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Thread: The Keys to the Kingdom

  1. #21
    Field Marshal loki100's Avatar
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    well you have treated us well with that set of posts. I really like the opening, it sets the scene of decay, distrust, of a city caught between two cultures and not really sure it belongs to either.

    and the wonderful motif running through it of 'hungry' men
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  2. #22
    Thanks for this AAR. There is too much fun AAR in CK2, and it's difficult to find good and serious AAR with historical immersion: so thanks a lot for this good story.

    PS: more maps.
    Last edited by Werther; 28-03-2012 at 14:12.

  3. #23
    Tzar of all the Soviets RGB's Avatar
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    You make Italy come alive, there's no other words for it. Very fine historical fiction.

    Though, as all fine historical fiction, pretty hefty slices of text. Makes me wish I could read this forum on my commute.
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  4. #24
    @loki100: The matter of Naples and its culture, like that of Sicily in our history, is definitely one I want to explore, both inside the narrative and without, in one of my Annotation sections after this Act is concluded.

    Originally, when I was brainstorming the narrative and what I wanted to do with the story, I was aiming to align it to the seven deadly sins and cardinal virtues with each Act, and the theme for the first Act was Gluttony, much as the next one was Greed. It's still an underlying theme, as it progresses through the deadly sins as Italy descends into bloodshed and the Catholic Church reaches its second nadir, but there is also the hope of the virtues for a sort of "resurrection" story. I'm only 100 years into the game at this point, so what that will entail is hard to say, and I rid myself of the thematic device mainly so I wouldn't be too restricted in telling the story, but its good to see that a part of it remains.

    @Werther: Nothing wrong with fun, as CK2 is a fun game, and lends itself well to the style, but I also feel it lends itself to this sort of narrative style as well. Glad that you enjoyed it, and as requested, more maps. I love/hate making them, and could use the practice for certain. Just over those two I found myself getting better.

    @RGB: The issue of length is one I sometimes struggle with as I fear that the denseness of the narrative will intimidate the readers on the forum. At the same time, it's that depth of detail that I feel is my greatest strength, and though I'm trying to pare it down just a bit, I think in that last chapter, as long as it was, I've found my golden mean of content and pacing. In the original draft, it was actually about half again as long, but I took out that third and have arranged it to go in the next chapter, and will be using fluid time a bit more so I can keep the narrative well-paced and "downtime" some of the less pressing plots and family issues.

    Also, your comment on bringing Italy alive is the best compliment I've ever had on my writing. I know I have a far ways to go yet, but this exercise has been immensely therapeutic and educational for me, and we're just getting started.

  5. #25
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  6. #26
    Lady of the North Star Demi Moderator Saithis's Avatar
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    At last, I've finally caught up!

    Again, wonderful writing so far. Although very thick, it's the kind of deep writing I love to read, with each sentence bringing vivid, complex imagery to mind. I'm looking forward to the next update, and seeing what fate might befall the Orvieti next.

    Komitas is a pretty cool guy, I hope we get to see more of him!
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  7. #27
    The conclusion to Act 1 might be delayed, I'm experiencing some difficulties on the other side (the timing belt on my car went out leaving me stranded without a means to get to work), and this has resulted in me not having the passion I had when I started this. That'll change in a week at most, but I will be scarce until then, unfortunately.

  8. #28
    Lady of the North Star Demi Moderator Saithis's Avatar
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    No problem, it happens. We'll be waiting.
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  9. #29
    I have to admit that I hate narration AAR's. It's hard for me to read book-like texts on PC without focusing on them entirely and it's hard to focus on them entirely on the Internet. That's why I usually prefer more informative style over narrative which I find more fitting for a codex books (paper ones). But. I like your choice. I like Christendom, especially during Medieval period, especially when you're covering Men of Faith. To add to this your choice is not only interesting in itself, but you really know how to write an interesting story and it's not a compliment. I don't compliment people. It's truth, plain and simple. You could write a book and I'd buy it. You're that good.
    Last edited by Holy.Death; 05-04-2012 at 01:23.

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