Remember, that you have also slept with your wife, making you a possible target of this curse.
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can! A (hopefully) comedic AAR
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Easy As Life
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1079-80
After discovering that pit full of stones a few years back my advisors have come up with plans to replace my wooden hill fort with a stone tower. They call it a castle.
Of course, it will take about eight years of saving every penny we can to afford it, but the plans are there.
John has taken to playing capture the flag with the other children. Though they play it in the rock valleys and hit each other with sticks. I think it builds character and tell him to play as much as he wants.
After years of loyal service, my lusty bishop passes on. He has earned a place in history as the first bishop of Nubia.
And another daughter goes off to the clergy to get an education. The priests have behaved themselves lately, so I think it’s fair to say good relations are back.
So on the same day an armed uprising breaks out in Aswan, my imprisoned wife feels less stressed. I’ve seen this happen before with Alim. Clearly she’s behind the uprising and thinks that the rebels will depose me and restore her to her throne.
I have a different plan.
Today I received some interesting news. Apparently the Pope has called for something called a Crusade. It’s a holy war, which calls upon Christian rulers to seize territory held by heathens. Any who take up the cross will receive major spiritual awards. Even though he’s in schism with the true church it seems to be a good idea.
The planned to crusade will strike at Jerusalem, the Holy City itself.
This could have unforeseen consequences for my part of the world.
This is Jerusalem. It’s the capital of the appropriately named Emirate of Jerusalem. The single province is richer than my entire kingdom, and already has one of those stone castles that I only have plans for.
This is the Emir of Jerusalem, a loyal vassal of my mortal foe, the non-name capitalizing King of the Fatimids. He has eight vassals, which means that as an emir he rules over a realm three times the size of mine.
This is great! Every Catholic ruler who embarks on the Crusade will end up fighting the Fatimids as well. This could upset the entire balance of power in the region.
Ghazi has developed quiet an ego in the army. He also has become something of a scamp. He thinks because he is officially my heir that he will rule Nubia some day.
He is wrong. And I hate him.
Gregorius faces more treachery from his wife, and challenges from his children. And what will this mysterious Crusade thing bring for Nubia? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1079-80
After discovering that pit full of stones a few years back my advisors have come up with plans to replace my wooden hill fort with a stone tower. They call it a castle.
Of course, it will take about eight years of saving every penny we can to afford it, but the plans are there.
John has taken to playing capture the flag with the other children. Though they play it in the rock valleys and hit each other with sticks. I think it builds character and tell him to play as much as he wants.
After years of loyal service, my lusty bishop passes on. He has earned a place in history as the first bishop of Nubia.
And another daughter goes off to the clergy to get an education. The priests have behaved themselves lately, so I think it’s fair to say good relations are back.
So on the same day an armed uprising breaks out in Aswan, my imprisoned wife feels less stressed. I’ve seen this happen before with Alim. Clearly she’s behind the uprising and thinks that the rebels will depose me and restore her to her throne.
I have a different plan.
Today I received some interesting news. Apparently the Pope has called for something called a Crusade. It’s a holy war, which calls upon Christian rulers to seize territory held by heathens. Any who take up the cross will receive major spiritual awards. Even though he’s in schism with the true church it seems to be a good idea.
The planned to crusade will strike at Jerusalem, the Holy City itself.
This could have unforeseen consequences for my part of the world.
This is Jerusalem. It’s the capital of the appropriately named Emirate of Jerusalem. The single province is richer than my entire kingdom, and already has one of those stone castles that I only have plans for.
This is the Emir of Jerusalem, a loyal vassal of my mortal foe, the non-name capitalizing King of the Fatimids. He has eight vassals, which means that as an emir he rules over a realm three times the size of mine.
This is great! Every Catholic ruler who embarks on the Crusade will end up fighting the Fatimids as well. This could upset the entire balance of power in the region.
Ghazi has developed quiet an ego in the army. He also has become something of a scamp. He thinks because he is officially my heir that he will rule Nubia some day.
He is wrong. And I hate him.
Gregorius faces more treachery from his wife, and challenges from his children. And what will this mysterious Crusade thing bring for Nubia? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
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You know who you need to help you? THE COUNT OF SUENIK OF COURSE!
If he's not been consumed by evil Turks that is...
If he's not been consumed by evil Turks that is...
Sadly the game has already been played through 1107, and I won't be at the computer with my game file until Monday, so I won't be able to see if the Count of Suenik still exists until then.
If he's been conqured than there might be a liberation in the future.
My Strongest Suit
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1080-1082
This is military situation at the start of the crusade. We are as outmatched by the Muslim hordes as ever. Hopefully thousands of European Catholics anxious to do God’s will will change the equation.
In another low point for Nubia, my advisors tell me they took mud and straw and made bricks. I told them they could have found that out by just reading the Bible.
If Moses knew about it, don’t try and tell me it’s some awesome new discovery.
A quick PEOPLE WATCH
break introduces us to Matija Trpimirovic, King of Croatia. He is worth noticing because he is the unluckiest man in the world. For some reason he is completely useless in every aspect of life, without having to catch the plague or be horribly inbred.
No wonder he has realm duress.
I don’t know what part of me keeping my wife locked in a tower for years makes her think that I will buy her a bunch of expensive clothes. First she sleeps around, then she starts a rebellion, then she’s after my money.
Not going to happen.
More than a year after the Crusade has been preached, the Duke of Serbia has been the only one to take up the cross. That has led to this unexpected consequence. In what was to be an attack by Catholic Europe on Muslim Palestine, the first blow was a Muslim expedition to Europe. The light green on the map is the Fatimid conquest of the Duchy of Serbia.
A disappointing start to the Pope’s dream.
Just because my wife is a no good unfaithful whore doesn’t mean I am.
My kingdom reached a new low today. For years I have ranted about horrible my situation is, but I never thought I would say this.
Apparently Nubia is not enough of a craphole.
And we are worse off for not being more of a craphole.
John wanted to know how to be a good servant of God. While I think being just is important, given our position surrounded by overwhelming hordes, I think it’s important to realize that someday we will have to fight.
And it’s extra important to be brave so you don’t soil yourself when facing twenty times your numbers in battle.
I’ll keep my youngest daughter in the court. She is the baby of the family after all.
Today one of my generals told me he had a great idea. In the slim, slim chance that we will ever be attacking someone else’s fort or castle, we now have a way to break in. Instead of breaking the door down with our bare hands, we can now use a tree trunk to do it quicker and more efficiently.
Quicker and more efficiently. Sounds like something I should try with my wife.
The Crusade starts to flop, and Nubia becomes more and more pathetic. How far will the Muslim conquest stretch? Has Nubia hit rock bottom or can it sink lower? Is it possible things will take a turn for the better? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1080-1082
This is military situation at the start of the crusade. We are as outmatched by the Muslim hordes as ever. Hopefully thousands of European Catholics anxious to do God’s will will change the equation.
In another low point for Nubia, my advisors tell me they took mud and straw and made bricks. I told them they could have found that out by just reading the Bible.
If Moses knew about it, don’t try and tell me it’s some awesome new discovery.
A quick PEOPLE WATCH
break introduces us to Matija Trpimirovic, King of Croatia. He is worth noticing because he is the unluckiest man in the world. For some reason he is completely useless in every aspect of life, without having to catch the plague or be horribly inbred.
No wonder he has realm duress.
I don’t know what part of me keeping my wife locked in a tower for years makes her think that I will buy her a bunch of expensive clothes. First she sleeps around, then she starts a rebellion, then she’s after my money.
Not going to happen.
More than a year after the Crusade has been preached, the Duke of Serbia has been the only one to take up the cross. That has led to this unexpected consequence. In what was to be an attack by Catholic Europe on Muslim Palestine, the first blow was a Muslim expedition to Europe. The light green on the map is the Fatimid conquest of the Duchy of Serbia.
A disappointing start to the Pope’s dream.
Just because my wife is a no good unfaithful whore doesn’t mean I am.
My kingdom reached a new low today. For years I have ranted about horrible my situation is, but I never thought I would say this.
Apparently Nubia is not enough of a craphole.
And we are worse off for not being more of a craphole.
John wanted to know how to be a good servant of God. While I think being just is important, given our position surrounded by overwhelming hordes, I think it’s important to realize that someday we will have to fight.
And it’s extra important to be brave so you don’t soil yourself when facing twenty times your numbers in battle.
I’ll keep my youngest daughter in the court. She is the baby of the family after all.
Today one of my generals told me he had a great idea. In the slim, slim chance that we will ever be attacking someone else’s fort or castle, we now have a way to break in. Instead of breaking the door down with our bare hands, we can now use a tree trunk to do it quicker and more efficiently.
Quicker and more efficiently. Sounds like something I should try with my wife.
The Crusade starts to flop, and Nubia becomes more and more pathetic. How far will the Muslim conquest stretch? Has Nubia hit rock bottom or can it sink lower? Is it possible things will take a turn for the better? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
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If bricks were known in the Bible, that just makes Nubia 2000 years behind on the rest of the world, which seems about right and consistent with the rest of your tech level.
And poor Croatian king, having natural 0/0/0/0 stats is really the definition of bad luck
Love the lack of crap too
And poor Croatian king, having natural 0/0/0/0 stats is really the definition of bad luck
Love the lack of crap too
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1082-1083
My second marshal starts to feel stress of his job. At least I think it’s the job, the time my old marshal got stressed it was because he was concerned I’d discover his affair with my wife.
So I went to see if there was a chance Walid was sleeping with my wife. Turns out security is still tight. My wife and I took some time to review our relationship.
Who says I don’t still got it?
Apparently we now know that it’s important to save the body parts of saints for veneration. You can also see that the Serbians have taken Egyptian land, basically swapping their homeland for some sand.
After nearly three years, the Patriarch realizes that our bishop died and sends us a new one. I can’t wait to see what this poor guy did to get him sent here.
So to top the lustful bishop they sent us a skeptical one. He’s not even sure he believes what he’s preaching.
I’m not sure if this is an insult from the Patriarch or not.
At least Abdul is easy to get along with.
I have another daughter. Don’t ask about the name, I don’t want to talk about it.
My restored good relations with the local clergy, a new bishop, and the fact that I keep sending my children to be educated by the monks have led to a push to establish official monastic schools. I’m okay with it as long as they don’t harass my merchants.
PEOPLE WATCH
reports that Harold Godwineson has reached adulthood and has become a skeptical suspicious monastic student. Now we will see if he’s going to act to restore his family to the English throne.
My advisors showed me a herd of goats this morning. Apperently some of our neighbors goats were grazing right at the boarder between realms and some peasants kidnapped some of the young goats. Now we can raise our own goats.
I don’t know whether to be disappointed that my peasants are a bunch of thieving brigands, or happy that my peasants are thoughtful, resourceful, thieving brigands.
My loyal spymaster Mubarak, who advice I ignored once to my loss, has come down with an illness. I really hope he recovers. He has been my most loyal courtier.
Sick, stressed and new, you know far more about Nubian courtiers than you ever wanted. Will anything exciting ever happen in Nubia? Will Gregorius’ vast brood of children ever grow up? When is the Muslim invasion? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1082-1083
My second marshal starts to feel stress of his job. At least I think it’s the job, the time my old marshal got stressed it was because he was concerned I’d discover his affair with my wife.
So I went to see if there was a chance Walid was sleeping with my wife. Turns out security is still tight. My wife and I took some time to review our relationship.
Who says I don’t still got it?
Apparently we now know that it’s important to save the body parts of saints for veneration. You can also see that the Serbians have taken Egyptian land, basically swapping their homeland for some sand.
After nearly three years, the Patriarch realizes that our bishop died and sends us a new one. I can’t wait to see what this poor guy did to get him sent here.
So to top the lustful bishop they sent us a skeptical one. He’s not even sure he believes what he’s preaching.
I’m not sure if this is an insult from the Patriarch or not.
At least Abdul is easy to get along with.
I have another daughter. Don’t ask about the name, I don’t want to talk about it.
My restored good relations with the local clergy, a new bishop, and the fact that I keep sending my children to be educated by the monks have led to a push to establish official monastic schools. I’m okay with it as long as they don’t harass my merchants.
PEOPLE WATCH
reports that Harold Godwineson has reached adulthood and has become a skeptical suspicious monastic student. Now we will see if he’s going to act to restore his family to the English throne.
My advisors showed me a herd of goats this morning. Apperently some of our neighbors goats were grazing right at the boarder between realms and some peasants kidnapped some of the young goats. Now we can raise our own goats.
I don’t know whether to be disappointed that my peasants are a bunch of thieving brigands, or happy that my peasants are thoughtful, resourceful, thieving brigands.
My loyal spymaster Mubarak, who advice I ignored once to my loss, has come down with an illness. I really hope he recovers. He has been my most loyal courtier.
Sick, stressed and new, you know far more about Nubian courtiers than you ever wanted. Will anything exciting ever happen in Nubia? Will Gregorius’ vast brood of children ever grow up? When is the Muslim invasion? Find out with If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
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If even the Serbs can carve out a new homeland in central Egypt, then surely you too can take a few more miles of Nile banks.
My Strongest Suit Reprise
If You Can't Do It, Nubia Can!
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1083-1084
After long thought, the peasants reached another conclusion. My land is such a craphole that the grand fair held in the capital every year is more like a funeral.
So they decided that they could have just as little fun without the hassle of travling by holding fairs locally.
Again I’m torn. On one hand I’m happy my peasants can think of these things. But then again, how sad is our kingdom if even the peasants know its parties suck.
I guess you have to admire her optimism.
Even bastards deserve to get married. Especially if I’m pretending the bastard in question isn’t one. Yeah she may be a little old for him, but she is highly skilled. She was the chancellor in her old home, and I think she would do a great job as chancellor in my realm.
After more than seventeen years of loyal service, Mubarak my spymaster died today. The kingdom will be lessened without him.
I may live in a wooden fort with no where near the funds to build even a single stone keep, but that doesn’t stop my advisors. Today they gave me plans for a new even larger castle, adding a wall around the tower.
The plus side: It’s a far stronger structure than just a keep. The down side: It costs three times as much. So in thirty-five years or so, we might be able to build it.
Sometimes I prefer dealing with peasants over advisors. It’s not often, but it happens.
Sending Mirza to become a priest may not have been the best choice. I wanted brave warriors, not sissies. It’s a good thing I’ve got John.
John asked about the point of life if we all die. I pointed out that life is full of great experiences. This is especially true if you live in a safe rich land without fear of invasion. At least that’s what books I’ve read say. Maybe someday I’ll know.
Also my generals have decided that running headlong at our enemies is a tactic that will insure victory.
It’s not like I was chomping on the bit for a war before, but now I really want to avoid it.
And here you can see that the Fatimids have retaken their land from the Duchy of Serbia. Having made peace with the Serbs has effectively ended the Crusade.
Result: One leader who took the cross and two European provinces in the hands of the Muslims.
Like her mother, my first daughter squanders her education.
And I promptly marry her to my loyal and highly skilled Marshal Walid.
The children are growing up and wedding bells are ringing. But is the next generation ready to take over? See what happen in the next If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
A story with lots of pictures and plenty of words
Georgios I, the Great, and his Struggle for Survival
1083-1084
After long thought, the peasants reached another conclusion. My land is such a craphole that the grand fair held in the capital every year is more like a funeral.
So they decided that they could have just as little fun without the hassle of travling by holding fairs locally.
Again I’m torn. On one hand I’m happy my peasants can think of these things. But then again, how sad is our kingdom if even the peasants know its parties suck.
I guess you have to admire her optimism.
Even bastards deserve to get married. Especially if I’m pretending the bastard in question isn’t one. Yeah she may be a little old for him, but she is highly skilled. She was the chancellor in her old home, and I think she would do a great job as chancellor in my realm.
After more than seventeen years of loyal service, Mubarak my spymaster died today. The kingdom will be lessened without him.
I may live in a wooden fort with no where near the funds to build even a single stone keep, but that doesn’t stop my advisors. Today they gave me plans for a new even larger castle, adding a wall around the tower.
The plus side: It’s a far stronger structure than just a keep. The down side: It costs three times as much. So in thirty-five years or so, we might be able to build it.
Sometimes I prefer dealing with peasants over advisors. It’s not often, but it happens.
Sending Mirza to become a priest may not have been the best choice. I wanted brave warriors, not sissies. It’s a good thing I’ve got John.
John asked about the point of life if we all die. I pointed out that life is full of great experiences. This is especially true if you live in a safe rich land without fear of invasion. At least that’s what books I’ve read say. Maybe someday I’ll know.
Also my generals have decided that running headlong at our enemies is a tactic that will insure victory.
It’s not like I was chomping on the bit for a war before, but now I really want to avoid it.
And here you can see that the Fatimids have retaken their land from the Duchy of Serbia. Having made peace with the Serbs has effectively ended the Crusade.
Result: One leader who took the cross and two European provinces in the hands of the Muslims.
Like her mother, my first daughter squanders her education.
And I promptly marry her to my loyal and highly skilled Marshal Walid.
The children are growing up and wedding bells are ringing. But is the next generation ready to take over? See what happen in the next If You Can’t Do It, Nubia Can!
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