If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1080-1082
This is military situation at the start of the crusade. We are as outmatched by the Muslim hordes as ever. Hopefully thousands of European Catholics anxious to do God’s will will change the equation.
In another low point for Nubia, my advisors tell me they took mud and straw and made bricks. I told them they could have found that out by just reading the Bible.
If Moses knew about it, don’t try and tell me it’s some awesome new discovery.
A quick
PEOPLE WATCH
break introduces us to Matija Trpimirovic, King of Croatia. He is worth noticing because he is the unluckiest man in the world. For some reason he is completely useless in every aspect of life, without having to catch the plague or be horribly inbred.
No wonder he has realm duress.
I don’t know what part of me keeping my wife locked in a tower for years makes her think that I will buy her a bunch of expensive clothes. First she sleeps around, then she starts a rebellion, then she’s after my money.
Not going to happen.
More than a year after the Crusade has been preached, the Duke of Serbia has been the only one to take up the cross. That has led to this unexpected consequence. In what was to be an attack by Catholic Europe on Muslim Palestine, the first blow was a Muslim expedition to Europe. The light green on the map is the Fatimid conquest of the Duchy of Serbia.
A disappointing start to the Pope’s dream.
Just because my wife is a no good unfaithful whore doesn’t mean I am.
My kingdom reached a new low today. For years I have ranted about horrible my situation is, but I never thought I would say this.
Apparently Nubia is not enough of a craphole.
And we are worse off for not being more of a craphole.
John wanted to know how to be a good servant of God. While I think being just is important, given our position surrounded by overwhelming hordes, I think it’s important to realize that someday we will have to fight.
And it’s extra important to be brave so you don’t soil yourself when facing twenty times your numbers in battle.
I’ll keep my youngest daughter in the court. She is the baby of the family after all.
Today one of my generals told me he had a great idea. In the slim, slim chance that we will ever be attacking someone else’s fort or castle, we now have a way to break in. Instead of breaking the door down with our bare hands, we can now use a tree trunk to do it quicker and more efficiently.
Quicker and more efficiently. Sounds like something I should try with my wife.
The Crusade starts to flop, and Nubia becomes more and more pathetic. How far will the Muslim conquest stretch? Has Nubia hit rock bottom or can it sink lower? Is it possible things will take a turn for the better? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!