchesses shall continue! (I hope it ends soon because I can't r.p. females very well. Plus, this bra is really starting to chafe.)
After several years of sitting around watching years tick by, we get a message from the Pope.
Alright! Some sanctioned violence to participate in!
Iudith has been saying her prayers ever since her encounter with Count Emmo’s ghost. She’s got enough piety to hire not one, but TWO holy orders. Aw, yeah! The Loonish army is increased four-fold.
And begins to trudge towards the Holy Land.
(Man, we gotta get some boats one of these days!)
Things go pretty swimmingly. Loon actually has one of the largest armies in the field!
Soon, the infidels capitulate. Surely the Pope will recognize the Loonish efforts with a province or two…
Oh, great. Way to go, Kaiser. (*$%!)
Well, maybe my Kaiser will reward me in some fashion for the Crusade assist. Ooh, maybe we can talk him into lowering Crown Authority - after all, we’re kind of dead in the water because we can’t Declare War on less-worthy fellow vassals.
Or maybe he’ll just go ahead and raise Crown Authority another notch. Gee, thanks. (%&@&$*%!)
What’s next, Kaiser Baldewin? You know, you’re kind of starting to annoy me.
AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! I CANT STAND THE UTTER CUTENESS!
Aw, just kidding. Iudith presides over several years of monotonous peace and prosperity before dying a natural death.
Guess the old van Loonish curse is over, eh?
Just have to do something about that Kaiser….
Mercifully, after several weeks, she drifts into a deep sleep. Today, we might call it a coma. Back in the Middle Ages, they called it start-digging-a-hole-she’s-a-goner.
Iudith, however, is not quite dead yet. Locked inside her feverish dreams, she wanders about a vast, dark space. It seems to be a tunnel. She notices a light … what could it be? Maybe she’ll go check it out… There’s a faint sound; choir music and trumpets, in the distance…
But then, Iudith stops suddenly.
There is another … presence … nearby.
It speaks!
“Grandpa Emmo? Is that you?”
Hey Iud! Don’t be afraid! How’s it going?
“Well, couldn’t be much worse, actually. The mean old Kaiser won’t let us expand, so I’ve just been sitting around for a couple of years. Oh, and I am deathly ill. Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we van Loons have been dropping like flies lately. That kind of sucks.”
Hey, Iud, don’t carry the world upon your shoulders. You can always take a sad song and make it better.
“Really? You think everything’s gonna be ok?”
You betcha. Now go and get ‘er!
“Ok! Thanks, Gramps!”
Loon celebrates Iudith’s return to good health with a rousing heir nomination party.
(I’m not kidding about a virtual shortage of heirs; there are a grand total of four eligible folks. And one of those is 13.)
Using the patented Pick-Whoever-Has-The-Highest-Diplo-Skill method, our new heiress is Kimberley, daughter of Mad Duchess Cecily and Iudith’s niece. Looks like the Loonish line of Duchesses shall continue! (I hope it ends soon because I can't r.p. females very well. Plus, this bra is really starting to chafe.)
After several years of sitting around watching years tick by, we get a message from the Pope.
Alright! Some sanctioned violence to participate in!
Iudith has been saying her prayers ever since her encounter with Count Emmo’s ghost. She’s got enough piety to hire not one, but TWO holy orders. Aw, yeah! The Loonish army is increased four-fold.
And begins to trudge towards the Holy Land.
(Man, we gotta get some boats one of these days!)
Things go pretty swimmingly. Loon actually has one of the largest armies in the field!
Soon, the infidels capitulate. Surely the Pope will recognize the Loonish efforts with a province or two…
Oh, great. Way to go, Kaiser. (*$%!)
Well, maybe my Kaiser will reward me in some fashion for the Crusade assist. Ooh, maybe we can talk him into lowering Crown Authority - after all, we’re kind of dead in the water because we can’t Declare War on less-worthy fellow vassals.
Or maybe he’ll just go ahead and raise Crown Authority another notch. Gee, thanks. (%&@&$*%!)
What’s next, Kaiser Baldewin? You know, you’re kind of starting to annoy me.
AAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!! I CANT STAND THE UTTER CUTENESS!
Aw, just kidding. Iudith presides over several years of monotonous peace and prosperity before dying a natural death.
Guess the old van Loonish curse is over, eh?
Just have to do something about that Kaiser….
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I know why the Loonish Curse skipped Iudith - she's not a van Loon! She married normally, so she became a whatever-her-husband-was!
Now let's see how Kimberley does... And, really, game? Kimberley? In thirteenth-century Germany?! Good job.
Now let's see how Kimberley does... And, really, game? Kimberley? In thirteenth-century Germany?! Good job.
Er, actually I'm to blame for "Kimberley" ... the game wanted to name her "Bohuslava" or something equally hideous. (Apologies to all you Bohuslavas out there.)
Oh, well that's alright, then. As long as the game isn't regularly pumping out Kimberleys and Baileys of Pfennig-Halbpfennig. I can understand why you didn't want Bohuslava, though; Slavic names are so degrading for such glorious people as the Loonlanders.
Great AAR! Too funny though, I'm on a public PC and the almost-uncontrollable laughter is quite embarrasing (Oh those PI ignorant peasents!)
Maybe you should send Barnaerd (if he's still your chancellor) to Sow Dissent in those hamster cages...
You know, just in case...
Maybe you should send Barnaerd (if he's still your chancellor) to Sow Dissent in those hamster cages...
You know, just in case...
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There’s something a bit, well, odd about Duchess Kimberley. Folks about the castle overhear her holding lengthy conversations, sometimes lasting for hours, with nobody but herself. Some say that an unfortunate incident on her christening day is to blame. At the last minute, the little babe was given a completely different name than everyone was expecting. Whether this led to severe identity disorders later in life is uncertain.
But the fact is, having multiple personalities is not too bad.
Most of the time.
The key is making sure those personalities all get along with each other.
When they don’t, well…
“Kimberley, I’ve told you a thousand times, I just can’t stand him anymore!”
“Kim, honey, I know, I know. He kinda bugs me too. But he’s pretty good about paying the bills on time, and –“
“Bills? Who cares about bills?? Do you know what he said to me the other day? He said, maybe I should take it easy, the strains of monarchy must be too great, maybe he should take over more of the day-to-day stuff!!”
“Hmm, you know a little break doesn’t sound so bad, really.”
“ ‘A little break’? Is that what they called it for old Duchess Trudy?? I call it treason!”
“Oh, calm down, Kim. Here, have some of these lovely gooseberry crumpets.”
“Aiiieee! What are you, Kimberley, another conspirator? I see I’ll have to take this into my own hands!”
“Kim! …. Kim! Don’t do anything rash!”
Kimberley is dismayed at Kim’s behavior towards her husband, Giselbert. Er, their husband.
Secretly, behind Kim’s back, Kimberley slips Giselbert a note, promising to try and get him out of the dungeon.
Kimberley sends Kim a letter asking for Giselbert’s release. It was pretty tricky to write it without Kim figuring out what was going on, but she (they?) is a pretty resourceful Duchess.
Kim does not relent. Giselbert stays put in the dungeon.
Sadly, Giselbert doesn’t do well in the fetid atmosphere of his cramped cell. Which also doubles as the castle sewer. Eeew.
Without Giselbert’s stewardship bonus, Kimberley has too many holdings in her demesne. The Loonish heir, Kimberley/Kim’s son Gilbert, receives the County of Kleve. Not too big a deal, since Kleve will enter the royal demesne once more when Gilbert takes the throne.
A few years later, Kimberley’s younger son Peire comes of age. His godly diplomacy skills (27!) and solid performance in other traits mean that he’s gotta be the new heir. Sorry, Gilbert; and bye, Kleve! Oh well, we betroth Peire to the Countess of Holland and Zeeland. So their offspring should get titles to both of these nearby Dutch counties. Ka-ching!!!
Meanwhile, the Loonish peasants forsake their traditional pastries and windmills and succumb to the temptation of bratwurst and biergartens. Oh, the horrors.
“Kimberley! Kimberley! They’re coming; we’re doomed!”
“Whoa, Kim, slow down. What’s up? Who’s coming?”
“Look at this letter from the Pope. They’re coming here!”
“Who’s coming here? What are you talking about?”
“Just read it! We’re in deep dog doo, Kimberley!”
“Ok, I read it. So?”
“A Crusade for Loon! Didn’t you see? Chaplain Roflbert must have seen me snickering at his sermon last Sunday. I didn’t know he would report it back to the Pope!”
“Kim … Kim. It’s not a Crusade for Loon; it’s a Crusade for Leon. See?”
“Oh. Right. Hmm. An ‘e.’ Hehe.”
“Simple mistake; could’ve happened to anybody. Hmmm…. This Leonish Crusade is intriguing. Could be a good way to give our army some needed exercise. What do you think?”
“Um, hold on a sec. I’ve got to go tell the torturers to get poor Roflbert off the rack.”
Roflbert is so grateful at being saved that he arranges for not one, but two holy orders of knights to be made available to fight for Loon in Leon. Hmmm, thinks Kim/Kimberley, we could really have a chance at something here….
A few years into the Leonish Crusade, things are going very well. A few victories over the heathens, plus a successful siege means that the Loonish army is in the lead.
Still later, the Scots are creeping up in the score table. But Loon remains in the lead!
Then, the news arrives:
Hooray! All Hail Queen Kimberly/Kim!
The Leonish spoils are distributed among the van Loon family. Kimberley gets Alcantara, Kim gets Plasencia, and Peire gets the rest of the Duchy of Badajoz. Other van Loonish cousins get the rest of the winnings, one county each.
Meanwhile, Kaiser Baldewin has a massive heart attack upon hearing the news that little Loon won a whole Kingdom down in Spain.
His successor is not quite able to keep the Empire together. The Holy Roman Empire begins to implode.
Kim and Kimberley wonder whether now is the time for Loon to venture out from under the thumb of the Kaisers…
But that decision will rest with another.
But the fact is, having multiple personalities is not too bad.
Most of the time.
The key is making sure those personalities all get along with each other.
When they don’t, well…
“Kimberley, I’ve told you a thousand times, I just can’t stand him anymore!”
“Kim, honey, I know, I know. He kinda bugs me too. But he’s pretty good about paying the bills on time, and –“
“Bills? Who cares about bills?? Do you know what he said to me the other day? He said, maybe I should take it easy, the strains of monarchy must be too great, maybe he should take over more of the day-to-day stuff!!”
“Hmm, you know a little break doesn’t sound so bad, really.”
“ ‘A little break’? Is that what they called it for old Duchess Trudy?? I call it treason!”
“Oh, calm down, Kim. Here, have some of these lovely gooseberry crumpets.”
“Aiiieee! What are you, Kimberley, another conspirator? I see I’ll have to take this into my own hands!”
“Kim! …. Kim! Don’t do anything rash!”
Kimberley is dismayed at Kim’s behavior towards her husband, Giselbert. Er, their husband.
Secretly, behind Kim’s back, Kimberley slips Giselbert a note, promising to try and get him out of the dungeon.
Kimberley sends Kim a letter asking for Giselbert’s release. It was pretty tricky to write it without Kim figuring out what was going on, but she (they?) is a pretty resourceful Duchess.
Kim does not relent. Giselbert stays put in the dungeon.
Sadly, Giselbert doesn’t do well in the fetid atmosphere of his cramped cell. Which also doubles as the castle sewer. Eeew.
Without Giselbert’s stewardship bonus, Kimberley has too many holdings in her demesne. The Loonish heir, Kimberley/Kim’s son Gilbert, receives the County of Kleve. Not too big a deal, since Kleve will enter the royal demesne once more when Gilbert takes the throne.
A few years later, Kimberley’s younger son Peire comes of age. His godly diplomacy skills (27!) and solid performance in other traits mean that he’s gotta be the new heir. Sorry, Gilbert; and bye, Kleve! Oh well, we betroth Peire to the Countess of Holland and Zeeland. So their offspring should get titles to both of these nearby Dutch counties. Ka-ching!!!
Meanwhile, the Loonish peasants forsake their traditional pastries and windmills and succumb to the temptation of bratwurst and biergartens. Oh, the horrors.
“Kimberley! Kimberley! They’re coming; we’re doomed!”
“Whoa, Kim, slow down. What’s up? Who’s coming?”
“Look at this letter from the Pope. They’re coming here!”
“Who’s coming here? What are you talking about?”
“Just read it! We’re in deep dog doo, Kimberley!”
“Ok, I read it. So?”
“A Crusade for Loon! Didn’t you see? Chaplain Roflbert must have seen me snickering at his sermon last Sunday. I didn’t know he would report it back to the Pope!”
“Kim … Kim. It’s not a Crusade for Loon; it’s a Crusade for Leon. See?”
“Oh. Right. Hmm. An ‘e.’ Hehe.”
“Simple mistake; could’ve happened to anybody. Hmmm…. This Leonish Crusade is intriguing. Could be a good way to give our army some needed exercise. What do you think?”
“Um, hold on a sec. I’ve got to go tell the torturers to get poor Roflbert off the rack.”
Roflbert is so grateful at being saved that he arranges for not one, but two holy orders of knights to be made available to fight for Loon in Leon. Hmmm, thinks Kim/Kimberley, we could really have a chance at something here….
A few years into the Leonish Crusade, things are going very well. A few victories over the heathens, plus a successful siege means that the Loonish army is in the lead.
Still later, the Scots are creeping up in the score table. But Loon remains in the lead!
Then, the news arrives:
Hooray! All Hail Queen Kimberly/Kim!
The Leonish spoils are distributed among the van Loon family. Kimberley gets Alcantara, Kim gets Plasencia, and Peire gets the rest of the Duchy of Badajoz. Other van Loonish cousins get the rest of the winnings, one county each.
Meanwhile, Kaiser Baldewin has a massive heart attack upon hearing the news that little Loon won a whole Kingdom down in Spain.
His successor is not quite able to keep the Empire together. The Holy Roman Empire begins to implode.
Kim and Kimberley wonder whether now is the time for Loon to venture out from under the thumb of the Kaisers…
But that decision will rest with another.
Whoa. Apparenty crazy nutjobs are the most successful rulers. But we are discussing Loon, after all, so it makes (some) sense. Kinda. Not really.
Imperial meltdown! Grab your swords and bows, soldiers of the Loonish realm; it's hunting season!
As someone new to CK2 and getting used to it, I'll be following. Good luck
.
As someone new to CK2 and getting used to it, I'll be following. Good luck
.
King Peire ascends the throne of Le-oon as the country still mourns for its Crusader dead. Many gave their all in the struggle against the Moors for the crown of Leon; indeed, many valiant Loonish countrymen lie underneath the fields of Hispania.
Peire was almost among the fallen. But happily, he returned home from the conflict.
Well, most of him returned home.
*sigh* We should never have let him sail back to Loon….
“Shiver me timbers, mateys! For me first order as your royal sovereign, I command you to bury all the doubloons in the royal treasury! Arrrr!”
“Er, did you say to bury the royal gold, majesty?”
“Aye! Now hop to it!”
“Very well, my liege.”
Needless to say, Stewardship is not exactly Peire’s strong point.
Despite his lack of limbs, Peire has retained all appendages necessary for propagating the van Loon dynasty.
“Sire, you have a new son!”
“Oh, ho, ho! I knew the pretty young wench could deliver! Arrrgh! What’s the little tyke called?”
“The Queen has named him ‘Ugues.’ Lovely name, is it not?”
“Arrrrgh?! What kind of name be ‘Ugues’? Reminds me of the sound me parrot made whilst afflicted with the runs, arrrr! The wee lad needs a strong name, one to strike fear in his enemies. And to reflect his glorious birthright….”
(Now, don’t nobody give me any flak about ‘Leonard’ not being a medieval name! )
You may recall that the Holy Roman Empire began disintegrating about the time Loon won the Crusade for Leon. A few years later, here’s how things look:
Hmmm. Not really sure to make of all that. Kind of a big, gray soup with lots of armies floating about. It appears that about half the Empire is revolting. And they are rebelling against the Kaiser, too.
Rather than declaring independence, I think the best course of action is to sit this one out. There’s a certain amount of security being in the HRE. Crown Authority, my biggest beef with the Kaiser, is bound to be lowered via some of these rebellions. We’ll just wait and see what happens to the HRE.
Meanwhile, though, it can’t hurt to pick off a few neighbors while Big Brother is otherwise occupied. Luxembourg looks nice…
Fabricated claim in hand, Peire is ready to go in with all cannons blazing. However, the Council intervenes, imploring his majesty to look a little closer at the current title holder.
“Sire, Duke Giselbert is the heir to the Holy Roman Empire! Usurping his Duchy will infuriate him! Surely when he becomes Kaiser, he’ll make your life miserable! Or even *gulp* finish the job the Moors started back during the Crusade!”
“Arrrrr ye scurvy dogs be forgetting one fact…if he’s no Duke, he’s not eligible to be Kaiser! Arrrr!”
Whispering amongst the Council: “Whoa, did the King say something intelligent just now? In between the ‘arrrrr’s? Yes, yes, I believe he did!”
Giselbert doesn’t like losing his highest title for some reason. War it is.
Despite Giselbert’s lofty status, he receives no support whatsoever from anyone and so faces the might of Loon with but a single county’s levies.
“Your majesty, the invasion of Luxembourg is proceeding according to plan. We have nearly 4000 men besieging the county! There is an insignificant Luxembourgian army just outside the gates, but they are hardly cause for concern.”
“Ah, I wondered what the faint mewling and ruckus was. Arrr, tis excellent news. Soon, Loon will – arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghhhh!”
“Sire? Sire? Are you okay? That last ‘arrrrgh’ sounded a bit more urgent than usual… Majesty?”
Thus commence the days of the boy king, Leonard.
Peire was almost among the fallen. But happily, he returned home from the conflict.
Well, most of him returned home.
*sigh* We should never have let him sail back to Loon….
“Shiver me timbers, mateys! For me first order as your royal sovereign, I command you to bury all the doubloons in the royal treasury! Arrrr!”
“Er, did you say to bury the royal gold, majesty?”
“Aye! Now hop to it!”
“Very well, my liege.”
Needless to say, Stewardship is not exactly Peire’s strong point.
Despite his lack of limbs, Peire has retained all appendages necessary for propagating the van Loon dynasty.
“Sire, you have a new son!”
“Oh, ho, ho! I knew the pretty young wench could deliver! Arrrgh! What’s the little tyke called?”
“The Queen has named him ‘Ugues.’ Lovely name, is it not?”
“Arrrrgh?! What kind of name be ‘Ugues’? Reminds me of the sound me parrot made whilst afflicted with the runs, arrrr! The wee lad needs a strong name, one to strike fear in his enemies. And to reflect his glorious birthright….”
(Now, don’t nobody give me any flak about ‘Leonard’ not being a medieval name!
)You may recall that the Holy Roman Empire began disintegrating about the time Loon won the Crusade for Leon. A few years later, here’s how things look:
Hmmm. Not really sure to make of all that. Kind of a big, gray soup with lots of armies floating about. It appears that about half the Empire is revolting. And they are rebelling against the Kaiser, too.
Rather than declaring independence, I think the best course of action is to sit this one out. There’s a certain amount of security being in the HRE. Crown Authority, my biggest beef with the Kaiser, is bound to be lowered via some of these rebellions. We’ll just wait and see what happens to the HRE.
Meanwhile, though, it can’t hurt to pick off a few neighbors while Big Brother is otherwise occupied. Luxembourg looks nice…
Fabricated claim in hand, Peire is ready to go in with all cannons blazing. However, the Council intervenes, imploring his majesty to look a little closer at the current title holder.
“Sire, Duke Giselbert is the heir to the Holy Roman Empire! Usurping his Duchy will infuriate him! Surely when he becomes Kaiser, he’ll make your life miserable! Or even *gulp* finish the job the Moors started back during the Crusade!”
“Arrrrr ye scurvy dogs be forgetting one fact…if he’s no Duke, he’s not eligible to be Kaiser! Arrrr!”
Whispering amongst the Council: “Whoa, did the King say something intelligent just now? In between the ‘arrrrr’s? Yes, yes, I believe he did!”
Giselbert doesn’t like losing his highest title for some reason. War it is.
Despite Giselbert’s lofty status, he receives no support whatsoever from anyone and so faces the might of Loon with but a single county’s levies.
“Your majesty, the invasion of Luxembourg is proceeding according to plan. We have nearly 4000 men besieging the county! There is an insignificant Luxembourgian army just outside the gates, but they are hardly cause for concern.”
“Ah, I wondered what the faint mewling and ruckus was. Arrr, tis excellent news. Soon, Loon will – arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghhhh!”
“Sire? Sire? Are you okay? That last ‘arrrrgh’ sounded a bit more urgent than usual… Majesty?”
Thus commence the days of the boy king, Leonard.
